Professor with Benefits

by Mickey Miller

  “Yes, of course. You can say anything here, and I’m bound by the law not to repeat it.”

  “Okay. Well, I think he was banging my mom.”

  Her eyes bulge out of her head. “Excuse me?”

  I sigh. I’m so past the point of giving a shit. I don’t care who knows what anymore. I want the world to know what a dick Professor Hanks is.

  “You heard me.”

  “That is quite the tale.”

  “Only in Blackwell.”

  “Only in Blackwell,” she confirms, and I know she feels my struggle.

  I sink into my chair and let out a sad moan. “I just feel so damn foolish,” I say. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming.”

  For just a minute, I remember the good times. What it was like to have Cole underneath me. On top of me. How wet he could make me by just the sound of his voice, or by a single command.

  “Still, I don’t like all this about how it’s ‘Professor Hanks’ fault. It’s just not true. I don’t think he should be punished.”

  She leans forward. “Honey, you’ll understand some day how you’re wrong. For now, just know that Professor Hanks won’t be teaching here anymore.”

  Cole was right about one thing. He did ruin me.

  He introduced me to pleasure I’d never known--and might not ever know again.

  It’s all a lie, though.

  “So switching gears here, tell me about your childhood,” the therapist says.

  Oh boy. She’s in for a doozy.

  “Where do you want me to start?”

  Later in the week, I’m picking my grandparents up from their home to bring them to the first Blackwell University football game of the year. It’s our little version of Friday Night Lights, although the game won’t be televised or anything like that.

  Our team usually isn’t all that great, since we have such a small school, but this year we apparently have a chance at winning the conference.

  “Thanks for getting us, dearie!” My grandmother says as I greet her at the door. She’s all done up in her Friday best. Some small towns go nuts for high school football. In Blackwell, we love our college football, since so much of the town works for the university.

  “Where’s your date?” I joke.

  “Oh, he’s running late. Like always!” she yells into their assisted living apartment. She’s got a smile on her face, and it makes me grin, too. “What about you? No date?”

  I shake my head. She doesn’t need to know about all of the details that are currently making the rounds in far too many circles.

  “No date for me,” I say as Grandpa appears at the door, dressed in a suit, and takes her arm. They walk together to the car, I open the back door, and let them inside.

  I start the car up.

  “Well that’s a shame,” Grandma continues. “Who is that nice young man who is new in town. Jamie!” she calls to her husband. “Who is the one who came to visit us today? What’s his name?”

  I pull onto the road, and I can’t help but smile a little at how my grandma is the only one who has ever been able to call my grandpa anything other than his full name, James.

  “Of course. The one who brought us a nice lunch and was asking us about how we were so happy after all these years. What a riot he is. Let me think...I know he’s that Harvard boy. Rosey, maybe you know him.”

  I clench the wheel, my heart beating like a bass drum. There’s only ever been one Harvard boy who made it back to Blackwell. And of course I know who it is.

  “Cole Hanks stopped by your place?” I ask.

  “Yes. What a smart, nice young man. It was quite a surprise. He said he was doing a survey about couples who are happy long term in their relationships. So we told him all about how we met and what our secret sauce is.” I see her smile and wink in the rear view mirror.

  “What is the secret sauce?” I ask, genuinely curious.

  “Forgiveness,” Grandma says.

  Not the answer I was expecting.

  The rest of the ride is silent. When we arrive to the football field, I help them out of the car and we walk together toward the ticket booth.

  “Three please,” I say. The ticket booth guy seems like he’s looking through me, not at me.

  “Are you with them?” he points behind me, to my grandparents.

  They are locked in a kiss like a couple of high schoolers. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

  “I can’t make them pay,” he says. “And while I’m at it, I might as well give this one to you on the house as well.”

  He hands me three tickets, which I gratefully take. I’ve got one more semester in college, and although tuition is free, I’ve never been more desperate to fill up my “Get out of Blackwell” fund.

  I let my grandparents lead the way into the first Blackwell game of the season.

  Watching them, I can’t help but think of the random fantasy I had this summer--that Cole and I might grow old together like them.

  How wrong I was about him. My heart sinks like a stone to the bottom of my stomach, knowing I’ll never have love like them.

  Chapter Twenty One - Cole

  I even went to Rose’s grandparents today, to try and sort through everything that’s going on with me right now. Sure, they have an age difference like Rose and me. They probably went through some shit.

  Not so. Turns out the Student-Professor hook up policy was a lot more liberal in those days.

  Sure, there’s always a silver lining from getting fired and blackmailed for life from the university world. I count my blessings.

  My mom’s alive.

  My little sister is moving back home.

  And the two of them still love me.

  Even more important, my favorite bartender is hooking me up with free drinks at The Watering Hole after I tell him all about my week from hell.

  Our old high school buddy Liam sits at the bar with us too. We’ve all been doing MMA together at the local gym since I got back this summer.

  “That is fucked up,” Mason says as he pours me another Bulleit double. “And trust me, I’ve heard some fucked up shit. But this one about takes the cake.”

  “I’m completely fucked, with a capital ‘F,’” I say. “And the worst part is, it’s all my fault. I knew it was a bad idea to sleep with her. But I couldn’t resist her. And worse, I fell in love with her.”

  The Watering Hole is almost totally empty since everyone is at the Blackwell Football team’s opening night tonight. There’s an old guy in the corner with his jar of wine, me and Mason, and our other old football teammate.

  “That’s your problem right there, ya poonany. That’s why you should be more like me,” he pounds his chest. “Heart of fucking stone right here. Ain’t no woman getting through to this bad boy.”

  I exhale. “Dude, it’ll happen to you one day. You just wait and see.”

  “No fucking way. I only do one night stands for that exact purpose.”

  Liam is built like a brick shithouse. He thumps his chest some more and he sounds hollow. “Shame for the ladies, isn't’ it. And dude, you really need to get that condition checked out.”

  “Shit Hanks, you fell in love, and you’re drinking at the bar like a broken man. Doesn’t exactly make me want to jump into a commitment.”

  “I’m not broken.”

  “You just spent an hour explaining how your life is totally over and it’s all because of a girl. How is that not broken?”

  “Okay, maybe I’m a little broken, but I’ll recover,” I say and finish off my double. “Fill ‘er up again.”

  “Hanks, you sure?” Mason asks.

  I have a brief moment of self reflection. When the bartender who you used to get shitfaced with in high school is questioning your drinking habits, you might just have a problem.

  “I said, Fill ‘er up again,” I say sternly.

  He fills up my glass.

  “I just have to ask you one thing Hanks, that I’ve been thinking about.”
<
br />   “Hit me.”

  “So you’ve lost your job. You’ve got the giant blemish on your resume now--you’ve hooked up with a student. But Rose came on to you. Shit, I was in the bar here when it first happened. And the only reason you were in that situation where you got fucked over with Rose walking in on you, is because Rose’s mom also came onto you.”

  “And Rose’s dad. Don’t forget her dad,” I add before taking another sip.

  “See? This is why I like my relationships un-fucking-complicated,” Liam chimes in. “This is fucking nuts.”

  “Don’t let me lose my train of thought here,” Mason says, leaning on the bar. He’s looking right at me. “Why didn’t you just throw Rose’s mom under the bus? Just say how she’s been hitting on you all this time? Sure it sucks, but she fucking screwed you, dude. And not in the way that, you know. You like to get screwed.”

  I shrug. “If I come out against Dean Allison, Rose will hate me. Do you think she wants to hear it from me about how fucked up her parents really are? Her dad’s in the closet, and her mom messes around openly with other men. It’s totally fucked.”

  Mason chuckles. “Dude, I just don’t get why you have to be sticking-to-your principles in this situation. If you love this girl as much as you say you do, fuck it. Put it all out there. It’s at least worth a shot.”

  “I know what you’re saying, man, but I had gay friends back in Boston. My roommate was gay, and I watched him struggle with his sexuality. I thought he was gay the moment I met him, but it was something he needed to announce to the world on his own. Not my place.”

  Liam grabs my shoulder. “Your motherfucking life is ruined, and you’re taking the high road. Congratu-fucking-lations, Hanks. You’re totally fucked, but you’ll be able to sleep at night. How’s it going to feel when you can’t pay any of the back bills for your mom’s medical expenses?”

  I sip my drink as the two of them shake their heads at me. “Fucking A. I feel like we are back in high school advising each other on the latest drama. Except now this shit has real life consequences. This shit ain't no high school gossip anymore.” My Blackwell twang comes out when I say the last sentence.

  Mason and Liam make eye contact. “Shit, yeah,” Mason says. “You want to fucking Hah-vaad, studied psychology for eight years, and you still haven’t figured out women. What does that tell you?”

  My frown converts into a slight grin. “My degree was fucking overpriced,” I mutter.

  “Don’t go getting all soft, Hanks. This is how you got into this shit,” Liam combats. “And Mason, get me another fucking beer.”

  “Dude this is number ten for you.”

  “I don’t get drunk, remember? I can barely feel a fucking buzz right now. You sure you ain’t giving me the non-alcoholic shit?”

  “Fine. I gotta start charging you though.”

  “Really? You’re gonna charge me after I fixed your car for free two weeks ago.”

  “On the house, like I said,” Mason changes his tune, passing Liam another beer. “Anyways, dude, just fucking confront them. Tell Rose her dad is gay. You’ve got the recording of her mom too, right? Man, this is nuclear territory. You gotta nuke their asses!”

  I nod. “Fuck you Liam, because that’s actually on point.”

  “The truth sets you free,” Liam adds.

  “Damn. That’s insightful,” Mason scrunches up his brow. “When did you become all yoda-like?”

  “I just read it off the coaster,” he says, flinging the thing at me. I pick it up and look at it. “Thanks though,” he winks.

  “So you think I should just confront everyone? But if I do that, then the secret’s totally out.”

  Mason laughs. “Dude, you act like the whole town doesn’t already know what happened between you and Rose. People just aren’t telling you because you’re part of it.”

  “You mean I’m Blackwell’s weekly gossip?”

  “Everyone was talking about it in the mechanic shop this week,” Liam chimes in as he finishes another beer. Shit, the guy drinks faster than a racehorse.

  “Hey Bill,” Mason yells to the old guy in the corner with the wine jar. “You heard any juicy gossip this week?”

  He peels his gaze away from the TV. “Just the one about that University Professor and the student. Why?”

  “No reason. Great game tonight eh?”

  “Oh yeah. Good night for football.”

  Mason arches an eyebrow at me. “See?”

  The bell on the door rings, and, like we’re in the show Cheers, we all turn and see who’s coming in.

  It’s my sister who I haven’t seen in months.

  “Coley!” She yells as she runs to me.

  “You’re back!” I say, getting up.

  She wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

  “I am! I just drove in today, saw Mom for a little bit, and she said I’d find you here. Hey Liam. Mason.”

  I squint, seeing a little extra eye contact between her and Mason, but I shake it off. I’m probably seeing things at this point.

  “Cole,” she puts her hand on my shoulders, and forces me to look at her. “What the hell is going on with you? I heard some really bad gossip the other day about you. Tell me it’s not true.”

  “Wait,” Mason says. “You heard a few days ago, when you were still in Boston, what had went on in Blackwell with Cole?”

  “Yeah. I got a text about it.”

  “Dude,” he laughs. “You are so fucked.”

  Clarissa takes a step back, crosses her arms, and frowns. “So it’s true.”

  “It’s not what you think,” I croak.

  “He was in love,” Liam adds.

  “Am! I am in love.”

  “You got with a student, Coley?! Isn’t that a little...weird?”

  Liam’s deep voice booms. “Clarissa, you’re a good girl and all, but the half your age plus seven rule applies here. Cole is twenty eight. Divided by two, plus seven. His minimum age is twenty one. Plus, this girl basically begged him to hook up.”

  “Guys, can we not talk about this in front of my sister?”

  Clarissa takes a deep breath and unfolds her arms. “Cole, I don’t know what happened here, but you better fix it.”

  “You were just hanging out with Mom for a while. Does she know?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Thank God.”

  “So...are you going to tell me the full story or not?” she says, tapping her foot.

  “I would love to. But I think you guys are right. I need to control this narrative. And it’s now or never. Give her the real story, will ya?”

  I pull out my wallet and throw a couple of twenties on the bar.

  “Fuck you, Hanks. Your money’s no good here. The drinks are free.”

  “Not for the drinks. It’s for the advice. Thanks, Mr. Therapist. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to pull some shit off and get my girl back.”

  How to pull off the ultimate plan to get your girl back.

  Step 1: Have a perfect buzz from Bulleit Rye.

  Step 2: Waltz into half time at the Blackwell University game. Strategically sit a few rows up from Dean Allison, having sneaked up the back staircase so she can’t see you.

  Step 3: Make sure your girl Rose is nowhere in site.

  Step 4: Wait for the half time show buzz to die down.

  Step 5: Finally, station yourself one seat behind Dean Allison and her husband as they sit watching the game like a good little couple.

  The buzz from the crowd dies down as the people head into the concession stands to refuel and use the restroom. I slide right in, one seat behind Rose’s parents, in the bleachers.

  “I didn’t want it to come to this,” I say, and my voice comes out unusually scratchy. I sound fucking menacing.

  Probably because I am. If I don’t pull this off, I’m the black sheep of Blackwell.

  Not to mention I’ll never get hired again in all of academia.

  “What are you doing here
, Hanks?” Dean Allison says, a little startled.

  “I didn’t want to have to do this. But Jerry, you need to stop living a lie. Sometimes, we all need a push.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jerry says, smiling nervously.

  “Don’t play coy with me. You’re trying to protect Rose. You’re trying to keep up images in a small town, where the repercussions of coming out could mean potential social suicide. I get it. But I also think you’re underestimating yourself, and the people in this town.”

  “Get to the point, Hanks,” Dean Allison snaps, her face tense.

  “The point is I can’t have you destroying my life, just so you can keep living a lie. So I have a little incentive for you to set yourselves free with the truth.”

  I hit play on my cell phone’s recorder app, and play back what I’d recorded when Dean Allison invaded my office.

  Both of their faces go pale.

  “You wouldn’t do anything with that. No one would believe you,” she says through grinding teeth.

  I shrug. “I’ll let the people be the judge of that.”

  She snatches the phone out of my hand and chucks it onto the field. “Good luck with that, now!”

  I laugh. “You think that’s not backed up to the cloud? Look, I’m sorry about all this. I really am. But I love your daughter. I know it’s crazy. But I do. And don’t see anything wrong about it. I’m not going to sit here and be shamed by a whole town of hypocrites because you two choose to ignore the truth.”

  Jerry rubs his hand over his face. His body is shaking so much it even startles me.

  “Hanks,” Jerry says, and takes off his glasses. “I can’t do it. The shame. What would my neighbors think? And after all this time I’ve been married...I can’t do it. It’s too late.”

  “It’s not,” I say, grabbing his shoulder. “And I think once you do come out, you’ll feel a whole lot better. Trust me. I’ve been there for people in this situation. It takes time and adjustment, but it gets better.”

  A tear rolls down the man’s cheek. “My parents will kill me. They’ve said they would disown a gay man.”

  A cool night breeze hits my face, but I sweat just the same, and a stark realization hits me. Aren’t we all just the fucked up versions of what our parents wanted for us? It’s so hard to become your own person.