Dangerous Secrets

by Sidney Bristol

  Carson had a feeling she’d only experienced one side of him so far.

  Ryan tugged at her hair, forcing her chin up. Her scalp prickled in a way that didn’t quite hurt. She had the strangest urge to relax, give into it that went against her nature. His lips trailed down her neck and she shivered, shoving the internal debate away. This felt good. Right.

  She knew what came next, or at least a version of it. He gently sucked at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Only for a moment. Not hard enough to leave a mark. Her pussy clenched, a flood of arousal surging through her. That spot, it was like a button she’d never known existed. It was their secret.

  Ryan knew who she really was, and he still wanted her.

  He buried his face in the crook of her neck and hugged her to him. She could feel his heartbeat against her hands and the press of his erection trapped between them, yet he just sat there holding her while every smell, sound and touch seemed magnified.

  His hold on her relaxed, and he leaned back, mumbling a, “Sorry,” under his breath.

  Chapter 12

  “What? What’s wrong?” Carson blinked at Ryan, needing answers as her body seemed to throb, aching for release.

  “Not the time,” he replied.

  Not the time? Was he serious?

  That was bullshit.

  He’d pounced on her the first day together and whenever they were remotely alone. And it hadn’t always been the right time then, so why now? Life didn’t follow rules or order.

  Carson dug her fingers into his short hair and tugged his face up. She pressed her lips to his, but he held back, keeping it sweet. That wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t his style. She wanted him to be real with her. The only way they’d find their trust again was if they started at the ground level, being honest about everything. And right now she wanted him. She wanted to feel that release and pleasure without the burden of truth haunting her. She wanted to hold him and know this was right. That they were together. And that maybe she did love him and just not know it yet.

  Carson grabbed the back of the sofa then swung her leg over to straddle his lap, their lip never parting. Right now she wanted to feel alive. With him. She sat up, breaking the kiss. Ryan grasped her by the knees and stared at her. His skin was still pink, but not from embarrassment. She knew that look. She craved that look.

  She lifted her shirt up and off.

  “Fuck,” he muttered as the clothing fell to the ground.

  “I don’t care about what we should be doing. I just want to be with you,” she said.

  She’d done a lot of following the rules and coloring in the lines since getting her life on a good path. It had still led her off the side of a cliff into deep waters, but that was where she’d met Ryan. There was good in that, even with the bad. She believed if she dove, he’d catch her. And that trust was worthy of putting herself out there.

  He sat up, his eyes changing. She could feel the shift, the predator in him coming out.

  Ryan’s gaze slid down to her chest. He cupped her breasts, his rough fingers teasing the tight skin of her nipples. She groaned and dragged her nails over his shoulders. Her eyelids closed as he licked one stiff peak. His teeth bit down, not hard, just enough that her body tensed up. His fingers dug into her skin, holding onto her tight. As though he had needs only she could fulfill.

  Carson reached down and unbuckled his belt, eager to touch him in return. He wrapped his hands around her wrists and pulled them up, placing her palms on his shoulders.

  He was the only one who got to touch?

  The way he stared at her made her shiver. It wasn’t the same gentle lover she’d grown to know. This was a side of him she hadn’t yet met.

  Ryan picked her up, cradling her ass in his hands. Her heart jumped up into her throat. She wasn’t used to being manhandled. This gaze promised something she didn’t know if she was ready for.

  He made it a few steps from the sofa before bumping into the side of the large arm chair. She clutched his shoulders tighter, but he didn’t seem off balance. Instead, his grip loosened. She let her legs slid down and her feet hit the floor. Her knees were weak, unsteady, so she leaned back against the chair’s armrest.

  Ryan went to his knees in front of her. He grabbed the waistband of her panties and yanked them down, leaving her naked. Before she could even process the shock of it, he planted a hand against her stomach, holding her where she was. He hooked his other arm under her knee, forcing her thighs open.

  “Ryan—”

  He kissed her mound, and she lost the ability to speak. His tongue delved between her folds. She tried to find words, but no sound came out. Instead she grasped his hair, unsure if she should pull him closer, or push him away. His tongue slid over her clit, sending a ripple of pleasure through her body.

  “Oh—oh, God,” she muttered.

  Ryan’s fingers thrust into her pussy while his tongue continued to make love to her.

  It was too much, too sharp, too vibrant. She needed to catch her breath, but he held her there without respite. The only thing she could do was hold on to him as he played her body like an expert, bringing her to a new high she hadn’t known was possible.

  “Ryan. R-Ryan.” She panted his name as the muscles low in her abdomen began to tighten.

  Her toes curled, and she sucked in a breath. The sensation started at her bellybutton, radiating downward until it reached her clit. She stopped breathing while the room spun, ripples of pleasure stealing her mind away to a new high.

  Carson had thought her orgasms with Ryan were good before, but this was a whole new level.

  She was vaguely aware of Ryan’s hands stroking her legs, his lips on her hip all the while little zings continued to shoot through her.

  Ryan picked her up. She was half surprised she had bones still from the way her limbs felt liquefied. He carried her to the bed and set her down with that same gentle care she’d grown accustomed to from him. She lay back, her body and soul fitting together again.

  He stood over her, staring at her with that same intense hunter.

  They weren’t over.

  She shivered.

  When she’d first arrived at his house she’d known about his appetite. She’d thought she understood his needs based on this last week, but it was now clear he’d been holding back. She didn’t want him to think he couldn’t be himself with her.

  Carson pushed up and grasped his shirt. Her limbs were still wobbly, but she managed to push the fabric up his chest. He grabbed the hem and did the rest, tossing the T-shirt onto the ground. She leaned forward and kissed his chest, just over his heart.

  He loved her, and she wanted to deserve that love. It wasn’t something she’d ever expected from him, but it was something that was quickly becoming important to her.

  Ryan grasped her chin between his fingers and tilted her face up. He bent his head and kissed her, hard and fast.

  “Stay there.” His voice was rough, intense.

  “And what if I don’t?” She would. That was her nature, but she liked the way his eyes narrowed and he glared at her.

  Carson grinned and leaned back, content to do as he said. Right now she wanted to live in the moment. With him.

  Ryan took a step back, then another. His gaze roved over her body with hunger even though he’d seen all of her. It was the kind of look she could almost feel, it was that powerful.

  He turned and circled the foot of the bed to their bags.

  Did she want to know what for?

  Carson listened to him rummage in a bag. The rain beat against the windows harder now, a little bit of reality trying to intrude on these moments. She turned her head and watched Ryan’s chestnut hair. Warmth spread through her chest into the rest of her body.

  Was that a sign? Something she should know how to interpret?

  Ryan tossed a familiar foil packet up on the bedspread.

  Condom.

  Right.

  He stood, his belt hanging undone and the front of hi
s pants gaping open.

  She swallowed and a tingle of anticipation started at the top of her head before racing to her toes. Sex had never been like this for her. It wasn’t something she relished or enjoyed past a few moments. She didn’t know if she could be with a man after him.

  Ryan planted a hand on the foot of the bed and vaulted. She yelped and held up her hands, but he caught himself, landing astride her waist. Carson sputtered a laugh, her heart racing. He grinned down at her, but he still had that intense look in his eye.

  He lowered his head, brushing his lips against hers. She placed her palms on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. He eased down, deepening the kiss. His tongue thrust between her lips. She groaned and slipped her hand into his underwear. He did and gave and worked for her. She wanted to do something for him, to be something to him.

  Carson palmed his erection with one hand and pushed his clothes down further with the other. She managed to get him free enough from his jeans that she could stroke his flesh, eliciting a groan from him.

  “Fuck,” he muttered and dropped his head to her shoulder.

  She pumped him, relishing the feel of his hardness in her hand, the way he didn’t hide how it made him feel. It was a powerful sensation to know that she did this to him, even now after everything she’d put him through.

  Ryan pushed up and sat back on his heels. He stared down at her, a wildness behind his eyes. He was struggling with something. Did he not want this? Was there something else?

  Carson sat up and kissed his chest.

  “What is it?” she whispered.

  “I want you.” Those three words were strained, painful.

  “Okay.”

  “But I don’t want to hurt you. Or scare you.”

  She sat there parsing out his words.

  Ryan? Hurt her?

  The only moment she’d ever been frightened was at the house when she thought she’d lost him forever. Yes, he’d been intense, angry and intimidating, but she hadn’t truly been afraid of him. What he felt for her wasn’t scary enough to make her run away from him.

  He was a protector, someone who didn’t think twice about making himself a shield. That wasn’t someone who could scare her or hurt her.

  “I don’t think you could.” She cupped his face with both hands. “That’s not you.”

  Carson kissed his lips and the frown lines bracketing his mouth. His concern was her, it was never him. Even when he should have abandoned her, even when he could have walked away, he’d stuck with her.

  She reached over to where the condom sat undisturbed. He didn’t move to stop her or take over. She ripped the packet open and plucked the latex ring out. He sat there, watching her roll it on him.

  They meant something to each other. She wanted to discover what it could be, how they might fit together and that meant accepting whatever this was.

  He’d accepted her with all the baggage she came with. She could do the same.

  Ryan stepped off the bed and shoved the rest of his clothes to the ground. He stepped out of them and reached for her, grasping her by the knee. He pulled, dragging her almost off the bed. Except for that first night he hadn’t handled her. Was this what he meant?

  He took her hand and pulled, rolling her over on her stomach. She grasped handfuls of the comforter in both hands and squeezed. His legs kept her thighs parted. The lights were on and he was seeing her from every angle.

  His breath warmed her shoulder the moment before his lips pressed a kiss to her spine. His body pressed her down into the mattress and his hands covered hers.

  She could just barely touch the hardwood floor with her toes.

  Ryan let go of one of her hands. He nuzzled her neck then his nose bumped her ear. She was completely his to do what he wanted. He tugged on her hair, forcing her to turn her head as far as she could to the left. He kissed the corner of her mouth then pushed up.

  She sucked down air and watched him out of the corner of her eye. He slid his hands down her back, kissing her spine. She shivered and curled her toes harder the lower he went. All at once, he stopped touching her. But only for a moment.

  The head of his cock slid through her folds, back and forth.

  There was something about this moment, when their bodies joined, that she never got tired of. The orgasm didn’t matter as much as this. The sense of being closer to him than ever before.

  His hand wrapped around hers and he pushed into her. She buried her face into the comforter and groaned as her internal muscles quivered. Parts of her were still hyper sensitive, making even this intrusion more intense.

  “God damn, you feel so fucking good. Every time.” Ryan squeezed her hip with his free hand and thrust. There was something needier in the way he held her, something different—but still him.

  She groaned and buried her face in the comforter.

  He thrust, and the mattress squeaked. Her toes even touched the floor. He withdrew and thrust. This time she lifted her hips.

  Ryan muttered something and let go of her hand. He held onto her hips with both hands and lifted her as he thrust, driving deeper and deeper, leaving her with nothing more to do than hold on.

  Carson didn’t know what it was like to love a man, but if she wasn’t close now, maybe she’d never feel true love. What she had with Ryan was special. Different.

  Ryan leaned over her and his right hand slid between her and the bed. Her stomach tightened as his fingers stroked her clit in time to his thrusts.

  It was her turn to mutter prayers. Her toes curled and his touch felt so good it almost hurt. She was too wrung out, too sensitive, and yet her body didn’t care. It responded to Ryan’s touch, the joining of their bodies.

  Her orgasm felt ripped out of her, painful and pleasurable all at once, coming from somewhere deep and untouched within her. She gathered the comforter and yelled her release even as Ryan said ragged words into her ear she couldn’t make out.

  Ryan hugged her to him, the moment stretching on even as her body continued to ripple with aftershocks. She wanted to love him, for that to be real, but they needed time. Time she didn’t know if they had.

  RYAN SAT BACK IN THE cushy bar stool nursing his second cup of coffee. He didn’t know how Carson could be so cheerful with the little girls this early with nothing to go on. Both Chloe’s daughter and Ian’s step-sister had latched onto Carson from the moment she entered the house. They were at the age where they were enamored of anything to do with being a woman.

  The one thing that struck him watching Carson with the girls was how patient and attentive she was with them. She’d make a great mother.

  Did Carson want kids? With her history he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. He wasn’t as certain he could part with the idea of having a baby. There’d been something about the expectation of becoming a father that had awoken a need in him and he didn’t think that was going away.

  Ryan’s phone vibrated on the marble counter. He snatched it up and glanced at the text from his former detective turned FBI friend Owen.

  Outside.

  Ryan glanced around for any sign of Chloe, Ian or Taylor, but they’d scurried off to take care of other morning chores while the two older girls were occupied. This was not a conversation the kids should hear.

  “I’m going to step outside. Holler if you need rescuing?” Ryan picked up his coffee.

  Carson didn’t even reply she was so engrossed in whatever fabrication the little troublemakers were feeding her.

  He left the three of them and stepped out onto the porch. A dark haired man in sweats and a t-shirt stood in the driveway looking at his phone.

  “Long commute?” Ryan asked.

  “Terrible traffic.” Owen snorted. He lived a few streets over with his wife.

  “Did you hear anything?” Ryan was eager to put some pieces of their puzzle together and get to the bottom of this.

  “Nothing you’re going to like.” Owen grimaced. “I talked to Rusty about the case and then looked into it. Unoffici
ally.”

  Ryan didn’t like the way Owen shifted his weight or the twist of his mouth.

  “What?” Ryan prompted.

  “It’s weird, man. Real weird. Looking at the paperwork, this sting on the broker—Ben—it just materialized. Out of thin air. One day, there’s no investigation, no case—nothing. The next? They have ample evidence and the warrant gets pushed through like that.” Owen snapped his fingers.

  “What does that mean for Carson?”

  “I’m getting there.” Owen sipped his coffee. “In the case file for the broker, there’s no mention of Carson. Her employer is there. Their cooperation was noted. But nowhere is Carson’s name documented. So I think, what if she’s registered as an informant? Maybe they want to protect her? I went and looked at our list of Seattle informants and she’s not there. On the FBI side, none of what you told me exists.”

  Ryan knew those statements should be more profound, but he lacked the knowledge to fully grasp the situation. He licked his lips and asked the question he didn’t want to know the answer to, “And what does that mean? I’m not a cop. Spell it out.”

  “As both a cop and in the FBI, we document our sources. If I’m working a case and I’ve got an inside man, I document that so that if I have to go, get fired, die, whatever, someone else can take over that informant. It’s a database that keeps us from stepping on each other’s toes. By all accounts, it makes the most sense that’s where Carson would be documented.”

  “But she’s not.” Ryan liked this situation less and less.

  “No, she isn’t, which makes me wonder just what the hell is going on?” Owen’s frown deepened. He’d lost his job as a homicide detective due to a mix of dirty cops and politics.

  “What about the agent? Walker and his partner? What do you know about him?”