Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “Anyhow, I have to get to the outfitting store to pick up some supplies,” Ben continued, pleased he could sound so casual. “After that I’m heading directly into the hills.”

  “But I just got here,” Arthur complained. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I was hoping you could give me some ideas of how to convince Shannon—”

  “Sorry, Arthur. I had this planned before you came.” Which wasn’t technically a lie. When he’d first come to Hartley Creek he had bought a book on backcountry hiking trails. He’d been meaning to do some hikes and had a few planned, but then he got involved with Shannon and started working on Mrs. Beck’s house and those plans got put on the back burner. “Besides, the weather is really good now and they’re forecasting showers in a couple of days so I figure now’s as good a time as any.”

  “Then we’ll see you when you get back. Maybe I’ll have some news for you,” Arthur said with a grin.

  “Maybe” was all he said, saluting his brother with the envelope.

  Then he strode down the hall to his room and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against the door, his emotions in a turmoil.

  Okay, Lord. I’m doing the right thing here. I’m giving my brother and Shannon space to figure out where they’re going. I wish You would help me find where I’m going.

  He looked at the envelope again, thinking of all the things Shannon had told him. Maybe he’d still apply. Maybe he’d still work here.

  If he was doing it, he would do it for himself.

  And Shannon and Arthur?

  According to Arthur, Shannon was going through with her own plans so she would be gone anyway.

  He was a doctor, he thought, setting the envelope on his dresser, thinking of what Shannon had told him. She was right. He missed his work, missed being a part of something important. Something bigger than himself.

  Before he made any final decision, he needed some time alone.

  In record time he had his clothes packed up in a knapsack. As he put the last sweater into the bag, his eyes fell on a Bible sitting haphazardly on a stack of books. He picked it up and put it inside, as well. May as well take some quality reading material.

  Besides, he and God needed some catch-up time, and where better than up in the mountains he couldn’t stop looking at?

  When he got back to the kitchen, Arthur was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal and flipping through the Hartley Creek Herald.

  “So, I’m gone,” Ben said. “Could you tell Mom what’s happening?”

  Arthur got up, wiping his mouth on a napkin. “You sure about this, man? I mean, we haven’t had much chance to talk.”

  Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to listen to whatever his brother might have to say. In spite of being each other’s only sibling, they had never been close. Arthur was the kind of person who went his own way and if you didn’t want to come along, so be it.

  “We’ll talk when I get back,” Ben said. “I really need the break.” He clapped his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and held his gaze for a moment, trying to get a read on his younger brother.

  But he only saw Arthur’s blue eyes staring back at him, brimming with optimism.

  “You take care, hear?” Arthur said.

  Ben nodded, then strode out of the house and down the walk. He tossed his knapsack in the back of his truck. He had to go to one of the outfitting stores in town to get a tent, sleeping bag and some food. Things he’d been meaning to buy for some time now.

  Before he got into his truck, he looked over at Mrs. Beck’s house. He wondered if Shannon was getting ready for her date with Arthur.

  He climbed into the truck, slammed the door and jabbed the key into the ignition. With a twist of his wrist, his truck roared to life and seconds later he was on the main road, headed toward downtown.

  And after that, the mountains.

  * * *

  “I made a huge mistake. I know that. I’m such an idiot.” Arthur leaned forward, his elbows on the wooden picnic table, his eyes earnest, his voice pleading as he tried to reach for her hand.

  His blond hair was artfully arranged, and Shannon was fairly sure he had chosen the blue shirt to bring out the blue in his eyes.

  Arthur had wanted to meet at Mug Shots, but Shannon had nixed that plan immediately. She didn’t want anyone in Hartley Creek to see her with her ex-fiancé.

  So she had chosen this picnic site five miles out of Hartley Creek, fairly sure not many people would see her here with him.

  She looked away from his pleading gaze, down at the table with its myriad of carved initials proclaiming undying love. Karl loves Deanna. CA and RJ forever.

  She’d never had a junior- or senior-high boyfriend. No one to declare his affection for her by way of a carving or a graffiti painting on any one of the bridges spanning Hartley Creek or the Morrissey River.

  She wondered if that was why she had allowed Arthur to sweep her off her feet. He was charming and attentive and had made her feel as if she was the most special woman in his life. At least for the first half of the relationship.

  “Before we talk about that, when you called me after you canceled the wedding, you said you had made a mistake getting engaged. So what happened to make you change your mind?”

  Arthur sighed, then plunged his hand through his hair, rearranging its waves. “Like I told you, when the wedding started getting close, I got cold feet and I, well, panicked. I’m not the first groom to feel that way.”

  And you sent poor Ben to do your dirty work. And like the conscientious person he is, he came through for you.

  “When I had some time away, I realized I was wrong,” he continued, his voice taking on that pleading tone he did so well. “I made a mistake. And when I heard you were still around and still single, I knew I had to come back.”

  Yes. Poor, desperate, jilted Shannon, pining away for a man who didn’t have the decency to tell her to her face he couldn’t marry her.

  “So there was never another woman?” she asked, knowing she had to.

  Arthur shook his head vehemently, his hand clenched on the table. “No. Absolutely not.”

  Shannon couldn’t help a wry smile. Jilted was jilted, but it might have been easier to understand Arthur’s reasoning if passion had made him flee the scene. An undying love for another woman he couldn’t live without.

  Instead it was plain ordinary fear. Mundane second thoughts. Not the stuff of which great romances are built.

  “So, do you think there’s a chance for us?” Arthur continued. “I did love you and do love you. I know you still care about me. Mom told me you still have the wedding dress.”

  Mom talks a bit too much.

  Shannon dismissed that thought. Sophie was a sweet woman. For all Shannon knew, Sophie had simply passed the information on as just that. Information.

  “I’m thinking of giving the dress away,” she said.

  Her abrupt comment sent a glimmer of fear over his features. “No. You can’t. Not when I’m ready to make a commitment to you and to us. You can still use the dress if we get married again.” He held out his hand as if offering a great prize she would be crazy to turn down.

  Shannon looked at his hand and couldn’t help but compare it to his brother’s.

  Though Ben was a doctor, his hands held the scars and calluses of someone who worked. Who made sacrifices.

  Arthur’s job as a car salesman required that his hands look clean, neat. In fact he even went for a manicure from time to time, something Shannon used to tease him about.

  “And what about Hartley Creek? I thought you didn’t want to live here,” Shannon asked.

  “My mother told me you got a job in Chicago.”

  Now it was Shannon’s turn to look puzzled. “Is that part
of the reason you’re willing to take a second chance with me? Because I’m moving away?”

  Arthur pulled back, looking offended. “We fought about you staying here. I wanted to leave and you didn’t. So, now that you’re moving, it removes a huge barrier to our relationship. And Chicago. What a great choice. I’ve always wanted to live there.”

  Shannon narrowed her eyes, as if trying to get this man in focus, as if trying to see what had once attracted her to Arthur. Yes, he was good-looking and, yes, he was charming, but he was also inconsistent and confusing.

  The polar opposite of his older brother.

  Warmth flowed through her at the thought of Ben.

  “I hope that happy look on your face means you’re thinking this through,” Arthur said, lowering his voice. He gave her his most charming smile and, for a moment, Shannon saw the man she had been attracted to.

  At one time she had thought of him as kind, caring and attentive. And he had been. He had sent her flowers, had called her frequently when he was away. They’d had fun together.

  But that was another time in her life and she had moved on.

  Now she had Ben.

  A throb of uncertainty marred the moment, but memories of the times she had spent with Ben wiped them away. She and Ben had shared more openly with each other in the few weeks they had known each other than she and Arthur ever had.

  Arthur may have given her tangible gifts—flowers, jewelry, cards for no reason. But Ben had given her much more. The gift of openness. Of raw honesty.

  And, almost as important, the gift of trusting her with the dark secrets in his soul.

  “I don’t really have anything to think through,” she said quietly, folding her hands in her lap and glancing down at her watch as she did. She wanted to get back home. Back to Ben. Then she looked over at Arthur, whose face still held that expectant look. “We had fun and we had our time together,” she continued. “But something made you realize we shouldn’t get married and I think you need to respect that decision. You and I were not meant to be together and it’s not happening.”

  “Have you found someone else?” His voice held an accusatory tone that made her want to laugh. As if Arthur had any right to demand information on her current love life.

  But her feelings for Ben made her feel magnanimous and Arthur may as well know sooner rather than later. He was, after all, Ben’s only brother.

  “I’ve met someone who is very special to me. We… I care about him. A lot.” Still, she hesitated. Speaking the words aloud made it real and public.

  And open for humiliation if nothing further came of it.

  What else could she do? Hide? Cower behind past hurts? As Ben had said, she was her own person. Her identity was not tied up in whom she was with, but who she was.

  “Someone from town?” Arthur pressed.

  “Someone from your family. It’s your brother. Ben.”

  Arthur couldn’t have looked more stunned than if she had slapped him.

  “Ben? Dour, cranky old Ben?” He gave his head a tiny shake as if to let the information fall into the right slot. “Why him? He’s kind of grumpy.”

  Arthur’s confusion would have been comical if it wasn’t for the fact that it smacked of arrogance.

  “Ben is a very caring man who has had to deal with a lot.” Shannon eased off her defense of the man she cared so much for. Arthur was his brother and if he couldn’t see Ben’s good qualities, Shannon wouldn’t be able to change his mind.

  “Well, yeah, I know, but he’s so dark. And he’s divorced,” Arthur added, as if this comment alone should make her have second thoughts.

  The only acknowledgement Shannon gave him of that unreasonable comment was a quick nod. “Anyway, that’s the way things are and I thought you should know.”

  Arthur slumped down, heaving a deep, heartfelt sigh. “So that’s it? You and me? Nothing?”

  “Sorry, Arthur. We had our chance, but we both know it wasn’t working toward the end anyway. It’s better this way.”

  Arthur gave her a world-weary smile and once again, Shannon caught a glimpse of the man she had thought she loved.

  “So if things work out between you and Ben, please don’t expect me to dance at your wedding,” he said quietly as he got up.

  Shannon didn’t want to think that far. Didn’t dare.

  “For now, let’s say we’ll probably see more of each other than we have the past year” was all she would say.

  Arthur came around the table and laid his hand on her shoulder. As she looked up at him, the sun shone through his blond hair, haloing his head. He really was an attractive man, she thought. Only not so attractive all the way through.

  “You know we had a really good thing,” he said, his hand tightening on her shoulder.

  Shannon covered his hand with hers, feeling pensive when he leaned over and dropped a light kiss on her head.

  “You’re a wonderful person, Shannon.” Then with another light squeeze, he released her and walked across the grass to his car.

  Shannon turned to watch him go. Each step he took away from her was like a loosening of a thread holding her to her past. And when his car pulled out of the parking lot, she felt it snap.

  She waited for a few more moments, relishing the peace washing over her in gentle, lapping waves. Though she had dreaded talking to Arthur, for the first time in months, she finally felt truly free of him and of the hold he had over her emotional state.

  Thank You, Lord, she prayed as a gentle breeze wafted over her like a tiny blessing.

  Then she got up and, with light feet and even lighter heart, fairly floated to her car.

  She was going to see Ben.

  * * *

  “All Ben said was that he would be gone for a few days?” Shannon forced a smile as she asked the question.

  Sophie Brouwer, looking as confused as Shannon felt, simply nodded. “He called me this morning. Told me he was hiking up Hartley Pass, said not worry and that he’d be back in a couple of days. He also told Arthur.” Sophie pulled the fronts of her orange jacket around herself, giving Shannon a baleful look. “He didn’t say anything to you?”

  Shannon shook her head, struggling to keep her smile intact. She and Ben hadn’t made definite arrangements for today and she knew she had made it sound as if she was busy, which she had been. But she’d wanted to get the whole Arthur thing out of the way before making any plans with Ben.

  Now Ben was gone and he hadn’t said anything to her about leaving, let alone leaving for a couple of days.

  “Did he leave any message for me?”

  Sophie’s expression grew more morose, and Shannon swallowed the rising panic in her chest.

  “No, sweetheart. Nothing.” Sophie reached out as if to touch her, then pulled her hand back. “I’m sorry. My sons aren’t very good to you, are they?”

  Her words chased a chill down her spine. What was she trying to say?

  Shannon gave her a wan smile, said goodbye. Then, as she trudged back to her house, Ben’s last words to her rose up like an apparition.

  Goodbye, Shannon. Hope things go well for you.

  Why had he said goodbye? Was he leaving her?

  And why not? That’s what the men in your life do.

  She pushed that thought aside as she entered the house. Not Ben. He wasn’t the type. He was a solid, caring man.

  In the few weeks they’d known each other, she’d felt as if she had gotten to know Ben much better than she’d ever known Arthur. Ben made her feel as if she could give him something.

  Then why was he gone?

  “Did you find out where Ben is?” Nana called out from the kitchen, where she was making lunch.

  “Sophie only said that he left” was al
l Shannon got out as her throat thickened.

  Her nana came out of the kitchen and stood in the doorway. “Didn’t he tell you where he was going?”

  Shannon shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got…other plans.”

  “Are you still coming to my book-club meeting day after tomorrow?” Nana asked, concern lacing her voice.

  “Yeah. I am.”

  She didn’t have much heart for it, but she had promised. “Sorry, Nana, but I’m going upstairs for a nap,” she told her grandmother, knowing this was the best way to get Nana to leave her alone.

  Nana just nodded, then scurried into the kitchen. As she made her way up the stairs, she heard her nana talking on the phone in a quiet undertone.

  Shannon closed the door behind her, shutting off her grandmother’s conversation as her gaze flicked around her bedroom. Isn’t this just great? she thought. This is all I have to show for my years of work? Still single and living with my nana?

  She sat on the bed and covered her face with her hands. What kind of loser was she? Why couldn’t she hang on to the men in her life?

  You don’t know what happened. Wait and see.

  But the voice of reason was drowned out by the flurry of questions and worries beating at her resolve.

  Why did he leave without talking to her? What had he meant when he said goodbye? Also, that other comment—hope things go well for you. Those weren’t the things you said to a girlfriend. That was the language of leaving.

  A language she was far too acquainted with.

  She lay back, staring up at the ceiling, self-pity hovering on the edges of her consciousness.

  You don’t know how long he will be gone because he didn’t want to tell you.

  Shannon pressed her hands to her heated cheeks, wishing she could still her anxious thoughts. Wishing she could put Ben’s leaving in the right place in her life.

  She took a deep breath, then pushed herself up, reaching for her Bible. A source of comfort and wisdom. She turned to the bookmark she had put in the pages the last time she’d read.