Games of the Heart

by Kristen Ashley

  “I approve,” I stated, shifting my body deeper into his, his arm immediately moved around me and I liked that too. “Reggie’s on speed dial,” I finished.

  “Got two kids, only way it could be,” he muttered then, “Toby? Yeah, Mike Haines. I’m ordering a large meat lovers for pickup.”

  He continued to order and my thoughts turned to the fact he had two kids.

  I knew that. Darrin told me. Darrin also told me Mike was divorced. Darrin had called the minute he heard. Darrin, until four days ago when he died, had delusions that he could wring a miracle. That miracle being that Mike Haines would put his ring on my finger thus bringing me back to The ‘Burg so I would be in the bosom of my family. Better yet, that I would be in the bed of a decent man who wouldn’t work my last nerve and Darrin could quit worrying about me. Therefore, Darrin had been generous with his information that it was known throughout town that Mike’s ex was a total bitch. Also that she treated him like shit. And further that Mike was roundly liked so it took effort to stop the town council from organizing a parade when the divorce was final.

  What I got out of this was that it sucked a good guy like Mike got caught up with a woman who treated him like shit. I also wondered how good women like me, and I hoped I was a decent person or at least I tried to be, found myself losers and good guys like Mike found bitches and people like us never found each other.

  The way of the world.

  Until, of course, on the day of your brother’s funeral, you found yourself naked in bed with a good guy who was fucking great at sex, had awesome hometown pizza on speed dial and knew without asking to order a large.

  Still, it wasn’t lost on me that if Darrin was alive, regardless of the fact he was religious, conservative and I was his baby sister, he’d be doing cartwheels knowing I was naked in bed with Mike Haines.

  And part of this not being lost on me was the part that sucked because Darrin was no longer alive.

  I knew my thoughts had drifted but I didn’t know how deeply or that my eyes had until I heard Mike call, “Dusty?” and felt his arm give me a squeeze.

  My eyes left the pillow beside his head and went to his to see not only were his on me but he was no longer on the phone.

  Mike caught one look at my eyes and whispered, “Honey,” as he tossed his phone on the bed, his other arm came around me and I knew he read me.

  “Sorry,” I whispered back.

  “Don’t be.” He, too, was still whispering.

  “You ever lose anyone close?” I asked, he shook his head and I felt my lips curve but I didn’t feel the feeling I usually felt when they did that. “I’m glad for that for you,” I said softly.

  “My job, I deal with a lot of loss, Dusty, and you’ll get through,” Mike assured me.

  “I know, I just don’t wanna have to.”

  “Bet not,” he muttered then sat up, taking me with him, shifting me and the covers fell down around our waists as he settled sitting up with me straddling him. He had one arm wrapped around my hips, the other one angled up my back with his hand flat and warm between my shoulder blades. I tipped my head down to look at him and saw he was already looking up at me. “Like I said, my job, see a lot of loss. Never get used to it. So I guess, being removed and feeling that, you experiencing it, the bad news is, you’ll never get used to not having Darrin anymore. So there are no magic words. There’s no way to ease the pain. This is just life and like anything, you keep on living it and just learn to deal.”

  “Don’t beat around the bush, darlin’,” I repeated his words from earlier as a lame joke and, even though we both knew it fell flat, he still was a good guy so he smiled at me. I liked his smile so I curled a hand around the side of his neck and my arm around his shoulders. Once I’d latched on, I dipped my face close and promised, “I’ll learn to deal.”

  He tipped up his chin, pressing his hand between my shoulder blades and touched his lips to mine. Then he settled back and said softly, “And I’ll go get pizza.”

  “I bet pizza will help me deal,” I guessed and got another smile. This one hit his eyes and I liked it a whole lot more.

  “Yeah, bet it will. Now shift off me, Angel, I gotta get dressed.”

  I shifted off him but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to because his body was hard, warm, big and I liked being wrapped around it with his arms wrapped around me.

  And I didn’t want to because he called me “Angel”. He was the only one who ever called me “Angel”. He started to call me that within weeks of him dating Debbie. I didn’t know why he did it because I wasn’t an angel, I was a rascal or at least that was what my Dad thought of me and thus that was my Dad’s nickname for me. But, for whatever reasons he called me that, I’d loved it then and I loved it now.

  But more, I loved it that he remembered to call me “Angel”. Time had gone by, not a little of it, a lot. And as that time went by, I thought of him and not only when Darrin was informing on him to me. Mike Haines had popped into my mind often as I lived my life. And each time, he felt good there. In fact, it wasn’t unheard of for me to talk about him. All my closest friends knew all about him, including updates on his life after Darrin reported in. I didn’t know if the same happened with him about me. But I liked it that he didn’t forget something important to me.

  I pulled the covers up to my chest, watched as he tugged on his clothes and listened as he said, “Gonna hit my house, change, go get the pizza and be back. Probably take twenty minutes, half an hour.”

  “Later, do you have to get back to your kids?” I asked and his eyes came to me as he buttoned up his shirt.

  “They’re with their mother this weekend.”

  Lucky, lucky me.

  “So is that a no?” I asked quietly and hopefully.

  “Is that an invitation to spend the night?” he asked back, not quietly.

  “Yes,” I answered, also not quietly.

  He finished with his buttons, his hands went to his hips but his eyes didn’t leave me.

  Then it was Mike talking quietly when he stated, “While I’m gone, honey, I need you to think. I came in here bein’ a dick, out of line and I wound you up. You’ve lost Darrin and I know you’re in pain. But what you said earlier, I’ll tell you now, I agree. About two seconds into that kiss, it became somethin’ different for me. Pleased as fuck to hear you felt the same.” He grinned a gentle grin before he went on, “Now, I’m glad you liked what we had in that bed, because, bottom line, I liked it too and when I say that, Angel, I liked it too. And I can walk away after pizza happy I gave you that in the middle of a shitty time for you. But, before I get back, you gotta think about if what you said is true. If this is about working through your pain with me, I gave what I’m gonna give to that. If this is about something else, then I’ll be spending the night.”

  “You really don’t beat around the bush, do you?” I whispered, liking that too.

  A whole lot.

  “Got two kids, a bitch of an ex-wife who made my life a misery and went through somethin’ which meant I lost my shot at a good thing that would make me happy. Since I had a taste of a good thing, I know what I’m lookin’ for. And since I lost that, I’m not a man prone to dickin’ around. Not anymore.”

  There it was. He didn’t beat around the bush.

  Yep, I liked that.

  A whole lot.

  “I’ll search my feelings while you’re gone, Mike,” I told him softly.

  That was when he walked to the bed, reached out, grasped my hips and pulled me toward him. When he had me where he wanted me, he put a hand in the bed on either side of my hips and leaned in so his face was an inch away from mine.

  Then, softly back, he said, “I’d appreciate that, Dusty.”

  All that was hot. Every word he’d said. Every move he’d made.

  And that had nothing to do with me working through pain.

  Not one thing.

  It was just hot.

  “Now,” he ordered, “kiss me.”


  That was hot too so I leaned up and pressed my mouth to his.

  His arm sliced around my back and pulled me up harder so my body was pressed to his and he took my lip touch straight to a hard, deep, wet kiss.

  I liked that a whole lot more.

  “Be back, no later than thirty,” he whispered against my lips when he stopped kissing me.

  I gave a slight nod in the space he allowed and tried to regulate my breathing.

  I watched his eyes smile.

  Then he set me in bed, let me go, sat on the side of the bed and dealt with his socks and shoes.

  “Keycard, nightstand,” I told him when he stood. He looked down at me. Not done giving me Mike Lovin’, he wrapped a hand around the back of my head, leaned in and touched his mouth to mine.

  Then he let me go again, stretched out an arm and nabbed his phone. Then he reached down, grabbed his suit jacket and I watched him move to the nightstand, tag the keycard then I watched him lift a hand, flick out two fingers and shoot me a grin before he left the room.

  The door had just closed behind him when I dropped to my back and stared at the ceiling.

  Moments passed before, my eyes on the ceiling, I asked my brother, “Happy?”

  Darrin didn’t reply but I knew my brother. No way in hell he’d want to leave the wife he loved, the boys who meant the world to him, a father who he respected and taught him how to be a man, the mother who doted on him and taught him how to love or the sisters who worked his nerves but he loved all the same.

  Still, I figured, once he knew we’d all sorted out our shit, he was making a mental note to do cartwheels.

  * * * * *

  I’d cleaned up, made certain my hair wasn’t a mess (it was, the knot I’d tied it in around a ponytail holder had gone wonky so I just pulled it out) and I’d tugged on my panties and tee when my cell rang.

  I snatched it up, looked at the display and fought the urge to hurl it across the room.

  Fuck. Beau. My most recent ex. That was to say, he was recent in the sense he was the latest guy I’d broken up with not recent in the sense that I broke up with him recently. We’d been officially done and I’d kicked his ass out nearly four months ago. We’d been unofficially done for eight months before that. We’d been teetering on done for six months before that.

  Beau just didn’t get that we were Grade A Certified Capital D Done.

  And I knew if I didn’t take this call, he’d call me again and again until I did. This was part of how he was working my nerves and had been since I’d kicked his ass out. And considering I had a sister-in-law, two beloved nephews and a Mom and Dad close who had all lost a loved one, I didn’t want to turn off my phone.

  Goddamn it. Beau.

  When Mike got back, I was going to ask him if he knew how to commit the perfect murder.

  Then I hit the button on the screen to take the call and put it to my ear.

  “Seriously?” I used as my greeting.

  “Dusty, baby,” he said softly.

  He knew I loved my brother. He knew we were close. Since he’d lived with me, he had firsthand knowledge that Darrin and I talked on the phone once or twice a week. He knew I doted on my nephews. He knew I, unlike my sister, loved Rhonda. He knew I was grieving and he thought he could use it to get back in there.

  “Beau, I’m kinda busy,” I informed him.

  “Are you doing okay?” he asked me.

  “No. Darrin died four days ago and I’m home in The ‘Burg with my sister breathing my airspace however distantly. It’s still closer than when she’s in DC working to get rapists free and I’m in Texas trying to forget my parents birthed three children. So no, I’m not okay.”

  “You stayin’ long? You want me to fly up?”

  Why was he so dense?

  “Beau, not to be a bitch or anything but what have I done in the last four months that would give you the impression I want you to fly up and be here with me?”

  “Dusty, times like these are tough,” he reminded me.

  “Uh, yeah, Beau. I’m getting that.”

  “And you need to be around people who care about you.”

  “No, I need to be around people I want to be around, ergo, not you. Again, not to be a bitch or anything,” I added, well, so I wouldn’t be a bitch or anything even while I was totally being a bitch.

  “Baby, I’m tryin’ to look out for you,” he whispered coaxingly and I hated that because it reminded me that used to work on me.

  It didn’t anymore.

  I didn’t remind him, as I had so many times I lost track, that he should have knocked himself out to look out for me before I dumped his ass. I didn’t remind him that he forgot in a lot of ways to knock himself out for me. I didn’t remind him that I didn’t actually need him to knock himself out but at least put a little effort into us. And I didn’t remind him that I’d knocked myself out trying to make us work and he’d not made an effort until I dumped his ass. Then, when I did, he’d acted surprised like the last fourteen months of our relationship that didn’t crash and burn but died a slow, agonizing death didn’t happen and we’d been riding a high of bounty. So I didn’t remind him how much his being totally clueless pissed me off.

  Instead, I reminded him of something that now, because he wanted me back, he’d forget in half a second but he took for granted for the two and a half years we were together.

  “I can look out for myself.”

  He was silent.

  I was wondering how long Mike had been gone and thinking I needed to take his order to heart. I didn’t want to mess this up and although Mike didn’t lapse into a fifteen minute soliloquy about the shit that had gone down in his life, what he said didn’t sound good. I didn’t want to jack him around. I needed to search my feelings and I couldn’t do that when I was getting pissed at my ex-boyfriend who not only couldn’t catch a clue but also had selective hearing and he had this so he wouldn’t have to catch a clue.

  “Beau, I gotta go,” I told him.

  He was again silent for a moment then in a soft voice he injected with too much sweet, he replied, “Right, baby, you need me, you know where to find me.”

  Don’t hold your breath, moron, I thought but, not to be a bitch, I didn’t say.

  “Good-bye, Beau,” I said firmly.

  “Later, Dusty,” he replied and I rolled my eyes.

  Totally couldn’t catch a clue and I wasn’t laying breadcrumbs either. I’d been laying it out, straight up, for four months.

  I beeped off my phone, chucked it on the nightstand, got in the rumpled bed, stared at the ceiling and tried to search my feelings.

  This was difficult since I didn’t do this. Ever. I felt something, I went with it.

  Like being pissed, in pain and in a room with a Mike Haines, my adolescent crush, a man who was far more beautiful at forty-three than he’d been at seventeen and eighteen and when I’d been a total bitch to him the last time I talked to him and he was twenty-one. Finding myself in his arms, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted it badly. So I kissed him.

  I felt it, I went with it.

  This did not always work for me. I didn’t keep track but I figured I was around fifty-fifty. Sometimes, things went south. Sometimes, I hit a home run. I kept doing it because it was me. I also kept doing it because hitting a home run made it worth surviving the times things went south.

  What I knew, staring at the ceiling, was that I wanted Mike to be a home run.

  I didn’t want this because he was my adolescent crush. I didn’t want this because over the years I thought of him often and did it fondly. I didn’t want this because Mike was a phenomenal lover. I didn’t want this because it sucked huge my brother had died suddenly at the age of forty-four, he was my best friend and I had no stinking clue how to live my life without him. I didn’t want this because my brother who was my best friend wanted it for me.

  I just wanted it.

  I heard the lock click on the door, my head turned on the pillow and I watched Mike walk
in.

  No. That wasn’t right.

  I caught a glimpse of Mike carrying a pizza box held aloft in one hand, his fingers wrapped around the handle of a six pack of bottled beer in the other hand. He was wearing a pair of jeans that looked freaking great on him. He was also wearing a brown sweater flecked with cream and gray bits with a tall collar that stood up around his muscular neck and had a couple of undone buttons at the throat that looked freaking great on him. He was further wearing a brown leather jacket that looked freaking great on him. And last, his hair had been mussed, probably changing, he hadn’t sorted it and that looked unbelievably freaking great on him. So I sat up in bed and twisted his way to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

  He walked to the bed, his eyes on me and didn’t say a word as he dumped the pizza box on it. Then he kept silent as he moved to the nightstand and put the beer there. Then he reached into his jacket and pulled out a bottle opener and dropped it with a clatter next to the beer.

  I was thinking he was smart to remember to bring a bottle opener because the hotel wasn’t The Ritz but I was guessing they probably would frown on us using the edges of their furniture to force off beer caps as he shrugged off his leather jacket and threw it at the end of the bed.

  Then he looked at me, crossed his arms on his chest and asked, “So?”

  He totally wasn’t dicking around.

  “Welp,” I started. “I figure you had time to think too but as for me, you want to, you’re spending the night.”

  He studied me.

  Then, softly, he asked, “Sure?”

  I drew in breath.

  Then I nodded and whispered, “I’m sure.”

  When I did, he returned bizarrely, “How do you feel about cold pizza?”

  I tipped my head to the side in confusion and asked, “Sorry?”

  Before I knew what he was about, he picked up the pizza box, dropped it on the floor, leaned into me, put his hands in my pits, plucked me right out of bed and into his arms. Then he twisted and dropped, landing on his back with me on top of him. I was recovering from this, not, mind you, successfully when he rolled me to my back with him on top of me.

  His face all I could see, his hands moving on me, he whispered, “Cold pizza. You got a problem with that?”