Jaylin's World

by Brenda Hampton

  I hesitated, but I spoke up. “Like I said, I just have a lot going on. I’m trying to close some of these deals I’ve been investing in. Even though I didn’t want to go back to work to this extent, I’m finding myself getting more involved. My time away from you and my kids is starting to bother me. Yes, the fact that we haven’t had another child is disappointing. I’m doing my best not to let all of this get to me. In due time, everything will be okay.”

  Nokea stared at me and then cleared her throat. “Were you ever able to close the deal in Chicago? I know you’ve been working hard on that one in particular. I hope you didn’t lose any money on that deal.”

  “I’m still working on it. The properties were pretty decent, and Shane and I may shoot down there in a couple of weeks to see what’s up.”

  Nokea reached over to the table beside her and picked up several papers. She flipped through them; then she reached out to give one of the papers to me.

  “Can you explain that to me? I printed it from your in-box, and there must be some kind of mistake.”

  I looked at the paper, and it was the reservation confirmation for my trip to St. Louis, not Chicago. I couldn’t even think fast enough. When I had no reply, Nokea got up and stood in front of me. She let me see the other papers, two of which were my cell phone records and some Internet confessions on Facebook. She pointed to a number on my cell phone bill.

  “While you’re thinking about your response, tell me who that phone number belongs to. Tell me why this paper shows you were at the Four Seasons Hotel the days you told me you were in Chicago. And just to be clear,” she said, giving me a money ticket from the casino, “how did you get this in your possession, when, according to you, you were in Chicago?”

  She went back over to the chair, crossing her legs as she sat. “Think fast, as I have more questions for you, when you get finished answering those.”

  I sat back on the couch, unprepared to lay all of my bullshit on the line. Yeah, it was now or never, and I really didn’t have a choice, other than to come clean. My stomach was already turning in knots, and the deep breaths I’d been taking weren’t really helping. I placed my hands behind my head, ready to tell the love of my life some of the truth.

  “Several weeks ago, do you remember when a phone call came in the middle of the night?” I asked, but Nokea made not one gesture. “Well, the call was from Scorpio. She told me that Mackenzie had been in a terrible car accident and asked if I would come to St. Louis to see her. I did, and when I got there, Mackenzie was pretty messed up. I ... There was no way that I could leave her. She was happy to see me, Nokea, and I just couldn’t turn my back on her again. I wanted to tell you, but I know how you feel about Scorpio and Mackenzie. There was no way you would understand what I was feeling, so I lied. I felt as if I didn’t have a choice, and please forgive me for not being completely honest with you about this.”

  “What would make you think I would be against you going to St. Louis to see about Mackenzie? Don’t you know me at all? Am I really such a cruel and vengeful person that you think I would want you to say, ‘To hell with Mackenzie’? You have only assumed that I have something against her, and I never have. What I am concerned about, however, is your ongoing connection with Scorpio. Did you spend any time alone with her, while you were in St. Louis?”

  I rubbed my goatee and my eyelids lowered. My whole body was tense and I held my breath before blurting out, “No, I didn’t.”

  Nokea uncrossed her legs and sighed. “Have you forgotten that I can tell when you’re lying? Yes, you did spend time alone with her. Do I need to share with you how I know what happened between the two of you?”

  I wasn’t sure if Nokea knew the truth or not, but since she was pulling out all of these papers and shit, I wasn’t taking any chances on her pulling out photos, confirming the truth. I closed my burning eyes, rubbing them with the tips of my fingers. “She—she stayed one night with me,” I admitted.

  “Did you have sex with her?”

  I couldn’t even open my eyes to see Nokea’s reaction. I waited before answering; then I came out with it. “Unfortunately, yes. Yes, I did, but it ...” I paused, not being able to find the right words to say.

  Nothing but silence fell over our great room, and the only thing you could hear was a mouselike squeak that was coming from a hanging ceiling fan. When I opened my eyes, I saw a tear roll down Nokea’s face. Her lips quivered as she spoke. “Was that the only time you had sex with her since we’ve been married? Be honest, Jaylin, and do not lie to me anymore.”

  I nibbled on my bottom lip, trying to decide if I had the guts to go through with this conversation. When I noticed her eyes continuously fill with water, a tingling feeling rushed through my body. I regretted that I had to sit there and watch her next reaction.

  “I—I had sex with her when we went to St. Louis for Pat’s baby shower. She, uh, Scorpio”—I cleared the thick mucus from my throat—“got pregnant that time, and I... I just found out the baby was mine. He almost died in the car accident too, and, uh ...” I paused, squeezing my eyes and rubbing them again.

  “What!” Nokea shouted loudly, causing my ears to ring. Her voice was tearful and shaky. “Did ... are you telling me she has your baby?”

  I had no words right now as I watched tears drip from her chin.

  “Why, Jaylin? How could you ever do something like this to me? What did I ever do to you, for you to continuously inflict pain on me?”

  I wiped my hands down my face. “Baby, I swear to God that other than those few times with Scorpio, I have never been with anyone else. I didn’t know she was pregnant, and it surprised the fuck out of me. I made a huge and costly mistake, and my intentions have never been to hurt you.”

  Nokea’s cries started to become rapid. By the way her body was trembling, she looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I tightened my fist, pounding it on the couch and trying to get her to understand that I did this with no intent to hurt her.

  “I love you, baby, and you have got to hold on to that right now. Please forgive me for fucking up. I can’t take back what’s happened, and I... I just got to deal with it. Damn!”

  She moved her hands away from her face, allowing me to see the damage I’d caused. Her tears were falling like a constant rain, and the look in her eyes was turning ice-cold. I could have killed myself right now, watching her begin to fall apart. She gripped her stomach and spoke with a shaky voice while rocking back and forth. “How are you dealing with it? I’m almost afraid to ask, but I already have an idea, since your daily routine has changed. She’s here, isn’t she? That—that bitch and your babies are here, aren’t they?”

  I couldn’t even respond. I leaned forward, placing my elbows on my knees and massaging my forehead with my hands.

  “Oh, my God!” Nokea screamed. “You made arrangements for her to live here! In Miami! Did you really? You are still fucking her, aren’t you?”

  I was speechless. At this point, the baseball-sized lump in my throat was so huge that I couldn’t even respond.

  Nokea rushed up to me and snatched my hands away from my forehead. She smacked the shit out of me, causing both sides of my face to burn. One smack on the left cheek, then on the right. My head snapped to the side both times, and that’s when she punched me between my eyes and nose. The blow caused my eyes to water from the sting, and my nose felt as though it was bleeding. I couldn’t even defend myself, or my actions. She pulled my hair back so tight, forcing me to lie back on the couch, as she lay over me. I squeezed my eyes together, trying to fight back my anger and the pain I’d felt from her aggressiveness. She demanded more answers.

  “Why, Jaylin?” she yelled through gritted teeth, yanking at my hair. “Whyyy? I—I swear to God, I hate you! I hate your fucking guts, you bastard!”

  This time, she kneed me in the groin. When I grabbed my dick, she released her grip on my hair. She slapped me again, and started pounding my back and kicking me wherever she could. She was all o
ver me, and I had to take that shit like a man who had, no doubt, wronged his wife. I grabbed her waist to calm her, but she dug her nails into my skin, piercing it. I snatched my arms away, and that’s when she kneed me in the groin again. This time, that shit hurt really, really bad. I grabbed myself and dropped to my knees.

  “Fuck,” I shouted. “Stop it, Nokea, before I hurt you!”

  She halted her punches. “You horny muthafucka! You’ve already hurt me! You could never hurt me more!”

  Her kick went into my side and she pushed my head to the side as hard as she could. I lost my balance, trying to soothe my nuts with my hand. Nokea turned around, picked up the crystal vase on the table, slamming it into the glass. Shards of the glass shattered everywhere, including all over me. As she rushed over to the expensive painting on our wall, I got up and grabbed her from behind.

  “Baby, stop. Please stop!” I yelled, trying to calm her with an embrace. “I’m so sorry, and I promise I’ll make this up to you!”

  She turned, shoving me backward. I had never seen Nokea react like this. Where in the hell was my wife? She picked up a mirror-framed picture of our family, throwing it into the glass wall unit, which stretched from one wall to the next. More glass shattered, and so did the tall floor vases as she sent them crashing to the floor. Allowing her to let out her frustrations, I fell back on the couch, covering my teary eyes with my hand. All I heard was more glass breaking, and I wasn’t sure if she had broken any of the glass windows that viewed the ocean from the back of our house. Each crash, though, made me feel as if an electrical shock was rushing through my body. She stormed through the entire first level, tearing up shit and breaking everything in her sight. Words of hate for me were being spewed my way, and her harsh words hurt like hell. It especially pained when she stressed how much she wished I were dead and she hated me. I don’t care how bad it had ever gotten between us in the past; I couldn’t remember a time when she had said that to me.

  I listened to her going all over our house, basically destroying it. After she went into the kitchen, she came back into the great room, with a butcher knife in her hand. I watched as she slashed one of the couches and then stood in front of me with the knife in her trembling hand. Mascara was smudged underneath her eyes, and they were red as fire.

  “Now you go ahead and move your bitch up in here with you. I’ve made room for her, and I’ll be out of your way soon. I can’t believe you’ve done this to us, and I hate your fucking guts for taking me down this road again!”

  I looked up at her, feeling so horrible for what I had done to her ... to us. “I don’t need her here with me. I need you,” I said calmly. I looked at the shaking knife in her hand. “If you’re going to leave me, then go ahead and use that knife. Put me out of my fucking misery. I don’t deserve you, baby. I never have.”

  Just then, the front door opened and Shane rushed in. He saw the knife in Nokea’s hand and ran up to her. From behind, he grabbed her waist and she dropped the knife from her hand. Her body was shaking from her crying so hard. Shane cradled her body from behind as she slowly eased to the floor. He kept a tight embrace around her, asking her to calm down.

  “I hate him, Shane!” she yelled, while rocking back and forth on her knees. “How could he do this to me?”

  Shane looked up at me. Seeing the look on his face, all I could do was shamefully drop my head again.

  “He made a mistake,” Shane said, defending me. “One that I know, for a fact, he regrets.”

  Nokea held on tight to him, and the continuous echoes from her cries and her desperate asking of “How could he do this to me?” would stay with me forever.

  NOKEA

  This had to be the fastest I had ever moved from one place to another. There was no way possible for me to live in our home with Jaylin, so I packed my bags and left that night. My bank account was sitting pretty, so I wasn’t too much worried about finding another place to call home.

  Still, I was so unstable, and I hadn’t seen my kids for at least a week. They were still with Jaylin. I had been in touch with no one and I lay alone, soaking in my tears, in my new partially furnished condo. The condo set Jaylin back a lot, but I could only imagine the place he had for Scorpio and her kids. I couldn’t believe he had taken us down this road, and did he really think that I would go along with the plan? Maybe I could have somehow managed to handle all of this if the other woman wasn’t Scorpio. Then I doubted that—because Scorpio or not, Jaylin had not taken his vows seriously. Then, to suggest that he’d only been with Scorpio a few times, and other than that, he had been faithful to me. Was I supposed to clap my hands and thank him? This situation was so messed up and I, more than anyone, wanted to wake up from this horribly bad dream.

  Thing is, there was no waking up because this was as real as it could get. Jaylin had not only been unfaithful, but he also conceived a child during the course of our marriage.

  How could I possibly deal with something like that? How do women with unfaithful husbands overcome? I couldn’t even stand the sight of Jaylin right now, and how in the hell would we ever be able to piece our lives back together? I had to give credit to those women who could forgive, but God would have to forgive me for not being able to put this behind me. There was no way for me to do it, and the thought of what our future now looked like devastated me. I couldn’t stop crying for nothing, and this was the worst feeling ever. Was this some kind of payback for what I had done to my ex-husband Collins? Yes, I abruptly ended our marriage to be with Jaylin and left Collins hanging, as well as devastated. I believed in Karma, but in no way did I deserve this. To think that Jaylin was capable of betraying me like this, I just couldn’t understand. Was I wrong for believing that he loved me? Did he really love Scorpio that much and couldn’t let her go? He had to. There was no way he would risk losing so much if he didn’t care about her. I hated her, and I hated him. I had to turn him loose, just so he could be with the woman he obviously had desired to be with instead of me.

  My thoughts left me curled up on the bed, hugging the plush body pillow with it tucked between my legs. I was miserable, but I had to get through this. I prayed day in and day out for my sanity. My children missed me, but I didn’t feel stable enough to have them around. I knew they were wondering where I had gone. For now, though, I needed time to figure out how I was going to make it without Jaylin. Our life together was over. The bond that I felt we had, well, I wasn’t feeling it anymore. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could have so much hatred for him, and I truly did.

  The following week, I couldn’t go another day without seeing my kids, so I called Shane’s cell phone to see if he would answer. He did, and I asked if he would bring the kids to my condo. I wanted to spend some time with them; it had been two weeks. I told Shane that I didn’t want him to be caught in the middle, but there was no way I could turn to Nanny B. She always had Jaylin’s back, and I didn’t want to hear one of her lectures where she always wound up defending him. Shane told me he’d call me back, but Jaylin did, instead. I didn’t even answer my phone; an hour later, Shane called back. He said that he’d bring the kids to see me, and I made him promise not to tell Jaylin the address where I had moved. At first he was hesitant, but then he told me that he wouldn’t say anything.

  About two hours after that, he showed up at my condo with the kids. My hair was slicked down to my head; I wore cotton pajama pants and a T-shirt. My face was without a drop of makeup, and my eyes remained swollen. The kids ran up to me excitedly; LJ grabbed my neck as I bent down to kiss him, and Jaylene was trying to get picked up. I smiled with happiness glowing on my face.

  Shane stood in the doorway. “What time do you want me to pick them up?” he asked.

  “Come back tomorrow, okay? They’re going to stay the night with me. I’m not sure how we’re going to work all of this out, but I know they don’t want to be away from Jaylin or Nanny B for long.”

  LJ and Jaylene ran off, looking at the condo that I now called home.r />
  Shane stepped inside and closed the door. “If you have a minute, can I please sit down and talk to you? I know you ain’t trying to hear or discuss a lot of things, but I have to get some things off my chest.”

  We stepped away from the door and into the living room with asymmetrical ceilings. My condo could in no way compare to our house, and the whole place was kind of simple. It had three bedrooms, an updated kitchen, a dining room and two bathrooms. It was also near the ocean, and was at least four miles from home. For now, it gave me peace and allowed me time to think about what I intended to do.

  Shane and I sat next to each other, and he covered my hand with his. “Listen, I just wanted to remind you that Jaylin really loves you, and he knows he has some major damage to repair. I hate to see the both of you like this, and we really, really miss you back at the house. I know you need time to sort through things, but don’t give up on your family. No marriage is perfect, Nokea, and there are always challenges that every couple faces. Before you make any decisions, think hard about all that you and Jaylin have. Is it worth it to give up on it now? I don’t know, but that’s something you’ll have to decide.”

  “Thank you for being the true friend that you are, Shane. But Jaylin and I are over. After all that he’s done in the past, there was no room in this marriage for error. All I want to do is figure out what needs to be done with our children. I’m not staying with him because of them. The way I feel about him, I would make their lives miserable. Bottom line, I’ve been through too much and I am not going to stand by him again.”

  Shane looked disappointed in my response. I don’t know why he expected me to say something different, and I knew what I had said would get back to Jaylin. I hoped so.