“And?”
“I just couldn’t bear to hear you scream like that.”
“It was horrible,” I whispered. “I remember all of it now.”
He stilled. “The attack?”
I nodded against him. “Usually I get halfway through the dream and wake up. Tonight I dreamt it all…”
He held me tighter.
It felt so good to be in his arms again. He was warm and strong and safe. It made me remember… “You saved me.”
“I didn’t get there soon enough,” he whispered.
I fought his embrace and as he let go, I sat up. “It’s true?”
“What did you dream?” His face was drawn and pinched.
“Something was following me, but every time I turned around, it wasn’t there. I was scared, so scared, and I started running. But I wasn’t fast enough, and the beast caught up. And it was so heavy, its claws felt like broken glass against my skin.”
“Then what happened?”
“Then the animal was gone, and there was warmth. I felt safe. When I opened my eyes it was hard to see, my vision was blurred.”
“There was blood all over you,” he murmured, rocking me gently.
I nodded. That must have been the wetness I’d felt. “But then I saw you. You were holding me. You took me to the hospital.”
“I hated leaving you like that. I couldn’t stay; they would have asked too many questions.” I felt his arms shaking. He sounded sick.
“I didn’t want you to leave me.”
He groaned. “That’s why you fought with the nurses? That’s why you started screaming?”
I nodded.
His eyes were far away. “I thought you were scared of me. I thought you were in pain.” His eyes cleared and he looked down. “You weren’t afraid?”
“Not of you.” Never of him.
He kissed me hard, grabbing my face and pressing his lips against mine with a fierce desperation that stole my breath. When he pulled back I said, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That you were the one who saved me.”
“I was the one that lead China to you in the first place. I didn’t save you.”
It was the very same thought I’d had too. Then I had this dream and it changed things forme – for us. “You never wanted to hurt me.”
“No.”
“What are you doing here tonight, Sam?” I sat back. I wanted to see his face.
“I’m always here. I told you I would watch over you.”
“You’ve been here every night for two weeks?”
He nodded. “Except when I am out looking for China.”
“Where?”
“In the loft in the barn.”
“You ignore me at school. You don’t even look at me.”
“You told me to leave you alone.”
“But you still watch over me.”
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Heven.”
A thrill went through me. It wasn’t too late! “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you more.”
I laughed.
“Can you forgive me?”
I didn’t have to think it over. “Yes.”
He hugged me, and I fell over backward, laughing. When I looked up, his eyes flashed gold. Slowly, he reached out and brushed a hand through my hair and traced his fingers along the raised, ugly scars on my face. “You’re the only one who’s ever touched them,” I confided, my lashes dropping.
“I never wanted you to get hurt. If I had known…”
I put my hand over his lips, “Shhh. It doesn’t matter anymore. If I didn’t have these scars I never would have met you.”
With both hands pressed against the mattress on either side of my head, he leaned down to kiss me. I opened my mouth wider to accept more and wrapped my arms around his waist. His body pressed fully against mine; the feeling was so delicious I shivered. Sam took this as a sign that I was cold and reached down to pull the blankets over us. Then there was nothing but him. Soon, I was breathing hard and straining against him for more…
“Sam.”
His response was to rake his teeth over my earlobe and growl low.
Was I ready to give him everything I had? I wanted to – oh God, I wanted to. I loved him so much I could barely breathe.
“We should slow down,” he said, putting a few inches between us.
We absolutely should. “I don’t want to.”
He kissed me again, his hand sliding up beneath my tank to cup my breast. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and I gasped at the contact. His hand stilled, and he looked into my eyes. I pushed my chest against him harder and he groaned, his eyes sliding closed.
“You’re so soft,” he whispered, before sitting up to straddle me.
I opened my eyes. “Sam?”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes. Aren’t you?” Insecurities came flooding into my head.
“I don’t want to rush you; I can wait. I love you so much.”
Is this why he was hesitating? The night of the ball I was ready to hand him my heart with the three words I knew he wanted to hear. But that night turned out much differently than I’d planned. Nothing was going to stop me from giving him those words right now. “Sam, I…”
He stiffened and looked toward the window.
“What?”
“Your Grandma’s home.”
Already? I looked over at the alarm clock and winced. It was much later than I thought. He jumped off me, landing silently on the floor. I sat up in protest; I didn’t want him to go. Grandma’s footsteps on the stairs had me looking toward my bedroom door.
“Go to sleep,” he whispered, then jumped out the window.
I flopped back on the pillows and closed my eyes as she opened the bedroom door. Light from the hall filtered in, and I concentrated on keeping my breathing even and slow. She stood there a moment, then the door closed, and she moved down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over toward the window to watch the curtains floating in the breeze. I wondered if he would come back. I wondered what we would be doing if Gran hadn’t come home. Would this have been the night I lost my virginity? Would I have gone through with it? Yes. I would have said those three words that Sam wanted to hear so badly, and he would have made love to me.
His blond head poked in the window, “Is she gone?”
I giggled. “Yes.”
“I thought she’d never go to bed.” As he walked toward the bed, I admired the way he moved with such grace, and I thought of how hard his body had felt pressed against mine. I was disappointed when he crouched down beside the bed instead of climbing in.
“You okay?” he reached out and threaded his fingers through mine.
I nodded. “I’m glad you came back.”
“Yeah?” His smile was quick and my heart sped up at the sight. “Want me to hang out awhile?”
I tugged his hand and pulled the covers back in invitation. He slid between the sheets, and I threw an arm and leg over him then rested my cheek against his chest. “Can you stay?”
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Yeah.”
I yawned as my eyes slid closed. He was comfortable, and I felt safer than ever before. When I opened my eyes again Sam was slipping out from beneath me. I made a sound of protest and clutched at him. He leaned in close and whispered, “The sun is coming up. I have to go.”
It was morning? I looked toward the window and saw that the sky was lightening. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept so peacefully. I started to pull myself up but Sam pressed me back against the pillows. “Go back to sleep.”
“Miss you.”
“I’ll be in the barn, up in the loft. Come see me later.” I grabbed his hand, and he kissed me. I heard a sound in the hallway – Grandma was up. “I have to go,” he whispered, tucking the blanket around me.
I nodded. “I’ll meet you in the barn.”
“I love you.”
Before I could tell him the same he disappeared out the window.
Chapter Seventeen
Heven
“You’re up early,” Grandma said, not bothering to hide her surprise. She was measuring coffee into the pot and then turned it on to brew.
“I fell asleep early last night.”
“Sleep well?”
“Yes.”
“How about I make a big breakfast to celebrate?”
My stomach grumbled loudly, and I nodded. “I’m starved.”
“Wonderful!”
“I think I’ll go see Jasper and give the horses some hay.”
“They’ll like that.” She was already pulling out pans from the cupboard.
“Would you like some help?”
She waved me off. “Shoo!”
I shoved my feet into my sneakers and palmed the doorknob. Nervously, I turned back. “Uh, Grandma, would it be okay if I called Sam and invited him for breakfast?”
“Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”
“I – uh asked him for some space. You know after Mom…”
“I understand.” She nodded, not turning away from her cooking. “Sure, honey, call him. The more the merrier!”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Her love and acceptance meant more to me than she could ever know. “Thanks, Gran. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now go on and feed the horses.”
My pace quickened the closer I got to the barn. Anticipation curled around me as I swung open the barn door and shut it behind me. I ran to the ladder that led up to the loft, calling his name as I went. He appeared at the top with a smile on his face. I climbed up the ladder as fast as I could. Once at the top I launched myself at him, eager to feel his arms close around me.
“I didn’t expect you until later,” he laughed.
I snuggled in closer, enjoying his scent. “I couldn’t wait.”
He chuckled again.
“You’re invited to breakfast!”
“I am?”
“Uh-huh. Grandma was so happy I got up early and wasn’t depressed that she is cooking a huge breakfast. She said I could call and invite you.”
“Sure beats the power bars I’ve been eating.”
I remembered that he was spending his nights here, and I pulled away, feeling guilty. A pile of clothes lay off to the side, and a single blanket was tossed across a loose bed of hay, near it was a small flashlight and a book. His book bag and sneakers were tossed in another corner. “Have you been spending all your time here?”
He shrugged.
“But why?”
“I told you why.”
“So she’s still around?” The thought gave me the willies.
He shook his head. “Not since right after prom. She took off, and I haven’t seen her since.”
“She left?”
“Yeah, I think she’s still out searching.”
“Then why are you practically living in the barn?”
“She’ll come back.”
“Because she wants to kill me.”
“She won’t.” His voice was harder than I’d ever heard it before. “I’ll kill her first.”
The absolute resolve in his voice scared me. Was he really capable of killing her? Of killing anyone? I backed up toward the ladder. “I need to feed the horses.”
“I’ll watch from up here.” He smiled a tilted smile, and just like that, he transformed back into the boy I loved.
“You have something against horses?”
“More like they have something against me.” Again he smiled – a quick flash of white teeth.
I paused climbing down the ladder and looked up at him. He stood over me all bronze and gold. His skin always looked kissed by the sun, and his hair always glistened with beautiful gold highlights. It was so incredibly easy to forget what he was, but even as I remembered, I noticed his full peach lips and round hazel eyes. That’s when it hit me. I didn’t care what he was or wasn’t, because to me, he was everything, and nothing was going to change that.
“Heven?”
I shook my head, trying to clear it. “It’s nothing.” I smiled and finished going down the ladder. “Grandma mentioned that the horses seemed restless to her lately. I guess I know why.”
“I stay up here away from them. I don’t want to make them uneasy.”
“I know.” I headed into the tack room to get a bag of grain. When I came back out I looked up, and he was peering over the edge watching me. “So tell me…”
“Tell you what?”
“What exactly is a hellhound?”
He was quiet awhile, and I wondered if he would tell me at all. Before going back into the tack house to put away the grain, I glanced up. He was still in the same spot, but he looked a little pained, like he might be ashamed to tell me about himself. It made my heart hurt to see him that way. I didn’t ever want him to feel ashamed to be who or what he was with me. I walked to the bottom of the ladder and dropped the bag of feed as his gaze flickered to me. “Never mind,” I told him, gently. “I’ve already decided that it doesn’t change things between us – me knowing. I still want to be with you.”
He was shocked by my words, judging by the way that his body jerked and his eyes widened. His lips parted, and a small sound came out but otherwise he said nothing. I smiled to show him that I understood and then walked back into the tack room. When I turned from the cubby after putting the bag away, I was met with intense hazel eyes. “You could be with me, not knowing anything about what I am?”
“I already am with you.”
“It’s about time.” He smiled quickly. “You made me work hard enough for you.”
His smile fell away and he grabbed me and began kissing me aggressively, almost like he was angry that I dared to make him feel that way. I answered his kiss with my own. I was frustrated. Frustrated that my love didn’t come through enough for him to be able to tell me about himself. But this wasn’t the way to show him. I grabbed his wrists and tugged, pulling his hands away from my face and placing them at my hips. Then I reached up and gently ran my fingers through his hair and gentled my lips upon his own. Just as I’d hoped, the kiss transformed into something softer, and it became more about giving rather than taking. Every beat of my heart screamed out my love. I wanted to tell him, so I pulled back and took a deep breath, but he spoke first.
“You deserve to know.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes,” he said, pushing a hand through his hair, “I do. We can’t really be together with this between us.”
“So tell me.”
“I didn’t know what a hellhound was either until I turned into one when I was thirteen.”
I wanted to gasp at the young age, at the innocence that must have been stolen away in that moment, but I didn’t. Telling me was clearly hard enough for him and I didn’t want to make it worse.
“I was sitting in the kitchen doing my homework one minute, and the next I was off running into the yard…I didn’t understand what was happening to me. My skin, it burned. It felt like it was on fire – like it was just going to melt right off my bones. Every bone in my body started shaking and making these sounds…this groaning and crunching.” He shook his head as if to clear the vivid memory and looked up at me. I nodded and reached out to lace my fingers in his.
“I thought the pain would never stop. I fell onto the ground, onto my hands and knees. I remember thinking that I was dying, and then everything just sort of snapped. And the next time I looked down I was standing on four paws covered in midnight black fur. My torn clothes were lying on the ground at my feet. I could still think – I was still me on the inside, but on the outside I was something completely different.
I thought that maybe I was just dreaming, that I fell asleep at the table doing my homework. But then I heard my mom crying. She was crying and calling my name. I looked behind me where she stood; the phone was clutched, forgotten, in her hand. I wanted
to tell her that I was okay, and when I opened my mouth, this growl ripped from my throat. My mother jumped, and the phone fell out of her hand onto the ground. I moved to pick it up, and I stumbled. Walking on four legs instead of two was much harder than you might think. Before I could fall, though, my reflexes took over, and I sprang up and forward. My mother screamed and ran. She ran into the house and locked the door.” His voice had grown quiet and hollow. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how frightened he must have been, and then his mother ran away, she turned her back when he needed her most.
“Sam,” I said, gently. “You don’t have to tell me anymore.”
“I want to.” He said quietly as he moved across the room to stare at the row of saddles hanging from the wall. “She wouldn’t let me in at first. I didn’t stay as a hound for very long but changed back about ten minutes later. I stood there shaking, trying to conceal my naked body. I couldn’t cry because I was so shocked. Shocked from what was happening to me, but also shocked because she wouldn’t let me in the door. She just stood there and stared at me like I was a monster, like she was afraid. I heard her talking on her cell phone to my dad. He was at work, and she was hysterical. He came home early. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he came into the kitchen and looked at me. I was sitting at the table, my whole body hurt, and I was so confused. He was mad, I could tell by the way the vein in his forehead stood out and by the way he clenched his jaw. I apologized for what I’d done, and I swore I wouldn’t do it again. My mother was crying, but he just stood there, staring at me, like there was no hope. Then he turned to my mother and told her to get rid of me.”
I gasped, my hand flying up to cover my mouth.
He smiled a sad kind of smile and shook his head. “It’s okay, don’t be upset. It was a long time ago.”
It hadn’t been that long ago…but it was brand new to me. The things that Sam had lived through were things that he wouldn’t ever forget – neither would I.
“Mom sent me to my room, and they got into a huge fight. I could hear it all, even after they started whispering. Apparently, Dad had a few skeletons hiding in the family tree. He carried the gene mutation for hellhounds, something that was passed down through the members in his family. He said he never told her because they thought the gene had died out because a hound hadn’t been produced in three generations. Usually it’s every other one. Guess I got lucky.” He laughed, but it was a bitter sound.
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