Wicked Games

by A. D. Justice

  Rebel’s deep voice reverberated through the kitchen, “Your life? Reaper, what the hell is going on? What is she talking about?”

  Bull chimed in, “There’s no way we would let anyone get to Reaper. What kind of bullshit are you up to, Brianna? What are you trying to do to him?” His voice was rich with hatred and close to yelling.

  As he took steps towards her, Brianna absently backed up a couple of steps. She felt the pangs of guilt and pain in her heart at knowing she’d lost his trust. The look on his face scared her. She had never seen him like this before, especially towards her.

  Brianna tried to keep her voice calm and not add to the anger growing in the kitchen, “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m not up to anything. I really tried to do what was…best…for everyone, considering. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed all of you. It has killed me to stay away for the last 3 years, but I had to, it was the only way to protect you. When I saw Richard was out of hiding, I knew he would come after Noah to get to me. I’m trying to help Noah.”

  Bull countered, “Bullshit! You’re full of shit!” Turning to Noah, Bull continued, “Reaper, man, don’t fall for this-,“ as he pointed to Brianna while he considered his next expletive. Brianna’s hands were steepled over her nose and mouth, her eyes closed, but her tears increased.

  “Enough, Bull.” Noah didn’t yell, but the curt tone of his voice left no room for argument.

  Before a brawl ensued in his kitchen over the bomb Brianna just dropped on them and Bull’s resulting outburst, Noah told Bull and Rebel to go home and get some rest. They all needed sleep and they would finish the conversation later that day. Bull and Rebel both gave Noah their secret code look before they left. Brianna didn’t know what it meant, but at this point, she didn’t think it really mattered.

  She had made her decision and she was at peace with it. There was just one more thing that she really wanted first. She stood at the base of the staircase, as Noah reset the alarm system.

  He turned to her and said, “You found your pajamas, the rest of your clothes are in the guest bedroom closet. You should go on up and get some sleep.”

  “You - you kept my clothes?” Surprise echoed in her voice, but Noah couldn’t respond with anything more than a nod. He had kept them all these years. They had stayed in his closet until he could no longer stand the sight of them and the memories they held. He had his housekeeper move them to the other bedroom. To this day, he still couldn’t bring himself to part with all that he had left of her.

  Why would he keep them? She bit her bottom lip and pulled it into her mouth. He knew that look, she was nervous about something. She only did that when she was nervous.

  “What is it, Brianna?”

  “I, uh…was just wondering….why you didn’t stay at your,” she swallowed hard, “girlfriend’s house tonight.”

  “Girlfriend?” He had a hint of confusion in his voice.

  She looked at him with a look that said she knew he was lying. “The girl you were with at the banquet.”

  He sighed, but didn’t take his eyes from hers. “She’s not my girlfriend. She wants to be, but she’s not.”

  She looked at him and cocked one eyebrow. “I overheard people at the party talking. They said you would be spending the night at Alexa’s house again tonight.”

  He let out a long, loud huff and explained. “I have from time to time, yes. Only at her house. She’s never stayed here. She’s never been in our – uh, my bed.”

  Brianna nodded, but looked so sad. He still wasn’t sure what all was really going on, and he didn’t know what to feel about her. So many questions swirled through his mind. Why would she leave me like that? Why would she let me believe she was dead for the last three years? Why did she break in my house? And if she were the bad guy here, why would she be so willing to give her life for mine?

  He was still standing at the alarm pad, his hand on his hip, and he tried to look anywhere but at her. She looked like his Brianna again. And despite everything that had happened, it was killing him to be so close to her, but feel so far away. He had mourned her for so long and had dreamed that she would just show up one day, that this was all just a bad dream.

  But he’d had to move on and get past her. He’d built up his business and was good at it. The thought of her being in witness protection instead of in his protection was a complete insult to him and his abilities. She put her trust in someone else. Someone she didn’t know and who didn’t love her. Another man who hadn’t been forced to live without her for the last three years.

  His anger had been simmering up to this point, but it suddenly reached a boiling point.

  “You know, Brianna, I’m still really angry. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through? The plane you were on, or I thought you were on, exploded! I went to your memorial service. Your friends… and your family – they were so hurt! And you’ve been alive and well, all this time, hiding in Colorado! While we all dealt with your death! How am I supposed to deal with this?”

  Her voice was so low, so soft, so…weak, he barely heard her from across the room. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t have a choice, Noah. I don’t know what to say.”

  “What if that isn’t good enough? I deserve a better answer than that! Hell, even Bull and Rebel deserve a better answer than that. You left all of us. But, what about me? Me? All I get is ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’? But you did!”

  He knew he was ranting in half-finished thoughts, but there was just too much unfinished business to hold it in.

  “It would’ve put your life in danger if –“

  He was so close to exploding. “What exactly did I do for a living when you met me? What do I do for a living now? Don’t give me that bullshit! You didn’t trust me enough to protect you! But you trusted a stranger to do it.”

  She knew better than to meet the hurt and anger in his tone of voice with her own. Keeping her voice as low as possible, she tried to explain. “I know, Noah, and you’re a pro. The difference is…you had a good idea of who your enemy was when we first met.”

  “And now I don’t. Is that right? Is that what I’m supposed to believe?”

  She crossed her arms around her body, as if she was trying to hold herself together in one piece. “Noah, try to remember how it was between us. Before any of this happened. You had no doubt that I loved you then, did you?”

  “I believed you did.” From his choice of words, she knew he meant that at the time he believed it, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

  “Think about it, for just a second, Noah. Knowing how I felt about you, why would I give up everything, everyone in my life, unless I had no other choice? You…the guys…my whole family, Noah. Everyone who ever meant anything to me! I gave up everything and have been alone all this time. You know me better than anyone. How could I have done that if there was any other choice?”

  Noah took in her words, trying to consider every angle. He felt like he’d been fooled once and didn’t like playing the fool. But right now, he couldn’t come up with any other reason than the one she was giving. Not completely conceding, he said, “I guess.”

  “Let me ask it this way. What would you have done to keep me safe….back when…when you still loved me?” She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying again, but failed miserably.

  Angry that she would even question his love for her, he bit out, “I would have done whatever it took, and you damn well know it.”

  Nodding, she said, “Exactly, Noah. Whatever it took. Regardless of the consequences you’d face. Regardless of the pain it would cause you. I know you would have. I would do whatever it took to protect you, too, because I love you.”

  Noah seemed to take that in. At least he was considering her reasoning, “I still don’t understand, or like, any of it, but I get your point.”

  He raked his hand through his hair, then both hands over his face. When he opened his eyes again, she was standing directly in front of him. She was so close he could
smell her shampoo and soap, and it reminded him of all the time they’d spent making love in the shower. And how he’d thought of that very thing, every time he stepped into his shower without her over the past three years.

  “There’s something I want to ask you to do for me. A last request, I guess.” She was biting her lip again, looked so vulnerable and scared. He was still confused, hurt, mad, no furious, over the events of the last few hours. He was just trying to make sense out of anything, but he still just couldn’t believe she’d left him like that.

  “Go on.” His voice was questioning, and his look was guarded.

  She waited so long to speak again that he didn’t think she would finish her request. “You can say no. I don’t want you to feel….obligated….”

  “What is it, Bri?” His voice almost sounded tender for those few seconds, and she felt a glimmer of hope warm her heart. But she stamped it down, because she knew better than to hope for any kind of fairytale ending. He was rightfully mad, hurt, and hadn’t forgiven her. She couldn’t blame him.

  “Can you…uh….will you – can I have…” her voice trailed off again, uncertain of how to ask, and even more uncertain of how he would respond.

  “Just say it.”

  She searched his eyes for a moment before asking, “For the rest of the night, can you just… pretend… you still love me?” Her eyes welled up with tears. As she looked down at the floor, tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. “I just want to spend my last night in your arms.”

  Brianna craned her neck up to look at him. She watched the war in his eyes, debating whether or not he should give in, whether or not he even wanted to give in, and she knew it had been a mistake to ask.

  She watched his eyes harden again and knew that look all too well. His mind was set. Too much had happened and he couldn’t go back. She would spend the last night of her life as she had spent the last three years…Alone.

  She started shaking her head, looked down at her feet, and backed away from him. “Forget I said anything. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. It was really selfish of me, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that.”

  She turned and slowly walked up the curved marble staircase to the second floor landing. She stopped for a second, as she looked down the hall towards the bedroom she had once shared with the man she loved more than anything, and felt the stab in her heart at the realization that she had lost him forever. She took a deep breath and walked into one of the guest bedrooms and closed the door behind her.

  Noah couldn’t believe what she had just asked him. Pretend to love her? He didn’t know whether he should feel insulted or complimented at her request. The warring emotions in him were tearing him apart. On one hand, he wanted to rush upstairs and tell her he didn’t have to pretend to love her – he still loved her. On the other hand, she had betrayed him in the worst way, she let him believe she was dead. She’d never tried to contact him and still wouldn’t have, if he hadn’t caught her tonight.

  Just what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

  ****************

  “I need to know why you broke in my house.”

  Shaking her shoulder, he said again, “Brianna – I need to know why.”

  She opened her eyes and startled at the tall, dark figure standing over her. It took her a second to remember where she was, but she immediately recognized the deep timbre of his voice. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. She’d only been asleep ten minutes. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

  Confused, she asked, “What, Noah? What did you say?”

  “Tell me why you broke in my house. I need to know.”

  She looked up into his eyes for a moment, as she considered what she should do. She decided now was as good a time as any to give him the evidence she’d collected. She had already decided to give it to him in the morning, and to explain everything in detail to Noah and the guys before she went to Richard. She bent to pick up her shoe, reached inside, and brought out a flash drive. “For this,” she said, as she handed it to him.

  He knelt down in front of her, the moonlight streaming through the window directly onto her face. “What’s on it?”

  “All the evidence you’ll ever need. Keep it somewhere safe. I - I really tried to help you, Noah. I’m so sorry it wasn’t enough.”

  He wanted to ask her what she meant. He wanted her to explain everything from start to finish. But all he could think about was her being here in his house. After three long years of missing her, and she was in a guest bedroom instead of his bed.

  “It is password protected. The password is…” she put the back of her hand up to her mouth, blinked back tears, and looked away from him. “The password is Sunny, with a capital S.”

  Sunny, short for Sunshine. When she was on the base with them and had earned their trust, she had playfully complained to them one day that they all had nicknames, but she didn’t have one. She felt left out. They all got a good laugh out of it and Bull suggested they call her Sunshine, because she always had such a sunny outlook on everything.

  “Sunny” stuck, it fit her. She claimed she didn’t like it, because some people thought they were calling her Sonny, as in a guy, which made everyone call her that even more. That was the night they all promised to take care of her, to be her brothers, just like they were to each other. As he looked at her tonight, he felt a squeezing in his chest that told him somewhere along the line, they had all let her down.

  “Bri…” his voice was soft and reminded her so much of how his voice used to sound when he said her name.

  “It’s only a few hours until dawn, Noah. You should get some sleep. All of this will be over soon, and you’ll be able to put it all behind you. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but this really isn’t for me...”

  She watched his face to gauge his reaction before she continued. “Please don’t tell my parents anything about me coming back. I don’t want to hurt them more than I already have. I don’t think they could take burying me a second time.”

  The finality of her words was evident on the distraught look on her face. He knew she intended to see this through to the end, to her end, just as she’d said. Regardless of how hurt and mad he was at her disappearance, he couldn’t deny her genuine anguish over everything.

  She was still the same person he fell head over heels in love with so many years ago. She still put everyone ahead of her, she still loved him unconditionally, and she was willingly handing over all the documents she’d worked so hard to get. This didn’t feel like the actions of someone who was trying to play him.

  He hooked one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders, and started to lift her off the guest bed. She pushed both hands against his chest and said, “Noah, no. You don’t have to do this… It’s ok, I get it. I’ve realized…I can’t go through with this now that I know you don’t love me. I thought we could pretend for just one night…but I can’t do it…I know it’ll only hurt worse.”

  Brianna had no idea what he was thinking, and his eyes didn’t let anything show. Her heart was breaking all over again, with his every touch, even just being in his presence. She knew he would never really accept that she stayed away because she loved him more than anything. And it broke her heart even more to know that by trading herself to Richard, she would die with him thinking badly of her.

  “Brianna, I can’t say that I agree with what you did. I don’t…at all. You should’ve trusted me to protect you.”

  With an exasperated breath she said, “Noah, none of it was to protect me. I had to hide to protect you. Everyone who could’ve hurt you had to believe that I died in that explosion.”

  Her hand went up to his cheek and she lovingly stroked alone his jawline. Her teary eyes held his, as she said, “I love you, Noah, more than anything, more than anyone. I’ve never stopped loving you. Not after I had to leave when I first met you in the desert, and I didn't stop loving you three years ago when I had to stay away from y
ou to protect you. I’ve loved you with my whole heart every second that we’ve been apart. I hope that you can believe that….one day.”

  “You’re not sleeping in here, Brianna.” With that, he picked her up and carried her to his room. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in to breathe in his scent. She silently vowed she would cherish this moment, no matter how much it broke her heart, over and over again. As he sat her down next to his bed, he saw the deep love evident in her eyes, and they were searching his eyes for even a sliver of reciprocation.

  He shook his head, never taking his eyes off hers, as he moved in to lightly kiss her lips. His hand went up to her neck, his fingers lightly stroking downward, across her collarbone to the spaghetti strap of her tank top. He pushed it off her shoulder, and kissed her along the same line his fingers had trailed. He felt her shudder under his touch. He moved to the other side and started all over. As he raised his head, his hand moved to the back of her neck and into her hair.

  Grasping a handful of hair, he tilted her head, and covered her mouth with his. Their kisses suddenly became feverish and urgent. Her hands flew to his chest, feeling his muscles tense and relax under her fingers. She unbuttoned his shirt one at a time, feeling every inch of him along the way, memorizing every line of his body as they went. Her fingers traced his six-pack abs to the top of his tuxedo pants and watched as they dropped to the floor. He removed his boxer briefs and stepped out of them, as she reached for him, pulling him close to her.

  She felt his erection on her abdomen, and her hand found his hard, thick length. She began to gently stroke him. He groaned and grabbed her hand to stop her. “Keep that up and this won’t last much longer.”

  He quickly pulled her tank top over her head and bent as he pulled her panties to her ankles. He kissed and licked his way back up her body. He picked her up and sat on the edge of the bed, with her in his lap while he gently stroked her face.

  He couldn’t stop the thoughts that were whirling through his mind.

  …I lost everything…