In the Midnight Hour

by Deborah Cooke

“Seems you don’t know her that well.”

  “How can she be away? She didn’t mention anything about it.”

  “Look, mister, I don’t know who my tenants know, much less what they tell to who, but I know that Haley Slater has gone to her mom’s for a couple of days because I got the job of feeding that cat you like so much.” He shook his head. “And I don’t like it any more than you do, but she seems to think that tom has a heart of gold.”

  “He’s too big for a domestic cat,” Damon said. “And too mean to be a pet.”

  “Well, I might agree with you on that, but it’s none of my business. The rules say one cat per apartment and don’t specify size or temperament, so she’s within the rules, if she wants to live with that beast.” He stretched out his hand. “Look at that.” There were scratches on the back of his hand and Damon knew what had made them.

  “Mean cat.”

  “You bet. This for opening a can of fish.” The older man dropped his voice. “When I was up there yesterday, that cat had knocked over the vase on the counter and broken it. If I hadn’t put that rose in water again, it wouldn’t have looked very pretty when Haley got home.”

  “Rose?” Damon asked.

  “Red rose,” the super confirmed. “Pretty as can be. Someone must have given it to her just before she left town.” He squinted at Damon. “Was it you?”

  “No. I don’t send roses.”

  The older man chuckled. “Well, that might be the problem, son. Whoever that rose is from is important to Ms. Slater, I’ll bet you my last dollar on that.” He nodded. “I bet she told him she was going to her mom’s.”

  A red rose.

  And Haley away.

  Damon turned to leave. It was inevitable that Haley would meet someone else who would appreciate her.

  He reminded himself that was what he wanted for her.

  “It probably wouldn’t hurt to tell you that she’s coming back tomorrow.”

  “Thanks,” Damon said. “I’ll get in touch with her then.”

  “And I’ll go feed that miserable cat again.” The older man nodded and secured the door, then set his broom aside and headed for the elevator.

  Damon turned up his collar and left the building, thinking.

  It wasn’t unreasonable that some other guy had fallen for Haley. She was attractive. She was cute. She was passionate and smart and kind. She might not believe in love and happily-ever-after, but he had a feeling that a guy with forever on his mind could convince her to give it a try.

  That guy couldn’t be him.

  So, why was he jealous? There was no doubt that’s what he was feeling. It was raw and angry, as if he’d been cheated—but he was the one who had told her to go home. He was the one who hadn’t apologized or invited her to the service.

  He was in the wrong and he didn’t like it.

  Damon headed toward home, then recalled what he’d heard about Haley the very first night he’d asked about her in the hospital. There was only one day of the year that she wouldn’t work.

  January 26.

  That would be Saturday this year. In two days. He checked his watch to be sure.

  But if she was at her mom’s, then she was in Illinois. And if she was coming back tomorrow, then she wasn’t going to visit her family on Saturday. Why wouldn’t she stay at her mom’s through the weekend if she had the time off?

  Because she had something to do right here.

  It was a family birthday. That’s what the nurses had said. Haley wasn’t going home to celebrate that birthday. She was coming back to New York.

  With that realization, Damon had a very good idea what Haley was going to do with that single red rose, and where he’d find her on Saturday.

  Good thing he had a few days off.

  * * *

  They offered Haley the job, even before she flew back to New York.

  She didn’t tell her mom, because she’d also missed her period.

  Not by much, only a couple of days, but Haley was never late. And she felt teary about the prospect of leaving Queens. She felt like she would be abandoning her dad. She’d given Ninja a big hug when she got back to the apartment and he’d more than tolerated it.

  That wasn’t just about fish.

  She was sure the big beast had missed her, although she also knew he wouldn’t have admitted it, even if he could talk.

  She wondered about another brooding dark male, but was determined not to call Damon. It was disappointing that he hadn’t called her, but she wouldn’t dwell on it.

  Should she take the job or not?

  Haley pulled out a sheet of paper and made a list, benefits on one side and disadvantages on the other. Everything good was on the plus side, with only “leaving New York” and “Aidan’s influence” on the minus side.

  On the upside, the offer had come so quickly that Aidan wouldn’t have had time to say anything to anyone. She must have gotten the job on her own merit.

  Still, her heart was at war with her head, and that couldn’t be a good thing.

  She decided to sleep on it.

  All of it.

  * * *

  By the time Haley headed downtown to the World Trade Center memorial on Saturday morning, the possibility of a pregnancy was looming large in her thoughts. It was too soon for a urine test to show results and she didn’t want to get a blood test yet.

  She had to add it to the list in favor of accepting the job offer. She knew enough about babies to recognize that being a single mother wasn’t for the faint of heart.

  It was exactly the kind of thing she would have liked to have talked to her dad about.

  Her mom was too practical. She’d immediately list Haley’s options, weigh them, and make a recommendation. To Haley’s mom, the emotions that had put her in this situation would be less important than the result and the child’s prospects. Even without talking to her, Haley would expect her mom to advise her to give up the child for adoption. Her mom would argue her side then expect a decision, a rational one, within fifteen minutes.

  Haley’s dad, though, would have listened to her. He would have wanted to know about Damon and why she’d dismissed her safe sex rule with him. He’d have wanted to know what she admired about him, and how she felt about this conception, and would have gently asked what she thought was the best solution. He might end up recommending the same course of action, but his method of arriving there would be totally different.

  And Haley needed that discussion. She felt uncharacteristically uncertain. It wasn’t just hormones. She had mixed feelings about the job prospect in Illinois. It was a great opportunity and a dream come true in many ways. It sounded ideal. On the other hand, she liked the team at this hospital and felt at home in Queens. It was her space and her life, such as it was. No matter how she looked at it, joining the rest of her family felt like a surrender of her independence, or maybe even of her identity. Her mom was sure of Haley’s ultimate decision, but her mom’s conviction that Haley had very little to leave behind in New York rubbed the wrong way.

  She didn’t like that Aidan had interfered at all in the process. It was a bit disconcerting to find that she didn’t admire him as much as she’d believed she had, and she certainly didn’t love him anymore. She felt as if the North Pole had suddenly moved.

  If she took the job, it would be for the job.

  Not long ago, that would have been a good enough reason.

  Haley felt that Queens was home, even though it had only become home in the last decade. She certainly didn’t have deep connections in the neighborhood. She worked a lot. She had a rescue cat and an almost empty apartment.

  But it was her life and that had to count for something.

  She couldn’t bear the possibility of never catching a glimpse of Damon again. She knew she had to talk to him about the baby if there was one, but decided to duck the issue until she knew for sure. Taking the job in Illinois would eliminate any future possibilities with him. Even though Haley doubted they had any chance
of a future, she didn’t want to make a final, irrevocable choice.

  Maybe she was more of a romantic than she’d realized.

  Haley rode the subway downtown and walked the last few blocks, like she always did, because she couldn’t bring herself to take the subway all the way into that station. It was a clear cold day and she was glad she’d wrapped the rose in clear plastic. It was in a plastic vial with water and still looked good.

  A lump rose in her throat as she approached the memorial, just the way it always did, and she walked all the way around once, just the way she always did. She tipped her head back and looked up at the sky, where the towers used to be, then looked down into the darkest hole of the memorial where they had ended up. She swallowed and made her way down one side to the place she’d come to visit.

  She remembered the names that meant she was getting close. She murmured them under her breath, then moved to walk closer to the edge. She took off her glove and trailed her fingertip along the cold lip of the memorial for the last ten feet.

  And there it was.

  Her father’s name, carved into the stone.

  Every year, a part of her wished that she would find his name gone. She imagined that it could be like a movie, that she would discover a gap where his name had been, then turn around in shock, only to find her father behind her, watching. His arms would be folded across his chest; there’d be love shining in his eyes and a smile upon his lips. She’d cry out with joy and run to him and he’d lift her high, swinging her around even as he complained that she’d become so much bigger. Then she’d hug him so tightly that she might never let go, smell his skin, feel his warmth. She’d lay her cheek against his chest, the way she’d done when she was a little girl, and she’d hear his heart pounding beneath her ear.

  But her dad’s heart didn’t pound anymore.

  And, just like all the other years, his name was right where she remembered it.

  Haley traced the letters with her fingertip and cried silently, just the way she always did. She cried because he was gone. She cried because he had died doing what he loved and what he believed to be right. She cried because there were so many things she wished she’d told him, and so many things she would have loved to have been able to tell him since his death. She cried because her most vivid memory of her father always came to her right before she found his name, on this place, on his birthday. She felt his presence strongest here, so strongly that if she closed her eyes, she could imagine that he was standing beside her, listening.

  Could she bear to surrender that?

  And so, just like every other year, Haley leaned against the stone, tracing his name repeatedly with one fingertip, and talked to her dad.

  * * *

  Damon almost didn’t see Haley.

  It was crowded at the memorial that Saturday, probably because of the day of the week and also because of the good weather. He assumed she’d be at the place where her father’s name was engraved, but didn’t look up the surname Slater to discover where that might be. Instead, he walked around the perimeter of the memorial, feeling its effect as he had every other time he’d visited. He was three quarters of the way around when he saw her.

  She clutched the rose in one hand, and was rubbing the stone with the other. She’d taken off her glove and he could see that her skin was red with the cold. She was crying, too, oblivious to everyone around her.

  He watched her for a long moment, his own heart breaking to see her so upset. He couldn’t fix anything and he thought for a moment that it might be better just to leave her to her grief. Then he remembered his dad’s advice about sharing energy and giving strength to others to help them heal. Damon figured Haley might need some of his.

  He walked toward her slowly, not wanting to startle her.

  She didn’t even look up until he was right beside her, then she was startled. She blinked in surprise, as if she thought her eyes deceived her. She’d had a good cry, because her eyes were red and puffy. “Damon?”

  “Hi.” He offered the long-stemmed red rose he’d brought, packed in clear plastic and tipped with a vial of water. “I thought you might need another one.”

  “But how did you know I’d be here?”

  “I didn’t. I guessed.”

  “But how?”

  “They said there was only one day you wouldn’t take a shift for anyone else. I figured it had to be a special day for you. I wondered if it might be your dad’s birthday.”

  She nodded and teared up again, then fished in her jacket pocket for a tissue. She blew her nose, watching him. “So, why did you come?”

  She hadn’t taken the rose.

  “Because I owe you an apology, again, and because I wanted to thank you.” He had a wrapped gift in his messenger bag for her, so indicated the bag. “A different kind of thank-you.” He eyed her, wondering what she was thinking and why she hesitated, but to his relief, she finally accepted the rose.

  She studied it, avoiding his gaze, but at least she didn’t turn away.

  “Thanks for pushing me to arrange the service,” Damon said, reassured when Haley stole a glance at him. “People were so kind and it helped.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out and invite you.”

  “I was out of town.”

  Damon nodded. “I have all this energy from the service for my mom, and I thought you might need some.” He took off his glove and offered his hand to her.

  Haley hesitated only a second before she put her hand in his.

  “You’re cold,” he chided, then gathered her into his arms. Haley didn’t fight him, just curled against him, her hands and the roses between them. He felt her shiver. “You’re really cold.”

  “Just sad, really.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “This is good.” She took a deep breath, then looked up at him. “Do you think it’s crazy?”

  “That you come here? No. Why would I?”

  “Not that.”

  “What then?”

  “That I talk to him.”

  “Is that what you were doing?”

  She nodded, still wary. “I tell him what’s bothering me and ask his advice.”

  This was uttered like a challenge, although Damon couldn’t understand why. “Does he answer you?”

  “Not directly. Sometimes I remember something he said before and that helps.” She looked indecisive, which was uncharacteristic.

  “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

  “I’m not sure you want to know.”

  “That sounds ominous.”

  “It isn’t meant to be. You just prefer to keep everything at a distance.”

  “I’m trying to do better with that.” Damon smiled a little when she studied him. “I called the therapist I worked with before and I’m going back for an intense session.”

  “That sounds promising.”

  “He’s not making any guarantees, but you helped me to see that I need to ask for help.” Their gazes clung for a long moment.

  “I got a job offer,” Haley said. “In Illinois. Dream job.”

  There wasn’t as much enthusiasm in her voice as he might have expected.

  Damon nodded, reminding himself that he couldn’t promise her anything, not yet. “So, it’s time to pack up and go?”

  Haley took a deep breath and stepped away. “Ninja has mixed feelings about it.”

  “I’ll guess your mom will be glad to have you closer.”

  Haley nodded, looking over the memorial. The silence stretched between them and Damon finally cleared his throat. “It is cold today. You know, there used to be a great tapas place just over there and around the corner. How about we get some lunch? A glass of wine, something spicy to warm us up?”

  “That would be nice,” Haley said, then gestured. “I just...”

  “I know. Take your time.”

  Damon stepped back and watched her, amazed that she could look so small and vulnerable
. He’d thought of her as prim; he’d considered her to be a little tigress; he’d been chewed out by her and he’d held her tightly as she surrendered to pleasure. He wanted to see Haley in every possible way, but he had to make sure he was healed first.

  He wouldn’t offer more than he could give, no matter how badly he was tempted to do so. Haley had been hurt enough. He wasn’t going to hurt her again.

  He watched as she traced her dad’s name with her fingertips again, her lips moving although he couldn’t hear her words. She unwrapped the rose he’d brought, kissed it, then flung it into the fountain. Damon lost sight of it almost immediately. Then she did the same with the second one, the one she’d brought. This time, Damon was sure she said “I love you” before she threw the rose. She stood staring after it for a long moment, then bowed her head. He saw her tears flowing, then she straightened and wiped her cheeks. She tugged on her glove again and turned to him, a tentative smile on her lips. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said and Damon couldn’t keep himself from capturing her hand in his own.

  He told himself that he was just warming her fingers, but he knew it was more than that. She was the one for him, but he had to be strong enough to deserve her.

  His therapist was going to find that Damon was a seriously motivated patient.

  * * *

  The tapas bar was dark and warm and not too busy. It smelled wonderful and Haley realized that she was hungry. They got a booth in a quiet corner and she let Damon order. When the waitress was gone, he opened his messenger bag. “This is for you, my way of saying thanks,” he said and she had the sense that he felt awkward.

  The package was square and wrapped in plain paper. It was heavy and Haley knew as soon as she accepted it that the outer edge was a frame.

  “Is it one of your drawings?” she asked before she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to have seen them.

  Damon smiled slowly. “The best one I’ve done in a while.”

  And why was he giving it to her? As a keepsake? Haley couldn’t guess. She opened the paper carefully so that she could seal it back up again to take it home. The frame was black and plain, just like the ones in his mom’s room.