Ruin

by Rachel Van Dyken

  I checked my watch, hopefully I-5 wasn’t a complete mess. I really didn’t want to miss our first stop.

  “So?” She fidgeted with her seatbelt. “Where are we going?”

  “Bungee jumping,” I answered with a deadpan expression. “It is on your list isn’t it?”

  Her eyes widened as she looked down at her skirt then back up at me.

  “I won’t look. Promise.”

  She swatted me across the stomach.

  “Fine, fine.” I laughed. “Just don’t hit me. We’re going on a date.”

  “I know that.”

  “Then…” I took the first exit. “That’s really all you need to know, isn’t it?”

  It had been years since I’d actually taken a girl out. With football practice and the fact that Lorelei refused to go anywhere in public unless it was some sort of celebrity event, it had been a while.

  “Almost there.” I took the next left and drove down the private road. I knew she probably didn’t have any idea where we were, which kind of excited me. I didn’t want her to freak though. “Still got your whistle?”

  “Why?” Her eyes darted to mine. “Am I going to need it?”

  “No.” I laughed. “Just checking.”

  “Are you taking me into the woods to kill me?”

  “Um, no.”

  She exhaled.

  “If I was going to kill you, I probably wouldn’t make it known that we were out on a date at all. Pretty sure Gabe would come running around the corner, guns blazing the minute you didn’t text them to say you were okay.”

  Kiersten laughed. “That’s true, I guess.”

  I loved her laugh. I was turning into a lunatic — a craving, needing, drug-addicted insane person. I put the car in park and turned it off.

  “What are we—”

  “Get out of the car,” I said nicely. “And I’ll show you.”

  We were at Lake Washington, in a private, secluded spot owned by my family. No interruptions and nothing crazy. Just us. Thank God. I even told James and David that if they showed up I’d find a way to get them fired.

  Pissed, they’d finally given up when I told them they could at least track my movements and my vitals through the freaky doctor technology given to us by my dad’s so-called experts.

  “So, now what?” Kiersten crossed her arms and looked out at the lake. She seemed nervous. Her eyes kept darting from the water down to the rocky ground as if she wasn’t really sure where to look. Apparently, anywhere but at me.

  “One,” I said.

  “What?” Her head snapped up.

  “One.” I reached for her hands and pulled her against my chest. “We can cross off number one on the list.”

  Her brow furrowed and then realization kicked in, and her eyes widened. “Oh no! I mean, we already kissed, we did that. I—”

  “Shh.” I bit down on my lip, telling myself to take my time tasting her. This wasn’t to prove a point. This was me showing her what it was like to be truly kissed. “If I remember correctly, your list said ‘kiss a hot guy’.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “I’m changing it. You see, all guys want to be kissed by a girl. But you? You deserve to be the one receiving the kiss, not giving. That’s not how this works. So I’m deeming myself the hot guy, and I’m going to kiss you. I’m going to kiss you so hard that you forget everything but my lips pressed against yours.” I brushed some of her lush red hair away from her face and tapped my fingertips against her jaw as they ran up the side of her cheek and lightly tugged her head forward. “I’m going to taste you like you deserve to be tasted.”

  Her lower lip trembled.

  “I’m going to make it so hard for you to forget this first kiss that you don’t want anyone else kissing you ever again. When the guy you fall in love with kisses you — it better put this kiss to shame — if it doesn’t, then he isn’t the right guy. Because I’m going to do a damn good job, and I want the guy that earns you, that takes that heart of yours and holds it in the palm of his hands… I want that guy to be able to make you feel things I’ll just be tapping into. Do you understand, Kiersten?”

  My voice was hoarse. I hadn’t meant to say all that. I hadn’t meant to turn it into a goodbye kiss before we’d really said hello. But that was what it felt like, because I realized in that moment. I probably wasn’t going to be that guy. I’d be cold, dead, in the ground, and she’d be warm and alive. I swallowed and touched my fingertips to her lips. “I want the earth to shift.”

  My hands moved to the side of her neck, and I caressed her smooth skin and tugged her even closer to my lips until our mouths were a breath apart. “So this is me…” I kissed her softly across the mouth massaging her lower lip with mine, forming it, not pushing it, so that when she responded she knew the exact pressure it would take for the kiss to be sealed. “A hot boy…” I smiled against her mouth “…trying to kiss, a very pretty, very beautiful, very deserving girl.” My hand slipped to her chest, not to feel her up, but to touch what I so craved. Her heart beat wildly against my hand. “This is me, taking the very first thing off your list. And now I’m going to stop talking…”

  Her breath hitched as my mouth met hers in such a whisper that it was almost as if we weren’t touching, but we were. Her lips were wet. I licked along the seam, breaking them apart, and then slowly letting her taste take over. I pushed my tongue against the inside of her mouth loving the way her body tensed as the pressure increased.

  She moaned, putting her arms around my neck. I helped her, rocking her harder against my body. My hands came around her back, and I tried to get all of her to press against me. I’d never felt so alive as when that girl, that perfectly strange girl who I’d only met days before, was near me. I could almost believe her heartbeat was my own as her tongue danced with mine. I increased the pressure, cupping her chin with my hand. I moved my lips down her neck and behind her ear. Alternating between trailing hot kisses down her neck and blowing against the coolness my kisses left when my lips released their hold. Damn, I wanted to bite her. I wanted to keep tasting her over and over again until I had no strength left, but that was just the thing. Always a time limit, always a buzzer when it came to me.

  We broke apart slowly, both of our chests heaving.

  She opened her mouth, but I pressed my fingers against it.

  “Ready for the next part of your date?” I didn’t want her to discuss the kiss like most girls would, or feel awkward about it. So I just changed the subject. Mainly because I didn’t want her to embarrass herself, and also because I was feeling a hell of a lot of arousal in my body, and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. My self control was that of a thirteen-year-old boy. It took everything in me not to be selfish and throw her against my car, lifting that tiny skirt until my hands—

  Right.

  I shook my head. Clearly the kiss had affected me. I wanted it to be romantic for her. I told her I wanted her world to change. Hadn’t expected mine to shift as well.

  “The other part of the date?” She grinned. Her face was flushed. “You mean you didn’t just take me out here to make out?”

  “Yes.” I grinned. “No.” Cursing, I ran my hands through my hair. “Okay, guilty on both accounts. Fine. To be fair, I wish I could kiss you all damn night, but kissing always leads to…”

  “Hugging?” She gave me a saucy wink.

  “Right.” I laughed and looked away. “Lots of tight, uh, hugging.”

  “So…” She looked back at the car. “Do we get in or what?”

  “Nope.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a blindfold. “Now you trust me.”

  “Should have known you’d wait until after you kissed me to kill me.”

  “All the good serial killers seduce and then kill.” I sighed. “Now, give me two minutes to set up and we’ll be ready to go.”

  “Okay.”

  I waved in front of her face to make sure she couldn’t see and
then ran back to the Cayenne.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  He was right. My world shifted. It shifted into his atmosphere. I wonder if it was on purpose.

  Kiersten

  Why did people always do that? Wave in front of your face to make sure you couldn’t see? I mean, I could still see the action of him waving. It was cute. And honestly, I needed a moment. After that kiss… I sighed and rocked back on my heels. His kisses didn’t give — they ruined. I wasn’t sure how any other kiss would ever compare. But I did know one thing. I didn’t want to experiment. I didn’t want to see. Yet it felt like he was just humoring me, because in those moments he always said “the guy who holds your heart,” and “the guy you marry…” Why the heck was he constantly taking himself out of the equation? The insecure part of myself made me assume it was because I wasn’t his type and I was young. And well, he was a popular football god, while I was just a freshman with an undeclared major. Wow, there was a reality check if I ever needed one.

  “Ready?” His voice came from in front of me.

  “I think so.” I tried not to sound nervous but I was. I mean, if he kissed me again I might just pass out and fall into the lake. Hopefully, he knew how to swim because I was probably going to drown.

  “Open up your hands.”

  “Please don’t be one of those guys that thinks it’s funny to put spiders or snakes in girls’ hands to hear them scream.”

  A warm hand touched my face and then flicked my lower lip. “I can’t lie, Kiersten. I want to hear you scream, but not like that. Definitely, not like that.”

  Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Regardless, I felt a hot blush rush cross my cheeks.

  “You trust me?” Wes asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Then hold out your hands.”

  I did.

  He placed something kind of heavy in them. It was wrapped, so I couldn’t tell by feeling it what it was. A book maybe?

  The blindfold was pulled from my face. I looked down at my hands. It was a book. At least I think it was.

  “Open it,” he urged.

  As I peeled back the layers of blue wrapping paper, Wes walked behind me and whispered in my ear.

  “…It was painful, exceedingly painful, to know that they were under obligations to a person who could never receive a return…”

  The paper fell. It was a limited edition of Pride and Prejudice. “You, you gave me—”

  “Mr. Darcy,” Wes whispered in my ear. “As you can see, I also memorized some lines so that you’d swoon.”

  “Should you recite them again and I’ll fall into your arms?” I asked breathlessly, still examining the beautifully bound book.

  “It would help my pride.” He nipped my ear with his lips and then his hands moved to my neck, massaging my shoulders. “But then again it is called Pride and Prejudice for a reason.”

  I turned in his arms and hugged him. “Thank you so much.”

  “Best first date gift you’ve ever received?” he asked, pulling away.

  “It’s the only first date gift I’ve had, so sure.” I giggled.

  “Damn.” He tilted my chin and gazed into my eyes. “I’ll just have to do better.”

  “Memorize the entire book and we’ll talk.”

  “Really?” His mouth curved into a wicked smile. “You do know that I was a child prodigy right? With the piano? And music? As in, my father almost made me do music instead of football? Photographic memory. So don’t go challenging me to memorize Jane Austen, I may just get bored enough to do it.”

  I laughed and hugged him again. I loved the way he smelled, the way he felt against my skin. I didn’t want to ever think about him graduating. It made me sick.

  “And on to the rest of the date.” He grabbed my hand and led me back to the car. “You ready?”

  “Sure.” I put the book on my lap, careful not to let it fall, and watched in disappointment as we made our way back to the school.

  I was ready to jump out my own window when we pulled up to my dorm and Wes escorted me to the door. Had he changed his mind? Embarrassed, I told myself it was silly to feel so rejected, especially after everything he’d done. It was ridiculous! It wasn’t as if we were dating!

  “So…” He braced my shoulders with his hands. “Your list said to make two real friends. Well, honestly, I think you have three right underneath your nose without even knowing it. Damn,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m good at this list thing.”

  I laughed out loud just as the door opened revealing Gabe and Lisa. Lisa giggled and held open her arms. “Welcome to the rest of your date!”

  “You knew?” I hugged my book to my chest and smiled.

  “Of course!” Lisa pulled my arm, tugging me into the main room. “I didn’t fill Gabe in until after you left though, thus his haggard appearance.”

  I gave Gabe a pitiful smile as he rolled his eyes from the couch. He still hadn’t changed out of his jeans and white t-shirt, whereas Lisa was wearing a killer dress.

  “Okay, it’s time!” She clapped her hands and disappeared into the kitchen.

  “So it’s like a double date?” I elbowed Wes who laughed and shot Gabe a humored look.

  “Laugh it up guys.” Gabe cursed. “Why is it that I get a date with my cousin and you get her?” He pointed at me while he was talking to Wes.

  “Just lucky I guess,” Wes answered.

  “True.” Gabe winked in my direction. “Well, the good news is I don’t have to kill you.” He was talking to Wes again. “She seems unharmed.”

  “Except for the kiss,” I said with as much seriousness as I could.

  Gabe’s eyebrows arched as he examined me and then slowly turned to Wes.

  “Thanks.” Wes nodded in my direction. “Throwing me under the bus for doing you a favor, nice.”

  I smirked.

  “It was on her list,” Wes explained. “One I’m helping her with.”

  “You were on her list?”

  “Ah…” I stepped between them and set my book down on the table, careful not to drop it too hard. “I believe I wrote, ‘kiss a hot guy’.”

  “Hi.” Wes held out his hand “Hot guy. Now what’s that make you?”

  Gabe shook his head and then burst out laughing. “Clearly not hot, but she did call me nice yesterday.”

  “Ouch.” Wes winced.

  “Right. It’s like cutting off a dog’s balls without putting him to sleep first. She didn’t even give me a warning, just a ‘hey, you’re nice’.”

  “Still recovering?” Wes asked.

  “I may whore around later this week to prove a point.” Gabe gave a half hazard shrug. “We’ll see.”

  “Men are animals,” Lisa said coming back into the main room. “Alright, I’ve got chocolate, fruity drinks, and the movie. Anything else?”

  “I think we’re good.” Wes wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. I noticed Gabe watching us, but it wasn’t with jealousy. It was more like concern, which in turn made me want to feel concerned too.

  Wes stumbled a bit as we made our way to the couch.

  “Hey.” I steadied him. “You okay?”

  “Fine.” But he was pale again. “I just… can I use your bathroom?”

  “Sure,” Lisa spoke up. “You can go through either one of our rooms. We share a bathroom, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “Cool, thanks.” He got up from the couch, still unsteady on his feet, and made his way to my room.

  “He okay?” Lisa asked me.

  “I’m sure he’s just tired,” I lied. Curious myself as to why a six-five, perfectly healthy quarterback would suddenly look like he’d been drinking all night long.

  “Be right back.” Gabe shot up from his seat and went the same direction Wes had.

  “Uh-oh,” Lisa murmured. “That can’t be good.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Time was running out fast. I could feel i
t from the tingling in my hands to the erratic beating of my heart — why was I suddenly finding it so damn hard to realize the end was near? Probably because she made me feel new—like a new beginning.

  Weston

  I gripped the counter and told myself to keep all the contents of my stomach in, instead of out.

  My cell rang.

  David.

  I pressed ignore and started my typical breathing exercises. It wasn’t healthy for me to panic. In and out, in and out. I held my breath and chanced another look in the mirror.

  My phone went off again. This time it was James.

  Time for your next set of meds.

  Right, like I wanted to take more pills that made me feel shittier, and quite possibly would ruin my date.

  I’m fine. I texted back and slipped the phone into my pocket.

  I flexed my arms as I braced the counter and breathed in and out through my nose as the nausea came and went. I couldn’t go on like this. The last set of drugs before Christmas were supposed to be the strongest, the doctor’s final hat trick, only I was worried they were hurting more than helping. If I had to keep taking them I wouldn’t be able to play football. I wouldn’t be able to run. I wouldn’t be able to live. I’d be lying in bed sick as a dog as the days ran into each other, until finally, I just didn’t wake up.

  “Hey.” The door pushed open. Gabe walked himself right in and shut the door behind him. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Not the time, Gabe.”

  “The hell it isn’t!” He grabbed me by the shirt, not a smart move considering I had at least five inches on him, but whatever. I was too weak to care. “What the hell are you taking? Oxy? Meth?”

  I laughed. Not because it was funny, but because for a second I wished it was a drug problem. Damn, how pathetic was that?

  “No.” I bit down on my lip. The nausea was finally passing, the feeling returning to my extremities. “Nothing like that.”

  “You better not be messing with her.” Gabe released me and hit the door with his hand. “I swear I’ll kill you if you hurt her.”