by Bess McBride
“Oh, I’m glad you’re sitting here, Stephen.”
“Why, thank you, Ellie. I am flattered.”
She blushed. “Oh, you know what I mean. It’s just that I don’t know anyone here, and I’ve already met you, so...”
Stephen chuckled and nodded. “Just so. I feel exactly the same way.”
Ellie found herself in the difficult position of either having to lock her eyes on Stephen or occasionally glance past him down the table to see Robert watching her with narrowed eyes and a deepened cleft in his chin as he frowned.
“Ummm... So what do you do, Stephen, for a living?”
“My family has some holdings in Seattle, so I am blessed such that I do not have to work. I teach history at the University on occasion.”
Previously distracted by Robert’s continued glares, Ellie did lock eyes on Stephen at that.
“Really? I teach college too.”
Stephen’s eyes widened, and he sat back to study her. “You, Ellie? A college professor?”
“Well, I’m not a professor. Adjunct faculty, actually.”
“I did not know women...” He left the sentence hanging. “Chicago has certainly taken some unusual steps in their educational system.”
Ellie knew she’d made a mistake, given women’s roles at the turn of the century, but she tried to bluster through.
“How so, Stephen?”
“Well, I...em...I have never heard of a female teaching at the college level.”
“Oh, really?” Ellie moved into her drawl. “But you make it sound farfetched. An improbability.”
He blushed. “Oh, no, far be it from me to judge. No, I think it is an excellent idea.”
Ellie couldn’t keep her eyes from Robert. He had turned away to speak to an older woman at his side.
“Do you teach home economics, then?”
Ellie narrowed her eyes and regarded him. He was growing less attractive by the moment.
“No, like you, I teach history. Women’s studies.”
“Women’s studies? I have never heard of such a class. What would a class like that entail? What sort of material might you cover?”
Ellie sighed. She had to give the man a break. He was just another turn-of-the-century kind of guy.
“Women, Stephen,” she spoke patiently. “We study women. The contribution of women in history and society.”
“Oh,” he murmured with the grace to blush. “Forgive me, Ellie, I did not mean to sound boorish. It is just that I have never heard of such a curriculum.”
“I’m sure a lot of people haven’t. It’s fairly new.” Ellie snuck another look at Robert, who had downed his second glass of wine, by her count. Good gravy, was the man an alcoholic? He met her eyes over the rim of her glass, his narrowed gaze cool and distant.
She dropped her eyes and welcomed the arrival of the first course.
Course after course arrived. Cook had prepared a few things especially for Ellie, and she soon found herself full of food, in part due to the tightness of the dress. Stephen spoke of benign matters such as Seattle and the university; she listened with half an ear while she watched Robert. Occasionally, she turned and caught glimpses of Constance, apparently deep in conversation with her silver-haired neighbor.
While Stephen was occupied with his companion to the right, Ellie looked down the table at Mrs. Chamberlain, who caught her eye and gave her a reserved nod. Seated next to Mrs. Chamberlain was a terrified-looking James. He wore the look of a trapped animal as he stared at Melinda across the table to her grandmother’s right.
In between courses, Ellie found time to greet the young girl on her left, who seemed as shy as Ellie felt. They smiled at one another in recognition and left the conversation at that, relaxed and silent as they surveyed the room or picked at their food.
When the twelve-course dinner ended, the guests returned to the drawing room, where chairs and tables had been rearranged to allow for dancing. A trio of string players was warming up in a corner of the room.
Stephen had offered Ellie his arm following dinner and now led her to a seat near the wall.
“Oh, I couldn’t sit. I’d better stand. I ate too much,” she murmured as she patted her stomach. She kept a watchful eye out for Robert, who had not yet entered the room.
Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie saw Stephen blink in surprise at her comments. She realized with a twinge of guilt that she needed to make more of an attempt to conform to the customs of the day, especially simple ones in etiquette and language. She was sufficiently well read on the era to avoid making huge mistakes, but some mischievous part of her insisted on acting as if she were in the twenty-first century. For now, only Robert knew of her origins—what little they both knew.
“Sorry. I’m a bit outspoken,” she murmured.
“Not at all,” Stephen said gallantly. “I find your forthrightness quite refreshing.”
Ellie dragged her eyes from a search for Robert long enough to meet Stephen’s sincere gaze. He certainly was a nice man, she thought wistfully. Seemingly uncomplicated and honest. Relaxing. Safe.
Robert entered the room at that moment accompanying the older woman with whom he’d been seated. Ellie watched with admiration as he bent his dark head toward the woman, who literally batted her eyelashes at her handsome escort.
She sighed and bit her lip with a pang of remorse. She had treated him poorly before dinner, forgetting that she took of his generosity by staying in his home, eating his food and wearing his sister’s clothing.
Still, wasn’t it all just a dream, she wondered? Did she need to worry about the niceties? About pretending to be from this era? What did it matter, if she was going to disappear soon anyway? Time travel, indeed! Didn’t there have to be a catalyst, some angst, or at least a machine to facilitate such a journey?
Robert seated the woman on a green velvet settee across the room, next to his grandmother, then lifted his head and met Ellie’s eyes for a brief moment. Her heart began to pound in her throat, and she wondered if he could see the surprise in her eyes as she realized she’d fallen in love. She tried to smile, but her lips refused to do more than lift at one corner. Robert turned away and made his way over to the musicians.
“Ellie, did you hear me?”
Ellie came back to reality at the sound of Stephen’s voice. She turned to him in a daze.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“I asked if you would like to dance. The musicians appear to have warmed up, and the music should begin momentarily. I do not normally dance, but I would be pleased if you would honor me.”
His face finally came into focus as she let go of a green-eyed image. “What? Dance?” She turned toward the musicians who indeed were rubbing bows across willing strings. “Oh, Stephen, I don’t know how. I can’t.”
Stephen took her hand in his warm, reassuring grasp and tucked it into his arm.
“Neither one of us does, so we will just muddle as best we can out there.” He led her away from the wall and toward the center of the room. Ellie looked around in a panic, the blur of faces seeming to stare only at her. Melinda arrived to join them with an extremely tall James. A young, redheaded man led her friend Amy onto the floor.
Ellie had visions of standing in the middle of the floor, completely ignorant of the steps to some intricate quadrille while onlookers stared and whispered. As the music began in earnest, Stephen opened his arms as any twenty-first century man might, and Ellie went into them. He began to move her around the floor in a modified waltz suitable for the size of the room. For all his protestations, Stephen danced with a smooth, elegant style, and Ellie relaxed into his arms.
Over his shoulder, she saw a grim-faced Robert lead a glowing Constance onto the floor. He glanced at Ellie once without expression and looked away. She dropped her eyes to Stephen’s shoulder, hating the jealousy that hit her with a wave of nausea. She’d only met Robert two days ago—if they’d really ever met at all. She was engaged to Kyle. Robert would have a life of his
own—without her. She reminded herself as she had reminded Robert. She was just passing through. It seemed quite likely that she would wake up in the morning—or in an hour—and Robert would be the fleeting whisper of a dream she couldn’t remember in the light of day.
“You are making me look like a very accomplished dancer, Ellie.” Ellie looked up to see Stephen smiling. She’d almost forgotten where she was.
“Yes, we do dance well together, don’t we, Stephen? I didn’t know what everyone was dancing these days.”
“I take it you have not been out in public much lately, then?
She peeked over his shoulder to watch Robert and Constance. They danced well together, with an ease of familiarity. It seemed likely they had danced before.
“Ellie?”
She returned her preoccupied gaze to Stephen’s kind eyes.
“Yes? No. I mean, no, I don’t usually dance, so... I don’t know how you managed to get me out here.” She smiled at him weakly.
“By sheer force, Ellie. I manhandled you out here, but it is working very nicely, I think.”
She managed to return his grin but found her eyes straying toward Robert once again.
The dance ended, and Stephen returned Ellie to her position by the wall, apparently intent on remaining by her side, for which she was grateful. He nodded to acquaintances and introduced Ellie, giving her more insight on who they were once they’d moved on. A lively dance ensued, and Ellie watched the younger people frolic on the floor. Robert remained glued to Constance’s side, his head bent to hear her every word, an occasional smile lighting his face.
Ellie continued to feel sick to her stomach, with an ache near her chest. She suspected it might be heartburn...or something.
“Stephen, you’ll have to forgive me. I’m really not feeling well. I think I’m going to have to go upstairs.”
He turned to her with concern. “Ellie, I am sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do? Should I call someone? Melinda, perhaps?”
She shook her head vehemently. She just wanted to sneak out and disappear.
“No, no, thank you. It was very nice to meet you. I hope I see you again soon.”
Stephen caught her hand as she turned away. “And you, Ellie. I hope to see you again soon.” In a surprise move, he brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on the back.
Ellie caught her breath at the bold move and dipped into a teensy curtsy with downcast eyes before she moved out of the room. Her plan to hurry up the stairs was thwarted by having to drag her gown with her, but she made it to her room in good time. Unwilling to call Alice to help her get out of the dress, Ellie dropped onto the bed face first. Whatever she’d been holding in released itself, because she promptly burst into tears and sobbed into the quilt.
A firm knock on her door penetrated her consciousness, and she clamped her mouth shut and held her breath, hoping whoever it was would go away. Another knock followed. Ellie sighed. It was probably Melinda or Alice come to check on her. She tussled and struggled with her voluminous gown and unyielding corset to throw herself off the bed and move toward the door, opening it at last to find Robert with his hand raised, ready to knock again.
“Is everything all right? Are you ill?” The concern in his voice threatened to send her off into another crying spell.
Ellie dashed a hand across her face, hoping he couldn’t see her tears in the muted light of the hall.
“No, I’m fine. I must have eaten something that disagreed with me. I-I apologize for leaving without saying anything.”
“Well, apparently you thought it important enough to advise Mr. Sadler of your poor health.” His eyes hardened as he gazed at her.
“What?” she mumbled, confused and miserably unhappy. What had happened to the carefree man she’d met only two days ago?
“I am afraid I found it necessary to ask your constant companion, Mr. Sadler, where you had gone, and he was so kind as to tell me that you felt ill.”
“Oh.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I said I was sorry, Robert. I didn’t think anyone would miss me. You seemed...occupied.”
“Well, you thought wrong. Do you need a physician?” He clasped his hands behind his back and searched her face.
She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. You should probably return to your guests. I’m sure Constance would like to see you.” She hated her snide remark.
“Yes, I am sure she would,” he said without a blink. Ellie’s heart sank. “Very well, then. I shall leave you to rest. I will send Alice up to help you.”
“No, thank you, Robert. I hate to bother your employees at night. I can undress by myself.”
“If you could, you would be out of that dress by now. I was not unaware of how uncomfortable you looked this evening.”
“Me?” She looked at him in surprise. “Actually, the dress is quite comfortable now that I am used to it.”
“Oh! I thought you looked...unhappy.” His eyes softened, and his tight mouth relaxed for a moment.
“I-I’m fine. I do apologize for being so rude to you earlier. I must seem very ungrateful, after all you have done for me.”
He shook his head firmly. “There is no need to apologize. I was rude, as well. I was not myself. If you will not have Alice, is there anything I can do for you?”
Ellie thought about asking him to take her in his arms and lay with her for the rest of the night...or even for the rest of her life. Then she recovered her sanity.
“Noooo. Well, yes, actually, there is.” She swallowed hard. He would turn her down flat.
“What is it?
“I wonder if you could... umm...unhook this dress. After that, I’ll be fine, really. It’s just I can’t reach the hooks.” Having asked the question, Ellie wished the earth would swallow her up. The shocked expression on Robert’s face humiliated her. She hadn’t exactly asked the man to make love to her...as she really wanted.
“Oh, I-I’m sorry,” she said hastily. “I can see you’re shocked. Never mind, I can do this. I’ll be fine. Forget I asked.” Ellie grabbed the door to shut it, but he put out his hand to block it.
“No, no, that is fine. I am not shocked. At least, I do not think I am. Turn around.”
Ellie obediently turned. Nothing happened for a long, long moment, and she looked over her shoulder.
“Is everything all right? Can you see the hooks and eyes?”
He cleared his throat, but when he spoke, it sounded husky.
“Em...yes. Just a moment.”
Ellie felt his hands against her back as he slowly unhooked the dress. She grabbed the front of the dress to keep it on. Her neck and back tingled to his touch. If he would just press his body against her, she would be the happiest woman in the world. She almost willed it, but he cleared his throat once again and moved away. She could tell by the sudden coolness on her back. She stepped behind the door and turned, peeking out from the side.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Robert stared hard at her, his hand still in midair. He seemed at a loss for a moment. He dropped his hand and cleared his throat once again.
“Yes, yes, of course. You are welcome. Good night, then.”
“Good night,” she murmured, closing the door on the man she wanted above all others. Unwilling to let him go, she pressed her face against the wood, listening for his footsteps. A full minute passed before she heard his soft step on the carpet as he moved down the hall toward the stairs.
With a sigh, she turned away from the door and crossed to the bed. She wriggled out of the dress and petticoats and slipped the soft white linen nightgown over her head. Alice had laid out a matching robe, but Ellie tossed that onto the chair before she climbed into the bed. She burrowed into the covers and pressed her face into a pillow.
Her chest still ached, and she realized it wasn’t heartburn. She now knew where the word heartache came from. It really did hurt. The deeper she fell under the Victorian man’s spell, the more awk
ward things became. If this was a dream, why couldn’t she control its outcome? Was he in love with Constance? Would he marry her someday? Why couldn’t she awaken when it became too painful?
She closed her eyes and willed sleep to come, but it took its sweet time arriving.
****
Ellie opened her eyes to a sliver of gray light coming through the curtains. She turned over and looked at her clock. 5:57 a.m. The alarm would go off in a few minutes. She stared at it again drowsily, aware of an intense feeling of sadness. Her dreams! She must have been dreaming. Ellie squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to recall the dream, to locate the source of the strange grief that ached in her throat. A sense of loss, green eyes, a warm hand on her back. The elusive memory escaped her, and she sighed. She pushed a button on the clock to turn it off and turned over.
Kyle faced her, snoring lightly, his blonde hair ruffled like a little boy’s mop. She studied his face. Perennially young, it seemed as if he would never age. At thirty-five, he had no wrinkles, no sun damage, no worry lines. She sighed softly. He hardly ever worried. Life seemed to happen around him but not to him. She wondered how they’d ever managed to stay together, given her inability to control her emotions, and his inability to emote. Inability or unwillingness—she never knew.
His blue eyes drifted open, and he stared at her for a moment.
“Good morning,” she murmured.
“Morning,” he said as he turned over, leaving Ellie to stare at the back of his tousled head. She’d hoped for a good-morning kiss, at the least, though that was not their custom. In fact, Kyle had just done what he did every morning—turn over and go back to sleep for a few minutes while she dressed.
She wished he would look intently into her eyes just once, but she couldn’t remember him ever looking intently at anything other than the newspaper. She sighed and crawled out of bed to head for the shower. Fifteen minutes later, she gently shook his shoulder to wake him. Moving to her closet, she dragged out the nearest sweater and skirt and slipped the one over her shoulders and the other over her hips. She paused as she eyed the hook at the skirt waist; a memory tugging at her subconscious, along with the oddest thought that getting dressed had been particularly easy this morning.
