Complete Works of L. Frank Baum

by L. Frank Baum

  “Dear me! dear me!” and hurried at once to the rescue of her overturned people.

  “Oh, Shaggy Man! How could you?” asked Dorothy, reproachfully.

  “I couldn’t help it--really I couldn’t,” protested the Shaggy Man, looking quite ashamed. “And I had no idea it took so little to upset these paper dolls.”

  “So little!” said Dorothy. “Why, it was ‘most as bad as a Kansas cyclone.” And then she helped Miss Cuttenclip rescue the paper folk and stand them on their feet again. Two of the cardboard houses had also tumbled over, and the little Queen said she would have to repair them and paste them together before they could be lived in again.

  And now, fearing they might do more damage to the flimsy paper people, they decided to go away. But first they thanked Miss Cuttenclip very warmly for her courtesy and kindness to them.

  “Any friend of Princess Ozma is always welcome here--unless he sneezes,” said the Queen with a rather severe look at the Shaggy Man, who hung his head. “I like to have visitors admire my wonderful village, and I hope you will call again.”

  Miss Cuttenclip herself led them to the door in the wall, and as they passed along the street the paper dolls peeped at them half fearfully from the doors and windows. Perhaps they will never forget the Shaggy Man’s awful sneeze, and I am sure they were all glad to see the meat people go away.

  11. How the General Met the First and Foremost

  On leaving the Growleywogs General Guph had to recross the Ripple Lands, and he did not find it a pleasant thing to do. Perhaps having his whiskers pulled out one by one and being used as a pin-cushion for the innocent amusement of a good natured jailer had not improved the quality of Guph’s temper, for the old Nome raved and raged at the recollection of the wrongs he had suffered, and vowed to take vengeance upon the Growleywogs after he had used them for his purposes and Oz had been conquered. He went on in this furious way until he was half across the Ripple Land. Then he became seasick, and the rest of the way this naughty Nome was almost as miserable as he deserved to be.

  But when he reached the plains again and the ground was firm under his feet he began to feel better, and instead of going back home he turned directly west. A squirrel, perched in a tree, saw him take this road and called to him warningly: “Look out!” But he paid no attention. An eagle paused in its flight through the air to look at him wonderingly and say: “Look out!” But on he went.

  No one can say that Guph was not brave, for he had determined to visit those dangerous creatures the Phanfasms, who resided upon the very top of the dread Mountain of Phantastico. The Phanfasms were Erbs, and so dreaded by mortals and immortals alike that no one had been near their mountain home for several thousand years. Yet General Guph hoped to induce them to join in his proposed warfare against the good and happy Oz people.

  Guph knew very well that the Phanfasms would be almost as dangerous to the Nomes as they would to the Ozites, but he thought himself so clever that he believed he could manage these strange creatures and make them obey him. And there was no doubt at all that if he could enlist the services of the Phanfasms, their tremendous power, united to the strength of the Growleywogs and the cunning of the Whimsies would doom the Land of Oz to absolute destruction.

  So the old Nome climbed the foothills and trudged along the wild mountain paths until he came to a big gully that encircled the Mountain of Phantastico and marked the boundary line of the dominion of the Phanfasms. This gully was about a third of the way up the mountain, and it was filled to the brim with red-hot molten lava in which swam fire-serpents and poisonous salamanders. The heat from this mass and its poisonous smell were both so unbearable that even birds hesitated to fly over the gully, but circled around it. All living things kept away from the mountain.

  Now Guph had heard, during his long lifetime, many tales of these dreaded Phanfasms; so he had heard of this barrier of melted lava, and also he had been told that there was a narrow bridge that spanned it in one place. So he walked along the edge until he found the bridge. It was a single arch of gray stone, and lying flat upon the bridge was a scarlet alligator, seemingly fast asleep.

  When Guph stumbled over the rocks in approaching the bridge the creature opened its eyes, from which tiny flames shot in all directions, and after looking at the intruder very wickedly the scarlet alligator closed its eyelids again and lay still.

  Guph saw there was no room for him to pass the alligator on the narrow bridge, so he called out to it:

  “Good morning, friend. I don’t wish to hurry you, but please tell me if you are coming down, or going up?”

  “Neither,” snapped the alligator, clicking its cruel jaws together.

  The General hesitated.

  “Are you likely to stay there long?” he asked.

  “A few hundred years or so,” said the alligator.

  Guph softly rubbed the end of his nose and tried to think what to do.

  “Do you know whether the First and Foremost Phanfasm of Phantastico is at home or not?” he presently inquired.

  “I expect he is, seeing he is always at home,” replied the alligator.

  “Ah; who is that coming down the mountain?” asked the Nome, gazing upward.

  The alligator turned to look over its shoulder, and at once Guph ran to the bridge and leaped over the sentinel’s back before it could turn back again. The scarlet monster made a snap at the Nome’s left foot, but missed it by fully an inch.

  “Ah ha!” laughed the General, who was now on the mountain path. “I fooled you that time.”

  “So you did; and perhaps you fooled yourself,” retorted the alligator. “Go up the mountain, if you dare, and find out what the First and Foremost will do to you!”

  “I will,” declared Guph, boldly; and on he went up the path.

  At first the scene was wild enough, but gradually it grew more and more awful in appearance. All the rocks had the shapes of frightful beings and even the tree trunks were gnarled and twisted like serpents.

  Suddenly there appeared before the Nome a man with the head of an owl. His body was hairy like that of an ape, and his only clothing was a scarlet scarf twisted around his waist. He bore a huge club in his hand and his round owl eyes blinked fiercely upon the intruder.

  “What are you doing here?” he demanded, threatening Guph with his club.

  “I’ve come to see the First and Foremost Phanfasm of Phantastico,” replied the General, who did not like the way this creature looked at him, but still was not afraid.

  “Ah; you shall see him!” the man said, with a sneering laugh. “The First and Foremost shall decide upon the best way to punish you.”

  “He will not punish me,” returned Guph, calmly, “for I have come here to do him and his people a rare favor. Lead on, fellow, and take me directly to your master.”

  The owl-man raised his club with a threatening gesture.

  “If you try to escape,” he said, “beware--”

  But here the General interrupted him.

  “Spare your threats,” said he, “and do not be impertinent, or I will have you severely punished. Lead on, and keep silent!”

  This Guph was really a clever rascal, and it seems a pity he was so bad, for in a good cause he might have accomplished much. He realized that he had put himself into a dangerous position by coming to this dreadful mountain, but he also knew that if he showed fear he was lost. So he adopted a bold manner as his best defense. The wisdom of this plan was soon evident, for the Phanfasm with the owl’s head turned and led the way up the mountain.

  At the very top was a level plain upon which were heaps of rock that at first glance seemed solid. But on looking closer Guph discovered that these rock heaps were dwellings, for each had an opening.

  Not a person was to be seen outside the rock huts. All was silent.

  The owl-man led the way among the groups of dwellings to one standing in the center. It seemed no better and no worse than any of the others. Outside the entrance to this rock heap the guid
e gave a low wail that sounded like “Lee-ow-ah!”

  Suddenly there bounded from the opening another hairy man. This one wore the head of a bear. In his hand he bore a brass hoop. He glared at the stranger in evident surprise.

  “Why have you captured this foolish wanderer and brought him here?” he demanded, addressing the owl-man.

  “I did not capture him,” was the answer. “He passed the scarlet alligator and came here of his own free will and accord.”

  The First and Foremost looked at the General.

  “Have you tired of life, then?” he asked.

  “No indeed,” answered Guph. “I am a Nome, and the Chief General of King Roquat the Red’s great army of Nomes. I come of a long-lived race, and I may say that I expect to live a long time yet. Sit down, you Phanfasms--if you can find a seat in this wild haunt--and listen to what I have to say.”

  With all his knowledge and bravery General Guph did not know that the steady glare from the bear eyes was reading his inmost thoughts as surely as if they had been put into words. He did not know that these despised rock heaps of the Phanfasms were merely deceptions to his own eyes, nor could he guess that he was standing in the midst of one of the most splendid and luxurious cities ever built by magic power. All that he saw was a barren waste of rock heaps, a hairy man with an owl’s head and another with a bear’s head. The sorcery of the Phanfasms permitted him to see no more.

  Suddenly the First and Foremost swung his brass hoop and caught Guph around the neck with it. The next instant, before the General could think what had happened to him, he was dragged inside the rock hut. Here, his eyes still blinded to realities, he perceived only a dim light, by which the hut seemed as rough and rude inside as it was outside. Yet he had a strange feeling that many bright eyes were fastened upon him and that he stood in a vast and extensive hall.

  The First and Foremost now laughed grimly and released his prisoner.

  “If you have anything to say that is interesting,” he remarked, “speak out, before I strangle you.”

  So Guph spoke out. He tried not to pay any attention to a strange rustling sound that he heard, as of an unseen multitude drawing near to listen to his words. His eyes could see only the fierce bear-man, and to him he addressed his speech. First he told of his plan to conquer the Land of Oz and plunder the country of its riches and enslave its people, who, being fairies, could not be killed. After relating all this, and telling of the tunnel the Nome King was building, he said he had come to ask the First and Foremost to join the Nomes, with his band of terrible warriors, and help them to defeat the Oz people.

  The General spoke very earnestly and impressively, but when he had finished the bear-man began to laugh as if much amused, and his laughter seemed to be echoed by a chorus of merriment from an unseen multitude. Then, for the first time, Guph began to feel a trifle worried.

  “Who else has promised to help you?” finally asked the First and Foremost.

  “The Whimsies,” replied the General.

  Again the bear-headed Phanfasm laughed.

  “Any others?” he inquired.

  “Only the Growleywogs,” said Guph.

  This answer set the First and Foremost laughing anew.

  “What share of the spoils am I to have?” was the next question.

  “Anything you like, except King Roquat’s Magic Belt,” replied Guph.

  At this the Phanfasm set up a roar of laughter, which had its echo in the unseen chorus, and the bear-man seemed so amused that he actually rolled upon the ground and shouted with merriment.

  “Oh, these blind and foolish Nomes!” he said. “How big they seem to themselves and how small they really are!”

  Suddenly he arose and seized Guph’s neck with one hairy paw, dragging him out of the hut into the open.

  Here he gave a curious wailing cry, and, as if in answer, from all the rocky huts on the mountain-top came flocking a horde of Phanfasms, all with hairy bodies, but wearing heads of various animals, birds and reptiles. All were ferocious and repulsive-looking to the deceived eyes of the Nome, and Guph could not repress a shudder of disgust as he looked upon them.

  The First and Foremost slowly raised his arms, and in a twinkling his hairy skin fell from him and he appeared before the astonished Nome as a beautiful woman, clothed in a flowing gown of pink gauze. In her dark hair flowers were entwined, and her face was noble and calm.

  At the same instant the entire band of Phanfasms was transformed into a pack of howling wolves, running here and there as they snarled and showed their ugly yellow fangs.

  The woman now raised her arms, even as the man-bear had done, and in a twinkling the wolves became crawling lizards, while she herself changed into a huge butterfly.

  Guph had only time to cry out in fear and take a step backward to avoid the lizards when another transformation occurred, and all returned instantly to the forms they had originally worn.

  Then the First and Foremost, who had resumed his hairy body and bear head, turned to the Nome and asked:

  “Do you still demand our assistance?”

  “More than ever,” answered the General, firmly.

  “Then tell me: what can you offer the Phanfasms that they have not already?” inquired the First and Foremost.

  Guph hesitated. He really did not know what to say. The Nome King’s vaunted Magic Belt seemed a poor thing compared to the astonishing magical powers of these people. Gold, jewels and slaves they might secure in any quantity without especial effort. He felt that he was dealing with powers greatly beyond him. There was but one argument that might influence the Phanfasms, who were creatures of evil.

  “Permit me to call your attention to the exquisite joy of making the happy unhappy,” said he at last. “Consider the pleasure of destroying innocent and harmless people.”

  “Ah! you have answered me,” cried the First and Foremost. “For that reason alone we will aid you. Go home, and tell your bandy-legged king that as soon as his tunnel is finished the Phanfasms will be with him and lead his legions to the conquest of Oz. The deadly desert alone has kept us from destroying Oz long ago, and your underground tunnel is a clever thought. Go home, and prepare for our coming!”

  Guph was very glad to be permitted to go with this promise. The owl-man led him back down the mountain path and ordered the scarlet alligator to crawl away and allow the Nome to cross the bridge in safety.

  After the visitor had gone a brilliant and gorgeous city appeared upon the mountain top, clearly visible to the eyes of the gaily dressed multitude of Phanfasms that lived there. And the First and Foremost, beautifully arrayed, addressed the others in these words:

  “It is time we went into the world and brought sorrow and dismay to its people. Too long have we remained for ourselves upon this mountain top, for while we are thus secluded many nations have grown happy and prosperous, and the chief joy of the race of Phanfasms is to destroy happiness. So I think it is lucky that this messenger from the Nomes arrived among us just now, to remind us that the opportunity has come for us to make trouble. We will use King Roquat’s tunnel to conquer the Land of Oz. Then we will destroy the Whimsies, the Growleywogs and the Nomes, and afterward go out to ravage and annoy and grieve the whole world.”

  The multitude of evil Phanfasms eagerly applauded this plan, which they fully approved.

  I am told that the Erbs are the most powerful and merciless of all the evil spirits, and the Phanfasms of Phantastico belong to the race of Erbs.

  12. How they Matched the Fuddles

  Dorothy and her fellow travelers rode away from the Cuttenclip village and followed the indistinct path as far as the sign-post. Here they took the main road again and proceeded pleasantly through the pretty farming country. When evening came they stopped at a dwelling and were joyfully welcomed and given plenty to eat and good beds for the night.

  Early next morning, however, they were up and eager to start, and after a good breakfast they bade their host good-bye and climbed into the red wago
n, to which the Sawhorse had been hitched all night. Being made of wood, this horse never got tired nor cared to lie down. Dorothy was not quite sure whether he ever slept or not, but it was certain that he never did when anybody was around.

  The weather is always beautiful in Oz, and this morning the air was cool and refreshing and the sunshine brilliant and delightful.

  In about an hour they came to a place where another road branched off. There was a sign-post here which read:

  THIS WAY TO FUDDLECUMJIG

  “Oh, here is where we turn,” said Dorothy, observing the sign.

  “What! Are we going to Fuddlecumjig?” asked the Captain General.

  “Yes; Ozma thought we might enjoy the Fuddles. They are said to be very interesting,” she replied.

  “No one would suspect it from their name,” said Aunt Em. “Who are they, anyhow? More paper things?”

  “I think not,” answered Dorothy, laughing; “but I can’t say ‘zactly, Aunt Em, what they are. We’ll find out when we get there.”

  “Perhaps the Wizard knows,” suggested Uncle Henry.

  “No; I’ve never been there before,” said the Wizard. “But I’ve often heard of Fuddlecumjig and the Fuddles, who are said to be the most peculiar people in all the Land of Oz.”

  “In what way?” asked the Shaggy Man.

  “I don’t know, I’m sure,” said the Wizard.

  Just then, as they rode along the pretty green lane toward Fuddlecumjig, they espied a kangaroo sitting by the roadside. The poor animal had its face covered with both its front paws and was crying so bitterly that the tears coursed down its cheeks in two tiny streams and trickled across the road, where they formed a pool in a small hollow.

  The Sawhorse stopped short at this pitiful sight, and Dorothy cried out, with ready sympathy:

  “What’s the matter, Kangaroo?”

  “Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!” wailed the Kangaroo; “I’ve lost my mi--mi--mi--Oh, boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!”--