Complete Works of L. Frank Baum

by L. Frank Baum

  And make’em all feel mighty blue.”

  “Either that or the other thing,” said Trot. “Anyhow, we’re in for it.”

  The War of the Pinks and Blues

  MUCH to the surprise of the Earth people the Pinkies made no objection whatever to undertaking the adventure. Their lives were so monotonous and uninteresting that they welcomed anything in the way of excitement. This march through the unknown Fog Bank to fight the unknown Blueskins aroused them to enthusiasm, and although the result of the expedition could not be foretold and some of them were almost certain to get hurt, they did not hesitate to undertake the war.

  It appeared that Coralie was Captain of the Sunset Tribe and a man named Tintint the Captain of the Sunrise Tribe. Tintint had a very pink skin and eyes so faded in their pink color that he squinted badly in order to see anything around him. He was a fat and pompous little fellow and loved to strut up and down his line of warriors twirling his long pointed stick so that all might admire him.

  By Rosalie’s advice the Army of Conquest consisted of one hundred Sunsets and one hundred Sunrises. Many more were eager to go, but the Witch thought that would be enough. The warriors consisted of both men and women, equally divided, and there was no need to provide uniforms for them because their regular pink clothing was a distinctive uniform in itself. Each one bore a long pointed stick as the main weapon and had two short pointed sticks stuck in his belt.

  While the army was getting ready, Rosalie the Witch went to the central edge of the Fog Bank and fearlessly entered it. There she called for the King of the Giant Frogs, who came at her bidding, and the two held an earnest and long talk together.

  Meantime Cap’n Bill had the army assembled in the Court of the Statues, where Queen Mayre appeared and told the Pinkies that the sailorman was to be Commander in Chief of the Expedition and all must obey his commands. Then Cap’n Bill addressed the army and told what the Fog Bank was like. He advised them all to wear their raincoats over their pretty pink clothes, so they would not get wet, and he assured them that all the creatures to be met with in the Fog were perfectly harmless.

  “When we come to the Blue Country, though,” he added, “you’re liable to be pretty busy. The Blueskins are tall an’ lanky, an’ ugly an’ fierce, an’ if they happen to capture you, you’ll all be patched — which is a deep disgrace an’ a uncomfertable mix-up.”

  “Will they throw us over the edge?” asked Captain Tintint, nervously.

  “I don’t think it,” replied Cap’n Bill. “While I was there I never heard the edge mentioned. They’re cruel enough to do that — ’specially the Boolooroo — but I guess they’ve never thought o’ throwin’ folks over the edge. They fight with long cords that have weights on the ends, which coil ‘round you an’ make you helpless in a jiffy; so whenever they throw them cords you mus’ ward ‘em off with your long sticks. Don’t let ‘em wind around your bodies, or you’re done for.”

  He told them other things about the Blueskins, so they would not be frightened when they faced the enemy and found them so different in appearance from themselves, and also he assured them that the Pinkies were so much the braver and better armed that he had no doubt they would easily conquer.

  On the third day, just at sunrise, the army moved forward to the Fog Bank, headed by Cap’n Bill, clad in an embroidered pink coat with wide, flowing pink trousers, and accompanied by Trot and Button-Bright and Rosalie the Witch — all bundled up in their pink raincoats. The parrot was there, too, as the bird refused to be left behind.

  They had not advanced far into the deep fog when they were halted by a queer barrier consisting of a long line of gigantic frogs, crouching so close together that no Pinkie could squeeze between them. As the heads of the frogs were turned the other way, toward the Blue Country, the army could not at first imagine what the barrier was; but Rosalie said to them:

  “Our friends the frogs have agreed to help us through the Fog Bank. Climb upon their backs — as many on each frog as are able to hold on — and then we shall make the journey more quickly.”

  Obeying this injunction, the Pinkies began climbing upon the frogs, and by crowding close together all were able to find places. On the back of the King Frog rode Trot and her parrot, besides Rosalie, Button-Bright, Cap’n Bill and the captains of the two companies of the army.

  When all were seated, clinging to one another so they would not slide off, Cap’n Bill gave the word of command and away leaped the frogs, all together. They bounded a long distance at this jump — some farther than others — and as soon as they landed they jumped again, without giving their passengers a chance to get their breaths. It was a bewildering and exciting ride, but a dozen of the huge jumps accomplished the journey and at the edge of Fog Bank each frog stopped so suddenly that the Pinkies went flying over their heads to tumble into the blue fields of the Blue Country, where they rolled in a confused mass until they could recover and scramble to their feet. No one was hurt, however, and the King Frog had been wise enough to treat his passengers more gently by slowing down at the edge and allowing his riders to slip to the ground very comfortably.

  Cap’n Bill at once formed his army into line of battle and had them all remove the cumbersome raincoats, which they piled in a heap at the edge of the Fog Bank. It was a splendid array of warriors and from where they stood they could discover several Blueskins rushing in a panic toward the Blue City, as fast as their long blue legs could carry them.

  “Well, they know we’re here, anyhow,” said Cap’n Bill, “and instead of waitin’ to see what’ll they do I guess we’ll jus’ march on the City an’ ask ‘em to please surrender.”

  So he raised the long sharp stick with which he had armed himself and shouted:

  “For-rerd — march!”

  “For-ward — march!” repeated Coralie to the Sunset Tribe.

  “For-ward — march!” roared Tintint to the Sunrise people.

  “March — April — June — October!” screamed the parrot.

  Then the drums beat and the band played and away marched the Pinkies to capture the Blue City.

  Ghip-Ghisizzle has a Bad Time

  THE Boolooroo was quite busy at the time the Pinkies invaded his country. He had discovered the loss of the Book of Records and after being frightened ‘most to death at the prospect of his fraud on the people’s being made public, he decided to act boldly and hold his position as Boolooroo at any cost.

  Since Ghip-Ghisizzle was to be the next Boolooroo, the king suspected him first of all, so he had the Majordomo bound with cords and brought before him, when he accused him of stealing the Book of Records. Of course Ghip-Ghisizzle denied taking the Book, but he became almost as nervous at its loss as had the Boolooroo. He secretly believed that Button-Bright had taken the Book from the Treasure Chamber, and if this were true it might prove as great a misfortune as if the king had kept it locked up. For Button-Bright had escaped into the Fog Bank and Ghip-Ghisizzle was afraid the boy would never again be seen in the Blue Country.

  He did not tell the Boolooroo of this suspicion, because in that case the king would realize he was secure, and that his deception could never be proved against him. The Majordomo simply denied taking the Record Book, and the Boolooroo did not believe he spoke truly. To prevent his rival from ever becoming the Ruler of the Blue Country the Boolooroo determined to have him patched, but for some time he could find no other Blueskin to patch him with. No one had disobeyed a command or done anything wrong, so the king was in a quandary until he discovered that a servant named Tiggle had mixed the royal nectar for Cap’n Bill, who had been ordered to do it at the time of his capture. This was sufficient excuse for the Boolooroo, who at once had Tiggle made a prisoner and brought before him.

  This servant was not so long-legged as Ghip-Ghisizzle and his head was thicker and his nose flatter. But that pleased the Boolooroo all the more. He realized that when the great knife had sliced the prisoners in two, and their halves were patched together, they would present
a ridiculous sight and all the Blueskins would laugh at them and avoid them. So, on the very morning that the Pinkies arrived, the Boolooroo had ordered his two prisoners brought into the room of the palace where the Great Knife stood and his soldiers were getting ready to perform the operation of patching Ghip-Ghisizzle with Tiggle, when a messenger came running to say that a great army of the Pinkies had broken through the Fog Bank.

  “Never mind,” said the Boolooroo, “I’ll attend to them in a minute. I’m busy now.”

  “They are marching on the City,” said the frightened messenger. “If you delay, Most High and Mighty One, we shall all be captured. You’d better save your City first and do your patching afterward.”

  “What!” roared the Boolooroo, “dare you dictate to me?” But he was impressed by the man’s logic. After locking the prisoners, who were still bound, in the Room of the Great Knife, the Ruler hurried away to assemble his soldiers.

  By this time the Pinkies had advanced halfway to the walls of the City, so the first thing the Boolooroo did was to order all the gates closed and locked and then he placed a line of soldiers on the wall to prevent any of the Pinkies from climbing over.

  Therefore when Cap’n Bill’s army reached the wall he was obliged to halt his ranks until he could find a way to enter the City.

  Now when the Boolooroo looked through the blue-steel bars of the main gate and saw the enemy armed with sharp-pointed sticks, he began to tremble; and when he thought how painful it would be to have his body and arms and legs prodded and pricked by such weapons he groaned aloud and was very miserable. But the thought occurred to him that if he could avoid being caught by the Pinkies they would be unable to harm him. So he went among his people and reminded them how horrible it would feel to be punched full of holes by the invaders, and urged them to fight desperately and drive the Pinkies back into the Fog Bank.

  Only a few of the Blueskins were soldiers, and these all belonged to the King’s bodyguard, but the citizens realized they must indeed fight bravely to save themselves from getting hurt, so they promised the Boolooroo to do all they could. They armed themselves with long cords having weights fastened to the ends, and practiced throwing these weights in such a manner that the cords would wind around their enemies. Also they assembled in the streets in small groups and told each other in frightened whispers that all their trouble was due to the Boolooroo’s cruel treatment of the Earth people. If he had received them as friends instead of making them slaves, they would never have escaped to the Pinkies and brought an army into the Blue Country, that they might be revenged. The Blueskins had not liked their Boolooroo, before this, and now they began to hate him, forgetting they had also treated the strangers in a very disagreeable manner.

  Meantime the Six Snubnosed Princesses had seen from their rooms in a tower of the palace the army of the Pinkies marching upon them, and the sight had served to excite them greatly. They had been quarreling bitterly among themselves all the morning, and strangely enough this quarrel was all about which of them should marry Ghip-Ghisizzle. They knew that some day the Majordomo would become Boolooroo, and each one of the six had determined to marry him so as to be the Queen — and thus force her sisters to obey her commands. They paid no attention to the fact that Ghip-Ghisizzle did not want to marry any of them, for they had determined that when it was agreed who should have him they would ask their father to force the man to marry.

  While they quarreled in one room of the palace Ghip-Ghisizzle was in danger of being patched in another room; but the Six Snubnosed Princesses did not know that. The arrival of the Pinkies gave them something new to talk about, so they hurried downstairs and along the corridors so as to gain the courtyard and take part in the exciting scenes.

  But as they passed the closed door of the Room of the Great Knife they heard a low moan and stopped to listen. The moan was repeated and, being curious, they unlocked the door — the key having been left on the outside — and entered the room.

  At once the Pinkies were forgotten, for there upon the floor, tightly bound, lay Ghip-Ghisizzle, and beside him poor Tiggle, who had uttered the moans.

  The six Princesses sat down in a circle facing the captives and Cerulia said:

  “Ghip, my dear, we will release you on one condition: That you choose a wife from among us and promise to marry the one selected, as soon as the Pinkies are driven back into the Fog Bank.”

  Ghip-Ghisizzle managed to shake his head. Then he said:

  “Really, ladies, you must excuse me. I’d rather be patched than mismatched, as I would be with a lovely snubnosed wife. You are too beautiful for me; go seek your husbands elsewhere.”

  “Monster!” cried Indigo; “if you choose me I’ll scratch your eyes out!”

  “If you choose me,” said Cobalt, in a rage, “I’ll tear out your hair by the roots!”

  “If I am to be your wife,” screamed Azure. “I’ll mark your obstinate face with my finger nails!”

  “And I,” said Turquoise, passionately, “will pound your head with a broomstick!”

  “I’ll shake him till his teeth rattle!” shrieked Sapphire.

  “The best way to manage a husband,” observed Cerulia angrily, “is to pull his nose.”

  “Ladies,” said Ghip-Ghisizzle, when he had a chance to speak, “do not anticipate these pleasures, I beg of you, for I shall choose none among you for a wife.”

  “We’ll see about that,” said Indigo.

  “I think you will soon change your mind,” added Azure.

  “I’m going to be patched to Tiggle, here, as soon as the Boolooroo returns,” said Ghip-Ghisizzle, “and it’s against the law for a patched man to marry anyone. It’s regarded as half-bigamy.”

  “Dear me!” cried Cobalt; “if he’s patched he never can be Boolooroo.”

  “Then he mustn’t be patched,” declared Sapphire. “We must save him from that fate, girls, and force him to decide among us. Otherwise, none of us can ever be the Queen.”

  This being evident, they proceeded to unbind the long legs of Ghip-Ghisizzle, leaving his body and arms, however, tied fast together. Then between them they got him upon his feet and led him away, paying no attention to poor Tiggle, who whined to be released so he could fight in the war.

  After a hurried consultation the Six Snubnosed Princesses decided to hide the Majordomo in one of their boudoirs, so they dragged him up the stairs to their reception room and fell to quarreling as to whose boudoir should be occupied by their captive. Not being able to settle the question they finally locked him up in a vacant room across the hall and told him he must stay there until he had decided to marry one of the Princesses and could make a choice among them.

  The Capture of Cap’n Bill

  WHILE this was transpiring in the palace Cap’n Bill and the Pinkies had encamped before the principal gate of the City and a tent had been pitched for Trot and Button-Bright and Rosalie. The army had been very fearful and weak-kneed when it first entered the Blue Country, but perceiving that the Boolooroo and his people were afraid of them and had locked themselves up in the City, the Pinkies grew bolder and longed to make an attack.

  One of them, in his curiosity to examine the Blue City, got a little too near the wall, and a blue soldier throw his cord-and-weight at him. The cord didn’t wind around the Pinkie, as he was too far off, but the weight hit him in the eye and made him howl lustily as he trotted back to his comrades at full speed. After this experience the invaders were careful to keep a safe distance from the wall.

  The Boolooroo, having made all preparations to receive the enemy, was annoyed because they held back. He was himself so nervous and excited that he became desperate and after an hour of tedious waiting, during which time he pranced around impatiently, he decided to attack the hated Pinkies and rid the country of them.

  “Their dreadful color makes me hysterical,” he said to his soldiers, “so if I am to have any peace of mind we must charge the foe and drive them back into the Fog Bank. But take all the prisone
rs you can, my brave men, and to-morrow we will have a jolly time patching them. Don’t be afraid; those pink creatures have no blue blood in their veins and they’ll run like rabbits when they see us coming.”

  Then he ordered the gate thrown open and immediately the Blueskins poured out into the open plain and began to run toward the Pinkies. The Boolooroo went out, too, but he kept well behind his people, remembering the sharp sticks with which the enemy were armed.

  Cap’n Bill was alert and had told his army what to do in case of an attack. The Pinkies did not run like rabbits, but formed a solid line and knelt down with their long, sharp sticks pointed directly toward the Blueskins, the other ends being set firmly upon the ground. Of course the Blueskins couldn’t run against these sharp points, so they halted a few feet away and began to swing their cord-and-weights. But the Pinkies were too close together to be caught in this manner, and now by command of Cap’n Bill they suddenly rose to their feet and began jabbing their sticks at the foe. The Blueskins hesitated until a few got pricked and began to yell with terror, when the whole of the Boolooroo’s attacking party turned and ran back to the gate, their Ruler reaching it first of all. The Pinkies tried to chase them, but their round, fat legs were no match for the long, thin legs of the Blueskins, who quickly gained the gate and shut themselves up in the City again.

  “It is evident,” panted the Boolooroo, facing his defeated soldiers wrathfully, “that you are a pack of cowards!”

  “We but followed your own royal example in running,” replied the Captain.

  “I merely ran back to the City to get a drink of water, for I was thirsty,” declared the Boolooroo.

  “So did we! So did we!” cried the soldiers, eagerly. “We were all thirsty.”

  “Your High and Mighty Spry and Flighty Majesty,” remarked the Captain, respectfully, “it occurs to me that the weapons of the Pinkies are superior to our own. What we need, in order to oppose them successfully, is a number of sharp sticks which are longer than their own.”