Daniel and Daughter

by Lucy Gordon

  'Why don't we dance, too?' asked Daniel.

  'I thought we were going to have a serious talk,' she prevaricated.

  'Later. I want to know if having you in my arms feels the way I've been dreaming of it.'

  He drew her onto the floor as he spoke, and she went, unresisting. His hand pressed into the small of her back, pulling her close to him, and she drew a sharp breath as she became aware of the warmth of his body against her own. It was the thought of this moment that had made her a coward. Now the moment had come, and it was as sweet-sharp and tantalising as she'd feared. She'd tried to avoid it, but he'd been too clever for her, and her heart rejoiced at her defeat.

  Looking up at his face, she knew that it was the same with him. His eyes had a glowing light as they met hers, and she could feel a slight trembling in the hands that held her.

  'Let's go to the bar,' he said abruptly. 'I can't hold you without wanting to kiss you.'

  She followed him into the bar and they found a small table in the corner. When they were settled with their drinks she said, 'I think you are, without doubt, the most unscrupulous, dishonest-'

  'Devious?' he offered with a slight smile.

  'Devious, Machiavellian-'

  'Desperate?'

  'Hmm!'

  'I was desperate,' he insisted. 'It was clear that you weren't going to give in, although at first I'd been so sure that you would. Call me a conceited oaf if you like, but I didn't think you could have affected me so powerfully if it was all one-way. I still believe that. Am I kidding myself?'

  She shook her head. 'No, I can't pretend that,' she said. 'There was something there for me, too, but…' She finished on a sigh. There was so much she couldn't put into words.

  'Thank you anyway for not saying I was kidding myself,' he said quietly. 'It was so fast that I tried to tell myself that I'd imagined it. But it was like refusing to believe in lightning. When it strikes, it strikes, and there's no use arguing.'

  Lee had a helpless feeling that she was being swept away like a twig in a flood. Daniel was determined to make her acknowledge what had happened to them, and not allow her to draw back into safety. But she made one final attempt.

  'We're not children to believe in romantic notions like love at first sight,' she began.

  'Mostly, children don't believe in love at first sight,' he said. 'If these youngsters knew I'd fallen in love with you in the first five minutes they'd fall about laughing. Do you know who believes in love at first sight, Lee? Scientists. According to them it's something to do with chemicals.'

  'But I don't want to feel as though I'm in a test tube,' she objected.

  'Neither do I.I just thought it might make you take me seriously. I prefer to believe that what happened to us in your studio was mysterious and inexplicable-except perhaps as something that was ordained by fate.'

  'You believe in fate?' she asked, wondering.

  'Why not? Sometimes it's the only possible explanation. As soon as I saw you that day in the studio I knew you were going to complete my life. Lee, for God's sake, tell me you felt the same, because I-'

  He looked up to find a group of young people edging closer to them, nudging and pointing as they recognised him. One of them shyly asked for his autograph. Daniel gave it and spoke a few words to the others. He was charming, but Lee had to acquit him of basking in their adulation. If anything he seemed embarrassed by it.

  'This place is too public,' he said distractedly when he'd managed to get rid of them. 'There's a tiny restaurant, not far from here, where we can talk in peace.'

  'But what about the others?'

  'I'll tell them where we're going.'

  He vanished but returned in five minutes, saying, 'OK. Let's go.'

  They slipped out of the back of the building. To get to the restaurant they had to go through a short avenue of trees. Dusk was falling fast and in the shade of the trees it was almost dark. As soon as they were beneath the branches Daniel stopped and pulled her into his arms.

  'Someone will see us,' she protested faintly.

  'Let them. I've loved you for weeks without kissing you, and it's time that was remedied.'

  She too had wanted this kiss. After the first hesitant moment she gave herself up to it and embraced him back. The sensation of his mouth moving slowly against hers was just as she'd dreamed of it, and she wondered how she'd survived the long, empty hours without him. It had been such a waste to keep apart from this man when she might have been in his arms.

  When he spoke his voice was unsteady. 'I should have known better than to kiss you in the darkness.' He released her with slow, reluctant hands, and drew her out again to where the light was better.

  They walked to the restaurant, two streets away. Lee was glad of the cool evening air on her face, restoring some feeling of normality. Perhaps at any moment she would awaken out of a dream, and her quiet, untroubled life could continue.

  But then she looked up at Daniel walking beside her, and knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

  The restaurant was almost full when they arrived, but the head waiter found a table for them downstairs, tucked away in a corner. There was almost no light, except for the little flames from the three branched candlesticks on the table.

  Lee was entranced. This was the kind of romantic evening out that she'd never had. When she'd first known Jimmy there had been hurried meetings in coffee-bars; that had seemed the height of romance. But at an age when other girls had been enjoying the pleasures of courtship she'd been hanging up nappies in a tiny flat and wondering when her husband would get home from the pub.

  Later, when Jimmy had left her, there'd been men who'd wanted to take her out. But Lee had had a daughter to raise and a business to attend to. If she thought hard, there were always good reasons for refusing.

  Daniel glanced at her and spoke fondly. 'You look like a little kid let loose in Aladdin's cave,' he said. 'How old are you? Five? Six?'

  She laughed at his teasing tone and shook her head, unaware that the dancing movement of her hair about her face was making Daniel's heart thump.

  'Tell me,' he insisted. 'I've been trying to work it out. Even in broad daylight you don't look old enough for Sonya to be your daughter. By this light you could be twenty.'

  'I'm twenty-nine.'

  'But-Sonya-?'

  'I was sixteen when she was born,' Lee said. ' married three weeks after my sixteenth birthday. We eloped to Gretna Green.'

  He stared at her. 'And married over the anvil?'

  'Yes and no. Anvil marriages are only valid if they're conducted by a minister. Most people do what we did, have a legal ceremony in the register office then an unofficial smithy wedding.'

  'I've never quite understood about Gretna Green, Daniel said. 'Why there rather than anywhere else?'

  'Young couples have always eloped to Scotland because they can marry without their parents' consent earlier than in England. Gretna Green was simply the first place they came to across the border. At one time they didn't even need a minister. They could get married by claiming each other in the presence of wit-nesses. Any witness would do. So they used to jump down from the carriage and hurry through the first door, which was the smithy.

  'Now the old reputation clings. People still think of Gretna Green as a terribly romantic place, where lovers can find refuge from tyrannical parents.'

  'I wonder if you know what dreadful, bitter irony there was in your voice just then?' Daniel said.

  Lee sighed. 'You can probably guess the rest. My parents weren't tyrannical. They'd seen through Jimmy and warned me against him. I wouldn't listen. I thought I was madly in love. Mum and Dad chased us to Scotland, but they didn't find us until the last minute, when we were in the smithy. We'd already been married in the register office, and Jimmy waved the certificate in their faces. My mother burst into tears, and Jimmy laughed.

  'I think I began to understand then what an awful mistake I'd made. But it was too late. So we went through the anvil cere
mony "for fun", Jimmy said, although I wasn't feeling much like fun by that time. We clasped hands over the anvil and declared that we were husband and wife. Then the blacksmith banged his hammer on the anvil and cried, "So be it!"

  'I tried to believe everything would be all right, but I couldn't shut out the memory of Jimmy laughing while my mother cried.'

  She fell silent. She'd already told Daniel more than she'd ever confided in any other human being, but there were things that she couldn't tell, even to him. The accusations of frigidity when Jimmy's clumsy, selfish lovemaking failed to move her, the frightful rows when he discovered that her father wasn't going to support him in the manner to which he wanted to become accustomed, the early realisation that Jimmy had never really loved her, and the infinitely more painful discovery that her love for him was dead- these would remain her secrets until the last moment of her life.

  'Now I understand what I saw in your face earlier this evening, when you were looking at Mark and Phoebe,' Daniel said.

  'Yes. Phoebe's almost exactly the age I was then, although Mark's a lot younger than Jimmy ever was. And you needn't worry. He'd never do anything to hurt her. I've never seen Mark so slavishly in love.'

  'I almost feel sorry for him,' Daniel said with a grin. 'Phoebe's still in the experimental stage. Mark's outstanding chiefly because he's lasted as long as two months. Two weeks is more usual.'

  'I envy her,' Lee sighed. 'If I'd been like that at her age I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache.'

  'That's what I think. She'll settle down when she's older, but she has so many other things to do first that I prefer her to find safety in numbers.'

  Lee chuckled. 'Is she supposed to wait until she's a judge before she gets married?'

  'I'm never going to be allowed to forget that remark, am I?' he complained. 'I made it off the top of my head in a television interview and it'll teach me not to speak without thinking. I only meant that I want her to develop her full potential. I don't mind what she becomes-a lawyer, a doctor, an academic, Prime Minister-the sky's the limit.'

  'But suppose she doesn't want to do any of those things? She told me she fancied modelling, and she looks like a natural to me.'

  'And how many other girls of her age have you heard say they want to be models?'

  'Quite a few, but-'

  'There you are, then. It's a passing phase. Good grief! When I think how women once had to fight for the chances that my daughter is being handed on a plate! My own sisters had to struggle, while everything was made easy for me.'

  'Tell me about that,' Lee said, sensing that here lay the key to a lot about Daniel.

  'I had two older sisters and a father with out-dated views. He assumed that his son would need a good education but it never occurred to him that his daughters might want one too. When he died he left what little money there was in trust for me. Jean, my elder sister, got a scholarship to university, and Sarah, the other one, worked as a secretary to help her financially. Later she studied with the Open University and got a good degree. Now she's at Oxford as a mature student, while I support her. I'm helping Jean too, while she takes another degree. Life dealt them bad hands and me a good one, and I think I owe them.'

  'So you really mean all those things you…' Lee floundered to a halt, blushingly conscious of what she'd started to say.

  Daniel ground his teeth. 'Yes, I really mean them. Although I appreciate that I'm often regarded as a cynical opportunist.'

  'Well, that's your own fault,' Lee replied with spirit. 'On television the other night you said women should be wary of you.'

  'That was just a neat remark to bring the interview to an end. I mean the things I say and write. I'm not just in it for the money, although I admit the money helps. I have a daughter to provide for, plus an elderly mother and two sisters who are entitled to anything I can do for them.'

  'I wish you weren't so brainy,' Lee said with a sigh. 'I read your string of degrees in Who's Who and it scared the life out of me. I'll probably bore you to tears. I'm virtually uneducated.'

  He pulled a wry face. 'Now you've got me tongue-tied. Because I want to say something that would make you think me an old-fashioned caveman.' He looked at her with mischief in his eyes. 'Should I risk it?'

  'Be brave. Give it a try.'

  'Very well. I was going to say that when a woman looks as wonderful as you do a man doesn't care hot long she was at school.'

  'That's a disgraceful thing to say,' she told him solemnly.

  'It's shocking, isn't it? I really am very apologetic Unfortunately, I also mean it.'

  'That makes it worse.'

  'I appreciate that. You'll have to try to forgive me.'

  'If you promise not to offend again.'

  'I don't think I should make rash promises. You see, any minute I may be tempted to tell you that you're the loveliest woman I've ever seen, and it. would be bad enough for me to insult you in those terms without breaking a promise as well. And if I went on to say that the way the candlelight glows in your eyes is making my head spin, you'd probably be dreadfully offended. So I won't say it.'

  She regarded him in silence, her eyes dancing. He smiled back and happiness seemed to stream through her. After a moment he sobered and said quietly, 'I'm not just a brain, Lee.'

  She met his eyes and felt a shock go through her as she read their unmistakable message of desire and-what? There was some other feeling and Daniel had called it love. With all her heart she longed to believe him, but her hard-learned caution stood like a barrier between them.

  'Was your wife brainy?' she asked, to change the subject.

  'I've never been married.'

  'What? But Phoebe-'

  'Oh, Phoebe's my child all right. But I wasn't mar-ried to her mother. I met Caroline at Oxford. I'd just gained my degree, a double first with honours. Immodest as that sounds, I must mention it, because if I'd done less well I probably wouldn't have been an unmarried father at twenty-two.

  'Caroline was a scientist, also with a double first. Like me, she stayed at Oxford to do post-graduate work. In between studying we made love. When she told me she was pregnant I just assumed we'd get married. Caroline thought that was hilarious. Marriage had never been on her agenda. I'd been part of an experiment in selective breeding.'

  'You mean, because you both had a double first-?'Lee asked, horrified.

  'Exactly. The idea was to produce a brilliant child.'

  'Ye gods!'

  'I expressed it rather more strongly at the time. She was adamant. The child was hers, her own private breeding experiment. But she hadn't taken the paternal instinct into account. I adored that little girl from the moment she was born.

  'For the first year things weren't too bad, but then Caroline was offered a job in America, so she gave Phoebe to her sister and her husband, who were childless. They tried to stop me visiting my daughter. They never managed it completely, but there was a time when I was only seeing her once a month.

  'When she was four the marriage broke up. Caroline's sister went off with another man and her husband put Phoebe into care. The local authority tried to have her adopted. I had to take them to court to get her back.'

  'But what about Caroline? Didn't she take any more interest in her own child?'

  'Only at a distance. She sent the local authority a fax supporting me, but she didn't bother to come over. These days I get phone calls demanding to know if I'm educating our daughter properly, and criticising everything I do, but motherly duty stops there. I've taken Phoebe to America a couple of times to meet her, but they didn't get on. Phoebe thinks Caroline's narrow-minded.

  'We're happy together: a team. I've tried to make up to her for those first rotten years. I suppose it'll be a while before I know if I've succeeded, but I think she's turning out pretty well.'

  In the dim light Lee could see that his face was glowing with fatherly pride, and his voice was vibrant with love for his daughter. She smiled, feeling oddly warmer and closer to him now than she
'd done when he was trying to make love to her.

  'You don't have to be modest,' she said. 'Any parent would be proud of her.'

  'Well, I think so, but then I may be biased.' He grinned. 'I've learned a lot in looking after her. Chiefly I've discovered how fiercely women protect their territory.'

  'We do?'

  'Certainly. You think you're the only ones who know how to be mothers, and if a man dares to open his mouth you drive him off with harassment. When Phoebe was little, I used to take her to the clinic and we'd sit together in the waiting room with all the other mothers and their children. And every woman in the place would scowl at me for daring to think I could do her job.

  'Then we'd go in to see the nurse, who'd talk about "this poor little motherless mite". One even had the gall to tell me I should get married "because a child needs a mother". I've been a damned sight better mother to Phoebe than either of the two women who've tried it, I can tell you.'

  There was a crash from behind him. Lee, who could see what had happened, rocked with laughter at the sight of two waiters scrabbling on the floor, trying to retrieve the dishes they'd broken between them.

  'You should keep your voice down,' she said, wiping her eyes. 'That waiter heard you say you'd been a mother, turned to hear more and went right into another waiter who was doing the same thing.'

  She didn't add that it was the contrast between his words and his unmistakable masculinity that had caused the minor sensation. Even she, who knew by now that Daniel was a very unusual man, had a shock when she tried to reconcile the almost womanly tenderness of his love for his daughter with the dangerous virility that radiated from every line of him.

  Daniel grinned. 'I'll have to be careful what I say. I've never really talked to anyone about this before. I don't want it getting around.'

  'I should think you'd make it the subject of the next book.'

  'No,' he said at once. 'I shan't write about this. It's too painful. Besides, Phoebe wouldn't like it. But you see, I've come by my beliefs honestly.'