A Mother's Choice

by Val Wood

  There was no immediate answer and she was about to walk away when she heard the key turn and he looked out. His hair was tousled and he was wearing a dressing gown.

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to disturb you.’ Delia was embarrassed at finding him in a state of undress.

  ‘That’s all right. I was up, just being lazy.’ He smiled. ‘I didn’t sleep well.’

  ‘Nor I,’ she admitted. ‘Mr Dawson, I’m ashamed of being so abrupt when you were only trying to be kind.’

  He lifted his hands in a careless dismissal. ‘Where are you going now?’ he asked. ‘Have you had breakfast?’

  ‘Yes, I’m – just going for a walk to clear my head.’ She touched her forehead, signifying a headache.

  ‘Can you wait? We could perhaps have coffee and muffins; that would be nice, wouldn’t it? Breakfast on me! And I’ll promise not to ask questions.’ He raised his eyebrows.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she began again, but he shook his head.

  ‘Give me ten minutes and I’ll be down.’

  In ten minutes exactly he appeared in a warm overcoat, scarf and hat. ‘Where would you like to go, Miss Delamour? I know a place, but if you have a preference?’

  ‘No, wherever you say. I …’ She hesitated. ‘Last night Jenny and I went to the Maritime Hotel.’

  He took her elbow as they walked and she felt strangely comforted. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything,’ he assured her.

  ‘I know, but I want to explain.’ She felt the icy cold of winter on her cheeks and huddled into her scarf. ‘We were at school together, and were great friends, but when I left the district I … we lost touch. My fault entirely. I could have written to her, but I chose not to.’

  He steered her towards Market Place, and as they crossed over the bells of Holy Trinity began to peal. ‘We could go to church first, if you wish?’

  She glanced up at him to see if he was serious, but his face was impassive. ‘I don’t – as a rule.’

  He smiled. ‘Forced to as a youngster were you, as I was?’

  ‘Oh, no! My father said it was mumbo-jumbo and I wasn’t allowed. The only time I went was from school, Easter and Christmas, you know, and he didn’t know about that. I would have liked to go more, because then I could have sung.’

  ‘Couldn’t you sing at home?’

  ‘No. There wasn’t anything to sing about.’

  He pushed open a door to a small café on the edge of the street and the steamy warmth closed around them, as did the aroma of roast coffee beans and frying bacon.

  ‘I’m going to have coffee, bacon, eggs and sausage,’ he declared. ‘And then muffins.’ He greeted a woman behind the counter, who indicated a table in the corner already set with cups, saucers and cutlery.

  Delia sat down. ‘This is very cosy. I think I might have the same. The breakfast that Mrs Benson supplies is all right but not very sustaining.’

  He unfastened his coat and scarf and put them on the high back of his chair. ‘I quite agree. But as lodgings go it’s quite good. Shall I take your coat?’

  Delia undid the buttons of her coat and handed it to him but kept on her scarf. She was so cold; how she hated winter.

  They were brought coffee instantly and ordered breakfast, and Giles murmured, ‘It’s a role reversal here. The woman deals with the customers and her husband does the cooking.’

  ‘That’s the kind of husband I’d like,’ Delia answered, ‘and for him to sweep the floors and do the dusting as well.’

  He picked up her hand and examined it carefully. ‘Doesn’t look to me, Miss Delamour, as if you’ve ever done any!’

  ‘Not lately I haven’t’ – she retrieved her hand – ‘but I used to when I was a girl.’ The statement slipped out without her thinking. ‘It was expected of me,’ she added lamely. ‘Families like ours – that’s what we did.’

  ‘Of course, and that’s the way it still is for many.’ He poured them both a cup of coffee and with practised ease put hers at her side of the table. ‘And you’d perhaps have been expected to go into service if you hadn’t chosen the theatre, wouldn’t you? It’s the way of life unless you were born into the upper classes.’

  Delia poured milk into her coffee. ‘No,’ she muttered. ‘I was expected to stay at home and be the household drudge, just as I had been since I was old enough to hold a scrubbing brush or a duster.’

  He paused in the act of taking a sip of his black coffee and put the cup back on the saucer. ‘Then – well done in making your escape,’ he said slowly. ‘How very brave of you. Were you the only one at home?’

  She felt her throat tightening again. ‘Yes,’ she croaked. ‘I was, but I wasn’t brave. I was told to leave.’

  Why am I telling him this? We don’t know each other, and now that the theatre’s closed he’ll probably take up other engagements and I’ll never see him again. That’s the life we lead.

  Yet she felt compelled to talk. The catharsis of her discussion with Jenny was not yet complete. ‘You see, a young man I knew – he – assaulted me – and …’

  ‘You became pregnant,’ he said in a low voice. ‘And your parents thought it was your fault? A classic tale.’

  Numbly she nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said hoarsely. ‘And now I have a son, a handsome beautiful son.’ Tears welled in her eyes and coursed down her face and she brushed them swiftly away. ‘And that’s why I’m in the state I’m in.’

  The breakfast was brought and put in front of them. Two plates of bacon, eggs, sausage, tomatoes, fried bread and black pudding, and a separate plate of freshly baked bread and muffins.

  ‘Eat up,’ he said firmly, topping up her coffee cup. ‘And then we’ll talk. If you want to.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  ‘I think I’m all talked out,’ Delia said, looking down at the food on her plate and wondering if she could eat it all. ‘I had a long discussion with my friend Jenny last night. In fact,’ she glanced at the clock on the wall, ‘she insists on coming back today to take me to her rooms so we can try and make some sense of my situation.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘I’m a single woman, not earning much, with no home to call my own and a son to support.’

  He poured her more coffee from another jug that had been brought to the table, and she thought how nice it was to have something done for her, even something so simple as being poured a cup of coffee. It might seem trivial to some, but it gave her a wonderful sense of warmth and cordiality.

  ‘And where is your son now?’

  ‘He – erm, I left him with some people I know,’ she hedged. ‘He’s staying with them for the present, until I decide what I should do next.’

  He nodded and went on eating. Then he patted his mouth with a table napkin. ‘Is he old enough to be at school?’

  ‘Yes.’ She dropped her voice and traced a pattern on the plate with her fork. ‘He’s ten. That’s my main dilemma. I want him to go to school; he’s a bright boy and he deserves an education.’

  ‘The man who did this to you should be helping you,’ he said in a terse whisper, ‘but I suppose he didn’t want to know?’

  To give Jack Robinson his due, she thought, he was quite ignorant of my pregnancy. He had been a youth whose only thought was of taking his pleasure, not of any consequences that might ensue; and as he was committed to marrying someone else, what could he have done? She had never before given thought to what havoc would have been caused if she had confessed to Peggy Robinson that long ago day.

  ‘I never told him,’ she answered bleakly. ‘He was about to marry someone else.’

  They finished their breakfast in silence, and then Giles said, ‘It’s a predicament, I quite agree, and I wonder how you’ve managed to survive for the last ten years. What you need now is some kind of work that is stable and regular and where you can stay in one place.’

  She nodded. She knew that already. It was easy enough to work out the answer, not so easy to carry it out. To change the subject, she told him about the arran
gement she hoped to make over Christmas with the Maritime Hotel and he congratulated her on the plan. Then she glanced at the clock again. ‘I hate to rush, but I should be leaving,’ she said, and reached for her purse. ‘I said I’d meet her at the Maritime.’

  Giles called for the bill and paid, ushering away her offer to pay half. ‘I’ll walk with you, if I may?’ he said. ‘And I’m sorry I haven’t come up with an answer, but I’ll work on it. Put on my thinking-cap.’ He smiled.

  Delia was relieved, and thought that her confession hadn’t been as difficult as she had feared; perhaps some people were more broad-minded and tolerant than she’d previously thought.

  From Trinity Square they cut through Posterngate and walked alongside the warehouses on Princes Dock, pausing to watch a ship come in to berth. The gangplank was lowered and the crew came down, some heading towards the Seamen’s Mission, others hurrying towards the nearest hostelry; then Delia and Giles turned away from the icy wind blowing up the dock from the estuary and cut down more sheltered streets towards the hotel.

  ‘Won’t you come in and meet Jenny?’ she asked him. ‘She’ll be here fairly soon.’

  He agreed that he would, and they had only just taken a seat when Jenny arrived. They both rose to greet her and Delia said, rather shyly, ‘Jenny, I’d like you to meet Giles Dawson. You’ve heard me speak of him. Mr Dawson, this is Miss Jenny Robinson, a friend I have known since childhood.’

  Giles Dawson took Jenny’s outstretched hand and gave her a short bow. ‘Delighted to meet you, Miss Robinson. It must have been very agreeable for you and Miss Delamour to meet again. I am glad that she has your friendship and support in her present dilemma. If I can help in any capacity, then do tell me.’

  He turned to Delia and gave her a short bow too, and wishing them good day he took his leave.

  Jenny watched him go and then turned to Delia. ‘Well! You told him! How brave you are after all.’

  ‘I – I didn’t intend to. It was just that last night, when I got back from our meeting, I was so distressed that I’m afraid I was rather rude when he asked if he could help. This morning I apologized and he invited me out for breakfast, which is where we have come from. I haven’t told him everything, but he guessed why I’d left home. I suppose it was obvious.’ She turned to look towards the door where Giles had departed. ‘He was very understanding,’ she said quietly. ‘He’s rather nice, isn’t he?’

  Jenny smiled and raised a quizzical eyebrow; was Delia coming back to something like normality? ‘He is,’ she agreed. ‘Do you know anything about him, his background, his credentials?’

  Delia looked astonished and it showed in her voice. ‘No!’ she exclaimed. ‘I don’t. Why would I ask?’

  Jenny gave a little shrug. ‘Just wondered; assessing his worth, you know.’

  ‘With what intention? As a suitor, do you mean?’ Delia’s voice dropped to a breath.

  ‘Possibly,’ Jenny teased. Really, Delia was so innocent; so guileless.

  ‘So, do you – erm – that is, do you like him? Do you think that you and he …?’

  ‘Oh, not for me, you darling girl,’ Jenny exclaimed. ‘I’m a dyed-in-the-wool spinster. For you, of course!’

  Delia was very envious of Jenny’s rooms in Pearson Park. She had a lovely living room with a view over the park, a separate bedroom, and a bathroom just along the landing, and everything was in pristine condition.

  ‘It’s a new house,’ Jenny explained. ‘They all are, and all built to a certain standard. Zachariah Pearson bestowed the land on the people of Hull so that they could have a park to walk in and enjoy the trees and flowers and have picnics on the grass. Don’t you recall hearing about it?’

  Delia nodded. ‘Vaguely.’ She sighed. ‘It’s over ten years since I was last here and I didn’t stay very long. I made our escape to London as soon as I was given the chance. I didn’t want anyone to find me.’ She gave a bitter grimace. ‘But I don’t think that anyone was looking!’

  ‘That’s behind you now,’ Jenny said briskly. ‘Now, this is what I suggest.’

  She outlined her proposal of telling her mother everything but not until after Christmas when Jack and his wife and daughters had moved out to their new house.

  Delia was unsure about it and again wondered if she would be believed. After a long discussion, they finally agreed that Peggy would simply be told that Delia had borne Robin out of wedlock and she needed a home for him for a short time until she found regular employment.

  I don’t know if it will work, Jenny thought. Delia is so afraid of rejection again. But my mother isn’t stupid; nobody can pull the wool over her eyes, and if she guesses Jack’s the father I don’t know if she will agree not to tell Da, but I won’t tell Delia that. Let her just remain confident that Robin is being well looked after, which is what she really wants.

  They ate sandwiches and cake with a pot of tea, and as the day drew on and the sky began to darken they strolled across the park to the main road where Delia would catch the omnibus back to town.

  ‘You see how convenient it is,’ Jenny said. ‘I can get into town easily on this side of the park or on the other. I love it. And it’s really rather grand living in such an impressive house, even though only in part of it.’

  They said their goodbyes as a horse tram arrived and Delia climbed aboard. ‘Don’t worry,’ Jenny called after her. ‘Everything will work out well.’ She immediately thought of another plan that she wouldn’t tell Delia about, and added, ‘I’ll try to call in to see you at your lodgings next Saturday.’

  ‘What?’ Delia called back as the vehicle moved off, but Jenny just waved her hand.

  The following Friday after school Jenny hurried to the railway station to catch a train to Hedon. She hadn’t written to say she was coming in case she changed her mind, having thought about the visit, and wondered if she might be acting hastily, but having decided that she would go she’d written a note to Delia asking her to meet her for lunch at the Maritime the next day.

  Dusk had fallen as she arrived in Hedon and she knew she’d have to walk quickly if she were to get home before the skies completely darkened. She left the station and saw one of her cousins stepping into a trap.

  ‘Richard!’ she called. ‘Are you going home? Can I beg a lift to Thorn? I made a last-minute decision to come home for the weekend!’

  ‘Course you can. I’ve just come to put a parcel on board the train. How are you? It’s nice to see you. Will you be coming for Christmas?’

  ‘It’s nice to see you too, but I won’t be able to come at Christmas.’ Her cousin glanced at her curiously.

  ‘Can’t abide the interrogation, is that it?’ he asked. ‘I know the feeling. I’m always being quizzed about my business plans.’ He shook the reins and they moved off. ‘We’ll be doing the usual rounds of visiting, I expect. It’s quite exhausting, and I sometimes think I’d like to stay at home by my own fireside, but my mother would be upset. Has your mother still got that young lad staying with them? He and Ben have been hitting it off at school; they’ve become good pals. Ben said he makes all ’other bairns laugh.’

  ‘Does he? Yes, I think he’s still there. You know my ma, she loves having children to stay. Did you hear that Jack and Susan are moving out after Christmas?’ she said to change the subject. ‘Ma will miss having the girls there.’

  ‘But they’re keeping Molly with them, I understand? Susan told us she’s a handful to deal with.’

  Jenny prickled. ‘No she’s not! But she needs someone firm who understands her, and Susan plainly doesn’t.’

  ‘Ooh, touched a nerve there, did I?’

  ‘Yes, actually you did. Molly needs a chance, just the same as any other child. She’s very bright and eager to learn.’

  ‘Is she?’ he said in astonishment. ‘Not backward, then, as we’ve been led to believe?’

  ‘No!’ Jenny said. ‘Most definitely not. But she has a condition that means she’s slower than other children at doing things a
nd that frustrates her.’

  They reached Thorngumbald and he insisted on driving her to the farm. ‘It’s rather boggy down there, and besides, it’s dark. You’re a town girl now, aren’t you? Used to street lights?’ he teased her.

  ‘I am, but I’m not afraid of the dark of the countryside. I was born to it, don’t forget.’

  She invited him in when they reached the gate but he said he would get off home, for there would be a meal waiting. She thanked him for the lift and waved him goodbye as he turned the horse and trap round.

  Her mother was dishing up supper and all the children were sitting at the table waiting for it, but with the exception of Robin they all got up and rushed to give her a hug.

  ‘Well, what an unexpected treat,’ her mother beamed. ‘Have you walked from Hedon?’

  ‘No,’ she said, unwinding her scarf and slipping off her hat and coat. ‘I saw Cousin Richard at the station and he gave me a lift. It’s a short stay, but, well, I wanted to come and discuss something.’

  She turned back to the table. ‘Hello, Robin,’ she said. ‘My cousin Richard who gave me a ride home is your friend Ben’s father. He said how well you’re getting on together.’

  ‘Did he?’ Robin’s face lit up in delight. ‘Yes, we’re best mates. After the girls, I mean,’ he added hastily as Louisa and Molly turned to look at him. ‘It’s really, really nice to have so many friends.’

  Jenny smiled at the best mates description. He had quickly picked up the local expression. She made a pot of tea whilst the children were eating; her mother said that her father and brother were in the barn repairing something and would be in later for supper.

  ‘What was it you wanted to discuss?’ Peggy asked.

  ‘I’ll tell you later,’ Jenny murmured, ‘when the children aren’t around.’

  ‘Please may I get down?’ Rosie piped up, quickly followed by Emma and then Molly.