Colters舗 Promise

by Maya Banks

  Now she looked at it with different eyes. Holly and the dads’ cabin … it was where all the Colter children had grown up. There was a strong sense of home there. You couldn’t walk into their house without being swamped by love. History. The sense of family. There were pictures everywhere. Of Seth, Michael, and Dillon, and then Callie, who’d come along later and had been a surprise.

  That house was a symbol of everything she wanted most in the world. She’d always been a little awed by it. The family gatherings on the weekends for dinner. The easy way the Colters demonstrated their love for one another.

  She wanted all of that for herself. She wanted to start a new chapter in a solid legacy. She wanted her home to be filled with love and laughter. Children. Oh God, children.

  Did she have the courage to face her worst fears?

  When they got to the house, they filed through the back door. Dillon bent to take off her boots while Seth took her sweater after Michael unwrapped her from his coat.

  She headed for the kitchen, thinking hot chocolate would be nice, but then she stopped and turned, cocking her head.

  “What are you all doing home so early anyway? At the same time, even.”

  One of them being home early was nothing uncommon. But all three at the same time?

  There was definitely something up, and the more she caught their gazes and the determination etched in their faces, the more she realized that she was the reason for their early arrival.

  Seth caught her hand as she reached for a mug. He gently took the cup away and kissed her forehead. “If you want hot chocolate, I’ll get it for you. Why don’t you go into the living room? Dillon will build a fire so it’s warm. We want to talk to you.”

  A nervous flutter rose from her belly into her throat.

  “O-okay.”

  He gently nudged her in Michael’s direction and set about making the hot cocoa. Michael twined his fingers with hers and pulled her toward the living room, where Dillon was already lighting the kindling under the logs in the fireplace.

  Michael guided her toward the big, fluffy chair that was her favorite, and she reluctantly let him settle her down. It took all her control not to fidget. She wasn’t sure she could sit here calmly and have a rational conversation like they were obviously wanting.

  She needed to pace. To work out some of her nervous energy. How could she sit here and look them in the eye when her heart was about to beat out of her chest?

  Dillon stood up from his crouch in front of the hearth and turned just as Seth walked in carrying her mug of chocolate. She took it with shaky hands but quickly set it on the table next to her chair before she sloshed it all over herself.

  She pushed herself out of the chair, not able to sit still another moment. Michael caught her hand in his firm grasp as if he was afraid to let her go.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked quietly.

  Her first instinct was denial, to say nothing, act as if she had no idea what he was talking about. She tugged her hand away instead and turned, only to land against Dillon’s muscled chest.

  His agitation was evident in his tense, coiled muscles. For a long moment, he held on to her, his chest heaving against her as he gripped her. He buried his face in her hair and stroked one hand down her back.

  “What’s going on, Lily?” he asked. “Whatever it is, tell us so we can make you happy again.”

  She pulled away and smiled. That part was easy even when her insides were in such turmoil. Because all she had to do was think about them and their unwavering love and it brought her instant joy—and peace. Then she reached up to frame his strong jaw. “You always make me happy, Dillon. Always.” She took a deep steadying breath before she made her confession. “I’m just scared right now, and I don’t know what to do.”

  He gathered her hands in his and pulled them down between their bodies. His gaze pierced her, right to the heart, so intense. “You don’t ever have to be afraid.”

  The vehemence in his voice was reassuring. And she knew. She knew all of this logically. If there was one thing in this world she was sure of was that they’d always protect her and she really didn’t have to be afraid. But sometimes logic was so simple. Sometimes fear overran all else. Even common sense.

  She swallowed hard and then turned so she could see the others. Seth was staring at her, his blue eyes fierce, but he waited. Tense. Stiff. As if he feared what it was she had to say.

  She’d made such a muck of this. Because of her fears, she’d made them afraid.

  This wasn’t the way it should have happened. She should have made a special dinner. Should have asked them how their day went. Snuggled on the couch. Gone to bed, made love, and in the aftermath told them that they were going to be fathers.

  And now there was no escape. No do-overs. No way she could pretend nothing was wrong and then plan the big moment for the next night. She’d utterly ruined everything and it was too late to salvage the mess she’d made.

  “Talk to us, Lily,” Seth pleaded. “We don’t like to see you unhappy. Is it …” He broke off, rubbed the back of his neck with his palm. Then he dropped his hand and stared back at her with tortured eyes. “Is it us? Are you no longer happy with the arrangement we have?”

  Her mouth dropped open in shock. “What? No!” Oh God. It was what they all believed. She’d done this. Made them doubt her commitment because they’d noticed her unhappiness and her distance.

  She closed her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

  It came out barely a whisper, the words so final. When she opened her eyes, they were staring at her in total surprise.

  The multitude of emotions that registered on their faces was hard to track. There was relief. They’d obviously expected something far worse. There was uncertainty, as if they weren’t sure they could express their happiness over such news. And there was worry and fear because they knew that of all things, she feared having another child the most.

  Seth blew out his breath and wiped a hand over his mouth. He was always, or at least usually, so self-assured. As sheriff he had to be, and he always knew what to say. But now he seemed, for lack of a better word, lost.

  Michael looked shell-shocked, and for the first time she realized how just blurting out such news had affected them. Damn it, but she’d just ruined what should have been a special moment. Perhaps one of the most special moments of their lives. She knew how badly they wanted children. A large family like they’d grown up in. They’d been patient and understanding with her fears. They’d never pushed her. Not once. They’d been willing to wait as long as she needed, or to forego having children altogether if that was her wish.

  But deep down, she’d known how much they wanted their own family.

  Now she’d made a complete and utter mess and she was horrified by her selfishness.

  Tears stung her eyes and she put a hand to her mouth to stifle the sob choking her. They’d done so much to make her happy, and she couldn’t even give them this one thing without making it sound like the end of the world?

  “I’m so sorry,” she said in agony. “You didn’t deserve this. Not this way.”

  “Lily,” Dillon began.

  She shut him out. For the first time she could ever remember, she purposely turned away, closing herself off from her husbands.

  She hurried toward the back, wanting—needing—fresh air. To be able to breathe around the huge knot in her throat. So that maybe she wouldn’t dissolve into tears or completely break down and lose what little composure she had left.

  The cold was a slap in the face, but it was what she needed. Her boots, haphazardly shoved onto her feet, were awkward as she trekked through the snow toward her bench.

  She really had no idea where she was going. Or she did, but knew it was no escape. She was so angry at herself for doing this to them.

  Of all the ways to tell them that they were going to have a son or daughter, this wasn’t one she’d wanted. They would forever associate their firstborn with their mother freaking
out and being a selfish twit. Not exactly what she’d want to put into a scrapbook or memory book.

  She sank onto the bench and bowed her head, covering her face with her hands.

  Almost immediately, warm, strong hands slid over her shoulders. Seth and Michael settled onto the bench next to her while Dillon crouched in front of her. He gently pried her hands away from her face, his expression warm and loving.

  “I’m so sorry,” she choked out.

  “What for? For being human and being scared?” Dillon asked quietly. “Lily, you don’t have to put on a brave front with us. You don’t have to pretend.”

  Michael smoothed a hand over her hair and then leaned in to press a kiss to the top of her head. On her other side, Seth slid his hand over hers and laced their fingers together.

  “How do you feel about it?” Seth asked softly.

  “Scared,” she admitted. It felt good to say it out loud. To get it out there. “It caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared and so when I learned that I was for sure pregnant, all the grief over Rose just came back. All the old fears. For a while I was back there in that time, feeling just as I felt then. Exhausted, helpless, alone. Oh God, I don’t want to ever feel that way again.”

  Michael pulled her back into his arms and she laid her head back against his chest while Seth still held tightly to her hand. “I’m sorry, Lily. We were so careful, or we tried to be. You have to know we wouldn’t have you feel this way for anything in the world. We just want you to be happy, and if that meant never having a child, we were okay with that.”

  She appreciated the sentiment, but she was beyond the what-ifs now. She didn’t have the luxury of imagining or weighing whether she ever wanted to have another child or not. It was here. Her reality. She was pregnant, and she’d never ever do anything to change that fact.

  “I want this baby,” she said quietly, fiercely. “I’m scared out of my mind, but I want it. I love him or her already.”

  A shiver stole over her. Dillon peeled off his coat and arranged it around her body so she would have it and Michael’s body for warmth.

  Seth raised the hand he still held and kissed her palm and then each finger. “We’ll be here for you, Lily. I need you to trust in that. We’ll never let you down. No one will ever be more loved than you and that baby.”

  Her heart melted and some of the awful fear that had held her captive for so long loosened and slipped away.

  “I know. I do trust you. I love you all so very much. I just need some time. To adjust. I’m so sorry I ruined the moment. It should have been special.”

  Dillon put a finger over her lips. “You are what’s special to us. It’s going to be different this time, Lily. I swear it.”

  She glanced at the faces of her husbands, at the earnest determination in their eyes. Saw the love—love for her—reflected in their depths.

  Yes, it would be different this time, and she had faith—in them, and in herself—that this time her miracle wouldn’t slip away.

  CHAPTER 9

  ADAM Colter watched as his wife, Holly, decorated the huge family Christmas tree with Ethan and Ryan hovering to make sure she didn’t fall off the ladder.

  It’s not that they wouldn’t have been more than happy to decorate while she oversaw the project, but Holly was determined that she hang every ornament and exclaim over each one as she did so. Every single one reflected a memory for the Colter family through the years, and each Christmas the tree grew heavier with those collected memories.

  Maybe it was his age, but he seemed to grow more nostalgic with each passing year. He’d watched his children grow up under this very roof. He and his brothers had watched their wife blossom under their love and protective umbrella, and in return she’d given them something so infinitely precious that they could never want for more.

  Now his children had spread their wings. They’d left the nest and yet they were all right here, surrounding him. All had come back. There had been several points in his life when he couldn’t have imagined being happier. The births of his children. Callie being born in the meadow. Holly returning to him and his brothers when they’d thought they’d lost her. But nothing compared to right here, right now.

  His wife slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him to her. “What has you so deep in thought over here?”

  He blinked, realizing that the tree was done and the lights sparkled like tiny diamonds hung over the thick limbs. He smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

  “I was just thinking about my children and my wife.”

  Holly turned her face up and smiled back. “Good thoughts then.”

  “The best.”

  She sighed and stared back toward the tree and then let her gaze wander to her other husbands as they cleaned up the boxes and put them away until the tree came down.

  “This year we’ll have Lauren. Callie’s so worried about her. She hasn’t left Callie and Max’s place since she got here a few days ago. Callie says she’s so ashamed, and my heart just aches for her. I want to go over and just hug her.”

  “Why don’t you?” Adam asked, smiling at how tenderhearted his beautiful wife was.

  Holly hesitated. “Because I know how it feels. That kind of shame. Even as you know it’s not yours to bear, you can’t shake it.”

  He squeezed her, anger still fresh and fast to surface when he remembered what she’d endured at her first husband’s hands. The little bastard had died in prison the previous year, which only brought a small measure of satisfaction to Adam and his brothers. They would have much preferred to make him suffer a long, slow, painful death.

  “It’s precisely why you should go visit her,” he said softly. “You more than anyone know exactly what she’s going through.”

  “I want her to venture out,” Holly said, her lips firming in resolution. “Everyone will spoil her endlessly and restore her faith in the male species. She needs that.”

  Adam nodded. “Be patient. She’ll take on the world and venture out of her safe haven when she’s ready. But there’s nothing to say that you can’t go over and lend her your love and support.”

  Holly checked her watch and then let out an exclamation. “I’ve got to run. I’m supposed to go see Lily today.”

  “I’ll drive you,” Ethan said from across the room. “I need to go into town anyway.”

  Holly frowned and shook her head. “No need.”

  Adam exchanged raised eyebrows with his brothers. Holly had been acting awfully suspicious lately. Not that she didn’t often visit Lily, but during the last week, she’d gone down there with increasing frequency and she was adamant that no one accompany her.

  Ryan’s lips thinned and he crossed his arms over his chest as though he was about to argue, but then he seemed to think better of it and abruptly backed down. “What time will you be back?” he asked gruffly. “It’s supposed to snow again.”

  Holly considered the matter a moment and then did another check of her watch. “I’ll be home by dark. Promise. I may stop in to check on Callie—and Lauren, but I’ll call you from her house if I do.”

  Adam pulled her up and kissed her lingeringly. “Be careful, okay? We worry when you’re away from us.”

  She shot him a dazzling smile and hurried away to get her purse and keys. As soon as she left the room, Adam shot his brothers a seeking glance.

  “What the hell is our sweet little wife up to?”

  Ethan shook his head. “Hell if I know, but she scares me when she gets this way. There’s no telling what she has up her sleeve.”

  Ryan frowned and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You think everything is okay with Lily? Have the boys said anything lately about any problems they might be having? Holly’s been spending a lot of time with her lately.”

  Adam rubbed his hand over his chin as he pondered the possibility. But no. Seth, Michael, and Dillon all seemed happy. Content. At total peace. You could sense it in them. And there’d been nothing in Lily’s actions to hint a
t any turmoil. She was as sweet as ever. Quiet, shy, but fierce in her protection of the people she loved.

  Finally he shrugged. “It does us no good to stand around and speculate. Sooner or later we’ll know what she’s up to. Until then we’ll just have to be patient.”

  HOLLY pulled into Callie’s driveway just as dusk was blanketing the mountains. Snow flurries spun and spiraled in crazy swirls, melting on the windshield as she cut the engine. Instead of calling her husbands as she’d promised, she sent a text to all three that she was safe at Callie’s and would be home shortly. It saved time and prevented the inevitable concern she’d hear in their voices.

  And to be honest, she wasn’t feeling entirely wonderful. She had a chill and a fiery ache had settled into her right side. The fever could well be the result of being exposed to Callie’s strep throat, and she could only assume she’d eaten something over the past several days that hadn’t agreed with her. She and Lily had cooked enough Christmas dinners to feed an entire battalion. Twice. But she was confident that come Christmas Day, she was going to serve her family the best holiday dinner they’d ever tasted.

  With a sigh, she climbed out of the SUV and headed toward Callie’s front door. The entire front of Callie’s house was decorated in bright, colorful Christmas lights. A large wreath hung on the door, and framed in the huge picture window stood the tree, ablaze with over a thousand white lights. Callie had always loved Christmas. Every bit as much as Holly did. It warmed Holly through that her daughter had her own home just a short distance away from her parents. She missed her babies when they were away and of all her children, Callie had spent the most time away from home. Now she was back where she belonged and Max would keep her centered. He’d calmed her restless spirit and had given her a safe haven.

  As she reached the steps, the porch light came on and the door opened, revealing Max.

  “Hello, Mrs. C. Come in, come in. Here, let me take your coat.”