“Um, sure.” I open the door, a little confused over what she wants. I mean, we talk to each other and everything, but not a lot. Besides, she’s never up this early. In fact, she’s still wearing her pajamas, her brown hair in a messy bun, her eyes crammed with sleepiness.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hey.” I wait for her to say something, but she just stands there, seeming undecided about something, which is strange. At almost sixteen years old, Fiona is more confident than most adults. She always says what she wants without giving a shit about what people think. I admire her for that. Envy her in some ways.
“I just wanted to see if you are okay,” she finally mutters through a sigh.
I nod, totally confused. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she assesses me closely. “You’re up really early.”
“So are you,” I point out.
“I know, but I thought I felt”—she shifts her weight—“heard you have a nightmare.”
I’d be alarmed by her weirdness, but she’s always been kind of a weirdo. Who am I to judge when I’m the biggest freak of them all?
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“You didn’t. I was already awake.”
“Oh.”
A gap of silence stretches between us where she just stares at me. I swear to God, she’s trying to read my mind or something. That thought freaks me out and makes me question my sanity.
She can’t read minds, Sadie. Quit being weird. Because, if she could, she’d never come near you again.
“That’s true,” the dead girl says from behind me.
I try not to jolt from the sound of her voice. Still, Fiona gives me a strange look as her gaze wanders behind me.
I momentarily tense as her eyes linger on the dead girl. Holy crap, can she see her?
Then she looks back at me, frowning. “Are you sure you’re okay?
I nod. “Yeah, I’m great.” What a little liar I’ve become.
“All right.” She looks sad as she turns and walks away, muttering something about leaving me alone.
I don’t know why she’s upset, but I have a strange feeling I played a part in it. I hate myself for it. Hate myself for not being a very good big sister.
Sucking in a deep breath, I turn around to face the dead girl, knowing she’s waiting for me like she usually is. Except, this time she’s gone
I scan my room, figuring she has to be hiding somewhere. After looking around and not finding her anywhere, I give up and start getting dressed. Deep down, I know she’ll be back, like she’s done for the past couple of weeks.
She always comes back, even when she dies.
6
Sadie
The most depressing song is playing from the stereo, putting a damper on what should be a good, huge step forward day.
Today is moving day. I’ll officially be living on my own for the first time since I escaped from my father and the cult. Okay, technically, I won’t be living alone all the time. I’m sharing a condo with Ayden and Lyric. But, since their band has become extremely popular, they’ll be on the road more than they’ll be here.
I don’t mind that too much. I like that I’ll be trying to take care of myself. At nineteen years old, I should already be doing it, yet I’m terrified I won’t be able to handle being alone so much.
This is a good thing.
You can handle this.
Deep down, I know everyone who hurt me is currently behind bars, sentenced to life in prison without parole. Most of the cult got the same sentencing, although a few people had lesser charges—I got the news the other day. They’ll still be in jail for decades, and I like to think that I helped make that happen.
Everything will be okay. That is, unless they make appeal and win. That thought haunts me every day, almost as badly as the dead girl.
Abandoning the boxes I’m supposed to be unpacking, I cross the spacious living room and change the song to “PV” by Seahaven.
“There. Much better.” I return to the boxes, ready to get unpacked and settled into my new life, when I instantly slam to a halt at seeing her in the corner of the room, curled up in a ball.
“Why? You didn’t help me.” Her wide, glassy eyes nearly swallow her sunken face, more emotional than the last time I saw her. “Why didn’t you help me, Sadie? I don’t understand. Why didn’t you save me?”
“I wanted to,” I choke out, the emotions in her eyes overwhelming me. “I swear I did. But I just …” I don’t know what to tell her. The truth? Then I’ll have to admit it aloud, and I’m not ready to do that. I’m not ready to utter aloud what I did and didn’t do while I was trapped behind the walls of that awful house. Besides, I can’t even remember everything. “I’m sorry.”
Guilt crushes my chest. I don’t even know her name, the girl whose life I ruined. I don’t even know who she is.
“You’re sorry? Like that somehow makes up for it? It doesn’t. Like I said before, you have a lot more to do before you can make up for what you did.” She’s calmer now. “And you’re not even close to making that happen. If fact, you’re getting further away every single day. And letting the girl send me away … that was cruel.”
“What girl?”
“Like you don’t already know.”
“I really don’t.” It’s the truth. I have no clue what she’s talking about.
“The girl who lives in your old house,” she says. “Your fake sister.”
“Fake sister …?” My eyes widen. Is she talking about Fiona?
“Don’t let her ever do that again,” she says. “Or else you’ll never be able to erase what you did.”
I don’t know what to do, whether she’s lying about Fiona. I mean, how could Fiona have sent her away? Sure, the girl’s sort of weird, but she can’t send away ghosts … Can she?
God, I sound fucking crazy right now.
A shaky, aching breath wrenches from my chest as I focus on the dead girl. “I don’t understand what you want from me. You know what I did. Nothing I do now will ever erase that.”
“You know that’s not true. You just need to try harder to figure it out.” She starts fading away like the ghost she is, and I watch her vanish, just like I did years ago, when I did absolutely nothing to help her.
I hate myself for it.
Loathe what I didn’t do.
But I’m not sure what’s worse: when I did nothing or did something.
“Sadie, are you okay?” Lila appears in front of me with the last of my boxes in her arms.
I dare a peek at the corner of the room and relief washes over me like warm water. The girl has completely vanished from my life once again. At this point, though, I know she’ll be back.
“I’m fine,” I lie to Lila, tearing my attention away from the corner. “I’m just a little tired. I think I stayed up too late last night, studying for the test I have to take on Friday. Plus, I’ve been packing.” I shrug, peeling a strip of tape off one of the boxes labeled Books.
Lila sets the box she’s carrying down. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you? It just seems like”—she glances at the corner of the room, then her worried eyes land on me—“like you’ve been distracted lately.”
Lately? The last year and a half of my life has been nothing but a distraction.
Still, I play it cool and force a smile. “There’s just so much going on. I promise I’m okay.”
Lila continues to study me with concern. “I know you’ve been working hard to get your GED and to get your own place, but you need to make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself. Ethan and I are proud of you, but we’re worried you might be putting too much pressure on yourself to catch up on”—hesitancy crosses her expression—“well, the years you’ve missed out on. But there’s no rush. You know that, right? You have time to just enjoy life for a little while and take things one day at a time. If you take on too much too soon, you could add more stress. You can just be young for a bit. Enjoy it. Enjoy life.”
Enjoy life? God, how I wish that were possible.
I know it’s not. Take the other day for example, when Sage offered me to come hang out with him. I wanted to do it so badly, and look how that turned out.
“I’m not trying to rush stuff … I just like to stay busy. And I’m not stressed out.” I don’t know that for sure. Stress has been such a natural part of my life for so long that it almost feels unnatural when I’m calm. “I just want to get this GED thing out of the way, and then I’ll take a break and do something youthfully crazy.”
Her eyes light up. “Maybe you could go spend some time with Ayden and Lyric for a while when they head out on their new tour. I know they’d love for you to go with them.”
For the last couple of months, Ayden has subtly hinting I should go on the road with him and his band. While I’ve come a long way since I was pulled out of that house, I’m not sure I’m ready to dive in to that much of society yet. I’m already nervous to live on my own. Still, I know it’s time for me to grow up and start taking care of myself, give the Gregorys a break from constantly stressing over me. Hell, even Fiona has started stressing about me, and she’s not even sixteen years old yet. She shouldn’t have to worry about her older sister who’s only been her older sister for a year.
Yet, none of the Gregorys have complained, though I know it has to wear them down. They did put up quite the argument when I broke the news that I’d be moving out. I think that once I’m gone, they’ll realize it’s for the better. On top of Fiona, Lila and Ethan have two other adopted teenagers still living at home. And they don’t need the added stress of a messed-up nineteen-year-old who’s old enough to take care of herself.
“You don’t have to go. I’d never pressure you to do anything, sweetie.” Lila smooths my hair out of my eyes, acting more motherly than my real mother ever did. “I want you to enjoy life. You deserve it. And I know how much you love spending time with Ayden and Lyric. In fact, he’s the one who asked me to ask you to go with them. I think he’s worried about you being here alone when they’re gone. And so am I.”
What I deserve is to fade into the wall with that girl.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally tell her, more to give her peace of mind than anything.
She smiles, her gaze flicking toward the corner of the room again. For a panicking second, I swear she’s going to ask me what I was staring at.
“And if you don’t go, you’re always welcome to come stay with us whenever you want,” she says. “You’ll always be part of our family, even if we don’t live under the same roof. You know that, right?”
She always worries that I won’t think of myself as part of the family. I don’t think that at all. The Gregorys have been more of a family to me than my real parents ever were.
My chest squeezes as I think about all the pain, death, loss, heartache, and misery my brothers and I experienced from our parents.
But it’s over now.
You need to remember that.
Otherwise, you’ll sink way …
Down.
I shove the thoughts from my mind and give Lila a reassuring smile. “I know that.”
“Good.” She flicks a reluctant glance at the front door. “I really need to get going. I have to pick up the kids from school.” Her gaze settles back on me. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with me? I could drop you off a little bit later when Lyric and Ayden are here.”
“I want to get stuff unpacked,” I tell her. “I promise I’ll be okay on my own for a few hours. I need to get used to it, anyway.”
“Okay …” She seems torn over whether or not to leave, her gaze dancing back and forth between me and the door. “Just promise me you’ll call if you need anything. I’ll try to visit every day. I know that probably seems a little extreme, but I want to, okay?”
I nod, and then she hugs me goodbye. I’m tense in her arms, usually am when anyone hugs me. I suck in a deep breath to regain my composure.
After Lila leaves, I busy myself with unpacking my belongings. For the first hour, I’m uneasy about being alone in the condo. Every noise, every shadow causes my heart to sputter.
About seven boxes in, I take a break, get out the guitar Ayden gave me, and settle on the couch. Aligning my fingers on the strings, I strum a few chords. I’ve been playing for less than a year, and I’m not very good, but I find a sense of peace when music surrounds me. It shuts out the outside world, the worried thoughts in my head, the noise, and numbs me into oblivion. I guess this is sort of what Sage was talking about when he said I should find something I’m good at and that is fun. I don’t think I’m very good, though. But that’s okay.
If only I could carry the guitar around with me everywhere I go, then maybe I could stop having to run to calm down.
As the song switches to a slower, softer beat, I relax back in the sofa, playing and singing along. Even when the song ends, I continue playing, adding my own words, my own rhythm, creating my own song.
By the time I’m finished, I’m almost in tears. I let a few escape, giving myself a few moments to let it all out. It’s when I hold it all in, trap the pain inside, that my emotions start to become a real problem.
After a minute of silently crying, I dab my eyes then start to get to my feet to return to unpacking, when suddenly, the front door starts to open.
Panic pulsates through me. No one is supposed to be here.
What if it’s them?
What if they’ve gotten out of jail somehow?
What if they’ve come back for me?
Why the hell did I not lock the door?
I thought I did!
I bolt toward the front door, when it flies open.
Shit! I have no way out.
Trapped!
Again!
The dead girl laughs from somewhere.
Oxygen is ripped from my lungs as I raise the guitar, ready to swing it at whoever walks through the front door. Ready to fight for my life, just like I did for years.
7
Sadie
My heart slams into my chest and blood roars in my eardrums as a guy barrels inside the front door.
“Hell yeah, it’s—”
Without hesitation, I cut him off by swinging the guitar forward.
“What the hell?” He swiftly shoots his arm up, stopping the guitar right before it slams into the side of his head.
I slowly, and very embarrassingly, realize the person standing in front of me isn’t an intruder breaking in to kill me. It’s Sage Davis.
Lovely. If he didn’t already think I was a freak, he sure as hell does now.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry,” I say. “I thought you were someone trying to break in.”
“It’s okay,” he replies, a little breathless. “I probably should’ve knocked first, but Lyric gave me a key. I thought it’d be funny to scare the shit out of her and Ayden.”
I take a few measured breaths. “They’re not here. You did scare the crap out of me, though. But, I guess you probably kind of got that.”
“Yeah, I definitely did.” His shock turns into amusement as he casually slants against the doorjamb and gives me that lazy, I-know-I’m-hot smile. “I kind of feel sorry for the bastard who does dare to try to break in. You’re kind of a badass, Sadie. You came about an inch away from knocking me out cold—”
Suddenly, Nolan, the bassist in the band, throws open the door to the porch and runs into the living room, instantly grinding to a halt as his gaze flicks between the guitar in my hand raised like a baseball bat to Sage. “Whoa. What’d I miss?”
“Sadie’s not very happy about our little entrance,” Sage explains, amusement sparkling in his eyes as he winks at me. “She was going to beat me with her guitar to punish me, but I talked her out of it. Told her a whip was much more useful for punishment.”
My cheeks flame as I lower the guitar to my side. Dammit, why does he have to say those things to me? It makes me want him. Want normal. Two things I can never hav
e.
“I didn’t know it was you guys. I thought someone was breaking in,” I lamely explain to Nolan. Then I turn toward Sage. “I’m really sorry for almost hitting you.”
“Relax, you’re fine.” Sage reaches toward me, to pat me on the shoulder, pull me in for a kiss—who the hell knows? And for a moment, I consider staying where I am and finding out. Then my fear gets the best of me and I step back.
Sage frowns at my move.
“Are Lyric and Ayden here?” Nolan asks, wandering across the living room and passed us.
I shake my head. “They went to the store to buy some stuff for the place.” I fidget with the hem of my black T-shirt then fiddle with the leather bands on my wrists, nervous to be alone with the two of them. Not because I don’t trust them, but because I don’t trust myself not to freak the hell out while being alone with them. I also don’t trust the dead girl not to show up and make me feel and act like a total crazy person. “They should be back soon, though.”
Nolan’s forehead creases. “I thought I heard them practicing when I walked up to the door.”
I prop my guitar against the wall. “That was me, actually.”
“Really? Wow. You sounded pretty awesome.” Nolan gives me a smile that I’ve seen a lot of girls swoon over.
Nolan is the polar opposite of Sage. While Sage is all blue hair, piercings, tattoos, and loves to wear black; Nolan’s blond hair and stylish clothes make him look as though he’s part of a pop boy band instead of the alternative rock one he plays for. He’s definitely cute, but my heart doesn’t lose its damn mind when he smiles at me, like it does sometimes when I’m talking to Sage. Oddly, it makes talking to Nolan a little easier.
“I didn’t know you played.” Sage observes me with intrigue.
I shrug, feeling extremely self-conscious with so much attention on me. “I mess around sometimes. It helps me calm down, kind of like the drums do for you. Only, unlike you, I’m not very good.”
“That’s not true at all,” Nolan insists. “You sounded great. Maybe it should be more than just a hobby.”
Fated by Darkness Page 4
