A giggle escapes my lips. Then I hurriedly bite down on my lip. “I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re not that scary. Lyric even says so all the time. That you’re the sweetest guy she’s ever met.”
“I can be scary when I need to be,” he says as we exit the carport and head across the grass toward the condo. “As your big brother, it’s my job to protect you.”
“From guys like Sage?” I find the whole conversation oddly funny, mostly because we seem so normal at the moment, just a brother trying to protect his sister from a guy.
“From every guy in the world. I want to protect you, Sadie … like I didn’t before.” He swallows a lump in his throat.
“Ay …” My voice is soft. “I wish you’d stop saying that. What happened to me, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m still going to do everything I can to protect you.” He stares up at the sky, squinting against the sunlight, his expression carrying so much guilt it hurts my heart. “I’m never going to let anything happen to you ever again.”
I want to argue with him and tell him he’s wrong. What happened to me wasn’t his fault. But we’ve had the conversation at least a dozen times, and no matter what I say, I can’t seem to alleviate his guilt.
“Well, thanks for protecting me, but I really doubt Sage is going to hit on me.” I keep my tone light, hoping to bring Ayden out of his guilty funk. “Especially after I tried to hit him in the face with my guitar.”
He looks away from the sky to me with his brow arched. “I know I should be surprised, but honestly, I don’t think that’s the first time a girl has tried to hit Sage with a guitar. Still, I’m really curious why you did.”
I quickly explain to him what happened, finishing up my story by the time we reach the front door of the condo.
“I’ll have a talk with them.” Ayden sets the grocery bags down on the ground and reaches for the doorknob. “They need to not just walk in like that.”
“They were just trying to be funny and scare you guys,” I tell him. “They didn’t know I was here.”
“Still, I want them to at least get in the habit of knocking before they walk in. I know they’re my friends, but we need to have a little bit of boundaries.”
He’s just saying that for my benefit. Ayden is probably the most laidback and non-confrontational guy in the world. I don’t really think he’d care if Sage and Nolan barged in when Lyric and him were there. Well, unless they were, like, fooling around or something. He’s just doing what he promised and trying to protect me.
I start to protest that he doesn’t need to talk to Sage and Nolan, but he’s already walking into the condo. Sighing, I step inside, hoping everyone has forgotten my breakdown by now. Or, will at least pretend they have.
When I see only Lyric in the living room, rummaging around in a box for something, I exhale in relief. Sage and Nolan must have left out the back door when I was out at the car. Thank God.
But the relief is short-lived when Sage strolls out of the hallway, twirling a drumstick between his fingers.
“Lyric, why the hell do you have one of my drumsticks in your stuff?” His gaze momentarily flicks to mine, his expression indecipherable.
“That’s so not yours, dude.” Lyric marches across the room and snatches the drumstick from Sage while Ayden wanders into the kitchen to unload the groceries. “See?” She points at something written on the wood. “Ethan Gregory. Written right there. Not Sage Davis.”
He steals the drumstick back. “Ethan Gregory, huh? Didn’t know you got a name change. Kind of sounds dude-ish if you ask me, but whatever.”
Lyric swats his arm but laughs. “Fine. It’s Ayden’s and Sadie’s dad’s drumstick, but that makes it more mine than yours.”
“How do you figure that?” he asks with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.
Lyric places her hands on her hips. “Um, because Ethan likes me more than you. And so do Ayden and Sadie.”
“They do, huh?” Sage rubs his scruffy jawline. “Maybe we should ask Sadie who she likes more.”
Both of them look at me expectantly.
I squirm. “Um …” So awkward.
Ayden stops putting food in the cupboard, his lips parting. Before he can say anything, though, I set down the bags in the entryway and elevate my hands in front of me.
“I’m not going to answer that question.”
“Only because you don’t want to hurt Sage’s feelings.” Lyric throws a smirk in Sage’s direction, flipping her long, blonde hair off her shoulders.
Sage’s eyes remain on me. “I don’t know, Lyric. I know you’re dating her brother, but I think Sadie might be sparing your feelings.”
I want to shrink back from his intense gaze, bury myself in the ground where no one can see me. Well, part of me does. The other part of me wants him to keep looking at me like that.
Want.
Fear.
Need.
Fear.
Desire.
Fear.
A toxic, out of control, confusing combination.
I keep my feet planted to the floor. “I like you both equally. I promise.”
Sage’s mouth curls into a pleased grin, causing puzzlement to carve deep inside me. Why is he so happy about that?
“All right, Lyric, you can have the drumstick.” He tosses her the drumstick then turns around, casting one last glance over his shoulder at me, winking, before disappearing down the hallway.
I stand there, stupidly dazed, like a girl … Well, a girl who’s never had a guy wink at her before. At least, not in a welcoming sort of way. Sage is always doing that to me. Why, though?
The conversation Ayden and I just had breezes through my mind. Is that what Sage is doing—hitting on me?
I shake my head. No, there’s no way. Especially after I flipped out when he tried to get too close to me.
“What are they doing back there?” Ayden asks, walking up to Lyric.
The sound of his voice jolts me out of my daze.
Lyric shrugs, peering into the box she is digging through. “I think they’re trying to help put the furniture together. But let me stress the trying part.” She sticks her hands inside the box and takes out a framed photo. “I love them to death, but unless it involves music and notes, those two suck at putting stuff together.” She positions the frame on top of the entertainment center then moves back to admire the picture of her and Ayden taken backstage at a concert. Both of them are smiling and look so content with their arms around each other. “That’s one of my favorite pictures of us.”
“It’s a gorgeous photo.” Ayden slips an arm around her waist and pulls her closer, kissing her head. “But only because you’re in it.”
Lyric rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. Maybe we should ask our fans? I’m sure a ton of them would step in and say that my sweet, shy boy makes that photo so beautiful.”
“You’re delusional,” he says in a playful tone.
“You know, sometimes I can be, but not with this.” She hooks her arms around the back of his neck, stands on her tiptoes, and presses her lips to his.
I flee from the living room, knowing they won’t come up for air for a while. That’s the one downfall of sharing a place with them. They’re totally in love, so much so that Ayden is going to propose to Lyric sometime soon. At least, that’s the rumor on the street.
I’m so happy for them and everything, but with them making out all the time, things sometimes get awkward. I thought after a year of watching their PDA it’d get easier to be around, but it hasn’t. It makes me think too much about the last time a guy showed me affection and how wrong, twisted, and ugly I felt inside. I used to tell myself that maybe the feeling was normal, but after being around Ayden and Lyric, Lila and Ethan, and every other loving couple I’ve crossed paths with, I realized it wasn’t. And I realized how much I wanted to be normal and how I probably never will be.
Nothing about what happened to me is normal.
Nothin
g about me is normal.
I’m all sorts of wrong.
Panic strangles me as I reach my room, shutting the door and fumbling to lock it before slumping to the ground.
“I’m so messed up.” I hug my knees to my chest. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
“None of us do.” The girl appears in the middle of my room between the unmade bed and unpacked boxes. “But only some of us can be fixed.”
“Go away,” I whisper. “You’re not real, and you’re making this worse.”
The girl stares at me, scrutinizing me, judging me for what I did her.
“Please,” I beg, curling myself into a ball so I can no longer see her.
Still, I can feel her watching me, haunting me, reminding me that blood stains my hands.
8
Sage
“We rocked that performance,” I say as I head off stage, tucking my drumsticks into my back pocket. I’m dripping with sweat, and my hands and arms ache, yet I’m more content than I’ve been all week. I always feel pumped up after a performance, no matter how small or large the venue. Right now, we just finished playing a set at Lyric’s dad’s club, which brings in a pretty decent-sized crowd. “We need to celebrate. Let’s go out to a club or something and get fucked up.”
“Ayden and I can’t,” Lyric says as she wipes the sweat from her brow. “We’re picking up Sadie tonight and taking her out to dinner to celebrate.”
My elation nosedives. Partying is pretty much the only thing I look forward to, besides playing. It gives me a break from all the shitty things that have taken over my life. Going out, getting wasted and high until my mind is so far gone I can barely grasp all the shittiness going on in my personal life.
I grab a bottle of water from a table backstage and twist off the cap. “Celebrate what?”
Lyric hesitantly glances at Ayden. “Um …”
“Sadie took her GED test today, so we want to take her out to dinner,” Ayden tells me, grabbing a can of soda from the beverage table.
While I knew Sadie didn’t graduate high school, the GED comment throws me off since Ayden rarely divulges anything about his sister. I wish he would, though. Wish I could learn more about the sad girl with the sad eyes that I want to desperately help, yet know I can’t. Not just because I suck at helping, but also because half the time the girl won’t let me near her.
I take a long swig from the water bottle then lower it from my mouth and wipe my lips with my hand. “She took the test, today, huh? Man, I’ve heard that it takes, like, six hours or something. That has to be intense. She’s probably exhausted.”
“She is.” Lyric gathers her long, blonde hair into a messy ponytail and twists an elastic around it. “She studied like crazy and hardly took any breaks. She seriously might be one of the most motivated people I’ve ever met.”
“She really is.” Ayden pops the tab on the soda, checks the time on his watch, then turns toward Lyric. “We should probably get going. I told her we’d pick her up at about nine.”
Nolan joins our circle with a drink in his hand and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. “What restaurant are you guys going to again? I might meet up with you a little bit later, if things don’t work out with Janey.”
Lyric gives him a really look. “I thought after she tried to sleep with the entire band, you were over the whole Janey thing?”
“I was.” Nolan sighs, plucking the cigarette from behind his ear. “But I ran into her last night, and she kept apologizing for what happened. One thing led to another …” He digs a lighter out of his pocket and shrugs. “What can I say? I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”
“That you are. But at least you don’t try to deny it.” She turns to Ayden. “Did we decide if we were going to that fancy restaurant Lila told us about that probably serves food we can’t even pronounce”—she waggles her brows at him—“or that chill one my dad has a connection to that has really amazing food and cool entertainment?”
“I’m worried about that one. There’ll probably be more people there, and you know how Sadie gets sometimes …” Ayden trails off, casting a worried glance at me and Nolan.
I want to tell him to go ahead and finish, because I’m dying to know what he’s going to say about Sadie, but Lyric talks first.
“We could always just ask her where she wants to go,” she suggests.
“Yeah, but sometimes she acts agreeable just to make everyone happy,” Ayden reminds her.
The two of them go back and forth before finally deciding to ask Sadie where she wants to go. They tell Nolan they’ll text him when they know where they’re going for sure, and then they wave goodbye as they head toward the exit.
Jealousy burns in my chest as Ayden slips his fingers through Lyric’s. Not because I’m in love with Lyric, although I once thought I was. But now I’m jealous of their relationship.
There, I admit it. Me, Sage Davis, manwhore of all manwhores, envies Ayden and Lyric’s relationship. I want what they have, but my life right now … it’s so messy and ugly, and the thought of bringing someone into that doesn’t sit well with me.
My gaze sweeps the backstage area, filled with people I know will more than likely hang out and get high with me. Or, I could always go down to the dance floor or the bar and pick some random chick up who will distract me for the night. Add a little pot and booze into the mix, and I’ll be completely numb from anything and everyone. All the shit going on in my life will be nonexistent.
I used to do that a lot, but lately, over the last couple of weeks, screwing around has lost its appeal. A lot of the time, I end up lying in the bed alone afterward, thinking way too much about myself, my life, and of course, that stupid fucking nightmare that never goes away.
“Hey, Sage!” A curvy blonde waves at me from the bottom of the stairway that leads to the dance floor. “You coming down here or what?”
“Maybe.” I put on a fake smile, racking my brain for her name. Clara? Or is it Kathy? “I might be heading out, actually. I’m still deciding.”
She sulks, crossing her arms over her chest and making her breasts nearly pop out of her tight top. “Oh, come on. You have to come hang out. I need some fun in my life.”
I instantly frown. Fun. I’ve been told I’m fun so many times I’m starting to fucking hate the word.
I tap my fingers against the side of my legs as I start for the stairs, still unsure what her name is. At the last second, though, I veer right and push out the exit door.
The cool night air feels fucking great on my overheated skin as I jog through the packed parking lot toward Lyric’s car, catching her and Ayden right before they’re about to climb in.
“So, it’s cool if I go with you guys, right?” I ask, hunching over, a little breathless. Man, I need to cut back on smoking.
Lyric catches Ayden’s gaze from over the roof of the car then elevates her brows.
He gives a shrug, then rests his arms on top of the car and looks at me. “You know we’re not going out and partying, right? We’re just going to grab a bite to eat. We might watch a movie or something, but that’s about it.”
“That’s cool with me.” When the two of them trade another look, I add, “Look, if you don’t want me to go, that’s fine. My ego can take it. But please stop giving each other those I’m-trying-to-communicate-with-you-through-my-mind looks. It’s fucking creeping me out.”
“We’re just confused.” Lyric sticks the key into the car door. “You usually want to go out and …”—she mulls over something—“well, get laid.” She pulls open the car door but doesn’t get in. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not sure you can handle just chilling on a Friday night at a restaurant.”
“I used to be like that,” I argue. “But I’ve decided to change, okay?”
“Why?” She eyes me over suspiciously. “Usually, when someone decides to makeover their personality, it’s because something happened. And you have been acting a little strange lately.”
&nbs
p; I have been acting strange, and for a good reason. I’m not about to tell her why, though, mostly because I’m not ready to talk about it aloud yet.
“I don’t think you’ve ever wanted to do something as simple as going to a restaurant on a Friday,” she continues. “But, if you want to go with us, then we’d totally love for you to come. I just want to stress what we’re doing so you won’t get all depressed when nothing exciting happens.”
“Thanks for worrying about my mental state, but I promise I can handle just hanging out for the night.” I round the back of the car, heading toward the passenger side, then pause when I spot a girl watching me from the shadows of the building. It’s the same girl who’s been following me around for the last month.
When she notices me staring at her, she carries my gaze until I squirm. Then she turns around and disappears into the darkness. So. Fucking. Weird. What is her deal?
Blowing out a stressed breath, I focus on the conversation. “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior,” I tell Lyric.
“I never said anything about being on your best behavior,” she points out. “You can act like yourself, just as long as you don’t get upset when you’re bored.”
“I can do that,” I assure her, forcing a smile, though I’m wigged out.
Ayden pulls open the passenger door. “We should get going so Sadie isn’t just sitting around, waiting for us.”
I nod, and then the three of us hop into the car.
The drive to their condo takes about fifteen minutes. On the way, Ayden and Lyric take it upon themselves to lay down the rules for me hanging out with them.
If I need to get blazed out of my mind, do it before we leave the condo, because smoking in the car isn’t allowed.
I have to promise not to get so shit-faced at the restaurant that I act like an ass.
I have to promise to keep my hands off Sadie.
“Piece of cake,” I say as I hop out of the car.
I can handle those rules. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Then my phone buzzes from my pocket, a message from my dad, and I’m forced to remember what I was trying to escape earlier tonight.
Fated by Darkness Page 6
