by Ruby Rowe
Who is this Jake? And why am I only now being introduced to him?
Growling, he crests the summit above me. His entire body rattles as he forces loud breaths through his nose. Holy fuck, this is the hottest sex I’ve ever had.
My handsome Jake’s skin is crimson, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. He opens his hazy eyes and lowers in a push up to kiss my lips.
Forcing his tongue inside, he tangles it with mine, and I imagine shoving my fingers in his damp hair and bringing his mouth even closer, but it’s not possible with my hands tied. He’s fervent yet loving, feeding me his emotions with each magical stroke of his tongue.
He breaks away, and when I open my eyes, there are tears coating his alluring pools of sadness. I’m staring at stained glass, and it’s confessional all over again; only this time, I’m on the bottom.
“You and Elliott think repairing the past will rid you of your pain and guilt. You’re determined to make something positive come from Rebecca’s death, but you’re both telling yourselves lies.
“You love me in a way you don’t love him. I fucking feel it, and when you stop lying to yourself and are ready to release the past, you come find me. For now, I’m going to get you home.”
Stunned, I choke on the walnut in my throat. My heart thunders until the sound reaches my burning ears. Climbing off me, he releases my wrists, and as I sit up and rub them, he comes around and picks my thong up off the floor.
Like at Laguna Beach, I want to barf profanities his way, and scream that he’s delusional, yet there’s another part of me wishing to tell him he’s spot-on.
Jake Callister deserves a remarkable love, and I want to be the only woman who can give it to him. Shit! We’ve created this tumultuous triangle with no way to escape unscathed.
I dissolve into tears, and he doesn’t speak or even look me in the eye. Instead, he pulls my thong up my legs, slips his hands under my armpits and helps me to the ground. He pushes down my dress and straightens my long hair.
“You’re crying because you know I speak the truth, and right now, you’re not strong enough to deal with the consequences of admitting it. I have faith you will, Sailor. I have faith in our love.”
Balling my hands into fists, I pound on his chest and scream. He stands still, taking my beating and obscenities, but most of all, he’s taking another piece of my soul.
“I hate you for this, you selfish asshole! You led us all down this rabbit hole!” I shout before I grab my heels and storm from the room, heading straight into the frigid air. I hear him calling my name as I run down the few steps to the sidewalk.
Like the other night, his juices are running down my legs, reminding me how much he owns me. The humiliation… I spin around and watch the puffs of white smoke flow from my mouth.
“Ohh, I hate you!”
“No, you love me. You wish right now you didn’t since it would make your life a hell of a lot easier, and that’s why you’re furious.”
“Don’t you come near me or try to tell me what I think or feel. I’m already strong enough to know what I want, and I’m more than capable of calling my own cab!”
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he shakes his head and turns away.
“Happy Fucking New Year!” I shout, digging my nails into my fists as my lips quiver.
Jake’s wrong.
He has to be wrong.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Elliott
It’s early morning when I climb into bed next to Sailor. I start coughing and try to stop, but I can’t help releasing a few more annoying sounds, causing her to stir. These erratic, long hours at the hospital are taking a toll on my health.
“I hope you’re going to get that cough checked soon.” Rolling toward me, she presses her cheek to my chest. I exhale the weight of a stressful forty-eight-hour shift and let the bed mold to my body.
“I’m sorry I woke you. I got more antibiotics yesterday, and I think another round should do the trick.”
“You smell so good after showering,” she mutters. I graze my fingers along her shoulder, and her body quivers. My cock wakes up, and she must feel it since she shifts to straddle me.
She falls over to kiss me, too, but I catch a glimpse of her swollen face and lift her back up.
“You’ve been crying?”
She looks out the window as I stare at her puffy eyes, tear-stricken skin and matted hair that she couldn’t have combed even yesterday.
“Sailor, are you upset over seeing Jake the other night?”
“We had a bad fight. He really hurt my feelings, but I don’t want to talk about it.” Tears tumble down her cheeks, so I move her off me.
“I’m going to kill him for real. Third time’s the charm.” I try to scoot to the side of the bed, but Sailor clutches my arm.
“No, wait. He wasn’t himself. He was angry and dominate … aggressive sexually even. I’m worried about him.”
Jealousy crashes through my veins as I imagine him dominating her the way only I’m supposed to. I picture the blood slamming against my arterial walls as I think of how much he’s upset her lately. I start to get up, but Sailor lunges, grabbing my body.
“Elliott, don’t. We were emotional and caught up in the moment. It was a strange evening that I’m not ready to talk about. All you need to know is that he didn’t mean to hurt me.”
“Have you been crying in this bed for over a day now?” She looks away again. “Baby, I can’t try to fix what’s going on between you two if you don’t give me something. Aside from Jake’s text message asking me to make sure you got home the other night, I don’t know anything.”
“I think we’re broken beyond repair.” She curls into a ball on the bed, trying to build that damn wall between us.
“If you don’t open up to me, I’m going to make him do it. Take your pick.”
Scowling at me, she sits back up. “I’m afraid if I tell you what happened, you’ll hurt him.”
“I promise to keep my cool. Or, I’ll at least calm down before I confront him.”
“You swear?”
I lean over to kiss her. “I swear. You have to be able to trust me.” Nodding, she crisscrosses her legs, and I admire her in her flannel pants and t-shirt that she manages to make sexy.
“I started the whole train wreck by asking him to see me. I should’ve given him more time. I think he felt guilty that I’d be spending New Year’s Eve alone, so he invited me to Thatcher’s party.
“Harrison was there and being a dick. I guess he said something about thinking I was fair game for him to fuck since you and Jake share me, so Jake lost it and punched him.”
“I’m happy to hear he put Harrison in his place.”
“He did, but things were tense before that, and I realized I’d made a mistake by pushing Jake to see me. I tried to talk to him about it, and the next thing I knew, he was dragging me down the hall to Thatcher’s study to have sex.”
“What happened after that?”
“He pretty much said I had to choose between the two of you and to come find him once I did.”
Clearing my throat, I look at the ceiling.
“He did, huh?”
“Don’t freak out. Jake was so full of anger and raw emotion that I could’ve felt it from another state. He was completely unhinged. I think he’s angry because he doesn’t want to hurt us, but he doesn’t know if it’s right to share me, either.”
“But Jake is willing to hurt us,” I reply. “You said yourself that you think you two are broken beyond repair. That means you think that if you don’t break up with me and choose him, he’ll never be with you again.”
“I don’t know what to think. I guess I’m hoping that’s not the case. Jake’s caring, warm and thoughtful, but I realized the other night that he hurts as much as he loves. There’s no grey area with him.
“He’s also impulsive and blurts out whatever he’s thinking. Maybe that’s from his ADD he doesn’t treat. All I’m certain of is how his life was si
mple before I came along. That couldn’t be further from the truth now.”
“It could be if he’d accept what is. I swear it’s his fucking family. They’ve praised him all his life. He followed in his father’s footsteps by becoming a cop. He’s their golden boy, and he can’t take disappointing them. Not to mention, he has them on a pedestal in return, so he likely values their opinions more than ours.”
“I know. That’s why I’ve managed to let go of some of my anger. I was seething the other night, and I’ve got news for him; he’ll be alone forever if he sits there waiting for me to do what he wants. He kept insisting I love him more than I love you.”
She looks at the sheet below her, and from the way she chews on the inside of her cheek and her eyes flood with tears, I know she’s reliving their fight.
“I told him I hated him, Elliott. I can’t believe those words left my lips, especially when I don’t think I could love him more than I do.”
As my stomach sinks, bile rises. “Are you certain you weren’t pissed because you didn’t want to believe what he was saying was true?”
Her head whips up. “No. I love both of you.”
“I know you do.” As I entwine our fingers, I feel like my throat’s constricting, the bile blocking it fast. I have to ask her this question, but I’m terrified of the answer. “But, do you think there’s a chance you love him more?”
“No. No way.” She brings her hand up and drops it back on the bed. “Are you doubting that our polyamorous relationship can work, too?”
“No. I believe it can. I want you to always be honest with me, though. I still think Jake will come around. It hasn’t been that long, but if he doesn’t and you can’t live without him, you have to tell me.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
Sighing with relief, I lie back down and pat my chest. She smiles weakly and curls up beside me.
“I’ll give Jake a little more time, and then I’ll talk to him,” I say.
“Does that mean you believe he doesn’t want to betray you?”
“I know deep down he doesn’t. It’s why I’m going to fall asleep with you in my arms rather than give Jake the third times a charm beating.”
“Thank you for being understanding.”
“What can I say? I’m a reformed man.”
“That you are…” Kissing my chest, she works her lips down to my stomach and dips her fingers into the waistband of my sweats. She frees my stiff cock with a firm grip, and I groan as I’m rewarded by her sizzling mouth for being so understanding.
This shit about listening to girls and talking about your feelings should be a required course in school. It would’ve made my life a hell of a lot better before now.
Jake
“Come on. We’re gonna grab lunch,” my partner, Rudy, says to me at my desk. I look up at his stomach hanging over his belt, and I think he could afford to skip a lunch–or three.
“I’m not hungry, and you don’t want my company. You know doing paperwork makes me grouchy.”
“That’s not what’s wrong with you, but it’s all the more reason we should get some crisp, cool air in our lungs.” He smiles while patting down his light brown hair. He believes everything he says is clever, and I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s not.
“I guess I do need out of this uncomfortable chair.”
“There’s the Jakey spirit.”
I flash him a displeased look. “Watch it, old man.”
Once we’re in the car, I tap my fingers on the passenger arm rest and shift in my seat.
“What’s going on with you?” he asks.
“Relationship troubles, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Maybe I could help or at least be an ear to listen.”
“You wouldn’t understand since you’ve been married for ages.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean it’s been easy. You have to put a ton of work and compromise into relationships, or they don’t last.”
I glance over at him. “I’ve discovered that, but how much is too much compromise? What if you’re having to fold on your values?”
“Hmm … I guess if it were me, it would depend on whether I felt like I could live without those values more than I could live without the woman I love.”
“What if going against those values or beliefs would disappoint the people closest to you?”
Rudy glances over quickly several times before rolling to a stop at a red light.
“Damn, Jake. Are you gay? I sure didn’t see that coming.”
“No, I’m not gay. I’ll tell you what’s happening, but you can’t go blab about it. We’re partners, and if I can’t trust you with my personal shit, I won’t feel like I can trust you on the job.”
“I won’t tell a soul.”
“OK… I’ve been sharing this girl with my friend. Not casually, either. Like she’s in relationships with both of us, and we’re all living together.”
“Damn, you younger people sure live differently than my generation. I can’t say I understand, but I’ll try. What’s the problem with this situation besides the many I can think of?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m struggling with sharing her, but it’s not so much as being jealous when she and my friend are together. I want the best for him, too. It’s more about thinking I should be enough for Sailor.
“Like, shouldn’t she love me so much that she only wants a life with me? She doesn’t know it, but I want to marry her and have kids with her. I always thought when I finally fell in love, my life would be a lot like my parents’.”
“I guess it comes down to whether you think it’s an acceptable way to live. If you give up this woman because you don’t want to disappoint others, or you fear their judgment, then you’ll likely regret it.
“Miriam’s parents hated me in the beginning. She’s Jewish, and they didn’t want her with a Catholic boy. From how much they were on her case, guilting her, I was sure she was going to dump me.
“Instead, she stood up to them because she believed our love was more important. She said she couldn’t see her life without me in it. Her parents finally came around.”
He exhales a loud belly laugh. “It took eight years, but they eventually accepted me once they witnessed how happy Miriam was even after all that time. They saw I treated their daughter and grandchildren right.”
“Do you think my parents could eventually accept this lifestyle?”
“I’m sure, like Miriam’s parents, they’d prefer you be in a traditional relationship, but your mom and dad are good people, Jake. They love you, so yes, I think they’d eventually accept it. The question remaining is whether you can.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I pull it out.
Sailor: I’m texting to tell you that I’m not giving Elliott up. I love you, Jake, but like I’ve told you a hundred times, I love him, too. I understand you want what your parents have, but I can’t give you that life. You need to decide if I’m worth the sacrifices you’ll have to make.
I hope you decide I am worth it, and that your best friend is, too, but I can’t handle the back and forth shit. The indecision needs to stop.
I should’ve given you more time to figure out what you wanted, but you really hurt me the other night, and that rests on you.
I hope you’ll come home, but take the time you need to be certain. What I’m sure of is that my heart will always be waiting. I love you that much.
“Fuck, she always knows when I’m thinking about her the most,” I say loudly enough for Rudy to hear. “We have this indescribable bond, and I guess that’s why it’s hard to understand how she can want Elliott that much, too.”
“Don’t listen to outside judgment, and follow your heart. That’s the best advice I’ve got.”
“Thanks, Rudy. I really appreciate you listening.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Elliott
Taking a bite of my salad, I scroll through my emails. I don’t know why I thought it was a goo
d idea to eat lunch in the hospital cafeteria. I guess I wanted more space, but it’s noisy as hell in here today.
My phone rings, and I see Sailor’s name on the screen.
“Hi, baby. How’s your first day back?”
“Crazy. My students are either wild after a long break, or they’re exhausted and preoccupied. It’s the latter this time.”
“Put on some music and make them get up and stretch.”
“Hmm … not a bad idea. Thank you, sweetie. Um, have you heard from him?”
“Nope. I think I’ll stop over there tonight.”
“No, please don’t. He knows how we feel. You pressured him when you flew him to L.A., and I did when I asked him to see me New Year’s Eve. Look how those attempts turned out.”
“OK, if you’re sure.”
“I am. It sucks, but he has to decide on his own if he wants this life.”
“Does that mean you’re going to stop crying every day?” It’s silent on her end. “Sailor, I’m serious. It’s crushing me, and it’s interfering with our relationship.”
“I’m sorry. I miss him so much.” She clears her throat, and I can see the tears and feel her pain from across the city.
“I know you do. I’m sorry he’s being an idiot, but we guys do that from time to time.”
“Not you anymore. I love you.”
“I love you, too. We’ll talk later.” I end the call and take another bite of my salad.
“Elliott, hi,” I hear a familiar voice say. I look up, and Nicole is standing next to my table with a coffee in her hand.
While wiping my mouth with my napkin, I stand.
“Hi, how are you?”
She shrugs. “OK. My mother fell down a flight of stairs after slipping in her heels, so she’s banged up and staying here a day or two.”
“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.” I point to the spot across from me. “Have a seat.”
