Adrift: Book Two of The Crashing Tides Duet

by Ruby Rowe

  “How could you let me believe I was keeping this monumental secret from you? The guilt I carried because of it, along with the way I was shamed for having Samuel, changed me.”

  “Why are you bringing this up now?” Randall asks after stealing a glimpse of me.

  “To remind you that neither of you is perfect and your actions hurt me deeply. For those reasons, you’re going to be supportive of Jake and me having this baby, and if we ever decide to get married, you’ll be the first to know. Got it?”

  Damn, I didn’t see that coming. Sailor told me she avoids her parents in order to avoid conflict, but not today. The anger she’s been holding in for over a decade is spilling on the table like red wine on white linen.

  “I don’t appreciate your tone, young lady,” he retorts.

  “Dad, if you want me to respect you and Mom, you have to show me respect, too. Your poor decisions caused me to keep my distance. I don’t want that, and I hope you don’t, either.”

  “We want you in our lives, Sailor,” Carolyn replies. “All I’ve ever wanted was for us to be closer.”

  “Well, in order to have a relationship with your grandchild and me, you’re going to be accepting of my relationship with Jake.” Turning her head, Sailor stares into my eyes. “I’ve never felt as loved as I do by this man. He’s going to be an exceptional father.”

  A server sets plates in front of us, but I can’t look away from Sailor. She said she feels my love more than she feels anyone else’s. Did she mean that, or was it to gain her parents’ approval?

  Leaning over, she presses her lips softly against mine.

  “Thank you,” I say under my breath.

  “No, thank you.” Turning back to face Mr. and Mrs. Lockwood, she sits up straighter.

  “Now, is all this settled?”

  Her parents glance to each other and then at me before their eyes capture their daughter’s. I think they’re seeing this bold side of her for the first time, and they’re unsure what to make of it.

  “Sweetheart, we love you and will support you and Jake however you need us to,” Carolyn replies.

  “Dad, do you feel the same?”

  Boring his gaze into me, he exhales loudly enough for us to hear over the noisy patrons in the spacious room.

  “It’s going to take more scotch tonight, but yes, I support you … and Mr. Callister. I guess I’m ready for a grandchild, too.”

  “Great, then I hope we can put the past behind us the healthy way this time,” Sailor replies. Before letting go of my hand, she gives it one last squeeze. “I couldn’t have done this without you,” she murmurs.

  I finally look down at the small plate before me, and what the hell kind of salad is this? Four sprigs of something bright green is topped with a lone beet. Hell, at least give me a side of ranch dressing to drink. Sailor snickers, and it must be from the expression on my face. As my skin warms, I look at her.

  “Tell me my filet will be bigger than this salad.”

  “We’ll grab you a burger on the way home.”

  “Hey … did you mean what you said earlier about feeling my love the most?”

  Her smile disappears. “I did, but Jake—”

  “I know. I promise I won’t tell him.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Elliott

  “I’m not that hungry, and you shouldn’t have fixed me lunch,” I say to Nicole as she sets a bowl of vegetable soup in front of me at her kitchen table.

  “You need to eat today, and I thought we agreed that you’re going to accept my help.”

  “It’s something I’ve never felt comfortable doing. I mean, accepting help from others.”

  “Why is that?”

  “For a lot of years, I didn’t feel I deserved it, so it’s a hard habit to break.”

  She sighs. “I think if you’d tell me more about your past, I’d understand the present a little better.”

  “Are you going back to work today?”

  “Nope. I took the entire day off since I didn’t know how long we’d be at the hospital for your PET scan.”

  “I’ve never shared this with anyone. Hell, I only found out about a part of it when Sailor reappeared in my life.”

  “You said you two had a past.”

  “Yeah, and it all started when I was dating her sister…”

  ***

  “I feel like I finally know the real you,” Nicole says after I tell her the long story about my abusive father, Rebecca’s death and Sailor having my baby. She brushes away the tears that she can’t hold in a second longer. They’ve been teetering on the brink ever since I described the car wreck. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. That couldn’t have been easy.”

  “Do you think I’m a scumbag now?”

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “Because of the accident and for not being there for Sailor when she carried our child.”

  “No, Elliott, I don’t think less of you. You didn’t mean for any of it to happen, and you’re remorseful.” After wiping her eyes again, she hides a strand of her blond hair behind her ear. “You were young, and from what I’ve heard, and witnessed, you’ve punished yourself all these years.”

  “Yeah, but is the punishment enough? I’ll never know if it was the beers I drank, or my anger toward Rebecca, that affected my reaction when that car was headed straight for us.”

  “It doesn’t sound like there was anything you could’ve done to prevent the collision. I know we can’t truly understand why things happen the way they do, but maybe if Rebecca hadn’t died, you wouldn’t have become a doctor who saves lives every day. Maybe one life was sacrificed so you could save many.”

  “Did… I did save lives.”

  She reaches across the table and grasps my hand.

  “You will again. I know it.”

  “No, you don’t, and we’re not going to pretend everything will be fine when we don’t know for sure.”

  “What you’re saying is you’d rather pretend everything won’t be fine when we don’t know for sure.”

  Shaking my head, I smile. “You’re still tough and stubborn.”

  “Yeah, and I know you’ve never liked that about me.”

  “That’s not true. It’s…” Shit. I almost said the word sexy. I guess because being strong is a sexy quality in a woman. At least, to me it is.

  “It’s what?”

  “Being strong is a great quality to possess.”

  “But not the stubborn part.”

  “No, but I’m not one to talk.” As we grin at each other, something tells me I need to leave. Yeah, I’m certain it’s time to leave since I’m feeling something I shouldn’t. “I have to head out.”

  “You barely touched your lunch.”

  “Sorry about that. I’ll eat something at the hotel.”

  “Why are you staying at a hotel?”

  “I can’t be at home on the days I’m supposed to work. Jake and Sailor would know something’s seriously wrong since I’d never miss this much work otherwise.”

  “You should tell them you’re sick before the biopsy.”

  “No, not until I have all the answers.”

  “I’d offer for you to stay here, but I don’t think Sailor would approve.”

  “I’m sure she wouldn’t, but thank you anyway.”

  “What if you start coughing up blood? What if you choked on it and no one was there to hear you?”

  I stand, needing to put some distance between us. I don’t deserve the care she’s showing me.

  “I’ll be all right. The medications I’m taking are helping with my symptoms.”

  “OK.” Standing, too, she reaches across her chest and grips her other arm like she’s trying to shield herself from something … or someone. “I’ll be glad once we know how serious this is.”

  Once we know…

  I thought Nicole would be less emotionally invested in this ordeal, but I’m beginning to wonder. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she come
s over with tears in her eyes and hugs me. I can’t resist hugging her back, and fuck, letting her help me was probably a bad idea.

  Sailor

  “Thank you for stopping here with me,” Naomi, Marybeth’s sister, says as she parks near the bridal boutique. It’s where she and the rest of the wedding party purchased their gowns.

  I never dreamed I’d be friends with a woman who had a drunken one-night stand with Jake, but Naomi and I bonded at Thatcher’s engagement party. Lord knows I need more friends in this city. I’m also trying to get over my phobia of hanging out with socialites.

  “I thought I bought the right size heels, but when I wore them at home for an hour, they were slipping off. I can’t believe the wedding is almost here.”

  “Yeah, the time since their engagement party has flown by.”

  I follow Naomi into the boutique, and as I look around, she speaks with a salesclerk. The shop is pristine, the décor a pale pink, and the rows of white gowns manage to overshadow the colored bridesmaid dresses nearby.

  “Oooh, look at that one,” Naomi says, pointing to a gorgeous dress on display in the window. While we wait for the clerk to return with the new heels, we walk over to examine the eye-catching gown.

  It’s satin with very little embellishment, but that gives it a classy appearance. “Doesn’t it make you almost want to get married?” she asks with a giggle. Naomi doesn’t strike me as a woman who’d ever want to settle down.

  I, on the other hand, started dreaming about my wedding about the age of eight. My parents dragged me to quite a few ceremonies when I was young, and I recall being mesmerized by the breathtaking gowns and beautiful flowers.

  The brides were elated as they walked down the aisles, and I believed that one day I’d find my Prince Charming, too. I ended up finding more than one, but not without a price. I’ll have to sacrifice the wedding of my dreams, among other things.

  While Naomi tries on the shoes the salesclerk brings her, I sneak a touch of the elegant gown. I notice how the tiny crystals adorning the bodice shimmer, and I’m in love.

  “Which one of your men are you thinking of when you look at that dress?” Naomi asks over my shoulder. Jumping, I release the gown.

  “Who told you?” I find the courage to face her, and she shrugs.

  “Harrison blabs when he drinks. We hook up when it benefits us, which I guess means we’re friends with benefits. Damn, that man gives mind-blowing oral. His tongue should be insured.”

  Her sly grin adds a stamp of approval. “It’s the only reason I keep seeing him. Anyway, back to you.” She tosses her blond hair over her shoulder. “Which man are you fancying the most?”

  “I love them both, but I was thinking about the wedding I won’t be having.”

  “You know, you could still have a commitment ceremony with them. You’d be the talk of the city for decades to come.”

  “I don’t think it would be the kind of talk I’d appreciate.”

  “Screw everyone else. I do what I want with no shame. My parents hate it, but they have Marybeth to brag on.”

  “I’m learning to live without guilt and shame, but it’s not easy. On top of it, I’m having to let go of a dream and accept a different future than the one I imagined most of my life. It’s an adjustment, but it is for the guys, as well, so I shouldn’t complain. I’m lucky they love me.”

  “That’s deep, girl.”

  “I can’t believe I shared it. I guess being in this shop brought some truth to light and stirred up my emotions.”

  “For now, why don’t you simply enjoy the guys? The sex has to be phenomenal. You’re still young, so I doubt you’re going to be with them forever. No offense, but what is the likelihood of this threesome working out? I imagine the odds are slimmer than the chances of me marrying.” She grasps my shoulder. “I bet you’ll get your dream wedding one day.”

  Imagining Jake in a tux, I frown.

  “I should probably get home. I have a staff meeting in the morning before school begins.”

  “OK, but we’re hanging out at the reception. I’ll help you loosen up with some bottles of champagne.”

  Shit, I can’t drink. Hell, no one besides my parents even knows about the baby. I bet Harrison has blabbed to every person he knows about my relationship with Jake and Elliott, which means he’ll do the same when he hears I’m pregnant.

  Is it my turn to have second thoughts about this situation? It must be the pregnancy hormones and this lovely gown causing my doubt.

  ***

  “Hi, babe,” Jake says after I arrive home. I kick off my pumps and sigh as he walks toward me. I feel the need to be alone, and I’m so ready for sleep. I can already tell the baby’s taking what it needs from my body, leaving me wiped out.

  “Hi.”

  “You look drained.” Clutching my arms, he kisses my forehead.

  “I am, and I’m going to bed.”

  “It’s only eight o’clock.”

  “I’m tired, Jake. That’s what happens when my body’s like a keg of beer, and the umbilical cord’s a straight funnel for the fetus.”

  “I’d laugh at that remark if you didn’t seem pissed. Did Naomi say something about me?”

  “I already know you slept with her, remember? She wants to be my friend, so I think she has enough sense not to mention it again.”

  “OK, then what’s wrong? Does it have something to do with the wedding? Are you not wanting to go with me?”

  “I love weddings.” I shake my head, irritated that he won’t drop this. “I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom tonight.”

  “Now, I know something’s wrong. Why don’t you want to sleep with me?”

  I push past him to head to the kitchen. I need a glass of water. No, a tall glass of milk sounds better and some cookies to go with it.

  “Sailor, answer me.”

  I spin around. “I don’t need to get any closer to you, OK?”

  “What in the hell does that mean?” He grips his hips as wrinkles claim his forehead like an earthquake splitting the ground apart beneath us. “You’re scaring me here.”

  “I was frustrated at the bridal shop, but I’ll get over it.” I turn back and march to the kitchen, but as I reach for the handle on the refrigerator, Jake grabs my arm and shifts me to face him.

  “Doll, talk to me. Are you wishing you could get married?”

  “At some point, but it’s never going to happen.” I avert my gaze, dreading where this conversation is going. My revelation about Jake can’t be true. It has to be the pregnancy hormones.

  “Are you not wanting to get closer to me because you realized you want to marry Elliott?”

  I don’t answer him, and the longer my silence owns the space, the glassier his eyes become. He looks toward the sky and blows out a breath.

  “So, that’s it then.”

  “No, I’m not imagining myself marrying Elliott.”

  “We’re getting nowhere here, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.”

  “I pictured myself marrying you, OK? It was you! But maybe it’s because we heard the baby’s heartbeat together or because you were right by my side as I told my parents. You’ve been there for me, but it’s possible that once I spend time with Elliott, the feelings will disappear. I’ve barely seen him lately since he’s been either working or sleeping.”

  Jake stares over my head, and as the seconds tick by, I become increasingly anxious. “I tried not to tell you, but you never leave anything alone. Please, say something already.”

  His glass-bottle green eyes finally meet mine, and I wish they hadn’t. The tears, pain and frustration in them hurt my heart. He’d finally accepted our arrangement, and then I slapped him in the face with this news.

  “I don’t think I could handle wishing for you to be mine again, only to find out you’re not, so I’m going to believe you’re feeling this way because you haven’t been spending time with Elliott. I’m sorry I forced you to tell me.”

  He leaves me alone i
n the kitchen, and the guilt I’ve been avoiding rears its ugly head. I have to stop thinking about this. I love both Elliott and Jake, and this baby could easily be Elliott’s. Nothing can change. I won’t let it.

  Sailor

  “I’ll have the chicken parmigiana,” I tell the waiter.

  “And I’ll take the grilled salmon,” Elliott adds. Once we’re alone, I admire the scarlet mini roses in a cute miniature vase on our table. The flickering, floating candle only adds to the romantic feel of the Italian restaurant we’re having dinner in.

  “I can’t believe you pulled off a reservation here on Valentine’s Day,” I say.

  He grins bashfully. “I called yesterday and pleaded to be next in line on the cancellation list. I thought Jake would have something planned for the two of you tonight.”

  “He saw on the calendar that you were off today and thought you’d like to get out since you haven’t been doing much lately.”

  I won’t tell him how I believe Jake is also testing my theory about needing more time with Elliott. I know him, and I’m certain he’s in his head over our conversation the other day. I can’t get out of mine, either, but I’m trying hard tonight.

  Coughing a few times, Elliott takes a drink of his water.

  “I can go with you to your doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

  “No, I’ll be fine,” he’s quick to reply. “You shouldn’t miss school since you may need days off for your own appointments.”

  “Speaking of the baby, I’m not going to return to teaching next year … maybe longer even. I want to be home with him or her.”

  “Yeah, but you love being a teacher.”

  “I love our baby more. I’ll go back to work when it feels right.”

  He smiles. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”

  “I’ll be happy either way. I only pray it’s healthy.” I look down at the table as the pain of losing Samuel resurfaces. I didn’t foresee how much being pregnant would cause the old hurt to etch new scars on my heart.