by Ruby Rowe
Grandma Rosemary looks as if she could cry any minute, and she’s usually a cold person. I wasn’t lucky enough to have the affectionate, doting grandparents on either side of my family growing up.
“Thanks, Mom.” She went overboard with the care she insisted on hiring for me, but since Jake and Sailor could only take time off while I’m inpatient, I figured I better take advantage of my mother’s help.
“I’ll be working today, but I’ll be checking in often for updates, and I’ll make sure you’re getting the best care while you’re in the hospital,” Dr. Raynard says.
“Thank you. I appreciate you being here.”
I do appreciate everyone’s concern, but the attention is uncomfortable. They need to call me back for surgery ASAP.
Nicole. She’s walking toward us, and could this morning get any more awkward? Smiling nervously, she waves at everyone and stops in front of me.
Her hair is braided low on the side the way I used to love. A fishtail braid is what I think she always called it. She’s in jeans and a sweatshirt, so I’m guessing she plans to stay a while.
“Do you mind if I’m here?” she murmurs. I turn my head to Sailor, and her expression’s indifferent.
“Here, take my seat,” she says to Nicole as she gets up. She moves to a chair across from me next to Jake, and no, this isn’t uncomfortable in the least.
“Sailor told me your surgery was today. I wanted to come and apologize for running out on you that day in your room. You were upset and needed someone. I feel terrible about it.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Unable to face her right now, I stare ahead. “I shouldn’t have leaned on you like I did. After our talk at the hospital, when your mom was sick, I thought we could be friends. I guess it was too soon.”
“We are friends. I just can’t be a close one.”
“Then you don’t have be here today. I’ll understand.” I stop being a coward and turn my head to look at her. Earthy hazel eyes stare back at me, displaying Nicole’s kindness. I probably don’t deserve her friendship, but I’ve selfishly wanted it.
“I can put my feelings aside for the day.”
The desire to hold her hand, or stare at her longer than I should, is nudging me, but I resist. I don’t look over at Sailor, either, since I have a strong suspicion she’s staring back, and what if she picks up on what I’m feeling?
Dammit, I’ve tried the last two weeks not to think about Nicole, but I haven’t been able to get her off my mind. I’ll find a way once I leave this room.
I’ll tell Jake to keep her the fuck away from here, and over time, the feelings I have for her will fade. I have an incredible, selfless woman sitting across from me, who’s having my baby. There’s nothing she can’t give me.
“Elliott Roberts.” I look over at the woman waiting at the door to take me back to prep for surgery. My family and friends stand to hug me, and this is it. Let’s pray I wake up cancer free.
Sailor
Elliott leaves the waiting room, and I sense Jake’s urge to hug me. He refrains, though, since Elliott only told his mom, Faye, about Payton and not about my relationship with Jake.
He said his mom had enough to process with his cancer and the news of our baby. I think he figured if he didn’t make it through surgery, she’d never have to know the three of us were together. Faye would then believe Jake and I fell in love later. Elliott didn’t say it, but I knew that was his reasoning.
Regardless of the why, Jake and I agreed to hide our affection for one another today. As far as Elliott’s mother and grandmother are concerned, I only love him. I can’t help but wonder, though, if Elliott only loves me. I saw the way he was looking at Nicole.
Rubbing my fingers over my anchor necklace, I think about what a long day it will be. I also notice how nauseous I’m becoming. Shit.
“I’m going to be sick,” I murmur. I race from my chair to a nearby restroom and barely make it to the commode before puking. I imagine everyone in the waiting room can hear, and they’re probably wondering if I’m contagious.
Once I’m finished in the restroom, I return to the waiting room and discover that Dr. Raynard has left. I ask if anyone would like to go to the cafeteria with me, and I’m happy when only Jake volunteers.
“Do you think it’s your nerves or the baby making you sick this morning?” he asks as we stroll down the long, wide hallway of the hospital.
“Both. It’s going to be a stressful day.”
Jake buys us coffee and muffins, and we eat in the cafeteria. He’s quieter than usual, and I wonder if it’s from the worry he feels for Elliott or if it’s something else.
“You’re quiet,” I say.
“I’m thinking about the surgery. I’m bummed that Elliott has to be cut open and have all those tubes and shit. He said they might even remove a rib.”
“Yeah, I can’t think about it, either, or I’ll get sick again.”
“I keep dwelling on something else, too. Something Elliott did.”
“What’s that?”
“He proved how much he trusted me. Last night, he took me in his room and showed me paperwork he had his attorney draw up.
“He left all his assets to me. He requested I set up a trust fund for Payton once she’s born using half of his money. The other half he wanted me to use to raise her. He entrusted me with her future.
“It probably wasn’t the smartest move from a legal standpoint, but he believed in me. He knew I’d do the right thing if he died, and I promised him I would. Even if you and I weren’t together, he was sure I’d give every penny to his daughter.”
I squeeze Jake’s hand across the table. “She’s your baby, too, and he knows you’ll raise her as your own if something happens to him.”
“It meant a lot, but we’re not going to need any of that paperwork. He’s going to pull through this.”
“I believe he will, too.”
***
It’s obvious the hospital has attempted to make the surgical waiting area feel homey. The wood furniture, flower arrangements and comfortable seating would alleviate my nerves if it wasn’t for my nose performing superbly. Since I’m pregnant, the sterile scent of this place can’t be masked.
“It’s been three hours, Jake. I can’t take all the waiting.”
“I know. It’s driving me crazy, and so is the fact I can’t hold your hand and kiss you.”
“She’s restless, too.” I nod toward Nicole. She’s only left the room a few brief times, and the way her eyes dart to the door every time it opens tells me she’s losing her patience.
“Your mom’s here,” I say with surprise.
“I see that. I also might’ve told her about the baby so you wouldn’t have to.”
“Jake!” I whisper.
“Don’t worry; it went well.” He stands to give Jeanine a hug.
“Have you heard anything yet?” she asks him.
“No. We’re hoping to hear an update on his condition anytime.”
“How are you doing, Sailor?”
“I’m OK, other than feeling anxious about Elliott.”
“I can imagine. Jake, can I have a word with Sailor alone please?”
“Sure.” He strolls over to sit next to Nicole. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me about his talk with his mom. Taking the seat beside me, Jeanine removes her coat and reaches in her large quilted bag.
“I make angel wings in my shop. I thought it might be nice to make some pocket ones for all of you to carry while Elliott’s healing.” She holds out a handful of cream-colored angel wings accented with a shimmery gold paint.
“Thank you. They’re pretty.” She reaches inside her bag again and pulls out a figurine of a larger set of wings.
“Intensive care units typically don’t allow flowers, so I was thinking you might get away with putting this on his bedside table.”
“Of course. I’ll make sure he knows it’s from you.”
“I believe he could use some angels looking over him right
now.”
“This was thoughtful of you, Mrs. Callister.”
“I’d like you to call me Jeanine again.” She grasps my hand and hugs it between hers. “I also want you to know that Jake told me about the baby yesterday and how it’s Elliott’s. He said he’s going to help raise it, and I could see how happy he was.
“All I’ve ever wanted is happiness for my children, and I’ve realized that the relationship Jake has with you and Elliott makes him extremely happy.” She pats my hand. “I’m here to give you my blessing, and I hope you’ll allow Carson and me to be another set of grandparents to your baby.”
Setting the angel gifts in the chair beside me, I hug her.
“Of course, and thank you for your acceptance. I’m still hoping to receive the same from my parents, but I’m not holding my breath.”
“I bet they’ll come around. You’re their daughter.”
“I’m sure they don’t believe it’s possible for me to love both Jake and Elliott, but I do.”
“Our souls choose whom to love. It would be a dishonor to put stipulations on such an extraordinary decision.”
“I’m glad you see it that way. Jake makes me happy, and so does your family. I don’t want to lose either one.”
“You won’t.”
A doctor wearing scrubs walks out, and Elliott’s mom straightens in her chair and messes with her blond tresses.
“That’s the surgeon I met this morning with Elliott.” Faye waves him over, and once he’s between our rows of chairs, he places his hands on his hips and glances to each of us. He’s younger than I expected, maybe late-thirties.
“The surgery was a success, and Elliott’s doing well in recovery.” A collective sigh is heard in the room. “I was able to remove the mass, but I also had to extract some lymph nodes I believed were malignant.
“The biopsy results will tell us for certain, and once we know the margins, Dr. Miller can decide how to proceed. Elliott’s going to be in recovery for a while. Then, he’ll be transferred to ICU afterward. He should be off the ventilator later today.”
Unable to contain myself, I leave my chair and give the surgeon a hug. He doesn’t hug me back, so I quickly step back.
“I want you to know how grateful we are.”
He smiles. “You’re welcome, but it’s my job, and although Mr. Roberts is stable, there are risks for complications. His body needs time to heal, but he’s in great care, and I’m optimistic about his recovery.”
Once Dr. Carr walks away, our group rejoices. We hug and shed tears, and I notice Nicole turning her head away to wipe her eyes.
“I’m going to talk to her for a minute,” Jake says.
“Sure.”
I chat with Jeanine until Jake returns. I see Nicole leaving the waiting room.
“Is she coming back?”
“No. She wants us to call or text with updates.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me against him. “We’re one step closer now.”
“Elliott’s not a patient man, though. His recovery’s going to take months, and his anger often gets the best of him.”
“True, but he won’t be recovering alone. He has us.”
Sailor
We’re in the ICU waiting room, where we switched to several hours ago. We’ve been at the hospital all day, and it’s taking a toll on me.
Jake and I are frustrated since Elliott’s mom has stayed in his room ever since he was moved from post-op. All we’ve wanted is to get a chance to see him, even if it’s only for five minutes.
The door to ICU opens, and I whip my head up from where I’ve been resting it on Jake’s shoulder. It’s Elliott’s mom, and she looks like she’s been crying.
“What’s wrong?” Jake and I ask in unison as she comes toward us.
“They couldn’t wean Elliott off the ventilator. Dr. Miller was here when they tried, and he said this happens on occasion. Because of the trauma to his lungs, he said Elliott may need a little more time. They’re not going to try again until tomorrow morning.”
She brushes some tears from her cheeks. She was put together, looking beautiful this morning in dress clothes. Her makeup and hair were flawless, but she appears tired now, and I imagine Elliott’s grandmother is exhausted, as well. “You two should go home and rest,” she adds.
“I’m not leaving until I’ve seen him,” I reply.
“OK. I’ll go grab some snacks while you two visit with him. My mother and I will probably leave soon, too. They won’t let us spend the night, anyway.”
After Jake informs someone through an intercom that we’re here to see Elliott, two doors slowly open. The sterile smell is only stronger once we’re inside, and various beeping sounds grow louder the closer we get to the nurse’s station and patient rooms.
We find Elliott’s, and I’m nervous to go inside. As soon as I see him, I come to a stop. Never has he looked so broken and weak. I cover my mouth, and Jake grips my shoulders as we approach Elliott’s bed.
I take a glimpse of his grandma and find she’s reading a book. I guess the shock has worn off for her, but I can’t imagine how it could.
Tubes are Elliott’s lifelines, exiting from his mouth, his chest and the veins in his arms. He has a catheter, as well. There are machines at work, breathing for him and monitoring his condition. Seeing our strong Elliott this vulnerable is heartbreaking.
As I stroke his hand, I kiss his forehead.
“I’m here, and I love you,” I say in his ear. I feel his fingers move against mine, and my heart rate accelerates. He’s being kept sedated while on the ventilator, but he knows I’m here, and that’s a positive sign. I wish I could climb in his bed, hold him close and assure him he’ll get better.
Feeling as if I could lose it any second, I turn into Jake’s chest and hug him. He nestles me closer, and I don’t care if Elliott’s grandmother suspects Jake and I are more than friends. I need him now, and I’m sure he needs me, too.
I don’t want to leave Elliott here alone tonight, but I know I have to go home and rest for the baby. It’s what Elliott would want.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Sailor
Jake and I arrive at the hospital at 7:00 a.m., and I’m happy to see that Elliott’s mom isn’t here yet. We’ll have a little time alone with him.
He looks the same when we enter his room. His artificial support is giving some of his organs a rest, and it’s still a shock to see him like this. I remind myself that Elliott is a strong person. He’s also stubborn. If anyone can survive this, it’s him.
Medical staff begin filing into the room, so Jake and I step away from Elliott’s bed.
“I’m sorry, but the two of you will need to go to the waiting room while we attempt to wean Mr. Roberts off the ventilator,” a female nurse says.
I give Elliott a kiss on the cheek and leave with Jake. Taking seats closest to the ICU doors, we wait anxiously. I fiddle with my anchor necklace, and Jake bounces his knee. Sitting still for any length of time is not an easy feat for him.
“I can’t believe how bad he looks,” Jake says. “He’s pale and thin. His eyes are darker and more sunken in. He’s not in control of any aspect of his life, and I get now why he was so angry.
“He knew what the surgery entailed and the condition he’d be in when we saw him after. You’re right; he’s going to be a bear while he’s recovering, and his behavior will be worse if he has to take chemo on top of it. It’s going to be a rough year.”
“Thankfully, he has the baby to look forward to. He was so happy during the ultrasound.”
“Yeah, I saw it on his face when he told me about it. He was all smiles.”
An hour passes before Dr. Miller exits from the ICU door.
“Good morning. Elliott is off the ventilator. He’s still in and out from the sedation, but he’s breathing on his own. Respiratory will be in often, and if all goes well, Mr. Roberts will be standing by his bed this evening and walking the halls tomorrow.”
“Really? Fr
om looking at him, that doesn’t seem possible,” I say.
“You’d be surprised how quickly the human body can bounce back, especially when it’s someone young and strong like Elliott. I have high hopes he’ll make a full recovery. Once we have the biopsy results, we’ll be able to determine the next course of action. You should be able to see him now.”
“Thank you, Dr. Miller,” Jake says.
We ask to enter the ICU again, and with less contraptions on his body, Elliott’s appearance is already better. He’s been straightened up in his bed and seems more comfortable.
I take hold of his hand, and his eyelids flutter.
“He’s going to be OK. I feel it,” I say.
“I agree.” Jake rubs the back of his neck as he stands beside me. “It’s still hard to imagine him out of this bed anytime soon.”
Shifting a leg, Elliott lets out a faint groan.
I rub my thumb over his hand. “Elliott, can you hear us?”
“Nicole,” he mumbles.
Blinking fast, I release his hand. A tidal wave of nausea and lightheadedness consume me in an instant. I cover my stomach the same time Jake clutches my shoulder.
“Sailor, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
“You mean he doesn’t realize he shouldn’t be saying what he’s thinking.” Tears flood my eyes at the same force a wave crashes onto shore. I reach behind my neck and remove my anchor necklace. “I guess we know who this should belong to. I have to go.”
I flee the room, needing space and air that doesn’t smell like suffering. I’m angry with myself for being upset with Elliott, and I’m feeling emotions I don’t understand.
Dropping the necklace in my purse, I pace the lobby while ordering an Uber. I look up from my phone when I’m finished and spot Elliott’s mom walking toward me.
“Sailor, is everything OK?”
“Um, yeah. Elliott’s doing great. He’s even off the ventilator.”
“That’s wonderful.” She palms her chest.
“You should go see him. Would you please tell Jake I’m taking an Uber home so I can rest for a while? I’m not feeling so great.”
