by Ruby Rowe
I also need time with him to see if the stronger feelings I’ve been having for Jake are genuine or only because we’ve had the time to grow closer.
Groaning, Elliott fists my hair. His hips thrust, and in no time, he comes in my mouth. Knowing I made him feel this good pleases me. I swallow and smile before I crawl up to lie next to him. Bringing me close, he presses his lips to my head.
“That felt great.”
“I enjoyed doing it, and you should let me more often. Orgasms are good for your health, especially blowjobs.”
Letting out a short laugh, his chest rises against my cheek, and I think about the ugly cancer inside it.
“I agree with the first part, but I can’t recall any medical journal I’ve read backing up your blowjob claim. Let’s ask Alexa. Alexa, are blowjobs good for your health?”
“Hmm … I don’t know that one.”
“Yeah, see, she’s not buying it, either.”
“OK, no more blowjobs then.”
“Hey, now. I didn’t say that.”
I squeeze his waist, bringing his warm body closer to mine.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too, Sailor Girl.”
“I forgot to tell you that I made an appointment with the lab. We go Wednesday afternoon for the paternity test. It’s after your appointment with the thoracic surgeon, and we’ll have the results about a week later.”
“We’ll know that soon?”
I prop myself up on my elbow. “Yes, and are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m sure. On top of wanting to know before my surgery if I’m having a child, I also need the answer before I get my finances in order. I don’t want anyone having to deal with a drawn-out probate if I die.”
“I understand, but I’m worried it’ll upset you if our baby’s biologically Jake’s.”
“It won’t. He and I are prepared to accept what is … what was meant to be. I’m going to love Payton either way.”
Hearing the doorbell ring, I hurry off the bed.
“I’ll get it.”
“I’ll come, too. I’m due to take one of my medications.”
I run down the steps, straightening my tousled hair as I go. I open the door, and shit–my parents.
“Hi, what are you doing here?”
“Surprise,” my mother says. “We wanted to check out your home and visit.”
I feel Elliott behind me. “Oh, fuck,” he says upon seeing my parents. I turn around and stare at him with round eyes. He’s barefoot in only sweats as he stands cemented to the floor.
No one speaks.
This. Is. Bad.
“Elliott Roberts, is that you?” my dad asks.
“Yes, sir.”
“What’s going on? Why is he in your home?”
“It’s a long story. Come in.” I step aside, and my parents grimace at Elliott as they pass by us. “You can have a seat on the couch.” They look around, surveying the place.
“Would you like me to take your coats?” Elliott asks.
“No. I have a feeling we won’t be staying long,” dad says sternly. They sit and stare at us, their eyebrows lifted as they wait to be caught up to speed.
“This is Elliott’s home,” I say.
“This is our home,” he interjects. Dammit. I shoot him a look. He’s not helping here.
“You sit, too,” I say to him, pointing to a chair.
“This was Elliott and Jake’s home first. It’s a long story, but I’ll try to condense it. You both already knew I met Jake through his niece, Maddie, who’s in my class this year. Well, I didn’t know Elliott was Jake’s roommate.”
As I bite my lip, my breathing accelerates. The panic creeps in, so I look at Elliott for support. I feel a tingle on my skin as if something’s crawling beneath it, and I want to shed it and run right out the door. “The guys … they’re best friends, so I live here with them.”
“OK. I guess that’s not the end of the world,” my mother says as her eyes ping-pong between us.
“There’s more, and I don’t know how to say it.” I glance at Elliott again. “I can’t tell them.” Beginning to hyperventilate, I heave for air. The room spins, so I palm my eyes. “I think I’m gonna pass out.”
A cool breeze washes over me as Elliott barrels past. I hear his voice in the distance … Jake’s … my parents’...
“Sailor.” My hands are yanked down, and I stare into Elliott’s eyes. He’s blurry, and everything behind him is still spinning. “Breathe, baby. Take some deep breaths.”
“What in the world is going on?” my father asks.
Clutching my shoulders, Elliott steps closer.
“I’ll tell them, but you have to calm down. Come on.” He directs me over to a chair, and I take a seat. Jake sticks a glass of water in my hand.
As I inhale a deep breath, I see that he’s only in a pair of athletic shorts, and his thick hair is sticking up in several places from his short nap. Nice. The guys are barely dressed, and the three of us look like we’ve been rolling around in bed.
Bending down next to me, he takes my hand.
“No matter what happens, you have us.”
“Sailor and I still had feelings for each other when we met up again,” Elliott says as he stands in front of my parents. “But she already liked Jake, too. She didn’t know how to choose between us, so Jake and I convinced her to date us both.”
Gasping, my mom covers her chest.
“Unbelievable. I expected better from you, young lady.”
“The three of us are in a relationship,” Elliott continues. “I mean, Jake and I aren’t together that way, but we both date Sailor.”
My father points at me. “Are you trying to kill off your mother and me? If so, you’re doing a damn good job.”
“Hey! Don’t speak to her like that,” Jake snaps. “How she’s chosen to live isn’t hurting anybody.”
“That’s bull. What if people find out?”
“Dad, it’s not going to hurt your business.”
He scoffs, “You have no idea, Sailor, what this could do to my reputation and my company. Christ, what about this illegitimate baby you’re carrying? Do you even know who the father is?”
That’s it. They can shame me all they want, but they won’t speak negatively about my child.
“No, I don’t know if this baby is Elliott’s or Jake’s, but we’re not hiding her like we did the last one.”
My father stands, so my mom follows his lead.
“You’ve been fighting us ever since your sister died, but I draw the line here,” he says. “I’m done.”
“I’ve been fighting you because you’ve given me every reason not to want to be like you! The day you shamed your scared, fifteen-year-old daughter for telling you she was pregnant was the day you lost her respect.
“Please, get out of our home, and don’t return unless you’re prepared to show kindness and unconditional love. I won’t accept anything less.”
“Fine, we’ll leave,” my father says before he and my mother stride out the door, slamming it behind them. Jake and Elliott stare at me, waiting for my meltdown, but I take a drink of water instead.
“I sure told them, huh?”
They glance at each other before bursting into laughter, and I can’t help but laugh, too. My tears are reserved for those who deserve them. It’s why I’ve shed so many for the men in this room.
Our situation is unconventional, so I respect the reasons why our parents’ generation may have difficulty understanding it, but I should still be more important than my mom and dad’s reputation … more important than their pride. Unlike them, I’ll never treat my children like they’re a disgrace.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Sailor
“I don’t know how I’m going to go downstairs and do this,” I say to Carrie on the phone.
“You’re going to do it the same way you’ve handled every other difficult moment in your life. The guys assured you t
hey’re prepared to handle the news.”
“People believe they can handle the truth because they’re still hanging on to hope that they’ll hear the truth they’ve wanted.”
“Sailor, you’ve got this, and you’ve always got me.”
“OK. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I set my phone down and read the email from the company who performed the paternity test. I gave my blood, and Elliott and Jake gave saliva samples. That was seven days ago, and as they watch a ball game downstairs, they’re oblivious to the fact that I have the answer to the life-altering question we’ve all been waiting for.
Jake …
I’m sorry.
Me: Can you come upstairs please?
Elliott: Sure.
Swinging my leg back and forth off the side of the bed, I bite my lip and wait for him. He pushes my cracked door open.
“Knicks are up by two. What do you need?”
“I need to talk to you about something more important than the Knicks.”
Sliding a hand through his hair, he gives me a panty-melting grin.
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“You’re Payton’s father.”
His grin is what’s melting away now, and in an instant, his greyish-blue eyes glisten with tears. I turn the laptop around, and he walks over to read the results.
Once his eyes flit from the screen to me, I stand up and hug him. His trembling embrace draws forth my emotions. I focus on his thundering heart against my cheek and his choppy breaths.
“I’m going to be a father.”
I lift my head to see his face. “Yes, and even cancer won’t change that, Elliott. You’ll always be her dad. No matter what.”
He kisses my lips, the touch tender, yet his appreciation flows between us like a powerful current of joy magnetizing the three beating hearts in this room.
“I’m going to fight like hell to be there for you this time. Damn, we have to tell Jake.”
“I know. I felt like you deserved to share this moment with me alone the way it would be if there wasn’t another party involved.”
“Thank you, and we’ll tell him together.”
Closing my laptop, I take it with me. Once again, my feet feel like vessels weighted down by the strongest anchors as I take each step of the staircase. These men and our baby are my whole world.
I palm my belly. The being inside me either will divide this family or bring us so much closer. My heart believes the latter is the truth, but maybe that’s the reality I’ve been creating from hope.
Reluctantly, I walk to the living room with Elliott by my side. Jake drags his eyes away from the TV for only a split-second to see us, but then something must click as he’s watching the television since his head jerks toward us, his gaze zeroing in on my laptop.
“You got the email.”
“I did.”
“Well?”
“The baby’s Elliott’s.”
He looks away, his mouth slacking. “Somehow, I knew, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.”
“We’ll have one, too. You know I want more.”
Nodding, he gets up from the couch and grips Elliott’s shoulder.
“Congratulations. You deserve this more than anyone … a girl that is.” He grins, and I suck in a sharp breath, the relief of his acceptance almost stopping my heart. I fling my arm around his neck as I hold my laptop to my side.
“Thank you for being understanding.”
“Don’t thank me.” Letting me go, he looks at Elliott. “Having a kid means the parents need to behave like grown-ups, right? I mean it, bro. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, man, but you’re a part of this, too, especially when it comes to diaper duty.”
“You can think again. Midnight feedings, maybe, but I draw the line there.”
“How did I get so lucky to find both of you?”
“We are pretty phenomenal.” Jake winks, and I sigh with contentment. I’m not going to be alone this time around, and the validation is extra meaningful today since tomorrow is the anniversary of Samuel’s passing.
It hits me that I’ve been hearing his name in my head, and saying it aloud again, which is something I couldn’t do for years. Finally, I’m healing.
Elliott
“I’m glad I was able to come today,” I say to Sailor after we’re left alone in the exam room at her OB’s office.
“Me, too.”
“You seem anxious.”
Her face succumbs to an expression of sadness I didn’t expect today.
“I hadn’t planned to say anything, but today’s the anniversary of Samuel’s death. Being in this room is bringing back upsetting memories.”
Getting up from my chair, I stand next to the exam table and grip Sailor’s hand.
“I’m sorry. Today will be different. I know it.”
The door opens, and the doctor walks in. At least, I think she’s the doctor. She’s in dress clothes beneath a white lab coat.
She eyes me oddly before she sets her laptop on the counter of the built-in cabinets. I bet she’s thinking about how I look nothing like the guy who was here the first time.
“Hi, Dr. Strouse, this is the baby’s father, Elliott.”
She stretches her hand out to shake mine.
“Hi, Elliott. It’s nice to meet you.” Pushing glasses up her nose, she averts her attention to Sailor.
“How are you feeling?”
“Great. No problems other than random morning sickness.”
“Scoot to the end of the table for me.” As Sailor complies, covering her legs with the paper sheet afterward, I take my seat in the chair again.
Dr. Strouse performs a pelvic exam.
“All finished. You can sit up now.” Rolling her chair over to her laptop, she begins typing. “It looks like you’re thirteen weeks, and since you’re progressing fine, I think we can wait to do another ultrasound.”
Sailor glances to me and back to Dr. Strouse.
“Elliott has lung cancer and is having major surgery next week. Is there any way we could do an ultrasound today? I can pay for it so that we don’t have to file it with my insurance.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Of course.”
I exhale a breath, excited I get to experience seeing our baby since this could be the last time.
“You’ll be twenty-one weeks the visit after next, so that appointment will be scheduled with our ultrasound technician. It’ll be more thorough, and we should be able to determine the gender of the fetus.”
Sailor grins over at me, and cancer aside, I feel like the luckiest man. I go to stand beside her as Dr. Strouse starts up the ultrasound machine and presses the wand against Sailor’s abdomen. The muffled noises are intrusive, but then I hear a sound that I could listen to indefinitely: our baby’s heartbeat.
She adjusts the machine to give us a better view of the screen, and I struggle to ward off the tears. Being sick has made me emotional, and it catches me by surprise each time I feel the tears come.
“Do you hear it?” Sailor asks. All I can do is nod and smile since Sailor’s watery eyes are triggering mine to leak, too.
As Dr. Strouse points to Payton’s body parts, I tune out her voice and revel in the sound of our child’s heartbeat, especially when the wand is positioned just right and catches it strongly. I don’t want this moment to end.
I hold Sailor’s hand and stop denying myself from feeling the slew of emotions bubbling right at the surface. I’m happy and excited, but I’m also frustrated. Sailor did this alone years ago, when she was young and afraid, and it crushes me. I can’t let her down again.
I feel her fingers on my cheek, brushing away my tears.
“You’ll be here,” she whispers.
Sailor
Sitting on Jake’s bed, I enter the number in my phone.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.
“If Elliott doesn’t have feelings for her, i
t shouldn’t be a big deal to invite her. If he does, then I need to know it now, before I’m further along in my pregnancy.”
“I don’t think he’s spoken to Nicole since she left upset that day, and I don’t believe he will now that he knows she’s still in love with him and you’re carrying his baby.”
“It doesn’t mean he’s not wishing he could see her.”
I push the button to dial Nicole.
“All right. I’ll go, but I think you should leave well enough alone.”
He leaves the room about the time Nicole says, “Hello.”
“Hi, this is Sailor. I hope you don’t mind, but Jake gave me your number.”
“Hi. Is everything OK?”
“Yeah, except Elliott’s having his lobectomy tomorrow, and I thought I should tell you in case you wanted to be at the hospital in the morning.”
“I’d like to be there for him, but I can’t.”
“Is it because you have to work, or is it because you don’t want to see him?”
“I can’t talk to you about it.”
“I know you still love him.” Seconds tick by, and she doesn’t answer. “And I imagine it would be hard for you to see him again for that reason, but the surgery is serious. I think it would be good for you two to see each other before he has it. I wouldn’t want you to have regrets.”
“I don’t understand why you’re OK with this.”
“What I’m feeling isn’t important right now. Elliott needs as much positive energy and support as possible tomorrow. I know he’d be grateful if you were there. Just think about it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Elliott
I hate feeling like the center of attention, and I’m feeling it today. Jake, Sailor, my mom, my grandmother and Dr. Raynard are sitting quietly in the waiting room with me at the early hour of 6:00 a.m.
I dread this.
“I have the private nurse, respiratory therapist and physical therapist arranged for you, and I’ll come over a few hours each day through the week,” my mother says from the row of chairs across from me.
