by Quinn Ward
“Go back to sleep, Chase,” my roommate whispered.
How in the hell did he know I was awake? I closed my eyes, pretending I hadn’t heard him.
“Anything you want to talk about?”
Three in the morning was a horrible time to have a meaningful conversation, especially when both of us had to be up at some point for our first day of classes. But he had offered, so maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to talk in the dark.
“What’s your name?” It felt important to get that out of the way. If there was any chance of me opening up to him at all, he needed to be humanized.
“Jayden,” he responded. His voice was still barely above a whisper, but my mind amplified the sound. I imagined him waking the rest of the suitemates with the low rumble of his voice. “But I highly doubt that’s what’s keeping you awake.”
It was risky to trust anyone. Jesse and I had been roommates for two and a half years before everything went south. He hadn’t been thrilled when he realized I would never be bringing a parade of women into the dorm, but he’d accepted me. Or so I thought.
And, eventually, I had let down my walls a bit. It only took one time of him catching me when I thought I’d have the room to myself for a few hours, and the next thing I knew, I was being called into the housing office. That had been the beginning of the end of what I’d thought was a decent friendship. Losing the first person I’d gotten to know outside my sheltered childhood stung, but even more, it had shown me that trust was a dangerous thing.
“Like I said before, it was a long day. My parents questioned why I wasn’t going back to my dorm as soon as the cab dropped me off.” That much I could admit without too much of a threat. “I might get up and go to the lounge. At least one of us should be able to sleep.”
I hoped Jayden didn’t agree that was a good idea. It was horrible. I could only imagine the trouble I’d work myself into if I had five hours to kill before my first class.
“Sleep, Chase,” Jayden said, a bit more insistently this time. “You know, I’m surprised you didn’t bring your own sheets and blanket. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with the scratchy shit they provide. Would it help if I loaned you a set of mine? I’ve only got two, but we can strip both beds before I go home this weekend.”
“Do you go home every weekend?” That would be wonderful. The perfect solution, really. If I knew he’d be gone on the weekends, I could have a little time to myself. The weeks would still trudge on, but I’d get through having something to look forward to.
“Most of them, yeah,” he responded. “I grew up not far from here so it’s easy to do my laundry, sleep in my own bed, and fill up on Mom’s cooking. You’ll get used to that, too, because every week she sends me back with leftovers and sweets.”
“Cool.” That was a good response, right? I clenched my eyes shut when Jayden turned on his lamp. “Warn a guy next time, would ya?”
“Shh, we don’t want to wake Brandon and Matt,” he scolded me. “Come on, get up so we can change the sheets on your bed.”
“It’s fine, really.”
Jayden cocked his head to the side, lifting one eyebrow. That shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.
“Ugh, okay. But I’m only doing this because I’m pretty sure you’d drag me out of bed if I protested.” I held a pillow in front of me as I got out of the bed. I knew it was a completely natural bodily reaction to experience an erection when you first woke up, but I didn’t need him thinking this situation was because of any attraction to him. I mean, I was attracted to him. I thought he was handsome when we first met, but seeing his hair all messed up from sleeping, shirtless and wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants that barely clung to his hips, elevated his appeal to the next level.
“Thank you for your cooperation,” he teased me. His gaze drifted over my body and I hugged the pillow tighter against my belly. I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Then, he smiled and what was an inconvenient, involuntary reaction turned even more embarrassing. “Sit on the bean bag while I take care of this. You make me nervous when you hover.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Relax, Chase.” I could feel the heat of his palm through the cotton of my t-shirt, and I wished I was comfortable enough to sleep shirtless so I could have felt his skin against mine. He gave my biceps a gentle squeeze. “I don’t want you feeling like you have to apologize all the time. It’s not a problem, really. Sit.”
“Okay.” I flopped onto the bean bag, trying to look anywhere but at Jayden. From this angle, all I could see was the barely concealed outline of a backside that would no doubt be firm. He even had those dimple things at the small of his back that I always fantasized about licking on the occasions I couldn’t resist relieving the pressure.
This was so bad.
I caught a glimpse of my special bag under the bed. I knew he’d been staring at me earlier when I decided I wasn’t brave enough to unpack my blanket and stuffed Pikachu.
“There, that’s better,” he proclaimed, smoothing a hand over the sheets. He approached, crouching down in front of me. I didn’t want to know he slept without underwear, but being so close to his intimate areas, it was quite apparent. “Is there anything else you need to help you get back to sleep?”
I shook my head quickly.
“Are you sure about that?” If it was anyone else asking, I’d have accused them of picking on me, but Jayden seemed sincere. He glanced over his shoulder. “Maybe I’m wrong, but I bet there’s something in that bag of yours. If you’re not ready for me to see it, that’s fine, but am I right?”
I nodded, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth.
Jayden scruffed a hand through my hair. “Thank you for being honest. Would it be easier if I pretend I know nothing? I could get in my bed and roll toward the wall while you get whatever it is you need. When you wake up, you can make your bed and hide it, and I’ll never know.”
“You won’t snoop when I’m in class?”
“Not unless you want me to,” he promised. “If you decide you’re ready for me to know, you can tell me, but until then, it can be your secret.”
“Thank you.” I was not going to cry. I bit down harder on my lip, hoping that would be enough distraction to keep me from getting emotional over such a small kindness. “You’re much nicer than my last roommate.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I mean, not that I’m nicer, because that’s cool, but that you lived with someone who wasn’t nice.” Rambling Jayden was cute, and it made me feel slightly more secure in my own inability to be concise at times.
Was it really possible that I made him nervous just like he made me?
“Okay, well I’m going to get in bed now,” he announced as he stood. He gave me a curt nod before turning his back to me. “You just let me know when you’re ready for me to turn out the light.”
“Thank you, Jayden. I know you probably didn’t count on getting a basket case for a roommate, but I appreciate you being kind to me.”
“As far as roommates go, I can think of many worse traits than you being nervous on our first night together.”
My heart might have stopped beating. I couldn’t draw a breath. Did he even realize what he’d just said?
Stop being dramatic, Chase. He meant tonight’s your first night as roommates.
“Bedtime, Chase.” Jayden’s stern voice snapped me out of my panic. “I have my alarm set for six-thirty. It’s early, but Matt is making breakfast for the suite. If your first class isn’t until later, you can sleep in, but you really don’t want to miss his cooking. We keep threatening to post a menu online so he can start a side business, but he’s worried about getting kicked out of school if anyone finds out.”
Wow. So that was way too much information to parse at this hour. I shook my head, trying to figure out which details were the most crucial to remember.
Six-thirty. That wasn’t too bad. I normally didn’t wake up until seven, but I wasn’t sure how long it would take me t
o get to my first class from here because Talbert Hall was on the edge of the campus.
Breakfast. With the rest of the guys who lived in the suite.
But Jayden would be there, too.
Okay, I could do that. Jayden would be one person I knew, so I didn’t have to worry about being a total outsider. And from what I knew of Jayden, he’d make sure I was comfortable.
Yes. I could do this. I was going to sleep for a few more hours, and then I would meet the other six guys I’d be living in close proximity to for the next few months. Hopefully all of them were as friendly as Jayden.
“Get what you need, Chase,” Jayden reminded me.
I nearly fell on my face as I hurried out of the bean bag. My stomach churned as I reached under the bed for my bag. It was a huge leap of faith to expose myself like this but keeping my secret would be a good reason to wake up as soon as Jayden’s alarm went off in the morning. I hoped he didn’t have early classes every day, because Tuesday and Thursday were supposed to be my days to sleep in. But I’d get up whenever he did, at least until I knew he wouldn’t have me kicked out of this room once he found out my secret. And he would, eventually, because I could already feel him chipping away at the protective wall I’d built up.
I moved carefully after pulling my blanket and Pika out of the bag. If he saw what I had, he might ask questions I wasn’t ready to answer. Or he’d give me that look, and I’d be unable to resist showing him.
I tossed both onto my bed and climbed in. I kept my back to Jayden as I clutched Pika to my chest, the soft blanket draped over my arm so I could run my cheek across the fabric. “I’m ready now.”
“Goodnight, Chase.” He flipped out the light.
“Night, Jayden.”
I hadn’t slept nearly long enough when I was pulled from my dreams by the shrill beeping of Jayden’s alarm. He, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have the same problem. The screeching continued for a solid minute before someone pounded on the wall. Even that wasn’t enough to wake Jayden.
I slipped out of bed, debating if it would be poor etiquette to turn off the alarm. Doing so would mean touching his phone, which surely had to be against the roommate rules. But the alternative was trying to wake him myself, and I wasn’t sure if he was the type to wake up swinging.
“Jayden,” I hissed, making sure to keep my distance. “Hey, it’s time to wake up.”
He didn’t move. I’d have worried he died in his sleep if I didn’t notice the steady rise and fall of his chest. And yeah, I looked to make sure because you never knew when something would happen to someone as they slept.
The pounding on the wall was louder the second time around. “Jay, get your ass out of bed or I swear to God I’m going to give you a fucking ice bath!”
That didn’t sound very nice at all. I scowled at the unknown threat to Jayden. Okay, so he couldn’t see me, but I was very convincing in my irritation.
“Jayden,” I said again, louder this time. I made the judgment call to turn off his alarm, telling myself I would apologize as soon as he woke up. If he woke up.
This was my fault. He’d been sleeping peacefully until I woke up in the middle of the night. Hopefully that wouldn’t keep him from paying attention during his classes today.
“Jayden,” I repeated for a third time. I took a deep breath, held it, and stepped next to his bed. His skin was warm and soft, his muscles firm under my hand as I gently shook him. “It’s time to wake up. Someone keeps pounding on the wall and he’s threatening an ice bath if you don’t get up.”
“Fucking Matt,” Jayden muttered, pulling the pillow over his head. He stilled, lifting the pillow to look at me. He cracked one eye open. “Oh, hey. Did you sleep better after—”
“Yes, thank you,” I cut him off. I didn’t want to know how he would have referred to my middle of the night restlessness.
Jayden lifted his head, frowning when he noticed the disheveled state of my bed. Great. I had a neat freak on my hands. It wasn’t that I was messy, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about him judging me for not making my bed when it was his fault because he slept through the alarm and I wasn’t willing to risk the guy on the other side of the wall mistaking me for Jayden and giving me an early morning ice bath.
“Make your bed and shower, Chase,” Jayden directed me. I was oddly fascinated by Jayden’s feet when he swung them over the edge of the bed. I never would have considered myself influenced one way or the other by feet, but his were attractive. I wasn’t sure there was any part of him that wasn’t appealing, other than possibly his inability to wake up when the alarm went off. “What time is your first class?”
“Huh?”
Jayden chuckled, and when I looked up, I realized he’d caught me staring at his feet. Yep, I gave myself forty-eight hours before he labeled me a complete loon. “Class. What time?”
“Oh, um…” I knew this. I’d memorized my schedule as soon as they were sent out, and I’d mapped out my path from one class to the next so I couldn’t get lost. “Eight-thirty in Cunningham.”
“No shit? Me too. We’ll head over there together,” he proclaimed as if it was a done deal. “I mean, unless you were meeting up with other friends. I just thought it’d be cool to walk and maybe get to know one another a little bit.”
“Why?”
Jayden cocked his head to the side. He’d done that a lot in the short time we’d known one another. “Why? Do I need a reason other than it’d be cool to not be complete strangers since we’re stuck with one another for the rest of the spring?”
“Oh, I suppose not.” I didn’t tell him I wasn’t used to anyone going out of their way to be nice to me. “I’d like that. Thank you.”
“But first, breakfast,” he reminded me. “You’re more than welcome to head over to the lounge whenever you’re ready, but be warned, the guys are a bit much at times. We’ve all lived together a couple of years now, so boundaries aren’t always a thing.”
“Would it be okay if I wait for you?” I asked as I turned away from him. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I wasn’t ready to see pity for the weird kid on his face. “I mean, I know we’re not friends or anything but at least I know you. I’m not great at meeting new people, so it might be easier if I don’t feel like I’m on my own.”
I flipped through the clothes I’d hung last night, trying to find something that would allow me to blend in with my classmates, not that I’d ever done a great job at that. I was always one of the youngest, smallest guys in my classes, and even though I doubted others noticed me, I noticed.
“Sorry, I tend to ramble when I get nervous,” I apologized, deciding on a black tee and jeans. That was safe. Sure, there was the outline of a pokeball on the shirt but, unless someone looked close, they probably wouldn’t see it, and I’d be wearing a hoodie over it so I wouldn’t look that weird. “Last semester went sideways on me and I really want to have a good end of the year, otherwise my parents might not let me come back. And they won’t even consider letting me move off campus if they think I’m distracted.”
“Calm down, Chase. It’s going to be fine,” Jayden reassured me. I stiffened when he placed a hand on my arm, his thumb rubbing back and forth slowly. “You can absolutely stay in our room until it’s time for breakfast. I’ll try and hurry once you get out of the shower. I meant it when I said you don’t want to miss Brandon’s breakfast.”
“Does he do that often?” Living in the suites was already proving to be nothing like the dorms had been. I might not know this Brandon guy, but I wasn’t going to miss slop in the dining hall. Some buildings had food courts, the suites had kitchens, but until this morning, I’d been stuck with bland cafeteria food.
“Every day. I’m telling you he makes it worthwhile to do your homework in the mornings if you don’t have class.” Jayden licked his lips and rolled his eyes. “I know it sounds dramatic, but the man’s a culinary genius. His skills are wasted in pre-law.”
“Looking forward to it.” And I
was, as long as I focused on a decent meal rather than the prospect of meeting six more people I’d have to hide my secrets from.
3
Jayden
As it turned out, Chase was a psych major and we had three classes together this semester. I’d considered the undergrad psych program, but then decided to focus on neuroscience instead. That meant we had a built-in study buddy for a lot of work, and our suite wound up being the go-to destination for larger group work.
I’d spent more time during the first two weeks of the semester studying Chase than I had paying attention in class. He was fascinating to me and if pressed, I’d tell my professors I was hoping to use my roommate as a research subject for our Social Psychology course. The keys to unlocking the bits of his personality he tried locking away were right there for the taking if I just paid close enough attention.
We’d fallen into an easy routine. Every morning, he snuck out of bed and turned off my alarm before gently shaking me awake. He pretended he wasn’t checking me out, and I pretended to ignore his rather impressive morning wood. He was adorable when he caught me checking him out. Red creeped up his neck and over his face as he turned in on himself, as if that would keep me from seeing the very happy hello certain parts of his body were trying to give me.
He was still nervous about hanging out with the entire suite, but he was slowly but surely coming out of his shell. I wondered if it had something to do with his old roommate, who he’d mentioned a few times, but I didn’t want to push the issue when it felt like we were forging a tentative friendship.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay this weekend?” I asked as I crammed my dirty clothes into a bag. I’d skipped going home last weekend, telling him my mom had plans and I wasn’t up for hanging on my own. It was a white lie, but I figured he’d forgive me for that quicker than he’d get over me staying so he wouldn’t hide out in the room for two days.
“I’m fine, dad,” Chase teased. He had textbooks and notes strewn all over his bed. It wasn’t even eight in the damn morning and he was hard at work. I tossed a wadded-up t-shirt at him. Without even glancing up from the computer screen, he snatched it out of the air and returned it.
