Saddles & Sabotage

by Nellie K Neves

  “Distracted? Try hunted, Ryder. Someone tried to kill me last week, and then today I saw him in the woods, tracking me on a ride.”

  “Lindy, are you getting enough sleep? Delusions are linked with a lack of sleep.” The volume fluctuated like a radio going in and out of range. I hated arguing with him when he didn’t even feel present.

  “Where are you?” I asked without hiding my irritation. “You sound far away.”

  He didn’t bother to sugar coat it. “I’m taking Vanessa into the city for a couple days, just the two of us.”

  The realization of my own stupidity burned in my gut. The Ryder I’d cared about was gone. I’d wagered once that all he needed was little time away from me, and I’d won the bet. I tried to think of a response, but nothing came to mind. What could I say? Congratulations, you’re doing a lot better than I am.

  “You wanted me with her, remember? You said she was better for me, and you were right. I’m crazy about her.” He waited for the words to sink in before he cleared his throat and tried again. “Focus on the case, will you? That’s what I’m paying you for, isn’t it?”

  Unable to take another single word from his mouth, I slammed the phone back on the hook. My breath sucked in with three shaky gasps, then released slowly. The air waited on me, still dark and quiet. My entire body splintered under his words. He didn’t care at all. He’d fallen for her.

  She’d won.

  I’d lost.

  My feet moved back to the cabin, but not in a straight line. I could feel the tears at the base of my throat, but they wouldn’t come. I’d secretly hoped, maybe dreamed, that eventually he’d tire of her and I’d triumph in the end. But a trip away together? She had her claws in deep and he didn’t mind. I’d handed him to her on a silver platter. The comfort I sought no longer existed.

  I spotted a light in the distance and set my sights on it with a renewed determination. Rain picked up once more and the little droplets rolled over my face and dripped from my jaw and nose. I thought of the bluff, and then the night after my aunt had died, or the moment after the masquerade when he had taken my breath away with one kiss. Did it mean nothing to him? Or was I simply worth less than her?

  Either way, the answer was evident. Ryder was gone and it was my turn to move on.

  I stopped on the step and glanced through the open door of cabin number 6. Only one small lamp lit the space, nestled in on a side table near the double bed along the wall. Sprawled on the bed, propped up on one elbow, Dallas read from a thick textbook. With no shirt and only a pair of gym shorts, it was obvious that he wasn’t expecting company. My gaze wandered over the contours of his slender face, the lines of his neck, over his thick shoulders, and then to the skin of his chest and the unfamiliar shape of it.

  I raised one weak hand to the door and rapped twice. His head popped up. Surprise melted to happiness, but it faded fast as he watched the tears roll over my cheeks. The text flipped shut as he pushed to his feet. “Cassidy, what’s wrong?”

  My legs buckled and I stumbled against the door jamb. Dallas covered the space in three strides, took my hands and pulled me inside. Tenderly, he tucked my hair behind my ear. “Is this about earlier?”

  An ungraceful sob escaped my mouth. I pressed my hand over my lips to stifle it as I shook my head to the negative.

  Dallas dropped my hands and set one palm to my face to wipe away the tears with his thumb. I could see the wheels turning in his mind until he asked, “Is it about the guy, the one who broke your heart?”

  I dipped my head into my chest, and then barely moved it upward before I let it fall again.

  “I thought it was over,” he said.

  My lie hurt him.

  I hurt everyone.

  “I guess I wasn’t totally sure until tonight.” My voice stumbled over the emotion of my realizations.

  “And now?” he asked.

  “He doesn’t want me,” I answered. It hurt more than I expected to say the words out loud.

  Dallas pulled me against his bare chest in a tight embrace and tucked his face into the crook of my neck. “Cass, I’m so sorry. I hate seeing you like this.” He pulled back and ducked his head to catch my eye. “He’s an idiot. No one in their right mind would walk away from you.”

  I turned away from the shame and regret. “It’s my fault. I screwed it up. I was gone too long and he fell in love with someone else.”

  His hand slid along the shape of my jaw like it was custom fit. “You’re worth waiting for.” Touch delicate, he brought my face toward his and watched me with an intent fascination. “He’s stupid to give you up.” His face tipped in toward mine and my heart fluttered in response. “He’s stupid,” Dallas repeated again and lips slipped an inch or two closer. I could feel his forehead against mine and his breath against my cheek. “He’s not what you need.”

  My hands slid over his bare skin and I felt it prickle in response. I let my head fall back to look up at him, and lessened our distance. Dallas’ lips pressed together and I felt his chest rise up sharply before he let it fall again with an exhale. He tried to speak, but his voice became tight and nervous. “You need…” the words trailed off and hung in the air.

  I let my hands drift up to his shoulders before I asked, “What do I need, Dallas?” I let my lips brush over his and I felt his skin quaver under the pressure.

  As I pulled back, he followed me and my heart rate exploded. He pressed his lips against mine, but only for a moment before his sense won out. “You don’t need this,” he whispered as our lips bumped together.

  I slipped my hand around the back of his neck and kissed him more firmly; an attempt to convince him it was exactly what I needed. He returned the affection, but broke it early again.

  “Your uncle is my boss.”

  I pressed my lips against his and let them linger. He didn’t bother to pull away the second time as he reminded me, “Your aunt is my boss.” One of his hands slipped into the strands of hair at the base of my neck and he kissed me again. He pulled away and let his focus drift to the ceiling. “I work for your family. You might be my boss for all I know.”

  My fingers traced the length of his neck and his face dropped within reach again. I remembered his admonition my second day on the job as he’d taught me to bridle the horses. Just leave the bit there, he’ll give in eventually.

  I stared up at Dallas expectantly and waited. Slowly, he bent into me. The desperation clung to him, as if dangling from a ledge with one last finger.

  “I don’t want to lose my job, Cass,” he said.

  They were the last words he whispered for a long time. As our lips met, electricity snapped and bit between us. Tension and frustration from the past three weeks ignited and passion overflowed as I clung to his shoulders. We stumbled backward, and I heard the door slam shut before my back collided with it. Dallas’ hand gripped my waist and pulled me closer as he kissed me. His entire frame shuddered and I pulled back to catch his gaze.

  His mouth hung open as he tried to slow his breathing. “I’m sorry,” his voice was soft and apologetic, “it’s been awhile. I forgot what it felt like to hold someone like this.”

  A gentle smile curved at my lips, Cassidy’s coy smile. “How long has it been?”

  My question broke some of his tension and I saw the confidence reemerge. “Longer than I want to admit, but not long enough that I’ve forgotten how.”

  “Then show me,” I told him in Cassidy’s voice.

  With his palms cupping my face and my hands pressed against his chest, he kissed me again and the electricity returned. As I’d surmised before, it wasn’t flying, and he wasn’t Ryder, but the difference wasn’t negative, not at all. As my grip tightened under passion that deepened with every stolen moment, I wondered why I’d held on to Ryder for so long when something so good waited for me in the wings. Isabelle’s accusation flashed through my mind with a deafening volume.

  You’re in love with my son, aren’t you?

  I jerked bac
kward so hard that I hit my head on the door. Dallas pulled away to set his hand to the back of my head. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

  I cleared the errant thought from my head and smiled despite the pain. “It’s been a long day. I think I’m getting dizzy.”

  Dallas let his forehead rest against mine, a sweet grin on his face. “Glad to know it’s not just me.” His lips brushed over mine before he said, “I should walk you back to your cabin.”

  I didn’t want to go, but I knew he was right and I moved so that he could pull open the door. He slipped a long sleeved shirt on and followed me out into the night. He interlaced his fingers with mine and pulled me close again. I melted against his kiss. After a couple minutes he broke apart and said, “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

  I resumed our slow pace. “How long?”

  “Since I saw you across the lodge while you were serving drinks. You’re so beautiful, and I couldn’t help but wonder. I never thought it would happen.”

  I kicked a rock and confessed, “I’m not real great with relationships.”

  Dallas slowed his pace. “So, maybe it’s a summer thing?”

  “I could manage that.” I felt my inner Cassidy beaming at the inclination. She hated sadness, and heart ache. She loved everything that felt good and in that particular moment Dallas felt good. Wasn’t it time that I did something that felt good?

  We paused for a moment on the step. I pressed my lips to his once more, lost in the exhilaration and spontaneity of it all. I’d wondered upon arrival which path to take, the one that required meticulous planning to maximize my time, or the path that knew any day could be my last and I needed to fill it with happiness.

  For the first time since my diagnosis, I chose the path that led to happiness.

  Chapter 21

  Dixie jumped on me the second my alarm went off the next morning. She and Wiley had run into Dallas on their way back and she insisted that he couldn’t stop grinning. I filled her in on the highlights as we dressed and walked to breakfast. For once I felt like a normal girl, the kind who saw a future without death and disability.

  Dallas gave up his seat across the table and sat next to me at breakfast. We didn’t touch once, but I knew he wanted to. The day warmed early and due to the rain that had fallen, the humidity rose right with it. I took three rides and faced severe disappointment when I returned to find that Dallas had left on a last minute overnight. With my favorite distraction gone for the night, I found Tate and asked if I could use the dial up connection in his cabin.

  Isabelle was gone and Tate left me to finish my work as the evening progressed. I tried to research the theft Kip had sent me, and the suspected thief, Miles Tennison. It didn’t take long before I was cursing at the computer.

  Dial up was beyond ancient history. I doubted small children would ever know of its existence at all. Each page took three minutes to load. Occasionally the operation would time out entirely. Pictures were impossible to attempt and the closest I got after two hours was a little red x in the corner of every blank picture box. I gave up around nine-thirty and started back for my cabin.

  As I crossed the parking lot, I spotted Tate and Isabelle outside the lodge. I couldn’t hear the words, but I could see in her jerking movements that she was angry. She shouted something unintelligible, and Tate’s arms shot forward to shove Isabelle back. Her kitten heel caught her balance in the gravel. Her right hand recoiled and cracked across her brother’s face like lightning.

  “Don’t you dare lay a hand on me, and don’t touch him ever again!”

  She spun and I ducked behind a car before she could see me. I crept around the front of the car and listened for her footsteps to pass. The door to the lodge slammed shut and the main cabin door followed suit. I counted to fifteen and then rose to my feet again.

  Touch who?

  I had a hunch, but I couldn’t be sure.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Rides were limited all day Friday to provide time to prep for the bonfire. It felt crazy to bring so many people to a place as dangerous as the Rockin’ B, but Tate remained determined. In all honesty, I didn’t care because it meant that I got to work with Dallas all day. We moved logs, hung banners, ran electrical equipment for the music, and more often than not, ended up distracted in each other’s arms behind the lodge.

  Dallas had a way of making me forget Lindy. He made me feel healthy and in control, all the while helping me understand that every day, every minute, was a new gift. The sensation of his lips, the touch of his hand to my skin, it was all perfect, as if Cassidy and Dallas had always been destined to end up together. And I was her, or at least close enough. The case still kept me grounded in my true identity, until Dallas would pull me behind the lodge and make me forget everything I’d once been.

  The truth was I liked being Cassidy. She had a good life, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to give it up entirely. All day long I vacillated between adopting a few of her character traits, to all out identity theft.

  As the dying light dipped below the mountains, the lumbering tour bus groaned up the hill carrying a full load of guests to the evening’s event. They poured out like bugs from a broken log and I nearly missed the black Tahoe as it dodged the onslaught of pedestrians. I started to peer at the vehicle, a familiar feeling washed over me, but arms slipped around my waist and spun me in a half circle. As the world slowed, I was happy to look up into Dallas’ warm eyes.

  “What was that for?” I asked playfully.

  “Sometimes I think I can’t go another minute without holding you.” He bent and kissed my lips. “I know I can’t go long without kissing you either.”

  I allowed myself the indiscretion, even if we were on the clock and out in the middle of everything. Isabelle had obviously figured out something was happening, and since she’d already broken the news to Ryder, there wasn’t much else for her to hold over me.

  I heard a happy giggle behind me and turned to my right to see Isabelle with her hands clasped over her mouth in delight. It was unnatural to see such a positive emotion on her face. I couldn’t help but stare.

  Dallas’ arms squeezed in at my waist. “Hey, I don’t think I was done yet.”

  Isabelle laughed out loud again, but from across the parking lot the second time. I tried to ignore her, but I heard the name, “Ryder,” and my heart stopped in my chest.

  Tearing myself away from Dallas, I spun and followed to where I’d heard her voice. Strong arms encircled her, clenched around her tiny frame. My lungs burned and I realized I’d stopped breathing.

  “Is that Isabelle’s son?” Dallas asked as he slipped his arms back around my waist.

  He pulled away from his mother and I saw the quick smile, the broad jaw and his dark eyes. “That’s Ryder,” I said.

  It clicked for Dallas. “He’s the one that called? The overprotective one?”

  It was as good of an answer as any, so I nodded as I watched Ryder hug his Uncle Tate. There were three claps against their backs, and then Tate pulled away and patted his shoulder. My heart stilled as Tate looked to me and lifted a finger to point. Ryder followed the line and for the first time in a month, our eyes met. I wanted to feel nothing. Or perhaps loathe his presence, but how could I? He was Ryder. I was sure he could see the pain in my eyes just as surely as I could see it on him. For one second I wanted to reach out to him and let him steal me away. All I managed instead was a weak wave.

  The SUV door popped open and a pair of spiked black leather boots dropped to the gravel. Ryder extended his hand and helped Vanessa steady herself. Skin tight jeans tucked into the boots, and her slender waist was accentuated by a fitted blouse. It all looked expensive and somehow I knew he’d dressed her with his father’s money. Ryder introduced his girlfriend to his mother, and then his uncle and I stood by, an observer outside the fishbowl. Isabelle smiled and hugged Vanessa. I felt the knife in my stomach twist. I’d put up with nothing but harsh criticisms and an icy demeanor for over a month and Vane
ssa got a hug on the first meeting. My stock had crashed and burned.

  “Looks like he brought his girlfriend home to meet mommy,” Dallas said as he watched the scene over my shoulder.

  Their bliss turned my stomach, so I pulled Dallas into the lodge and out of their view. I had work to do, both as Lindy and Cassidy. “I think we should set up a quick serve bar in here so that we don’t have to mix drinks outside.”

  Dallas noticed my abrupt change, but didn’t call me on it. Bottles clinked and rattled as he helped me set up a station behind the swinging doors. Quick movements, snapped words, all of it told him I wasn’t fine, but he left it alone. The tension grew between us until I broke down first.

  “Fine,” I blurted out, “I’ll tell you.”

  Dallas’ hands came up in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

  I had to create some version of the truth, without the entire history, but that was a secret talent of mine. “Last time I saw Ryder, it didn’t end well. We fought about my lifestyle, and he hasn’t seen me since rehab.” My anger got the better of me and I pushed the line a little further. “He’s one of those types who won’t let the past go. I made mistakes and now he’s waiting for me to screw up again.”

  Reaching out for my hand, Dallas gave it a little squeeze. “You can’t let people get to you like this. Isn’t family more important?”

  Ryder wasn’t family and I could only shrug as a response. Dallas applied pressure to my hand and pulled me into his arms again. “Fine, then how about I hate him for no reason?”

  I slipped my arms around him and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Tate pulled the entire staff into the lodge before the party. His impatience grew as people took time filtering in and finding spots around the room.

  “I want to thank you all for your support tonight,” Tate started. “I know it’s been a crazy summer and some scary stuff has happened, but I feel like we can show people that the Rockin’ B is still here and we are still Rockin’.”