The Secrets We Keep

by Ella Jade

  “Of course.”

  Alec got out of the car and opened her door, extending his hand and helping her out.

  “Thanks, Alec.” She steadied herself as she fished inside her bag for her keys.

  “I’ll be out in a bit to let you know what I’m doing.” I didn’t want to assume I’d be spending the night.

  “I’ll be out here.” He nodded. “Have a good night.”

  He smirked as he got back into the car. Alec had been with me for a few years, so he knew this was out of character for me. Actually, plenty of things had been out of character for me since I’d met Kara. I hurried up the walkway to join her. Taking the key from her, I opened the door.

  “After you.” I motioned for her to go inside.

  “You’re so polite.” She switched on the light in the foyer as I closed the door. “Your mother raised a gentleman.”

  You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I was thinking right now.

  She leaned against the wall, laughing as she took off those sexy heels. When she lost her balance, I caught her in my arms.

  “You’re the hottest man I’ve ever met.”

  “Am I?” I slid my hands down her arms, taking her wrists and pinning them to the wall over her head.

  “By far.” She thrust her breasts forward as she captured my lips with hers. “Kissing isn’t enough.”

  Her breathing intensified when I trailed my lips along her jaw and down her throat. Leaving her wrists locked in one hand, I slipped my other along her chest and to her breasts. Cupping one in my hand, I squeezed as I nipped at her neck.

  “Mmm…” She rocked into me, brushing against my erection. “X…”

  Releasing her wrist, I twisted my fingers in her hair as she hitched her leg over my hip. Our kisses deepened as our breaths grew louder. Gripping her thigh, I pushed into her, trapping her between the wall and my hips.

  She opened her eyes and stared at me, realizing how much I wanted her.

  “I’ve never been this taken by anyone.” I swept my lips along her throat, kissing my way down the exposed skin between her perfect breasts. Releasing her leg from my hip, I slipped my hand under her dress, rubbing her thigh as I worked my mouth back to hers.

  When our lips connected, she gazed into my eyes, stopping for a moment. “Your eyes.” She tilted her head. “Maybe it’s the champagne.”

  “What about my eyes?” I sprinkled kisses across her jaw.

  “They’re the same shade as Zoey’s. Almost identical. How did I never see that before?”

  And that fast I halted my actions. Taking a step back, I ran my hand through my hair. I looked down at the floor, trying to hide my eyes from her.

  “I’m sorry.” She moved close to me. “That was awkward. I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.”

  “You didn’t.” I placed my palm on her cheek, still not looking into her eyes. “It’s been a long night.”

  “It doesn’t have to end.” She set her hand over mine, kissing my palm.

  I didn’t want to leave but her observation brought me back to reality. I’m lying to you. “I had an amazing evening. Thank you for accompanying me.”

  “Accompanying you?” She let go of my hand and backed away from me. “You’re welcome.”

  “I just think we should…” Don’t look so disappointed. “I don’t want to do anything to ruin this.”

  “Thanks for tonight.” She moved past me and opened the door. “It was better than binge watching a serial killer documentary.”

  “I’ll guess I’ll take that as I compliment.”

  She shrugged.

  How did we end up here? Oh, maybe because I’m a fucking liar who has the potential to blow her whole world apart.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Sure.” She folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her shoulders, indicating she was cold. She wanted me to go.

  You should want me to go.

  “Good night.” I gently kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.”

  She closed the door without saying anything. I stood on the porch for a few moments, trying to decide if I should go back in and tell her the truth. What would that accomplish? She’d hate me for lying. My way was better. I was falling for her. If I stayed the course, I could have everything I wanted without hurting her.

  It was late but maybe I should call John. A late night phone consultation was probably what I needed but then I remembered he was on a long weekend in Florida with his wife. I wouldn’t bother him.

  I waved to Alec, who had gotten out of the car and opened the door for me.

  “You can take me home,” I said with much regret as I climbed into the passenger seat.

  I needed a stiff drink and some time to figure out my next move. If I stayed one step ahead of this mess I made, I’d be fine. Wouldn’t I?

  10

  Kara

  What the hell just happened? How could he end the night like that? We were in sync. He wanted me. I didn’t imagine the way he looked at me, the subtle touches throughout the night, his kisses, the heated glances he shot my way. Even when he was presenting the award, he couldn’t take his eyes off me. I was certain we were on the same page.

  I sat on the bottom step of my stairs, drinking a glass of wine. Xavier Trapp, why can’t I get you out of my mind? From the second I met him, he had totally consumed me. Now that I was getting to know him, I wanted more than anything to be with him. What was holding him back?

  Carla didn’t bother knocking. She entered the house holding a bottle of wine.

  “Hey.” I waved to her. “Thanks for coming.”

  “What are you doing over there?”

  “Getting drunk.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure.” I stood and paced the foyer. “One minute everything was heated and passionate and the next he couldn’t get out of here fast enough.”

  “Did you have sex?”

  “No.” I gulped my wine. “I thought we were going to and then…”

  “Then what?”

  “I told him his eyes were the same color as Zoey’s.”

  “Awkward.” She went to the kitchen to get a wine glass.

  “Tell me about it.” I followed her, plopping myself down on a stool at the counter. “I don’t know what made me say that. I was focused on what he was doing to me and then I blurted that out.”

  “What did he say?”

  “What could he say? He left.”

  “Oh.”

  “The night was perfect. He was so attentive and wonderful. You should have seen the way people flocked to him. When we walked into the ballroom, the press took so many pictures.”

  “I saw them.”

  “They’re on-line?”

  “People are very intrigued with the woman who is dating the city’s most eligible bachelor.”

  “I don’t think we’re dating.” I pushed my glass toward her. “I need a refill.”

  “You need a do-over.” She took out her phone. “Go pack that bag and I’ll call you a car.”

  “What? No!” I reached for the wine bottle. “No way am I going to make a fool of myself twice tonight.”

  “You can turn this around.”

  I shook my head because I wasn’t sure how to fix this.

  “Do you want him?”

  “More than anything.” I poured another glass of wine. “No one has ever made me feel the way he does. When I’m with him I feel special. He looks at me like I’m the only one in the room. There’s a spark between us but something is holding him back. I don’t know.” I sighed. “Maybe he’s not as into me as I am to him.”

  “That’s bullshit.” She took my glass and finished the wine. “I saw the way he looked at you tonight. If I wasn’t here, he would have devoured you.”

  “That’s how it was all night.” Until I screwed up and brought my daughter into the conversation at the most inappropriate time. I totally turned him off. What was I thinking?

  “Do you still wan
t him?”

  “I wanted him to be the one to take this dress off me.”

  “Don’t lose sight of your goals.”

  “What should I do?”

  “Pack a bag. Your car will be here in five minutes.”

  Now that I let Carla talk me into showing up on X’s doorstep, I had no idea what to do next. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. If we were, wouldn’t we still be at my house making love? That was where the evening was headed. I shouldn’t be here begging for him to have sex with me. When had I ever been the type to beg? If he wanted me, he should come and get me.

  Decision made! As I turned to walk away from his door, it opened. I stood with my back to him, frozen in time. What do I do?

  “Kara?”

  “Yes.” I faced him, silently cursing Carla under my breath. Holy hell! He had removed most of his tux. He stood before me, holding a drink in nothing but his tight-fitting dress pants. He’d even loosened his belt. As I studied his bare, bulging chest and impressive six-pack abs, I took a breath to center myself. It didn’t work.

  “I saw you on the security cameras.”

  “Oh.” Why hadn’t I thought about that?

  “You must be cold.”

  Quite the opposite, really.

  “Come inside.” He took the bag from my shoulder and placed it in the foyer “Let’s get you by the fire.”

  “I’m sorry to show up like this.” It was Carla’s idea. “I…”

  “I’ve been thinking about you too.”

  “Your house is… wow.”

  As we moved inside, there was a grand staircase that faced the doors and in the center was a landing with huge windows that boasted an incredible backdrop of the river. He led me down a hall, through the kitchen and to a massive room with more windows with a view of the city in the distance. Soft music streamed through the house and the only light in the room came from the gas fireplace.

  He tossed a few pillows from the sofa onto the floor in front of the hearth. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Can I have a sip of that?” I pointed to his drink.

  “It’s vodka on the rocks. Nothing mixed in.”

  “Sounds good.” I needed something stronger than wine.

  “It’s all yours.” He handed it to me.

  “Thank you.” I pressed my lips to his glass while he watched me drink. I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed. I’d never had straight vodka before but it was surprisingly smooth. As the liquid coated my mouth and tongue, a calmness settled over me. I took another sip before handing the glass back to him.

  “Sit in front of the fire.” He put the drink on the coffee table behind us and joined me on the floor.

  I slipped off my shoes, taking in his muscular form. I didn’t expect him to be half-naked. No view through the windows of his house could top what was right in front of me. He was fit but I had no idea how athletic he was under those expensive shirts.

  “Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

  “I wasn’t ready for the night to end.”

  “Neither was I.”

  “Why did you leave?”

  “I’m not sure.” He twirled his finger around a stand of my hair. “There are so many things to consider and I don’t want to screw any of this up. I really like you.”

  “Are you attracted to me? Or are we in the friend zone?”

  “Do you really have to ask if I’m attracted to you?”

  “You’re hard to read.”

  “How could I not be attracted to you? You’re not only the most beautiful woman I’ve ever encountered but you’re caring, smart, amazing, and a fantastic mother to my… to Zoey.”

  “Are you misreading me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I know in today’s day and age a man has to be careful. Am I not being clear enough? Every time we get close, you pull back. I definitely consent to your advances, if that’s what you’re afraid of. With you being a lawyer and such an influential man, I’m sure you worry about those types of things.” Maybe that was why he hadn’t gotten involved with anyone in such a long time. Or maybe he wasn’t over Lanie.

  “Oh, you think that, well, I appreciate your consent and would respect your limits. I would never do anything you didn’t want me to.”

  “I know that. I trust you. I hope you can see that.”

  “You don’t know how much that trust means to me.” He caressed my cheek. “I want to be worthy of it.”

  “You are.”

  “I want you too. Make no mistake about that. You’re not sending mixed signals but I may be.”

  “If you want to take this slow, I understand.”

  “Slow can be good.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Under the correct circumstances.”

  “Are these the correct circumstances?” I kissed him, climbing into his lap and straddling him. This was out of character for me but he made me bolder. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  “Absolutely.” He ran his hands along my legs, hiking my dress up, and gazing between my thighs. “There’s nothing I’d like more than to have you in my bed.”

  “Hmm…” I kissed his neck, making my way to his chest. “We’ll make it to your bed, eventually.”

  The blaze of the fire heated our flesh as we touched and explored one another’s bodies. Smoothing my hands over his shoulders and chest, I reveled in the strength of his form. Envisioning myself underneath him as he moved inside me dominated my thoughts. When I rocked my lower half into his erection, I disclosed what I wanted.

  He tangled his fingers in my hair with one hand as he gripped my hip with the other. Answering back, he shifted into me, leaving nothing to imagination.

  “You asked me why I was here,” I whispered against his lips.

  “Tell me.” He kissed me harder. “Why are you here?”

  “Because you’re the only one I wanted to get me out of this dress.”

  When he released my hair, lowered his fingers to my zipper, and smirked, I knew the night was just beginning.

  Xavier

  The night had taken an unexpected turn. As we lay cuddled in my bed, I wondered what John would say. Did I even care? I was far into the scam that I never meant to be a scam. In trying to get to know my daughter, I’d become quite taken by her mother. If I told her the truth right now, how would she react? Could she forgive me? Could I risk it?

  As much as I hated lying, my way was better. I could have them in my life and no one would get hurt. I could care for them without telling them who I was. That was my best option. No one would get hurt. If I kept telling myself that, maybe it would be true.

  I glanced at the clock, noting it was already after three. The sun would be up in a few hours and would blast through the blinds. As I slipped out of bed, Kara reached for my hand.

  “Don’t go,” she said in a raspy voice.

  “I’m going to close the blinds.” I kissed her hand before getting up to complete the task. “The sun can be harsh in the early morning.”

  “That’s an incredible view.”

  “The city skyline is one of my favorite views.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the skyline.” She sat up and concentrated on my naked form. “You’re in amazing shape.”

  “Thank you.” If I were the type to get embarrassed, I’d be blushing. “I like the gym.”

  “I can tell.”

  Getting back into bed, I leaned against the headboard. She inched toward me, resting her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, keeping her close. Breathing in her sweet scent, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this content.

  “I’m glad you came here tonight.”

  “It was Carla’s idea.”

  “Then I have a lot to thank Carla for.”

  “When you left, I wasn’t sure what to think. It seemed like we were heading in the same direction but then you stopped so abruptly.”

  "I apologize for that.” Stopping was the hardest thing but when she became fixated on my eye
s and how they were the same color as Zoey’s, I didn’t know what to do. Deep down, part of me wanted more than anything to purge myself and tell her the truth. The rational side of me wouldn’t allow that. Would I always be at war with myself when it came to my daughter?

  “You’re cautious with me because of Zoey.”

  You have no idea. “I don’t want to rush you. Your daughter is your priority and I respect that. You told me I’m the first man you’ve brought around her. I don’t want to do anything to make you doubt your choices.”

  “You might be one of the best choices I’ve ever made.” She kissed my chest. “It’s true, Zoey adores you and if things don’t work out between us, I don’t want her to be hurt.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” I wish I could tell you how invested I am in you and Zoey. “In time, I’ll prove that to you.”

  “New relationships can be difficult to navigate without a child.”

  “Listen to me.” I lifted her chin so she had to look at me when I spoke these words. “Zoey is your whole world. I don’t see her as an obstacle in our developing relationship. I see her as a package deal. One that I’m very fortunate to have the pleasure of knowing.”

  “Thank you for saying that.”

  “I mean it.”

  “I believe you.” She kissed my neck, sitting up on her knees, she hovered over me.

  I lost my breath when her hair tumbled over her shoulders. Running my fingers down her throat and over her breasts, I sat up to meet her.

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she whispered before I kissed her.

  “I’m not perfect,” I told her as I flipped her onto her back. “Far from it.”

  “You’re perfect for me.” She wrapped her legs around my waist, as her eyes filled with desire. “I want you.”

  “You have me.” I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth as I pushed my hips toward her.

  “X…” she moaned.

  We moved at a slow, steady pace, connecting on more than a physical level. I silently begged for her forgiveness. Pouring all of my sins and secrets into our kiss. If I could claim her heart and soul, would my lies matter?