Incognito

by Adrienne Giordano

  Every head in the pool turned and if Lucie needed further confirmation, a few male jaws dropped. Boom. Just hung open.

  “How bad is it?” Lucie asked. “I’m terrified to look.”

  Tim puffed out his cheeks and exhaled long and slow.

  That bad.

  Courage summoned, Lucie swung around. Roseanne strutted toward her wearing a red bikini top straining to keep her 36Ds from battling their way free. She’d tied a black sarong around her waist, but what was the point? It revealed enough leg to almost be obscene. Behind Ro, Joey trudged along, flipping off the ogling men in the pool.

  Lucie faced Tim. “It’s really not a nightmare, is it? This is happening.”

  “It is,” Tim said. “And Luce?”

  “What?”

  “It just got worse.”

  Was that even possible at this point? She closed her eyes, readied herself for whatever it was. “Tell me.”

  “Your dad just walked in.”

  Five

  “Surprise!” Ro said, excitement bringing her voice a full octave higher.

  Shock—and maybe a touch of outrage because, holy hell, her family had just hijacked her vacation—held Lucie captive on her lounger.

  On the other side of Tim, Joey tossed a couple beach towels on the empty chair meant for Uncle Henry. Hands on hips, Joey perused the pool. The swim-up bar, the cascading waterfall in the corner, the hot tub.

  “Ooh, hot tub. My back is killing me. I’m going in.”

  “Go right ahead,” Tim said. “Make yourself at home.”

  Never one to let sarcasm slip by, Joey nodded. “Gee, thanks, O’Brien. I will.”

  Joey yanked off his pristine white T-shirt that Mom had probably ironed for him, sort of folded it, and dropped it on the edge of the chair.

  “Baby girl,” Dad hollered from two feet away, “we made it.”

  Beside him, Mom waved furiously. “Hi, Lucie. Hi, Tim. We wanted to surprise you. Are you? Gosh, this is fun.”

  Oh, they were. Tim’s flaming red ears indicated he might be something else also.

  “Fun,” he muttered.

  Lucie had suffered through nightmare Rizzo situations before. Dad’s arrest and trial. Visiting him in prison. Finding out her saint of a mother had an affair with the town butcher. All of it cemented in her mind, serving as a reminder that life as a mob boss’s daughter might be easier from thousands of miles away. At least until they all showed up.

  Unbelievable. And who the hell was manning the office? Ready to spew, Lucie looked up at Ro, who’d just whipped off her sarong and flashed a whole lot of skin. Talk about a Brazilian Wax. Holy moly.

  Even with the three pounds she’d just lost, the remaining ten she’d gained had strategically landed on her butt. The one barely hidden under her so-called bathing suit masquerading as a few swatches of material.

  To say that sucker left little to the imagination wouldn’t be an understatement. It would be a straight-up travesty. Considering the average age in that pool, someone better bust out the CPR kit. God only knew the last time this much skin had been on display in Paradise City.

  Finally, Lucie’s outrage bubbled, shooting her from her spot. She hopped up, about to rip into her BFF, but the look on Ro’s face, the delight and…hope, knocked the roiling tip of Lucie’s anger off.

  Shoot. They’d totally intruded, and she was having trouble being mad? Really?

  Ro hugged her. “Please don’t be mad. We wanted all of us to take a trip together.”

  Dammit.

  Lucie lifted her arms, wrapped them around Ro and gave her a squeeze. Seven months ago, she’d have felt bone. Now, after regular meals at Mom and Dad’s—and Joey “liking a little meat on her”—her BFF had filled out. A topic never far from any of their minds, since Ro couldn’t stop blaming Mom for her lot in life. Over the months, it turned into a game: Ro complaining about the weight, but not really working all that hard to get rid of it.

  Family. Go figure.

  “Cannonball!”

  Joey’s voice. Oh no. A loud splash and a bunch of yelling started, and Lucie swung back.

  “Yeah,” Tim said. “He just did that into the hot tub. He’s lucky he didn’t break his foot.”

  Total nightmare.

  Ro flapped her arms, sending her boobs bouncing. “Joey! You’re such an animal.”

  “I don’t know where he learned to behave this way,” Mom said.

  “Good one,” Dad hollered.

  Of course. Lucie gritted her teeth. “Mystery solved.”

  Mom made a humming noise. She’d taken up meditation lately—a last ditch effort to not murder someone—and the former came with her new Zen attitude. She breathed deep and faced Dad. “Joe, you really shouldn’t encourage him. This isn’t Franklin. It’s peaceful here.”

  “Was peaceful,” Tim added.

  Now that the initial trauma had worn off, they’d get down to it, because half of Lucie’s staff was in Florida.

  She held up two hands. “I don’t want to be the wet blanket in all this, but, hey, you know me, I have to ask. Who’s manning Coco Barknell?”

  Ro moved to the empty lounger and started spreading one of the towels across it. “Mrs. R, you sit, we’ll find more chairs. And, Luce, we have it all worked out. We hired a temp for the phones and gave the part-timers extra hours. Honestly, it’s a slow weekend for dog walking, so it all worked out. Joey and I fly home Monday morning.”

  “Lucie,” Mom said. “Please. We wanted to surprise you. When’s the last time we all had a vacation together?”

  Years. That’s how long. Before her father wound up doing a two-year stint for tax evasion.

  Looking at her mother’s heart-shaped face and hazel eyes that sometimes, like now, appeared green, Lucie caved. What else could she do? Throwing a tantrum would ruin the day completely. How was it that her family barged in on her time with Tim and she wound up feeling bad?

  She turned, giving her back to her family and Ro, and faced Tim, on his feet behind her. One thing about her man, he always stood to greet people. A good man. That was Tim.

  Manners aside, the tightness behind his half-smile gave him away. Bless him for trying, but make no mistake, Tim was not happy.

  He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. “All good.” He faced her dad. “Joe, have you guys eaten? My uncle says the food from the bar is decent. How about we grab a table?”

  No nasty looks. No pouting. No cold shoulder. Oh, this man. She’d be crazy not to marry him. She poked him square in the chest. “You’re a rockstar.”

  To that, he leaned in again, got right up to her ear. “Believe me, you’ll make it up to me.”

  The threat fell flat, as it always did, because she usually enjoyed making it up to him more than he did. Go, Lucie.

  While Tim and Dad left to commandeer a table, Lucie faced Ro and Mom. “I’ll say this, you all know how to make an entrance.”

  Mom made a huffing noise. “Wait’ll you see the golf cart. It’s almost embarrassing.”

  Ro snorted. “Stop. You know you laughed when you saw it.”

  “You were The Godfather theme, weren’t you?”

  Ro paddled her hands. “Yes! So fun. Come on, I’ll show you.” She scooped up her sarong again and hooked it around her waist. Thank goodness, because the men in the pool could now go back to their conversation and Joey wouldn’t have to threaten anyone.

  “I’m hungry,” Mom said. “Meet me at the table. I’m ordering a pitcher of rum punch. And I’m not sharing.”

  As they walked, Lucie grabbed hold of Ro’s elbow and pinched. Not hard, but enough for her BFF to know she had an issue with their little surprise.

  “Ouch,” Ro said, her voice completely level and lacking any heat.

  “Please. That didn’t hurt.”

  “I figured I should at least make an effort.”

  Lucie couldn’t help it. She laughed. “I should throttle you. I finally get a vacation with Tim and you crash. What the hell is wr
ong with you?”

  “Well, in my own defense, I tried to talk them out of it. Joey, of all people, thought of it. Blurted it out over dinner last week. I tried, Luce, I really did, but you know your family. They’re tough.”

  “Ya think?”

  “Besides, you should be thanking me.”

  She couldn’t wait to hear this one.

  “At first, they were going to follow you to the Keys. Then I suggested maybe your mom and dad stay here for the week. Check the place out as a retirement option. This could have been so much worse. Think about it, Luce. You, Tim, and all of us on your romantic Keys vacation. Mmm, mmm, mmm. That would have been something.”

  Horror washed over Lucie. They’d definitely dodged a bullet. “Thank you. I think.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  At the exit, an older man with a cane came through the gate and, apparently mesmerized by Ro’s hard-to-contain boobs, halted. His lips parted slightly. If he started drooling, Lucie would lose it. Absolutely meltdown.

  “Old man,” Ro said. “Quit staring at my titties. If you were younger, I’d slap you.”

  Lordy!

  “They’re so pretty,” the man said.

  Ro shooed the man away. “You know it. Now move along. Show is over. And when I come back, don’t let my boyfriend catch you staring. He’s an animal. No controlling him.”

  “Okay. My wife will be here by then anyway.”

  “Excellent,” Ro waved Lucie to follow her to the parking lot. “It’s a shame men don’t grow out of being pigs.”

  “He’s a hundred and ten. He probably hasn’t seen this kind of action in forty years.”

  Ro looked over at her, a huge smile in place. “I do love you, Luce.” She gestured to a row of parked carts. “We’re over here. I found this little number online. Did you know they have a rental service down here? I could totally see Joey and your dad owning something like that.”

  “Except the first complaint would wind up with them all rolling on the ground throwing punches.”

  Ro tilted her head one way, then the other. “Something to consider for sure. But Joey is getting better. Your dad? Who knows? Never mind that, close your eyes.”

  Oh, now she was pushing the boundaries of friendship. “I’m not in the mood for games, Ro.”

  “Ssshhh. Close them.”

  Lucie snapped her eyes closed. Some battles weren’t worth fighting. Ro held her arm, guiding her a few steps before positioning her. A little to the right, a bit to the left.

  “Any time now, Ro.”

  “Watch your step. Okay. Open ‘em.”

  Lucie did as she was told and laid eyes on a shiny black Escalade. Well, the golf cart version of it, complete with replica Cadillac headlights and the logo on the front grill. Chrome rims gleamed bright enough to light Chicago during a blackout.

  God, that thing. So gaudy.

  Lucie burst out laughing. Only her family.

  Ro did a fast clap and squealed. “I know. It looks just like mine. And the horn is programable. I thought Papa Joe might not like The Godfather, but I went for it.”

  “And?”

  “He laughed.”

  “Of course he did. He loves you.”

  Lord knew Ro got away with just about anything with Dad. The two of them shared a twisted logic on all things ranging from politics to meatballs.

  Ro stepped forward and draped herself across the front of the cart. “Later, you gotta take a picture of all of us in this thing. I wish I could have this in Chicago. Picture me driving to the office in this baby? Ha!”

  That would be a sight. It ranked right up there with Joey riding one of the scooters Lucie purchased to get around the city faster. The minute the mob guys down at Petey’s saw it, they all took turns riding. The golf cart might put them over the edge.

  Ro straightened up and gave it a light pat. “Anyhoo, how’s the trip going so far?”

  Lucie hooked her arm through Ro’s. “Before you all crashed it? It’s been great. It makes me realize how hard we’ve been working this past year. Ro, we have to force each other to take vacations. The minute I stepped out of the airport and felt warm air, my stress level dropped.”

  “You needed it, Luce. And what about Tim? How’s his uncle?”

  “Such a nice man. I swear, Tim’s family is disgustingly normal.”

  Ro curled her lip. “What fun is that?”

  “There is a bit of a shake-up with Uncle Henry’s girlfriend.”

  “That devil has a squeeze?”

  “She’s taking the straight-laced Uncle Henry to the dark side. It’s kinda refreshing.” Lucie held both hands over her head. “Big hair, big boobs, tight clothes.”

  “Oh, my God. She’s me.”

  Lucie bumped Ro as they strolled. “That’s what I said. You in twenty-five years, anyway. She seems like a nice lady. Maybe a bit of an attention seeker is all. Tim’s freaking out. His mother wants an update on Mattie and he’s ignoring her. I guess Henry’s late wife was basically a nun. Poor Tim doesn’t know what to do.”

  “It’s none of her business.”

  “I told him that. He still spent the morning running a background check on Mattie.”

  The drama queen threw her head back and gasped. “People! I swear I can’t stand it. I’m going to live on an island by myself.”

  Good luck with that. A week without designer shoes and Ro would shrivel up and die. “In Tim’s defense, there’s something off about her. She’s too squeaky clean. Not even a parking ticket.”

  “Well, not everyone grew up like us, Luce. Law abiding citizens do exist.”

  Ro’s family didn’t have a criminal history, but they weren’t adverse to buying items that, as they say in Franklin, fell off a truck. Meaning, they were hotter than August in Arizona.

  Ro’s working theory was she got a good deal. Like going to the outlet mall.

  Up ahead, a couple exited the pool, arguing over someone being rude. Had to be Joey. Had to be.

  Lucie offered a smile as the couple moved past then focused back on her own conversation with Ro. “This morning I helped Henry walk Mattie’s dog. While there I saw an envelope from a boarding school in California.”

  “So?”

  “So, Henry told us she doesn’t have any kids.”

  “Maybe it was a solicitation. You know spam snail mail.”

  “That she kept in her kitchen cabinet? She would have thrown it out if it was junk.”

  Ro shrugged. “It could be a friend’s kid. Maybe they’re pen pals.”

  Now she was reaching. “Pen pals? Why waste a stamp? Send an email. It’s faster.”

  They entered the pool area and Lucie pointed to the bar. “They’re over here.”

  Ro nodded. “What’s Tim’s plan?”

  “I don’t think he has one. He’ll need to come up with something, though, because his mom isn’t giving up. Even if he ignores her while we’re here, he’s toast—burnt toast—when he gets home. She’ll be all over him.”

  Still arm in arm, they strolled along the side, passing small groups of folks milling in the water, chatting with friends. A woman’s laughter, then a splash drew Lucie’s eye to a man who’d just ambushed the laughing woman with a kiss.

  Twenty years from now Lucie wanted that. Clear blue skies, warm sunshine, and Tim. Goals, Luce. Goals.

  “All right,” Ro said. “Let’s think about this. She has no criminal history, but that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe she just hasn’t gotten caught.”

  “At what?”

  “Whatever her scam is.”

  How the heck did they go from no criminal history to Mattie being a scammer? Ro’s mind. Scary place. “Who said she has one?”

  Ro gave her a massive eye roll. “Is Henry rich? Maybe she’s one of those con-women who prey on widowed men. The old Sweetheart Scam.” Ro pulled her arm free from Lucie’s and made a fishing motion. “She lures him in and then—bam—bleeds him dry. We really should look into this.”

  N
ow her, too? “No. It’s Henry’s life. He’s happy. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Look, O’Hottie has good instincts. If he’s suspicious, there might be something to it.” Ro waved a hand. “Introduce me to this woman. I’ll figure it out.”

  “Roseanne!”

  Joey. He must have given up on the hot tub and opted for the pool.

  Ro propped her hands on her hips and whipped around. “Stop that screaming.”

  Oh, boy. Lucie kept her gaze on Tim, sitting at a table for six not ten feet in front of them and chatting it up with Dad, whose hands flew as he spoke.

  “Order me food,” Joey hollered.

  Ro gave him a thumbs up. “He’s a Neanderthal, but I love him.”

  “Baby girl,” Dad said, “I’m having grouper. And it’s fried. Your mother is upset.”

  “She’ll forgive you. Might as well enjoy your vacation, Dad.”

  Tim waved Lucie to the vacant chair beside him. “Luce, your dad and I were just discussing the merits of castration. He’s in favor.”

  I don’t even want to know.

  “Excellent,” she said. “What did you order for lunch?”

  “Nothing yet.” He grinned. “I waited for you.”

  Mom made her way back to the table, a pitcher of a colorful beverage in hand. The rum punch, no doubt. Mom was going all in.

  “Roseanne, I ordered Joey chicken wings. It comes with fries.”

  Mom. Always taking care of her baby boy.

  “Perfect,” Ro said. “He’ll love it. I’m not eating.”

  Sure she wasn’t.

  “Here we go,” Mom, Dad, and Tim all said.

  Ro’s hunger strikes often lasted long enough for Mom to slice a pound cake.

  Lucie perused the menu sitting in the middle of the table. “You can split a chicken wrap with me. We’ll skip the cheese.”

  “Ooh. That sounds good,” Ro said.

  Tim laughed. At least he found the humor in having his vacation crashed.

  “O’Hottie,” Ro said, “when do we get to meet your uncle and this scammer he’s dating?”

  Six

  “What scammer?” Mom wanted to know.

  Lucie scrunched her nose and looked over at Tim, who gave her the hard, steady look of a man who’d need good, hot sex before forgiving her.