Lone Star Holiday Proposal

by Yvonne Lindsay

  “Sorry, champ. Yep, I’m listening. What did you ask Santa for?”

  “I tol’ Santa I want one thing more’n anything else.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “It’s secret,” JJ said with a little frown on his forehead. “Can’t tell secrets.”

  “What about if you just whisper it to me. Like you did before.”

  JJ mulled over Nolan’s suggestion and then got up onto his knees and, leaning against Nolan’s shoulder, said in his ear. “I aks’d for you to be my daddy.”

  Nolan’s heart skipped a few beats in his chest. As JJ settled back down beside him he put an arm around the little guy’s shoulders to give him a hug. His eyes stung with emotion and the enormity of what JJ had just said.

  A rattle of mugs on a tray made him realize that Raina had returned to the room and that she’d overheard JJ’s wish for Christmas. She was staring at Nolan, her expression a combination of shock and yearning and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He wished he could read her better. Wished he could be sure that she wanted the same thing that JJ wanted.

  He chose his next words very carefully.

  “That’s a mighty special wish, JJ. Being a daddy is a very precious gift. You know what precious is?”

  JJ shook his head.

  “It’s something that means everything to you.”

  “Like Spider-Man?”

  “Even more than that,” Nolan said with a smile. “I hope you get your wish, champ, but it’s a mighty tall order for poor old Santa.”

  * * *

  Raina set the tray down on the table and passed JJ his small mug of hot chocolate and Nolan his larger one.

  “There you go, guys.”

  She averted her gaze from the question in Nolan’s eyes. It was too soon, she told herself, even though her heart and soul screamed otherwise. And, yes, while there was nothing physically holding them back, there was an emotional minefield between them that still needed to be successfully negotiated. How could she even think about the future when she wasn’t sure that Nolan had dealt with the past?

  She hadn’t been lying earlier this evening when she said she trusted Nolan. He was exactly what Mrs. Baker had said—a good man. But if she was going to commit to him she needed better than good for her and JJ. She wanted all of him—all his scars, all his truths, all his fears as well as his successes. Not just the parts he was willing to share. It had to be everything, or nothing.

  She had to be sure he wanted her for herself, not because she reminded him of his dead wife or because JJ gave him back the chance to be a dad when his own son had been so cruelly taken from him. They both deserved more than that. If Nolan could be honest with her, she knew she’d have no further hesitation in giving herself to him with everything she had. Having him in her and JJ’s life was a glowing beacon of what their future could be like. Which made the prospect of turning away from it, from Nolan, terrifying in its enormity.

  Fifteen

  After Raina caught JJ yawning more than once, she hustled the little guy off to bed but he insisted on both Nolan and her tucking him in. It brought tears to her eyes when JJ’s little arms wrapped around Nolan’s neck and he hugged him tight before snuggling under the covers.

  “Sweet dreams, champ,” Nolan said gently as he disentangled JJ’s arms.

  “Love you, No’an” came JJ’s sleepy reply.

  Raina saw the look of shock on Nolan’s face at JJ’s words and watched as he smoothed JJ’s hair off his forehead and pressed a kiss there.

  As she followed Nolan out of the room and down the hall, her mind was in turmoil. It was already too late to protect JJ from heartache if she shut Nolan out of their lives. And did she even want to do that?

  “I’ve got something for JJ in the car. Do you mind if I put it under the tree for him for tomorrow?” Nolan asked when they got to the living room.

  “Oh, that’s kind of you,” she answered. “No, I don’t mind at all. He’ll be thrilled. But won’t you be able to give it to him tomorrow yourself?”

  “I’ll be with my parents first thing, and after that I’m flying back to LA. There are some things I need to sort out.”

  Raina couldn’t hold back the sound of dismay that escaped her. “Oh, I’d hoped...”

  “I will return, Raina. I promise you that,” he hastened to reassure her. “I’m taking the time now to pack up my apartment and settle a few matters before I move back here permanently. I’ll be back for New Year’s Eve.”

  She forced herself to smile. “I guess I’ll have to be satisfied with that then.”

  He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “I’ll go get JJ’s gift.”

  As Nolan went out to the car, Raina quickly retrieved JJ’s gifts from where she’d hidden them in her room and put them under the tree. Once that was done, she sank down onto the sofa. She’d thought that life might get easier as she got older but it seemed that the complications only came in different forms. She had so much to consider. Did she, like JJ, love Nolan, too? The answer came back to her with resounding clarity. Yes, she did. Either way she turned it, it was clear to her that both she and her son had lost their hearts to the man who’d come into their lives so unexpectedly.

  She heard Nolan come back into the house and stood as he entered the living room, an enormous wrapped parcel in his arms.

  “Wow, that’s huge. I hope you haven’t gone to too much trouble,” she said as she eyed the massive gift.

  “No trouble at all. The first Christmas that I can remember, I was about JJ’s age and got one of these. I always wanted to do the same for my—”

  Raina frowned as his voice broke off. “For your...?” she prompted. Maybe this would give him the opening to tell her everything.

  “For another three-year-old,” Nolan said on a rush of words. “It’s a Spider-Man bike, with training wheels. It might still be a bit big for him but the seat and handle bars are adjustable and JJ’s tall for his age. Anyway, I hope he likes it.”

  “He’ll love it, but, Nolan, it’s too much.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Where kids are concerned, it’s never too much.”

  There was now a bleak note to his voice that Raina couldn’t miss. She realized the holidays must be so hard for him and stepped forward to comfort him without giving it a second thought. Her arms slid around Nolan’s waist and she reached up to kiss him gently on the lips.

  “Thank you,” she said simply. She studied him carefully, her eyes roaming his serious face with his beautiful brown eyes and straight blade of a nose. And those lips. She wanted to taste those lips again. She wanted...oh, she wanted so much more than that. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  Nolan’s face grew even more serious than before. “Raina, I—” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea just now.”

  “Please, Nolan. You could still stay with me a while tonight, couldn’t you?”

  Did she sound too needy? Too desperate? She hoped not. Raina held her breath, waiting for Nolan’s reply.

  “Yes, I’d like that.”

  “Then that makes two of us,” she said with a slow smile spreading across her face.

  Nolan kissed her. This kiss so different from the last. It was as if Nolan was trying to imprint himself on her, get lost in her, perhaps. Whatever it was, she welcomed him with equal fervor, her lips parting under his possession like the petals of a flower opening for the sun. Desire licked along her veins like wildfire and with it her body came to aching life.

  Her breasts felt full and swollen in the cups of her bra, her nipples wildly sensitive against the lace. Nolan continued to kiss her like a man trying to lose himself in sensation, and Raina was only too willing to meet him head-on, matching his passion with her own.

  She yanked his sweater up
in the back and shoved her hands underneath, her palms flat on the warm smooth skin of his back. She stroked upward along the muscles that ran parallel to his spine then lightly scraped her nails down again. He shuddered in her arms, a groan coming from his mouth as he tore his lips from hers.

  “Raina, I want you so much. I never thought I...” His voice trailed away and Raina pressed another kiss to his lips.

  “Me either,” she whispered softly against his mouth. “Make love with me, Nolan.”

  His pupils flared, making his eyes look darker, hungrier than she’d ever seen them. A shiver of need ran through her. Nolan was always so in control, so self-assured. She wanted to see him lose that control tonight, and she wanted to be the reason for it.

  “Are you sure, Raina? There’re things I haven’t—”

  Not tonight, not now, she decided. She didn’t want another woman in bed with them tonight. Instead, she kissed him again. “I’m sure. I don’t think I can say it any clearer than that.”

  A smile tugged at the corners of his beautiful lips. “I guess not,” he agreed.

  She shook her head and gave a small laugh. Even with her blood pumping through her body, her lips swollen from his kiss and her senses focused on the pleasure she knew she would attain with this man, he could make her laugh. It was a gift, she realized.

  “Let’s stop talking. Start doing,” she urged, curling her fingers and embedding her nails in his back more firmly.

  “Whatever the lady wants.”

  She led him to her bedroom where she gently closed the door behind them and flowed into his arms as if she belonged nowhere else in the world. And, right here, right now, she didn’t.

  His lips were teasingly gentle when they kissed this time. He made a sweet exploration of her mouth, her jaw, the sensitive cord of muscle down the side of her neck. She moaned as his lips burned a trail to the neckline of her blouse. He brought his hands up between them, his fingers busily plucking her buttons undone until he could ease the fabric aside. He pushed it off her shoulders and let her blouse drop to the bedroom floor.

  Raina watched his face as he looked at her. The desire reflected there was tempered with a look of awe that made her feel invincible. As if his world, his attention, began and ended with her and no one else. This was what she’d always craved. A bond between two people that was so perfect that nothing could tear it apart.

  Nolan eyes met hers and she quivered a little at the intensity of his gaze.

  “I love you, Raina Patterson. I want you to know that before I show you just how much it’s true.”

  She parted her lips to speak, but no words came out. Emotion closed her throat, making it impossible to speak, but he didn’t appear to mind that at all as he slid his hands to her waist and skimmed them upward, his fingertips brushing her rib cage and sending goose bumps all over her skin.

  * * *

  He only took a second to size up the bed behind them. The double bed was small, but more than sufficient for their purposes, he thought as he backed Raina toward the mattress and guided her down onto it.

  He eased himself over her body and, propping himself up with one elbow, began to trace featherlight designs on her skin with his fingertips, punctuating them with a kiss, a nibble, a swipe of his tongue. She quivered underneath his onslaught and he could see her pebbled nipples against the soft pink lace of her bra. He’d never been a big fan of pink, but right now it was most definitely his favorite color. Nolan bent to cover one tip with his mouth, sucking hard through the delicate lace. Raina’s fingers threaded roughly through his hair and she held him to her. She arched her back, thrusting herself upward. Unabashedly offering herself to him.

  Nolan released her nipple and traced the outline of her bra with his tongue. With his free hand he reached to cup her other breast before sliding his hand around to the back and unsnapping the fastening. The garment fell away from her body and he slowly guided the straps down her arms, taking his time, worshipping every inch of her as he did so. She shook beneath him as he paid homage to her beauty, to each scar he discovered, each stretch mark, every curve. When he got to her skirt, Raina lifted her hips so he could ease it from her and expose the delicate pink lace panties that matched the bra he’d already discarded somewhere on the floor.

  Her body went rigid as he traced the edges of her panty line, his fingers lingering a moment in the hollow at the top of her thigh, eliciting a moan of delight from Raina. He bent closer to her, inhaling the musky sweet scent that was her signature, and nuzzled at her mound. He was rewarded with a gasp, her hands now at his shoulders, her fingers tightening until he could feel the imprint of her nails on his skin.

  “I want to taste you, again,” he murmured, nuzzling her.

  “I’m yours,” Raina replied, her voice strained and her body now as taut as a bow beneath him.

  He whisked the last remaining barrier from her body and nestled lower between her legs, his fingers at the top of her thighs, pressing gently into her pale flesh and parting her legs that little bit more. When he sank down and teased her glistening flesh with a flick of his tongue, she moaned again—the sound almost enough to make him want to dispense with this foreplay and race straight to the main event. Inside his jeans his erection strained against the restriction of his clothing. He pressed his hips against the mattress in an attempt to relieve his body’s demands but it was a short-lived respite.

  To distract himself, he focused solely on the woman in his arms, intent on bringing her the kind of pleasure he dreamed of having the right to give her every day of her life. The taste and scent of her body filled him, exciting him to higher levels and driving him to see her every need fulfilled. He sensed that this—making love here in her bed—was the only time she wasn’t holding back. Here in the sanctuary of her room, she was his alone and so he paid homage to the privilege she bestowed upon him. Loving her with every cell in his body until she arched beneath him, her body locked in paroxysms of pleasure before softening and sinking back down into the mattress.

  Nolan swiftly stripped himself of his clothes and returned to her. His arousal demanded satisfaction but he waited until Raina’s eyes cleared, until she was with him 100 percent.

  “How do you do that?” she asked, sounding dazed.

  “Give you pleasure, you mean?”

  “Yes, that.”

  “I do it from my heart, Raina. I love you. It’s that simple.”

  And with that, he eased his length within her, hissing a little between his teeth as her swollen wet sheath gripped him. It was almost more than he could stand but still he held himself in check. Raina’s eyes were a glittering blue, punctuated by wildly dilated pupils. She met his gaze and reached for him, her hands gripping his hips and pulling him to her. He sank deeper into her body, deeper into pleasure, deeper into love, and with every stroke, every withdrawal, he affirmed that love until they both tumbled headlong into satisfaction.

  * * *

  Nolan watched Raina as she slept. They’d been about as close as two people could be. He didn’t want to screw this up. It was too precious. Too important to him. He thought about the small package that was nestled at the bottom of his jacket pocket and the note he’d written to go with it.

  The logical side of his brain told him that it was too soon to give it to her, but every other cell in his body told him to do it now. The thing was, he was ready—more than ready—to take the next step with her, to make her his forever. But was she? One word began to echo in the back of his mind. Time. He had to give her more time. And, he realized, he had to let her come to her decision at her own pace, without undue pressure from him.

  Already he wished he didn’t have to return to LA. There wouldn’t be much to do. He’d barely existed when he’d lived there and he could tie up the loose ends within the week. Would a week be enough for Raina? Would it give her the time he felt she neede
d to be certain about them both and give them a chance to forge a future together? He certainly hoped so. And when he came back he needed to face his final demons. He needed to tell Raina about Carole and Bennett. He didn’t want any secrets between them any longer. It had been one thing to convince himself that it was okay to hide his past, to bury it where it didn’t hurt anymore, but Raina deserved to know everything and she deserved to know it from him.

  Nolan eased from the bed and felt around in the dark for his clothes before slipping into the bathroom and quickly getting dressed. It was still pitch-dark outside and the sun wouldn’t be up for at least another hour. Maybe it was wrong to be leaving her like this—letting her wake alone after all they’d shared together. But he also respected that she would need her space.

  And then there was JJ to consider, as well. The little boy’s Christmas wish had plucked at Nolan’s heart and he’d wished he’d had the right to tell JJ that his wish could come true. He loved the child as if he was his own, there were no two ways about it. He wanted them both in his life but the decision lay firmly in Raina’s gentle but capable hands.

  Once he was dressed, Nolan walked through the house to the sitting room. The tree lights glittered with their myriad colors, making the small room look exotic and exciting. He knew it wouldn’t be long before JJ wakened and raced to see what Santa had brought him. He wished he could be here to see JJ open his gifts, but with any luck he’d be able to share that delight with the little guy next year, and hopefully every year after that.

  Nolan’s heavy winter jacket lay over the back of an armchair where he’d discarded it last night. He reached into the pocket and pulled out the small gift and the envelope with the note he’d written for Raina before picking her and JJ up last night. He placed them under the tree, in among the gifts for JJ, then quietly let himself out of the house and into the burgeoning dawn.

  Sixteen

  “Santa’s been here, Mommy. Wake up! Santa’s been here!”