My Life as a Rhombus

by Varian Johnson

  “Where did you go?”

  “I went to a place in Atlanta.”

  “Were they nice?” she asked. “Were they gentle?”

  I shrugged. “They made it as comfortable as they could.”

  “Then that’s where I want to go,” she said. “I’ve heard too many rumors about other clinics and about how much it hurt.” She lowered her voice. “I don’t want it to hurt.”

  “Sarah, you know I can’t promise you that.” I grabbed hold of one of my stuffed bears. “And since you’re a minor, you’re going to have to tell your parents.”

  Sarah chewed on her lip for a second. “My cousin just turned eighteen last month. She could be my twin, we look so much alike.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out an ID card. “She gave it to me so I could buy cigarettes.”

  “Sarah, what we’re talking about is a little more complex than buying cigarettes.” I took the ID card from her. Sarah was right—she and her cousin looked exactly like each other.

  “Will you go with me?” Sarah asked.

  “Of course. I’d do anything for my friends.” I handed the ID card back to her. “I’m gonna have trouble convincing my dad to let me go, though. Do you know anyone we can stay with in Atlanta?”

  “Not anyone that I trust knowing my secret.”

  I sighed. “Gail may be able to help us, but I don’t know if she will.”

  “Why not?”

  I handed Sarah one of my teddy bears, as if that would cushion my words.

  “Because she hates you.”

  After two weeks of being bored out of my mind at home, school started back up. Gail had spent the majority of her vacation visiting family in Texas, so Monday was my first time seeing her since before Christmas.

  We all met up at lunch, and things seemed normal enough. Gail sat on my right side, Xavier sat across from me. Xavier was passionately defending some abstract, outlandish theory. Gail was playing devil’s advocate, just because she liked to argue more than Xavier did. I was happily eating a poor excuse for chicken parmesan (too much oregano, not enough basil). And then, everything changed.

  “Hey guys.”

  I turned around. Sarah Gamble was actually speaking to me, in public. I quickly looked around the room. Weren’t pigs supposed to be falling from the sky, or wasn’t the earth supposed to crack open and swallow us whole?

  “Hey, Sarah,” I said. Even though we wore similar uniforms, there was no mistaking that Sarah wasn’t supposed to be at our table. I grinned broadly as I looked back at Xavier and Gail. Their faces were anything but smiles, however.

  “Um … hi?” Xavier’s voice sounded as low and soft as a tuba could get (which wasn’t very quiet at all, but it was quiet for him), and his face began to turn red.

  “Hello,” Gail said.

  I waited for Gail to say more, but her lips were as frozen as the look in her eyes.

  “So, are you coming over tonight?” Sarah asked.

  I shook my head. “No, I’ve got to go to the community center tonight, but I’ll come by tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good,” Sarah said. “I’ll tell David.”

  I looked at Xavier and Gail, hoping that they’d speak up. However, Xavier was too busy drooling on his tie and Gail wasn’t even looking at Sarah.

  “It was nice talking to y’all,” Sarah said. She was working her southern belle, sweet-as-sugar voice for everything it was worth, but the only thing it was doing was turning Xavier into a beet. Gail showed no emotion at all.

  Sarah finally left the table. The next few seconds were long, slow, and deadly quiet.

  “Close your mouth,” Gail said to Xavier. “You look like a damn fool.”

  Xavier snapped his mouth shut. His face was beginning to return to normal. “When did you start hanging out with Sarah Gamble?” he asked.

  “A few weeks ago. I started tutoring her at the community center.”

  Xavier leaned closer to me, causing his sleeve to dip into his gravy. “Does she have a boyfriend?”

  “You’re pathetic,” Gail said. “You sound like a horny teenager.”

  He shrugged. “I am a horny teenager.”

  “Sarah Gamble isn’t your type,” Gail said, before cutting her eyes at me. “She isn’t your type either.” She quickly stuffed her books into her bookbag and stood. Gail shook her head one final time, and left the table.

  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised at Gail’s reaction. Like me, she had been burned once before by the popular crowd. At her old school, she was teased mercilessly because of her Asian, Cuban, and African features. She had tried to ride it out, tried to laugh at the jokes, tried to pretend that the comments didn’t bother her. But one day, after being teased yet again by one of the students in her math class, she snapped. Very calmly, she rose from her desk and proceeded to curse out every student in the room. When the teacher tried to intervene, she flipped him the finger and barged out of the building.

  Gail’s outburst cost her a three-day suspension. And when the principal forced her to apologize to her classmates upon returning to school, that just cemented into her head the notion that all popular cliques were evil.

  While it wasn’t exactly as intense as my incident, Gail’s experience shaped her entire attitude toward high school life. Up until a few weeks ago, I had no reason to tell her she should feel differently. And even though I now had a great reason, I wasn’t sure if that would be enough for Gail. It was barely enough for me.

  The center was at its usual capacity that afternoon—a handful of elementary and middle school kids were being tutored. I headed toward my table, but paused upon seeing Sarah, her face crammed into her textbook.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as I neared the table.

  “Mom and I got into a fight.” Although it looked like she had wiped away most of her mascara, there were still black smudges around her eyes. “I needed somewhere quiet to study.”

  “You know it’s my day to tutor the twins,” I said. “You may want to move to a different table if you’re looking for peace and quiet.”

  “Compared to the way Mom shrieks, those girls won’t be a problem.” Sarah cleared away room on the table for me to put my books down. “Did you have a chance to talk to Gail?”

  I shook my head.

  “She really doesn’t like me, does she?”

  I sighed. “You knew what we were up against when we talked a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Do you still think she’ll help me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Just then, the James twins exploded through the door. I barely had a chance to stand before I was enclosed in one of their industrial-strength bear hugs.

  “Hey, Rhonda,” Mrs. James said, trailing behind her daughters. “Let me forewarn you, they’re very hyper today. I made them take their medicine, but it doesn’t seem to be doing any good.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.” I pushed the girls away from me and grinned at them. “And what are we studying today?”

  “Fractions!” they sang.

  Mrs. James retreated to her corner while I helped the girls pull out their books. Sarah stood to move out of our way. As she sat back down at the adjacent table, she placed her hands on her stomach, like she was nine months pregnant instead of three.

  I wanted to say something to Sarah, but I was hit with a barrage of questions from the girls. Of course, none of the questions had anything to do with math, much less fractions. I eventually had to stop kidding around with them and give them my serious voice in order to get them to calm down.

  I kept sneaking peeks at Sarah while I tutored the twins. I hoped we weren’t disturbing her. Most of the other students had learned to steer clear of my table by now, on account of the loud, disruptive girls that always visited on Mondays.
But Sarah didn’t seem bothered by the noise. However, just because she didn’t look upset didn’t mean she wasn’t distracted. Every time I glanced at her, it seemed like she was looking at us. She wasn’t frowning or scowling, though. The way she stared at the girls, you would think they were her children.

  We worked our way through the math problems, and by the end of the tutoring session, we had gotten a fair amount done. Unfortunately for Mrs. James, she would probably end up struggling for countless more hours just to help the girls finish the remainder of the assignment.

  “I wish we could have gotten through more of the homework,” I said to Mrs. James as the girls packed their bookbags.

  “I’m just glad you got as far along as you did,” she said. She had a smile on her face, but I could see how tired her eyes were. “At least I got a break for a couple of hours.”

  Sarah cautiously stood and walked next to Mrs. James. “Your girls are beautiful,” she said.

  Mrs. James nodded. “They’re my little bundles of joy.”

  “I couldn’t imagine trying to raise twin girls,” Sarah said. Her voice was eager, but not pushy. “Especially with their condition.”

  “Honey, it’s never easy. Even without their disorder, they’d still be a handful,” Mrs. James said. “But don’t be mistaken—I love those girls more than life itself. They’re my babies, and their problems are my problems.”

  Mrs. James finished helping the girls pack their belongings. As they headed toward the exit, Sarah turned to me. “Rhonda, do you ever think about what you did? Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake?”

  I began punching random numbers into my calculator. “I’ve never thought twice about it.”

  Even though I wasn’t looking at Sarah, I could hear her drumming her pencil on the table. “I’m not having second thoughts,” she mumbled in between taps. “I was just curious.”

  I nodded. Whether or not Sarah wanted to admit it, we could both hear the lie in her voice—and mine.

  I was bone-tired by the time I left the center. I was looking forward to spending a quiet night at home—just me, my calculus book, and a bowl of leftover stew. However, Gail seemed to have different plans.

  She was waiting outside the house when I got home. With her black leather coat and gloves, she looked like a loan shark coming to collect on an old debt.

  I sighed and readjusted my bookbag on my shoulder as I walked to the door. I wasn’t in the mood for Gail’s theatrics. I knew the only reason she came over was to gripe about Sarah. And even if she had a legitimate complaint, I didn’t feel like hearing it.

  Gail met me at the front door. Her hair whipped across her face and fell over her eyes. She brushed it away to expose the same piercing stare that she had had at lunch.

  “Do you have time to talk?” she asked.

  I nodded. “How long have you been here?”

  “Just a few minutes.”

  I unlocked the door and walked into the house. I picked up a handwritten note from the table. After reading it, I crumpled it and flung it into the trash. Dad had found some last-minute tickets to a basketball game at USC. He and the Teeny Bopper were going.

  “Are you hungry?” I dropped my books on the table and went to the refrigerator.

  “Is that all you have to say?” she asked.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “How about explaining how you got to be friends with Sarah Gamble?” Gail yelled, like a long-burning firecracker that had finally exploded. “Since when did you socialize with girls like her?”

  I emerged from the fridge with the bowl of beef stew. “Since a few weeks ago.”

  Gail’s face had turned a reddish-orange hue. “She’s a snob. She’s a prissy, stuck-up bitch.”

  “You don’t even know her.”

  “And you do?” She sunk into one of the kitchen chairs. “If y’all are such good friends, why is this the first time I’m hearing about her?”

  “I was afraid you’d overreact.”

  “How the hell did you expect me to react?” Gail slammed her hand on the table. “You know how I feel about girls like Sarah.”

  “I’m sorry for the way they treated you back at your old school, but you’ve got to get over that.” I sat across from her at the table. “Sarah’s not like those other girls. She’s a nice, sweet person, once you get to know her.” I sighed. “And she needs your help.”

  “You expect me to help the girl that’s trying to steal away my best friend?” Gail chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Good luck with that.”

  “Gail, she’s pregnant.”

  Gail’s mouth dropped open as she stared at me for a few seconds. Then, she shrugged.

  “That’s what she gets for being a slut.”

  If I were within arm’s reach of Gail, I would have slapped her. I didn’t know if I was mad or shocked or disappointed, but I did know that hitting her would have made me feel a lot better.

  “So I guess that’s the way you feel about me?”

  Gail quickly brought her hand to her mouth. “Rhonda, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  “Sarah is right. We’re just as bad as those high-and-mighty cheerleaders, the way we talk about people. The only difference between us and them is that they’re popular.”

  For the first time in ages, Gail and I were stuck in a room with nothing to say to each other. The Grand Canyon may as well have been between us, for as far apart as I felt from her right then.

  “Maybe I should go,” Gail said.

  I didn’t say anything as Gail headed toward the door. She paused after she reached the doorway.

  “What type of help does she need?” she asked. The volume of her voice had finally returned to normal.

  “She wants to end her pregnancy. There’s a clinic in Atlanta that’ll perform the procedure.”

  Gail leaned against the door. “Unless she thinks I’m a doctor, I don’t see how I can help.”

  “She wants me to go along with her, and the only way I can think of going was if I go with you. Since your sister lives in Atlanta, I figured we could say she was giving us a tour of Georgia Tech that weekend.”

  Gail shook her head. “You want me to lie?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why do you have to go? Doesn’t she have any other friends?”

  “No.”

  Gail crossed her arms. “And why should I help her?”

  “Because I’m your friend, and because I’m asking you.”

  I could almost see Gail’s mind churning away as she processed everything I had told her. With Gail being the analytical person she was, I knew she wouldn’t come to any decision tonight.

  Gail and I talked for a few more moments, about nothing in particular, before she left. And after a day that was more melodramatic than two soap operas, I finally had the house to myself.

  The funny thing was that as I ate my food in silence, I realized the last thing I really wanted was to be alone that night.

  Sarah was jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning as I helped her pack her clothes. “I’ve never had a real sleepover before,” she said. “Mom didn’t trust a lot of my friends around her expensive furniture.”

  “I don’t know if I would quite consider this a sleepover,” I said. “We have to leave early in the morning and it makes it easier if we’re at the same place.”

  “Is Gail staying over at your Aunt Helen’s house as well?”

  I shook my head. “Gail isn’t that comfortable around you yet.”

  “Will she ever be?”

  I didn’t have to think twice. “No.”

  Sarah sighed. “At least she agreed to help me. What made her decide to do it?”

  “Gail will do anything for her friends.”

  “But I
thought she didn’t like me.”

  “She doesn’t. She’s doing it for me.”

  A sad smile came to Sarah’s face. “She sounds like a good friend. You’re lucky.”

  Once again, I could feel the loneliness that seemed to fill Sarah’s life. I patted her on the shoulder. “Ready to get out of here?”

  She nodded. “Too bad it’s a girls-only party,” she said, coyly. “I know you’d love it if David could tag along.”

  I frowned. As cute as I thought he was, I was not ready for him to see this out-of-shape body stuffed into a pair of pink pajamas.

  Sarah opened her door. “David,” she yelled, “I’m about to leave.”

  David bolted down the hallway. For the past half-hour, David had been claiming that he was about to go shoot some hoops, but he never came close to stepping foot outside. He dribbled his basketball against the carpeted floor a few times before palming the ball and stuffing it under his arm. “I wish you could be here to see us play this weekend,” he said.

  “You know I hate basketball,” Sarah replied.

  “I wasn’t talking to you.”

  Suddenly, it felt like I was standing in the middle of the Sahara, sweating my life away. “Maybe next time,” I said. I found myself staring at the basketball instead of looking at him.

  “Since when did you become interested in Georgia Tech?” David asked.

  We were all quiet for a few seconds.

  He nudged Sarah. “Now I’m talking to you.”

  Sarah laughed and gave off a sheepish grin. “I don’t know. I figure I have to start thinking about college at some point.”

  “I thought you were thinking about going to Francis Marion University, like me.”

  Sarah shook her head. “Just because we’re related doesn’t mean we have to go to the same college. We’re allowed to have different lives.”

  David took a step back. “I know, but—”

  “Anyway, if Rhonda ends up going to Georgia Tech, you will have transferred there before the middle of the semester.”