My Life as a Rhombus

by Varian Johnson

  “Maybe you should go home.”

  “And listen to Mom bitch all day? I’m better off at school.”

  I tried to ignore a group of freshmen girls as they passed by. They stared at us as if we were animals in a cage.

  Sarah quickly glanced at the students and took a few steps back from me. “I’d better get out of here,” she said, looking away from my face.

  “Sarah, what’s wrong?”

  She shook her head quickly. “Nothing.”

  Another group of students walked past, whispering loudly enough for us to know they were talking about us. Sarah stared at a poster on the wall.

  “I’m really sorry about all of this,” she mumbled. “Hopefully, they’ll stop talking about you in a few days.”

  “They’ll stop talking about us in a few days.”

  Sarah just shrugged, and headed down the hallway.

  By the time lunch came around, rumors had started to spread about who the father was. Some folks speculated that it was a teacher. Others were malicious enough to say it could have been any one of the football players, being that she slept with all of them. One pervert was vile enough to suggest that Sarah was carrying her and my love child. If he didn’t sound like such an idiot, I would have punched him.

  Murmurs and whispers rippled throughout the cafeteria as Sarah made her way from the lunch line. She quickly glanced at her usual table. Her friends were too busy staring at their empty trays to look at her. Of course, she couldn’t have sat at that table if she wanted to. Someone had already taken her seat.

  Sarah could have sat with me, but I knew she wouldn’t. She was trying to contain the damage.

  Sarah found an empty seat in the corner of the room opposite from us. She sat with a bunch of students that didn’t even look in her direction. She just slowly picked at her food, all the while keeping her face glued to the table.

  I wished I could have said my friends were more supportive of Sarah, but even they were taking part in the rumor mill.

  “I can’t believe she’s pregnant,” Xavier said. “Who’s the father?”

  I shrugged.

  Xavier leaned closer to me. “Is it true—”

  “No.”

  “But—”

  “Xavier, if you don’t shut up, I’m going to shove my lunch tray down your throat.”

  “Don’t get mad at Xavier,” Gail said. “It isn’t his fault your friend got pregnant.”

  I shook my head. “How can you guys be so mean?”

  Gail crossed her arms. “The way I see it, if you do the crime, you have to do the time.”

  I glared at Gail. “Don’t be such a bitch.” I began to rise from the table. “I’m going to get Sarah.”

  Gail grabbed my arm and yanked me back to my seat. “Are you crazy? Why are you going to bring her over here?”

  “She shouldn’t have to eat by herself.”

  Gail pulled me closer to her. “She got herself into this mess,” she said. “She even dragged you into it. Do you hear what people are saying about you?”

  I pried Gail’s fingers away from my wrist. “I don’t care.”

  “But what about flying under the radar?” she asked. “You shouldn’t bring that much attention to yourself.”

  “Why? Because I’m smart? Because I’m black?”

  She looked away from me.

  “Oh, I know. Because I’m fat.”

  Gail cleared her throat. “High school kids can be vicious.”

  “I know,” I said. “I’m listening to one now.”

  I didn’t wait around to hear if Gail was going to say anything else. I stood up, and immediately every eye in the cafeteria was on me.

  My legs felt like they were made of twigs. My stomach felt like it was trying to digest a rotten egg. I quickly glanced at Gail and Xavier. They were probably the only ones in the cafeteria not looking at me. So much for my friends.

  I slung my bookbag over my shoulder, picked up my tray, and walked to Sarah’s table. I tried to ignore the eyes glued to my back, and focused on placing one foot in front of the other. Thirty-three steps later, I stood in front of Sarah.

  I sat down, and we spent the next five minutes nibbling on our food in cautious silence. It was like we were in a play—the entire cafeteria was our audience, and we had both caught a bad case of stage fright.

  “Why aren’t you sitting with your friends?” she finally asked.

  “I am sitting with my friend.”

  Sarah smiled. “Thanks, but I think those guys behind you may have a different opinion.”

  I turned around. Both Gail and Xavier stood behind me, holding their half-empty lunch trays.

  “Do you have a couple of extra seats?” Gail asked. “We seemed to have lost ours, and our food is getting cold.”

  I laughed. “You’re eating a chef salad. It was already cold.”

  Gail smiled a reply and sat down beside me. Xavier slipped around the table and sat beside Sarah.

  Xavier leaned closer to Sarah. “I’m kinda seeing someone right now, but if you’re ever looking for a boyfriend …”

  Sarah let out a loud and deep laugh. It was probably the first time she had laughed all day. She paused long enough to lean over and give Xavier a quick peck on the cheek. It wasn’t anything major—even with all the scrutiny we were under, I was sure no one saw it.

  He shrugged, his face crimson. “Pregnant or not, she’s still gorgeous.”

  During lunch, Sarah filled me in on what happened after she told her mother about her pregnancy. By the time the shouting match had ended, they had shattered four plates, thrown three books, and broken the hinges off Sarah’s bedroom door.

  Against my better judgment, I agreed to stop by Sarah’s house after tutoring. Sarah had a test tomorrow, and I was going to quiz her on her trig functions. Plus, I was dying to see David. I had been hoping to talk to him at school, but I didn’t see him. However, with the extra attention on all of us, I didn’t think it was a good idea to talk to him at school, anyway.

  I pulled into the Gambles’ driveway, ready to throw myself into the wonderful world of trigonometry. But as Sarah opened the door, it looked like hyperbolic functions were the furthest thing from her mind.

  “I shouldn’t have asked you to come by,” Sarah said after I entered the house. “For some reason, my mother wants to talk to you.”

  I frowned. “What does she want with me?”

  “I wish I knew,” she said. “All I know is, she wants to talk to you. In private.”

  I grabbed Sarah by the shoulders. “What did you tell her?”

  Her voice sounded like it had been pulled through a cheese grate. “She knows you were the one that took me to the clinic.”

  I had a mini-heart attack. “Is she upset?”

  “You’ll have to ask her yourself. As soon as I told her about the trip to Atlanta, she kicked me out of her office and instructed me to send you up there once you arrived.” Sarah pointed up the stairs. “It’s second door on the right. You’d better not keep her waiting.”

  I headed up the stairs. With each step I took, I felt like I was on a death march. I paused at the top of the staircase and looked back down at Sarah. She sat at the bottom of the stairs, her arms folded across her body.

  I continued down the hallway until I got to Ms. Gamble’s office. The door was slightly ajar. Ms. Gamble sat at her desk, her eyes focused on the paperwork in front of her. The entire room was shielded in black, except for the light exuding from a small desk lamp.

  I knocked softly on the door and pushed it open. “Ms. Gamble?”

  She looked up from her desk, her reading glasses perched on her nose. “Rhonda, come on in. I’ve been expecting you.”

  I crept into the room and stood as far away
from her as I could.

  Ms. Gamble flipped a switch on her desk, immediately basking the room in bright white light. “Please, have a seat,” she said. “And close the door behind you.”

  I shut the door and shuffled to one of the chairs in front of the desk. The desk looked like it belonged in some CEO’s office. It was large and sturdy, with intricate Greek lettering carved into its legs.

  The room looked more like a library than an office. Huge wooden bookshelves lined three of the walls, and each bookshelf was filled to the brim. The fourth wall, directly behind the desk, displayed her two diplomas, as well as various awards and citations. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I could just make out summa cum laude on her diploma from Georgia Tech.

  “I’m sure Sarah has told you how disappointed I am in her.” Ms. Gamble reclined in her chair and peered at me. “I expected Sarah to get a quality education at Piedmont, not to end up pregnant.”

  “It was a mistake,” I uttered.

  Ms. Gamble burst into laughter. “I would hope so. I’d hate to think my daughter got impregnated on purpose.”

  I looked down at my feet and tried to disappear into the fabric of the chair.

  “Well, has she at least told you who the father is?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Knowing Sarah, there’s no telling who the little bastard is,” she said. “But it doesn’t really matter. Once she has an abortion, this will all be over.”

  I lurched forward. “She’s getting the abortion?”

  “Of course she is,” Ms. Gamble said. “What other option does she have?”

  “But half the school already knows she’s pregnant.”

  Ms. Gamble shrugged. “We could say that she only thought she was pregnant. Or better yet, maybe she was just lying to get some boy’s attention.” Ms. Gamble chuckled. “You know my daughter well enough to know that it isn’t beyond reason to think she would make something like this up. She loves the spotlight.”

  “But what if someone finds out—”

  “Let me worry about that,” she said, before smiling. “Sarah told me about the little stunt you two pulled, using her cousin’s ID to try to schedule an abortion. I’ll give Sarah this much—it was very ingenious of her. Maybe she has some moxie after all.” Ms. Gamble leaned across her desk. “I could understand Sarah backing out at the last minute. I’m just curious why you didn’t try harder to talk her into getting the procedure.”

  “I was only there for support. I wasn’t there to talk her into anything.”

  “But weren’t you?” she asked. “I know more about you than you think. I know you were a patient at that same clinic three years ago.” She slid her glasses off her face. “Like I said before, I believe in doing my homework.”

  “But how—”

  “Don’t worry, Sarah didn’t tell me.” She smirked. “You’d be surprised at the level of file access a Supreme Court Justice can get.”

  I sighed. At least Sarah hadn’t been the one to reveal my secret, although I’m sure she wanted to. It was turning out that she was tougher than either her mother or I imagined.

  “I’m going to tell you something that not even my ex-husband knows,” she said, rising from the desk. She walked behind her chair and dug her fingers into the brown leather. “Just like you, I once found myself in the unfortunate situation of being young, dumb, and pregnant.”

  For some reason, my gaze fell from her face to her stomach, like I was looking for proof.

  “I even had you beat by a year,” she said as she gazed at her law degree. “I was fourteen.” She turned to me. “My uncle did it.”

  Instinctively, I brought my hand to my mouth. “I’m sorry.”

  “Looking back, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. It made me stronger. More determined. I was not going to be another young girl stuck in Darlington County for the rest of my life. I had plans. I had a future. And no one was going stop me from obtaining my goals.”

  “So you had the abortion.”

  “Yes, and now I’m a State Supreme Court justice.” Ms. Gamble narrowed her eyes at me. “Rhonda, my daughter isn’t like us. She isn’t focused. She isn’t motivated. But I still believe in her. I know she can succeed. We both know she’s capable of it.” She shook her head. “But she can’t succeed if she’s got a newborn baby weighing her down. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  Against my will, I felt myself nodding.

  “I’ve threatened Sarah in every way possible. I’ve even promised to throw her out if she decides to have this baby,” she said. “But the girl has too much of her father in her. She’s stubborn and unpractical.”

  I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw tears collecting in the corners of Ms. Gamble’s eyes.

  “You’re her friend,” she said. “You can talk some sense into her. You can convince her that she needs to have this abortion.”

  It seemed like a two-ton weight was sitting squarely on my chest. “I’m sorry, but it’s not my place to tell her what to do.”

  “Yes, it is,” she said. “We have to help those who can’t help themselves, Rhonda. We have to be strong for Sarah.” She nodded toward her diplomas. “Did you know the president of Georgia Tech and I were classmates? I have lunch with him every time I’m in Atlanta.”

  The weight on my chest seemed to increase. “What are you implying?”

  “Whether Sarah believes it or not, I love her and I will do everything in my power to help her succeed in life,” she said. “I also believe in playing fair, but not when it comes to my children.” She circled her desk and extended her hand to me. “Can I count on your help?”

  I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It seemed like the entire room was spinning. How could this be happening? Was Ms. Gamble really saying what I thought she was saying? I thought about all the ways I could persuade Sarah to have the abortion. Maybe if I talked to her again. Maybe if I explained the ramifications. Maybe if—

  Suddenly, I stopped with all of the hypothesizing and laughed to myself. I didn’t know why I was even stressing about what to tell Ms. Gamble. I really only had one option.

  I looked at Ms. Gamble’s Georgia Tech diploma once more, and slowly rose from my chair. “I’m sorry,” I said, my knees wobbling under me. “Sarah has made her decision.”

  Ms. Gamble eyed me silently for a few seconds, before shaking my hand. “I hear that USC has a very challenging engineering program. I hope you enjoy it.”

  She released my hand and headed back toward her chair. “Please close the door on your way out.”

  My legs felt like Jell-O as I exited the room and headed down the stairs. The past few minutes almost felt like a nightmare. Was Ms. Gamble serious? Did I really just throw away the best chance I had at getting a scholarship from Tech?

  “How did it go?” Sarah asked as I neared the base of the staircase. She was gripping the banister hard enough to leave indentations of her fingertips. “Is everything okay?”

  “Why didn’t you have the abortion?” I asked. “What made you change your mind?”

  Sarah leaned against the banister. “To be honest, I’m not really sure. I guess it was for a lot of different reasons.” She frowned. “Why do you ask?”

  “I just want you to be sure—”

  “I’m positive.” Sarah looked me directly in the face. “I’m not having an abortion.”

  Suddenly, my legs felt like they were made of steel. “That’s what I thought.” I smiled as I started off toward the kitchen. “Come on. We’ve got a trig exam to study for.”

  I had been sitting in silence at my kitchen table for twenty-five minutes, unable to move, my gaze glued to the rectangular temptress lying before me. I had managed to estimate its approximate surface area, perimeter, and weight (39.19 square inches, 2.3 feet, 1.7 ounces). I had even
picked it up once, and then immediately placed it back on the table.

  I was staring so hard at the envelope, I didn’t even notice Dad unlock the door and walk into the house until he flipped on the lights. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

  “Just thinking.”

  He walked toward the table but stopped upon seeing the letter. “Georgia Tech?”

  I nodded. “It’s from the scholarship office.”

  Dad placed his briefcase on the table and reached for the letter. “Why don’t you let me open—”

  “No!” I jumped up and snatched the letter from the table. I dropped back to my seat, the envelope pressed against my chest. “I’ll open it,” I said, my voice calmer.

  I closed my eyes, offered up a quick prayer, and slowly opened the envelope.

  I felt my entire body sink as I read the first paragraph of the letter.

  Dad rounded the table and stood beside me. “Well?”

  I stifled the tears that were begging to be released. “I’m on the waiting list for the scholarship.”

  “That’s great!”

  I cut my eyes toward my father. “What’s great about that?”

  He gingerly placed his hand on my shoulder. “That means you’re still in the running. They could have just turned you down completely.” He smiled. “All you have to do is wait for a few people to decline the scholarship.”

  “Why would anyone turn down a scholarship to Georgia Tech?”

  Dad sat down beside me. “Maybe this is a sign that you should stay closer to home,” he began. “I know you really had your heart set on Georgia Tech, but I have a friend in the civil engineering department at USC that—”

  I slammed my fist on the table. “Who said I wanted to stay close to home? Who said I even wanted to major in civil engineering?”

  Dad frowned. “I just assumed—”

  “I don’t need your help,” I said, turning away from him. “I’m old enough to make the decision for myself.”

  “Well, you’re not acting like it.” Dad rose from the table. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. You never used to be so disrespectful.” He reached into his pocket and dropped a few bills on the table. “Why don’t you order yourself some Chinese food. Maybe that’ll cheer you up.”