A Life of Joy

by Amy Clipston

  “Ya,” Katie said, elbowing Lindsay again. “Probably you.” She stood. “I’m going to go see if we need more drinks.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Lindsay said.

  “I will too,” Lizzie Anne chimed in.

  Lindsay followed Katie and Lizzie Anne to the snack tables, where they collected the empty pitchers of water and meadow tea and the empty food trays.

  Balancing the trays and pitchers, they crossed the driveway to the house, passing groups of young people on the way to the kitchen.

  After refilling the trays and pitchers, they headed back to the barn. Lindsay bit her bottom lip while balancing two large trays in her hands, one full of whoopie pies and the other covered in an assortment of cookies. As she stepped over to a dip in the driveway, she started to stumble. A strong hand steadied her arm and grabbed a tray before she dropped it.

  Lindsay glanced over and found Matthew smiling while holding the tray of whoopie pies. “Danki,” she said. “You stopped me from looking gegisch and ruining our dessert.”

  “You brought these for me?” he teased with a smile. “How thoughtful of you. I’m froh I saved them before they hit the ground. Danki.”

  Lindsay chuckled. “Gern gschehne.”

  They fell into step, side by side on the way to the barn.

  “I was surprised to see you here,” she said. “You don’t usually come to singings.”

  Matthew shrugged. “Samuel kept insisting I needed to get out more, so here I am.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad you were here to save the whoopie pies.”

  He laughed and gestured for her to step into the barn in front of him, where a chorus of voices continued singing hymns in High German.

  Lindsay placed her tray on the table next to the whoopie pies that he’d carried. She then leaned over to him, taking in his musky scent. “Thanks, again,” she said over the hymns. “That could’ve been a disaster.”

  “I’m glad I could help,” he said. “Want to go for a walk?”

  “That sounds nice.” She absently smoothed her dress and touched her prayer covering.

  He swiped two whoopie pies from the tray and then made a sweeping gesture toward the door. They stepped out onto the driveway and started slowly toward the pasture.

  “It’s nice out tonight,” he said between bites. “Not too cool.”

  “Ya.” She twirled her finger around the ribbon ties hanging from her prayer covering.

  “Did your schweschder leave?” He finished the first whoopie pie while they walked.

  “Ya. She left after lunch today. I would imagine she’s arrived by now.”

  “Are you feeling better about her visit?”

  Lindsay shrugged. “I guess everything is okay now. She upset me, but we sort of agreed to disagree last night before we went to bed. We’re on speaking terms again.”

  “That’s wunderbaar. It’s not gut to harbor resentment. I know a lot about that.” He walked over to a bench next to the fence. “Want to sit?”

  “Sure.” She dropped onto the seat next to him and pondered his words. What did Matthew Glick resent? Could it be his father?

  He held the second whoopie pie. “Would you like half?”

  She shook her head. “No, but danki.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat.”

  She blanched. “I eat. In fact, I eat a lot.”

  He grinned. “I doubt that from the looks of you.”

  She placed her hand on her chest with feigned offense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m only teasing you.” He bit into the whoopie pie. “You couldn’t have made these. They’re not nearly as gut as the ones I had at your house the other day.”

  “I didn’t make them, but I won’t tell the baker that they’re not up to your standards.” She studied him while contemplating his smiles and jokes. This was not the same Matthew Glick she’d met two years ago. “You’re different. What made you change?”

  His smile faded. “What do you mean?”

  “When you first came here, you would hardly speak to me. Now you joke with me as if we’re old friends.” She held her breath, hoping she hadn’t said too much to him. However, lately the truth seemed to flow easily from her lips when he was around.

  “Aren’t we friends?” He raised an eyebrow and then licked the remaining icing off his fingers.

  “Ya.” Her cheeks heated. “But I didn’t think you liked me when I first met you. At least, it seemed like you didn’t like anyone.”

  “I wasn’t very friendly, was I?” He shifted his weight on the bench. “I had a lot of things to work out when I first came here. I was trying to figure out where I belonged in the community since I was living in my sister’s house, but I wasn’t the man of the house. I also had some issues with mei daed to work out.”

  “Was that the resentment you mentioned earlier?”

  He nodded. “I’m glad you were able to talk to your schweschder. Family problems can wear on you.”

  “Ya, they can.” Lindsay studied his eyes and wished he would open up more. However, she was thankful to have his friendship, no matter how little information he shared with her. “What do you want, Matthew?”

  He looked surprised. “What do you mean?”

  “What do you want for your life, for your future?”

  He blew out a breath and stretched his arm out behind her on the back of the bench. “I guess I want what any one of us wants — a home, maybe even a family. I’ve been saving money so I can build my own place at the back of my sister’s land.” He pointed toward the adjacent farm. “She said I can build back there and have my own privacy. Daniel, Luke, and Timothy said they’d help me construct a little house when I’m ready. I may be close to starting it soon. My mamm left some money for mei schweschder and me. I’m anxious to be on my own for real.”

  “You’re close to Daniel, ya?” she asked.

  He nodded. “I guess the Kauffmans sort of adopted me. Daniel’s easy to talk to.”

  “I know. I’m very thankful and feel very blessed to be a part of the family after losing my parents. The Kauffmans are wonderful people.”

  “And what about you, Lindsay?” he asked. “What do you want out of your life?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I know I want to be near family and I want to be froh.”

  “Don’t we all?”

  “Ya.” She leaned back on the bench and felt her body relax. For the first time since her sister’s visit, Lindsay felt content. They sat in silence for several minutes while the sun began to set before them. Lindsay smiled, enjoying Matthew’s company along with the golden hues of the setting sun.

  “God paints with the most beautiful watercolors, ya?” Matthew asked.

  “Ya,” she agreed. “He does.”

  “Lindsay!” a voice called behind them. “Lindsay!”

  “Yes?” Lindsay asked. Turning, she spotted Katie coming up the path toward the bench. She bit her lip, wishing Katie would keep walking so that she could continue her time alone with Matthew.

  “Samuel said he’ll take you home if you’re ready to go,” Katie said. “Lizzie Anne has to get home, so Sam told me to come and get you. He can drop you on the way.”

  “Oh.” Lindsay glanced at Matthew, wishing that he would offer to take her home. However, she quickly pushed that thought aside, knowing the repercussions if he took her home. Getting a ride home from a boy would imply that they were dating. While Lindsay liked Matthew and wanted to get to know him better, she wasn’t certain she wanted to date him or any other boy for that matter.

  “I can take you home.” Matthew gestured toward the neighboring farm. “I can go hitch up my buggy and get back here in a few minutes.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll just ride with Samuel and Lizzie Anne.” Lindsay stood. “I enjoyed talking with you.”

  “Me too.” He smiled. “I hope to see you again soon.”

  “Ya. You too.” Her cheeks burned as sh
e hurried up the path toward Katie. She thought of several things she should’ve said to Matthew that would’ve sounded more intelligent than “You too,” but it was too late to say them now.

  Katie grinned at her. “I guess I should’ve kept my mouth shut and told Samuel you had a ride.”

  “That’s okay.” Lindsay touched her friend’s arm. “Matthew and I were only talking, and I wouldn’t have wanted him to feel obligated to take me home and give people the impression that we’re more than friends.”

  “Is that what you tell yourself?” Katie laughed while giving Lindsay a playful punch on her arm.

  Lindsay smiled. She was so glad that she’d told Jessica she didn’t want to go to New York City. She had all the joy she needed right here in Lancaster County.

  “Matthew offered to take you home?” Rebecca couldn’t stop her smile as she cut up an apple for Emma’s breakfast the following morning.

  Lindsay gave a dramatic sigh and handed Junior a bowl of oatmeal. “We’re just freinden, Aenti.”

  “Ya,” Rebecca said. “For now you are.”

  While placing a slice of apple on Emma’s tray, Rebecca remembered back to when she’d first met Daniel. They’d been friends for a long time, since they’d grown up in the same church district. However, one night at a singing he asked to take her home and something was different about him. She’d never noticed how blue his eyes were or how infectious his laugh was. It was as if she were seeing him with new eyes. She wondered if the same thing would happen to Lindsay someday —if Matthew was the one God intended for her niece to marry when the time was right.

  A wave of painful exhaustion overtook her, and Rebecca placed the apple in front of Emma before she yawned. “Excuse me,” she said. “I didn’t sleep at all last night. I just tossed and turned. I couldn’t seem to get comfortable.”

  “Oh,” Lindsay said, looking concerned. “Do you think you need to see a doctor?”

  Daniel stepped into the room. “Was iss letz? Becky?” His eyes mirrored Lindsay’s concern.

  “I’m okay,” Rebecca told him. “I’m fine. I was just telling Lindsay that I didn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t get comfortable.”

  He frowned. “I’m going to call the doctor. This exhaustion has gone on too long. It’s time to find out what’s wrong.” He turned to Lindsay. “Would you stay here with the kinner while I take Rebecca to the doctor?”

  “Ya.” Lindsay gave a quick nod. “Of course.”

  “Our ride for work should be here soon, and I’ll have him take us right way.” He headed for the back door. “I’ll go call the doctor and then let mei mamm know that Lindsay won’t be at the bakery today.”

  “Daniel,” Rebecca called after him. “It’s not necessary.”

  The slam of the back door told Rebecca that there would be no further discussion. She turned toward Lindsay’s worried expression. “I’m fine,” she said. “There’s no need to get upset.”

  Lindsay turned back to Junior. Speaking softly in Pennsylvania Dutch, she discussed his breakfast with him.

  Rebecca sent up a silent prayer that she was okay and that God would comfort her family while she and Daniel were at the doctor’s office.

  Rebecca smoothed her hands over her dark purple dress while she sat on the examination table.

  Across the small room, Daniel sat, turning his straw hat over and over again in his hands. It was a stance she’d seen many times during their marriage. Whenever Daniel was consumed by worry, he’d shut down, absently twiddling his hat and not answering Rebecca when she tried to speak to him. She learned soon after they were married to let him handle his worries his own way, even though it made her crazy when he didn’t talk to her.

  The door opened with a whoosh, and Dr. Moore stepped in, a clipboard in his hand and a pleasant expression on his face.

  The doctor smiled, and instant relief flooded Rebecca. She released the breath she’d been holding for what felt like a long time.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Kauffman,” Dr. Moore began, “I have good news.”

  “I’m not sick?” Rebecca asked, clasping her hands together.

  “No, ma’am. You’re not.” Dr. Moore took off his glasses and looked between them. “You are, however, expecting.”

  Rebecca gasped, cupping her hands to her mouth. “We’re expecting?”

  Daniel popped up from the chair and rushed over to her. “Another baby?” He gave a loud bark of laughter. “A third? God is so good!”

  Tears filled Rebecca’s eyes. “It’s a miracle,” she whispered. “Truly a miracle.”

  “When is she due?” Daniel asked.

  The doctor looked down at the chart. “From my calculations, I would say early January — approximately January 11.”

  Rebecca smiled. “I can’t believe it.”

  “I’m going to refer you to a specialist, since you’re forty and considered a high risk,” the doctor said. “The pain you experienced the other night is caused by your uterus expanding. You should take any pain like that as a warning sign that you need to take it easy.”

  Daniel stood beside her and rubbed her back while the doctor continued to talk.

  Rebecca watched Dr. Moore’s lips move, but his words were only background noise to her raging thoughts.

  Another baby.

  Three children.

  Yes, God is good!

  Maybe Rebecca and Daniel would finally have the large family they’d always dreamt of. However, the doctor said that this would be a high-risk pregnancy. She would have to pray often for the baby’s health.

  “Do you have any questions?” Dr. Moore asked, bringing Rebecca back to the present.

  “No,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion.

  “All right then.” Dr. Moore moved toward the door. “I’ll have Libby make an appointment for you with a specialist. Congratulations.”

  Once the doctor disappeared through the door, Daniel pulled Rebecca to him, holding her tight. “Becky, can you believe it? Another baby? And we thought we’d never have one. Soon we’ll have three.”

  “Three kinner,” she whispered. “It’s a miracle.” She let the news filter through her brain while she held onto Daniel.

  Rebecca found Lindsay sitting on the family room floor with Emma and Junior. When Lindsay’s eyes met Rebecca, they filled with concern.

  “Mamm!” Junior ran over and wrapped his arms around Rebecca’s leg.

  Emma followed suit, and Rebecca scooped her up in her arms and hugged her tight.

  Lindsay rose to her feet and watched Rebecca. Her eyes remained hesitant. “How’d it go?”

  Rebecca dropped into a chair and held Emma close on her lap. “It went well.” She held Emma’s hands, and the baby giggled and swayed back and forth on her lap.

  Lindsay held her palms up. “Are you going to tell me? The suspense is killing me.”

  “I’m not sick.” Rebecca smiled at Emma and glanced at Junior, who played with homemade wooden blocks on the floor.

  “What is it, Aenti?”

  “It’s a secret,” Rebecca said. “It has to stay in this house.”

  Lindsay gasped. “You’re having another baby!”

  Nodding, Rebecca laughed.

  Lindsay rushed over and hugged her, nearly knocking Emma off Rebecca’s lap. Emma squealed and grabbed Rebecca’s apron in response.

  “Oh, sorry, Emmy,” Lindsay said, hugging her. “Oh, this is such wunderbaar news! You and Onkel Daniel must be so happy.”

  “Ya, we are.” Rebecca pushed one of Emma’s light brown curls back from her face. “For many years we thought we’d never be blessed with a boppli, and now we’ll have three.”

  “When are you due?” Lindsay asked.

  “January 11.”

  “I’m so froh for you and Onkel Daniel! My mom used to always say that the Lord works in mysterious ways,” Lindsay said, lowering herself into the chair next to Rebecca’s. “She was right about that. We have to keep this a secret, right?”

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bsp; “Ya.” Rebecca smiled and touched Emma’s curls. “That’s our way. Having a baby is a very private miracle in our culture. We don’t boast about it because it shows too much pride. As my mammi used to say, we celebrate it with a cautious joy and don’t even tell our closest friends.”

  “May I tell Jessica? I was going to write a letter to her tonight.”

  “You may tell Jessica.” Rebecca set Emma down, and she waddled over to Junior, dropped to the floor, and grabbed a block from the pile.

  “Do you have to go back to the doctor?”

  “Next week.” Rebecca leaned back in the chair and rubbed her abdomen. “I’m going to see a new doctor who is a specialist. I’m considered a high risk due to my age.”

  “Oh.” Lindsay looked curious and then started for the door. “Would you like some meadow tea?”

  “I think I’d rather just have water. Danki.” Rebecca watched her children play with blocks and wondered if she would have another boy or another girl. What would her next child look like? Would the baby be blond like Daniel or have dark hair like her? Closing her eyes, she sent up another prayer for a healthy baby. She opened her eyes and found Lindsay standing over her.

  “You okay?” Lindsay asked, handing her a glass of water.

  “Ya.” Rebecca sipped her drink. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Lindsay sat in the chair. “I’m so glad I didn’t go to New York.”

  Rebecca studied her niece. “You considered going?”

  Lindsay focused on the liquid in her glass as she spoke. “Last night I couldn’t sleep and I was wondering what life would’ve been like if I’d gone with Jessica.”

  “Do you regret staying here?” Rebecca said the words slowly, hoping that the answer wouldn’t break her heart.

  “No.” Lindsay met her gaze. “You need me here.”

  “But is this what you want?” Rebecca asked.

  “I already told you, Aenti. My joy is here.” She gestured around the room. “But sometimes I wonder if I should go see the world just to be sure before I join the church.”

  Rebecca sipped her water and watched her children while she considered Lindsay’s words. Was her niece only staying here out of obligation or did she truly want to live here?