by Amy Field
There were questions in her mind, things that she wanted answered and they were the only ones with the answers. She knew that Ryan didn’t approve but she wanted him to be there so that she could have the moral support that she needed.
“Maria, are you sure about this?” he asked helplessly.
She nodded, knowing that she was asking a lot of him but she knew she had to do this, no matter what.
The wedding hall had to be in San Francisco.
Maria had to take some time off work but she knew it was worth it. Her parents had asked her to leave Steven with them but she was adamant that Steven remain with her. She wanted Matt to see his baby. Now, standing in front of the wedding, she was nervous. She didn’t know what she had been thinking or if it had been the right thing to do. She didn’t want to ruin Celia’s wedding.
It was strange that this thought had come to her because Celia hadn’t thought twice about ruining hers but Maria wasn’t truly angry at her sister. A few months ago she had been but Ryan had changed everything for her and she felt guilty for dragging him here with her.
He had his arms around her and he was well dressed like her, in a black tux while she wore a blue dress. She had taken care of her appearance to make sure that she looked the same.
Steven was dozing off peacefully in her arms and she envied him, he was oblivious to how the world was like and what kind of person his father was.
“I wish your parents hadn’t sent that invitation,” Ryan said.
Maria wished the same thing. She could have gone on without knowing that her sister was getting married to her ex-fiancé. She knew why her parents had done it, to spur her to tell them about Steven but she didn’t like the cheap trick they had pulled. Jaime had been appalled but she looked towards the greater good when it came to matters like this. She thought that it would all work out in the end, something Maria wasn’t too sure of.
They had been standing in front of the hall for ten minutes and while Ryan was patient, Maria knew she should wait any longer. So she headed for the entrance and was ushered in when she showed the card. Her parents had opted out of the wedding, out of deference for her. Maria didn’t know whether to thank them or berate them for missing Celia’s wedding.
The hall reminded her of her own and Maria knew if she had come alone, she would have been overwhelmed. Ryan’s support was important and he never let go of her as they found their seats. There were a lot of people that she recognized but they didn’t look twice at her. Celia had fallen in the same trap that she had but she had a feeling that Celia was more assertive than her so she knew how to handle Matt. Her sister had always had that quality.
There was still some time left until the wedding started and Maria started to wonder why she had come. Had she come to simply see the wedding? She had told herself that it was to see the bride and groom and demand an explanation but when exactly would she do that? After the wedding or before it? Should she try to enter their dressing rooms? No that was rude but what did that matter?
“You can go,” Ryan said softly.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Ryan said and added, “I know why you are here. You are here to get rid of your complicated feelings.”
“Ryan…”
“Maria, I am not blind. I know you are conflicted about me.” He smiled wryly.
“I don’t blame you for it but I want you to know that I love you Maria. I don’t know when I fell in love with you but I did and I can’t undo that. I am not telling you to pressure you but after you have your talk with them, I want an answer. I want to know if there is space for me in your life or if I should disappear.”
Maria was speechless and her heart hurt but she knew he was speaking the truth. He was right, he wasn’t the second wheel. He was a human being as well and his feelings mattered. She stood up, with Steven in her arms and left him there.
She knew where the dressing room would be so she went towards it, ignoring the bridesmaids that saw her and began to whisper. She recognized them as a few of her sister’s friends who she had seen all her life. She wanted to visit her sister first but then she changed her mind and went towards the groom’s dressing room.
She didn’t have to say anything to the people and she walked straight in. He was standing there, checking himself in the mirror. He saw her reflected in the mirror and turned around with a look of shock on his face.
“What are you doing here?” he asked her.
“I came to attend your wedding, the one I was supposed to have with you.”
“Look Maria, if you want an apology…”
“I want to know why you did it and to show you this.” She held up her baby and his eyes widened.
“Is that mine?” Matt whispered.
She nodded and Steven stirred. Matt approached and touched the baby but then drew back.
“What did you want me to say?” he asked her helplessly. “That I’ll take you back?”
“Of course not!” Maria hadn’t meant to sound so venomous but she did. It had been an automated response.
“Then what?”
“Why did you do this? Why at our wedding?”
“I thought I could forget Celia, I didn’t want her to break us but I understood that she was the one. The one I wanted to be with.”
“And me?” she asked.
“Maria I loved you once but it’s always been her.”
Maria didn’t say anything. She was numb at the confession.
Matt hesitated before he spoke again.
“Ever since that day, Celia has been conflicted. She didn’t want to get married but I convinced her. Maria, please don’t say anything hurt her. I love her.”
Maria took a step backward.
“I am not making any promises.”
She turned on her heel and left the room, her steps increasing as she almost ran to Celia’s room. She didn’t know how to feel about his admission but she knew that he was telling the truth. He really loved Celia. It didn’t hurt as she thought it would have but there was still something she had to know.
She got into the bride’s room easily. Celia was checking herself in the mirror like Matt but when the door opened, she turned to it and gasped out loud. Celia looked beautiful with her white dress and hair tucked into her veil. She noticed the baby first and then Maria. Tears filled her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I came to your wedding, you should be happy.” Maria couldn’t hide her contempt.
“Whose baby is that?”
“Take a wild guess.”
“Not Matt!” Celia cried out. “What do you want?”
“I showed him the baby you know,” Maria smirked.
She didn’t why she was doing this but she wanted revenge. She wanted her to feel what she had when she saw them together. When she had seen them leave the room together, when she had realized that they wouldn’t return. The hurt and the pain that had plagued her all these days.
“Don’t tell me…”
“He is gone. He is waiting for me outside,” Maria lied.
It was a cruel lie but the pain in Celia’s eyes were true. She was absolutely devastated and she collapsed on the chair beside the mirror. She didn’t cry but she was stunned.
“How could you do this to me?” Maria demanded. “How long did you two go behind my back?”
“What does it matter? You have him back,” she said defeated.
“Tell me!”
“A year before the wedding. When he came to San Francisco, I met him and things went from there. Happy?” Bitterness filled he voice.
Celia looked up and Maria saw the pain in her eyes. She remembered what Matt had said about Celia having been guilty about betraying her. Maria couldn’t keep up the façade. She hugged Steven and said,
“I lied. Matt is still there.”
“Maria…” Celia whispered.
“It doesn’t matter. Get married. I don’t care,” Maria said and she meant it. She really didn�
��t care about it.
Everything had cleared up and Maria realized how selfish she was. She had thought she was the only victim but her sister had suffered. Maybe not as much as her but at least a bit. It hadn’t been something they had done out of spite. They loved each other.
In Matt’s eyes, she saw the love that he never had for her and that was enough for her. Celia would be happy and she had Steven with her. She would be fine.
“Maria, I am really sorry about everything. I didn’t want this to be like this but I couldn’t stop myself. I fell for him, everything reminded me of him. He was there for me and I let myself lean on him. I am sorry, Maria.”
Celia began to cry and Maria placed her hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t cry, you’ll ruin your makeup.”
Steven gurgled and their attention went to him.
“He looks like you. He is a beautiful baby,” Celia whispered.
She kissed Steven’s forehead.
“Go get married,” Maria said roughly, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Thank you.”
Maria quietly left the room and walked off towards the exit. There was one thing that she knew she had to do. She wouldn’t be fine alone, there was someone she needed and that person was waiting for her. Maria went back towards the hall where she saw that the seats were filled but he was still there.
Maria slid into the seat beside him and he looked at her expectantly. He was going to say something but she put her finger to her lips as the wedding march began to play. It took a few minutes but the groom entered and Matt saw her in the crowd. He gave her a half smile and headed for the altar with his best man.
Celia came next and Maria had to admit that she made a beautiful bride. She was glowing as she walked up to the altar.
“Did you talk to them?” Ryan whispered.
Maria nodded.
“I talked it out and I realized one thing. I don’t hate them anymore, they fell in love, that’s not a crime. They hurt me but holding onto that hurt clouded what I actually felt. I blocked myself off, scared that I would be betrayed again but that’s the thing about love. You get betrayed sometimes and it’s not a bad thing. You just have to deal with it.”
“What are you saying?” Ryan asked.
Maria looked at him and smiled.
“I mean, I want you around. I don’t know if I love you but I won’t stay in the past anymore.”
Ryan grinned broadly and while everyone was focused on the wedding, he leaned forward and kissed her softly. The kiss had special meaning now and Maria smiled throughout the smile.
It was time for her to move forward and live her life.
THE END
Book V
The Unexpected Secret Baby
Chapter One
It was terrifying.
They were closing in on him and the scariest part was that his assailants were faceless. Nothing but silhouetted parodies against a darkened sky, yet he could make out that they were armed and dangerous. With their rifles pointed at him, he backed away, one calculated step at a time. It was then that a strange but familiar zinging sound rang in his ears. His heart pounded in his chest, forcing the air out of his chest. He gasped for air, but the heat scorched his lungs and he knew he would not survive this. He shielded his face as they cocked their guns and aimed it straight at him. The sounds of the bullets whizzing past him drowned out his screams, this was it, he realized. He had lived by the sword and now he will die by the sword.
“DUSTIN!”
Dustin shot up from his bed and looked around as he struggled against her. The only thing he could think of was escaping.
“DUSTIN!” Bonnie shouted again.
He fought against her as she held on to him. She was strong girl, but Dustin, being built like an MMA fighter, broke her grip. It didn't help that she was still half asleep and attempting to escape the confused fuzziness of her own dreams. Dustin's restlessness had become a regular occurrence. Over time, she had adapted to his behavior and as a result, she became disconnected from him. But knowing this didn't make her feel any less guilty. Haunted by the fact that she had become so used to it, she no longer cared she couldn't help but wonder if her attitude towards him triggered these night terrors.
"Dustin, sweetheart, wake up, it's me, Bonnie."
Her soothing voice broke into his troubled mind, and as he surrendered and ended the meaningless struggle, she cradled his head against her chest. His body, framed by broad tanned shoulders, glistened with sweat from the stress of the nightmare.
Dustin’s breathing slowed and the ragged incoherent whispers forged in his nightmares were muted.
“I am sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay baby, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” she reassured him.
“I hate that it’s gotten this bad,” he muttered.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Dustin pushed away from her and held her at arm’s length. Even in the dark, Bonnie noticed his pained expression. She reached up and gently touched the side of his face. Since his last tour, he was transformed, his hair had grown and his chocolate brown eyes now lay sunken into its sockets, deep and sorrowful.
She knew him too well, which is why his current conflicted state worried her so much. They had been together for more than four years. Four years of boundless happiness. But something changed in Dustin after his last tour on the war front.
“I don’t want you to have to handle it. I care about you too much for that,” Dustin breathed.
"I know that, but as I said, I'm here for you. Besides, it isn't your fault, and you are trying your best to overcome this."
“I know,” he said dragging his hand through his tussled hair, “I think I’ll schedule another appointment with Dr Stevenson tomorrow.”
“If that’s what you really want to do, then I’m all for it.”
“I really do,” Dustin confirmed. “The dreams have become much more frequent and it’s not healthy for either of us.”
“Is it the same dream every time?” she asked.
“Yes, I keep seeing the same people over and bloody over again. It’s driving me insane.”
“And they are all still faceless?”
Dustin nodded his head and sighed. In response to that sigh, she reached forward and held his hand. Dustin attempted to smile and squeezed her hand before pressing it to his lips.
“How was I lucky enough to get you?” he asked.
“You were probably a superhero in your past life,” Bonnie joked. She loved the closeness they shared, even in moments of distress.
Dustin laughed, but then he became serious, “I really have no idea what I would do without you by my side; you are the only one who seems to care about me.”
“It’s that thing they call love,” she smiled, “Love overcomes everything.”
Dustin didn’t say a word, and slowly sank back onto the bed. Bonnie regarded him for a second before flopping down next to him. They lay together, side by side, holding hands. It was the peaceful silence that Bonnie appreciated; it grounded the relationship in some warped way. Where other couples would tear their hair out and fight all night, they simply existed and that was all that mattered.
“It’s over you know, the war? You don’t have to go back there again.”
“I know, but sometimes I wonder if I gave up too early.”
“Why would you think that?” Bonnie asked staring at a single spot on the ceiling.
Dustin flung his forearm over his eyes, “Since I can remember I wanted to be in the military, but when my tour got cut short, it felt as if I had lost everything.”
“Dustin, you almost died,” she said, this time looking at him.
"A lot of soldiers die, it's just how it is and they die for a God-given purpose."
Bonnie tried to ease her trembling voice as she whispered, “Dustin. If you had died, I would have been lost, you know that.”
Again, he opted for silence. Just the thought of him dy
ing brought Bonnie to tears, but she quickly blinked them away and turned on her side. She buried her face in the pillow as she tried to contain her emotions. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel guilty; he had enough to deal with.
Bonnie had known Dustin since high school. At that time, Dustin was the popular kid with the confidence of a politician, and she was nothing more than an ambitious freshman who fussed about her grades and secretly admired the in-crowd. She hardly spoke to him when they were in school and he hardly paid her a second glance, but everyone in her grade knew that she had a crush on him.
By the time she graduated from Senior High, and everyone went their separate ways, Dustin was nothing but a fond memory or rather a fleeting wish that ran its course. She had heard through the grapevine that Dustin had joined the army after his father had passed away, but never really thought much about it until she ran into him by chance in her final year in university. She had been surprised by how much he matured and that was the first time she had seen him as a man, and no longer as just a high school crush. It didn’t take long for them to start dating, but it wasn’t long before Dustin had to go on tour in Afghanistan. If he hadn’t asked her to wait for him, she would have forgotten about him, but Bonnie never regretted that decision.
It had been the best decision of her life to wait for him, but she had struggled to handle the constant worry. It had been tough at first, waiting for weeks on end for a letter or a phone call. At one point she had almost given up, but only just, she fought to be strong, and it became her mantra during his absence in the beginning. In between tours, they were the perfect couple. They had spent every available minute of every day in each other's company. But it had been his last tour that had changed him. She had no idea what had happened, or what brought on the drastic change in his personality since he never really spoke about it. But from what she could gather, Dustin had led his men into an ambush that had cost most of their lives. By the time a backup unit arrived, they had found Dustin unconscious and bleeding out. His injuries were near fatal and if it hadn’t been for the quick thinking of the Sargent that found him, he would have been dead. But the scars that were left behind from the gunshot wounds he sustained were nothing compared to the mental scars he carried, and the guilt he chose to drag along.
