Desperately Seeking Twin...

by Marie Ferrarella

  The rec room, where the Christmas tree resided each year in her Aunt Beth’s house, was alive with noise as a gaggle of her cousins’ children fought over who was going to put what decoration where on the towering twelve—foot Christmas tree.

  It was always wonderfully the same, even though the faces changed as the years went by. She could remember having the same “loud discussions” with Hal and Lisa and her other cousins when she was no bigger than Alicia was now. Then the official “family” tree had been in Aunt Rosalind’s house, when there had been fewer of them to accommodate.

  A bittersweetness tugged on Blair’s heart as she remembered bits and pieces of all the other Christmases and realized again that this was going to be the first Christmas she would celebrate without her mother.

  It wasn’t going to be easy, she knew. In many ways, Ellen Stephens had been Christmas to her. And there were so many little things that reminded her of her mother. The season, the house, her family, everything triggered some sort of memory for her.

  But they were all good memories and Blair hugged them to her heart, the way her mother would have wanted her to. She was very, very lucky and she knew it.

  Carefully, Blair spread out the contents of the last box on the coffee table so that the younger children wouldn’t have to struggle to reach inside.

  I’m sorry I acted like such an idiot, Mom. You had your reasons for not telling me. I understand that now.

  And she did. Blair understood so many things now that she knew the truth. She’d gone to see Jasmine herself. Devin had insisted on accompanying her. He didn’t want her to be alone. He wanted to be there with her in case she needed him.

  It was as if he knew that she needed to have all this straight in her mind, understood her need to put things to rest in their proper place.

  Jasmine had told her exactly what she had told Devin. That her mother had given her and her sister up for adoption out of love. There were no revelations no surprises in that brief meeting. Somehow, Blair had sensed that there wouldn’t be, but she wanted to hear the words for herself and to meet a woman who had known her birth mother, however briefly.

  Hunched by the crippling disease that was slowly claiming her, Jasmine had nodded her head. “A real fine lady, you could see that right off. Breeding always tells,” she had assured Blair in a whispery—thin voice.

  Jasmine had been feeling poorly that day and they had stayed only a little while, but it was enough for Blair just to speak to her. She understood now that there was nothing but love surrounding the circumstances of her adoption.

  And if Devin still hadn’t managed to track down her sister, well, Blair knew that he would. Eventually. In the meantime, she had to content herself with having him around.

  The thought almost made her giggle out loud liké Alicia. Content, huh? Content was a pale word for what she felt. She was miles beyond content into the land of the euphorically possessed.

  Having Devin in her life was like walking out of a shaded glen into a meadow ablaze with the sun. Everything tasted better, looked better, felt better with Devin there.

  It seemed almost sinful that one woman could feel so happy, she thought, unfurling the last silver and red garland and laying it out along the top of the sofa like a shining shawl. Her career had taken off, she had an exciting man paying attention to her and the love and support of her entire family.

  Life, she knew, just didn’t get any better than this. And knowing now just how unpredictable life could be, she was going to savor every second of it as it was happening, no ifs, ands or buts. No more watchful eye turned to the future. The future was happening now as far as she was concerned.

  And some things weren’t going to have a future, she thought as she suddenly became aware of what was going on right in front of her.

  Brad and Jenny were having a tug-of-war over one of the boxes of balls she had just set down on the table. The fight was getting rather heated as Brad snapped something at his cousin that would definitely put him in jeopardy of being crossed off Santa Claus’s list—if he still believed in things like that At ten, he pooh—poohed Santa’s existence but knew enough to keep his mouth shut around his younger cousins.

  This wisdom, however, did not extend to the idea of sharing things with them.

  “Hey, hey, hey.” Quickly, Blair stepped between the two of them, taking the box out of their hands. “There’s plenty to go around. That’s why your Aunt Beth always makes certain we have such a huge tree.”

  There was always enough space for everyone to hang at least a few of the ornaments. The youngest hung theirs at the bottom, the oldest in the middle and the in—between set had the honor of climbing the tenfoot ladder and decorating the top third of the tree, although Uncle John reserved the right to place the star on top of the tree no matter what his age.

  “Been doing it for thirty years now. Intend to do it until I die. Then I’ll come back and haunt whoever takes over,” he’d said more than once, “to make sure it’s done right.”

  No one argued the point with him. The years had brought a mellowness to them that Brad and Jenny had yet to appreciate, Blair thought.

  “I saw it first,” Brad pouted, looking at the box in Blair’s hands.

  “But I picked it up first,” Jenny insisted. “That means I should be the one who gets to put them on.” She turned puppy—dog eyes on Blair, hoping this trick would work on her the way it did with her dad.

  Blair managed not to laugh, but it wasn’t easy. Biting down on her lower lip, Blair dug into the box, and handed two ornaments to each of them, then turned and gave two apiece to the other four children in the room. Thank goodness the ornaments had divided up evenly, she thought. She liked avoiding bloodshed whenever she could.

  “There,” she said, tossing the empty box on the sofa, “now everyone’s equal.”

  Equal was not what they were trying for. A series of moans and protests, along with cries of “Aw, Aunt Blair!” accompanied her decision. But she remained firm, shooing them toward the tree like a mother hen trying to get her chicks to scatter. “Come on, hurry. We don’t want to be decorating this tree until New Year’s.”

  “A regular Solomon, that’s you.”

  As the words registered in her brain, she found her waist encircled from behind and a kiss pressed to the side of her neck.

  Her heart jumped, as it always did whenever she first saw Devin. Doubly so because she hadn’t been expecting him until tomorrow afternoon. He’d flown up to San Francisco on business yesterday morning. She’d driven him to John Wayne Airport herself and felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach as she’d watched his plane become airborne and grow small, until it wasn’t even a speck on the horizon.

  Her hands covered his, pressing them to her. She loved the warmth they generated.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, surprise and pleasure vying for equal space.

  “Nuzzling you,” he answered, pressing another kiss to the slender column. He liked the way her pulse jumped when he kissed her. He could feel the vibration beneath his lips.

  Blair struggled not to sink into the kiss. Having him here was going to make Christmas Eve extra special. “When did you get here?”

  “Just now.” Devin held her against him. “Your aunt let me in.”

  “My aunt,” she repeated with a laugh. “That’s a little vague.”

  “Hey, give me time. I’m still trying to sort them out. Your Aunt Beth,” he clarified.

  Blair turned so that she could face him. His hands remained on her waist. “I’ll give you as much time as you need.”

  “Good, because I’m a slow learner.”

  Her mouth curved into a sensuous smile. “Not gauging by anything I’ve seen.”

  Brad frowned, his hands all full of the last of the silver and red garland. “Hey, are you gonna be mushy or help with the tree?”

  Devin cocked an eyebrow, looking down into Blair’s face. “You mean I get a choice?” He grinned, making his dec
ision, knowing it wouldn’t stick. “Mushy.” And then he captured her lips for one last, quick kiss before he put his cards on the table, so to speak.

  There was something different about his kiss. Blair could sense it, taste it. There was a charged excitement she hadn’t detected before. And a preoccupation that was completely new.

  Something was up. She didn’t know whether to be anxious or happy. Drawing back, Blair searched his face for a clue. “Devin, what is it?”

  He should have known she’d suspect right away. “So now you’re getting psychic on me?”

  Blair tried to ignore the knot that was forming in her stomach. “There is something.”

  Rather than answer, he took her hand. “C’mere, I want to talk to you.”

  Instantly, her heart caught in her throat. She didn’t like surprises, not anymore. She’d learned that surprises threatened to redefine the boundaries of her world and she liked the way things were right now just fine. She didn’t want any more changes.

  But she allowed herself to be led into the den and tried to remain calm as Devin slid the doors closed behind him.

  She wasn’t aware of sitting down, or of knotting her hands together in her lap. All she was aware of was the beating of her heart as it thudded against her ribcage. She watched his face as he turned to look at her. “Oh, God, am I going to like this?”

  He answered her truthfully, though he knew what he wanted her to feel. “I don’t know.”

  Suddenly unable to stay still, Blair rose to her feet. Restlessness made her want to stray to all corners of the room at once to try to outrun this feeling of pending doom. She licked her lips.

  “Tell me.”

  He’d been silently practicing what he was going to say to her in the car all the way over here. Confronted with the moment, he still wasn’t ready.

  “Give me a minute, there’s a lot to tell. I mean…”

  Devin blew out a breath. He had to get this first part out before he told Blair the news he had for her. He didn’t want one thing to ride in on the wave generated by the other. Above all else, he wanted to be perfectly sure that when Blair gave her answer, it wasn’t influenced by gratitude, or suddenly exposed emotions, or anything else that shouldn’t be factored into the situation.

  What he wanted from her was an honest, truthful answer, no matter what the consequences.

  What he wanted from her was to hear her say yes and mean it.

  The expression on Devin’s face was really making her worry. “You look like you’re about to go before a firing squad.”

  “Not quite.” Devin flashed a grin that faded the next moment, buckling under the weight of the words that were trying to make their way off his tongue. Because it was easier to work his way up to it, Devin began at the beginning. “I make it a rule not to get involved with my clients.”

  Oh, no, this was worse than she thought. He was trying to find a way to tell her that he was leaving. Why else would he look like a butterfly about to be chloroformed?

  “Yes?”

  Her voice was so deadly still, he almost lost his courage. But it was now or never and he knew it. He had to get this out

  Devin shoved his hands into his pockets, feeling like a damn, inept, tongue—tied fool. “That rule got broken with you.”

  He was easing her into this, trying to soften the blow. Blair braced herself. “I noticed.”

  Struggling with the earthquake that was erupting within her, she dragged her hand through her hair. Why did he have to pick tonight to tell her? Would it have disturbed some vast eternal plan if he’d waited a few days?

  She didn’t want to hear it and quickly tried to turn the conversation a hundred and eighty degrees. Leaving him before he left her.

  “Listen, just because things have gotten a little pleasant between us—”

  “Pleasant?” he repeated. A spring breeze was pleasant. A walk on the beach was pleasant. What they had going on between them was a great deal more than just pleasant. “That sure as hell wouldn’t have been the word I’d have used.”

  Past tense, she thought. Past romance. Okay, she could face up to this. She’d faced up to a lot in the last couple of months and survived. This was going to be just one more hurdle for her. She could be just as adult and reserved about it as he was. Even if it killed her.

  “What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to feel obligated to me.”

  He stared blankly at her. Where the hell had she come up with that one? “Obligated?”

  Blair threw up her hands in frustration. “Will you stop repeating things like a parrot? I’m trying to be noble here and tell you that you can go,” she blurted out. “That I won’t try to stop you.”

  “You won’t?” he questioned, still somewhat in the dark as to what she was saying. “Huh.” He examined her words one by one and came up with nothing reassuring. “Why not?”

  Wasn’t this what he wanted her to say? That it had been great, but now it was time to move on? She was becoming very confused. “Why not?”

  “Now who’s the parrot?” The little fool, Devin thought fondly, did she think he was just going to walk away? Was that what she really believed?

  Blair shook her head. The words just couldn’t be going in right. They certainly weren’t making any sense to her.

  “You want me to stop you?” she asked haltingly.

  “Only if you want to.” His eyes searched hers, almost afraid of finding an answer. “Do you want to?”

  Okay, she gave up. He had managed to completely muddle her. First he sounded as if he was backing out of the relationship, then when she offered to make it easy for him, he questioned her about her motives. What was going on here? “Do I want to what?”

  “Stop me?”

  She held up her hand, putting a stop to the conversation before it became any more garbled. “Hold it, something got lost here. Aren’t you telling me, as nicely as possible, that it’s over?”

  “Yes.” That was, the investigation was over. But not what was between them. He realized that he’d answered too quickly. “No,” he contradicted.

  If he’d set out to make her crazy, he was definitely reaching his goal. “Well, which is it?”

  This wasn’t supposed to be coming out this way. It hadn’t been this much of a mess even in his worst run—through. “Damn it, Blair, you’re getting everything all tangled.”

  Her eyes widened at the accusation. “I’m getting everything tangled?” Her nerves were dancing around on the points of steel—edged swords. “Devin, what are you trying to say to me?”

  Exasperation and uneasiness had him shouting out the words, “I’m trying to ask you if you’ll marry me!”

  Just then, the doors slid open and two of her tree decorators as well as her cousin Hal tumbled into the room. Hal didn’t even have the good grace to look embarrassed as he collected his fallen children.

  “She says yes,” he told Devin.

  “Yeah, she says yes!” Alicia and Jenny chorused.

  “Out,” Blair ordered, trying hard to keep a straight face. “I can give my own answers, thank you very much.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Hal muttered under his breath as he herded the children out

  Devin waited until the doors were closed again, then looked at Blair clearly frustrated at the way things were going. “That wasn’t the way I was going to do it, but—well, will you? Will you marry me?”

  She didn’t answer immediately and that made him twice as nervous, twice as uncertain. He’d wondered if he’d blown it.

  Very solemnly, Blair crossed to him and then entwined her arms around his neck. She nodded toward the closed doors.

  “What they said.” Her smile bloomed as rapidly as a sunflower shooting up in the first warm days of spring. “In case that got lost in the translation, the answer is yes.”

  It was all he needed to hear. Devin kissed her long and hard, fueled by a sense of relief that was incredibly overwhelming. For a moment back there, he’d thoug
ht she was going to say no.

  When he drew his mouth away, her taste lingering on his lips, he thought to ask, “Did I mention that I love you?”

  Blair shook her head. “The subject didn’t come up, but I think I got the general idea.” She nestled against Devin, a warm feeling pervading her. “But you can tell me if you like.”

  “I like,” he told her. “I like very much.” Then, very seriously, he looked into her eyes and said, “I love you, Blair, even if you’re not one of a kind.”

  She stopped him just before he kissed her again, her hands wedged against his chest. She eyed him uncertainly. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

  He lifted his shoulders innocently, “Well, you do have a twin…”

  Suddenly, the very breath stopped within her.

  “You found her.” It was both a question and a statement.

  Instead of answering, Devin reached into his back pocket. Drawing out a wrinkled, folded envelope, he handed it to her. She recognized the handwriting on the outside. It was hers. The check that she had originally given to him as a retainer for the case was inside. Blair stared at it, uncertain what Devin was telling her by returning it.

  She lifted her eyes to his. “Then you didn’t find her?”

  Money shouldn’t change hands between a man and the woman he intended to marry. The woman, he’d realized earlier, that he had been waiting for all his life. “Would you like your Christmas present early?”

  Why wasn’t he giving her an answer? Why all these riddles? “An engagement ring?” she guessed.

  That was in his pocket, and he intended to give it to her tomorrow, standing before the Christmas tree and in front of her whole family.

  But for now, he had something else to give her. Something that wouldn’t fit under the tree.

  “Something a little larger than that,” was all he told her before he turned and opened the doors. “Wait here.” With that, he left, closing the doors behind him again.

  For a moment, Blair couldn’t move, rooted to the spot by confusion.

  And then, she came to life.

  “Wait here?” she repeated incredulously. “What do you mean, wait here? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not your pet dog.” Blair pulled opened the doors with a vengeance and crossed the threshold. “And if you think you can get me completely disoriented and then—hey, where is everyone?”