Let Them Eat Tea
Page 21
Chapter 19 – Night in America Continues
Back in the living room at the farmhouse, the political planning continues unabated far into the night.
Marie sits comfortably on a well-padded antique armchair, stroking a plain grey-on-grey striped kitten that sits on her lap purring. It smells like a combination of sick cat and dusty cat litter, but she doesn't mind anymore. So many of her friends have cats now, she barely remembers that she used to dislike them. As she strokes the soft fur, she finds the gently rumbling purring almost hypnotically calming.
"You want to talk about raising revenue without taxes," the senator from Michigan is pontificating, "Michigan is way ahead of the pack on that. Anyplace you can do it, you just impose fines instead of levying fees. Traffic laws are a phenomenal source of revenue, which I might add is currently untapped by the Federal government."
"Federal traffic cops? I don't know," Nick responds doubtfully. "It would cost a fortune to create a Federal traffic enforcement department, for one thing."
When Nick pauses to gather his thoughts, the senator comes back with an instant rebuttal. He knows his subject matter. "No traffic cops," he says. "Notification by local authorities. We get computerized lists of all local traffic violations, and then we send every violator a computer-generated letter of notification telling them they owe a Driver Responsibility Fee. Put it under the Department of Transportation, or Interstate Commerce. Don't flag everything, just pick a few violations you can vaguely justify. Driving without proof of insurance was the first thing we tried in Michigan. When we got away with that, we added careless driving, reckless driving, driving while intoxicated, and illegal left turns. We could do that last one because there's a lot of sentiment against left turns in Michigan. That one might not go over on a national level. But lack of insurance, intoxication, reckless driving, that should be an easy sell." He laughs and adds, "maybe seat belt violations. And anything that targets long haul truckers, they're like sitting ducks."
"Isn't that, like, double indemnity or something?" Marie asks. "Trying a person twice for the same crime? Don't we have something against that in the constitution?"
"Well, nobody's taken it to court yet, that I know of," the senator answers her, "but I doubt it would be struck down, at least it might not. Ever since the O.J. trials these double whammies have been accepted. Also, a traffic ticket isn't exactly a crime, at least I don't think it is. It's a violation of a regulation. A regulation isn't quite the same as a law. Tell you what, we've raised a bundle of money on this."
"Isn't Michigan one of those states that have city income taxes?" Nick asks, still petting the fluffy white cat that's been sitting in his lap most of the evening. "Seems to me I heard somewhere that if you work in Detroit, then you have to pay Detroit city income tax, even if you don't live there. It's on the list of taxes we haven't struck down yet but we sure do want to. It's taxation without representation, if you ask me. A guy works in Detroit and lives in the suburbs, he pays taxes in Detroit but he can't vote in Detroit. Has no say at all in how the money is spent. Strikes me as a violation of the ideals of the founding fathers. Boston Tea Party, remember that? If you can get away with city income tax, and the courts say nothing, then I think we can get away with a few traffic fines without worrying about the courts."
"Courts?" Sheppard laughs. "We've got so many justices on the Supreme Court now those guys have trouble agreeing on anything. One thing they do agree on, though, is they back me. I appointed them for that, and they don't forget it. No, we won't have any trouble with the courts, at least not the high court. I've got those guys in my pocket."
"Costs to the Federal government would be minimal," the senator points out. "Just the administrative overhead. Local cops and computers do all the real work. We just sit back and collect the money."
"Federal traffic fines it is," Nick agrees, and everyone nods.
"Those kittens," Charlie asks, when he's sure the subject of Federal traffic laws is finished. "Are those, uh, Angela's grandchildren? They came from one of Angela's cats?"
"Rest her soul," Eugene responds. "I ended up with one of her cats. That big white cat on Nick's lap there. It turned out to be with child. Anybody want a kitten? They're ready to leave their mommy anytime."
Charlie picks up one of the kittens, a white ball of fur that reminds him of coconut cotton candy. It weighs about four ounces. He strokes it and it begins to purr. "I have an idea about that income tax thing," he offers, leaning back into his chair.
"Shoot," Nick says, glancing at the president with a grin.
"Business licenses," Charlie states flatly, and pauses for effect. "Take Detroit for example. Why bother with all that paperwork from all those individual tax returns? Huge cost for the government, and nobody likes it. But you create an Employer's Business License, that's different. Individual citizens don't see it. You make it a percentage of the total payroll cost."
Nick laughs. "Not exactly right-to-work friendly," he says, "but it's a good spin."
"and it's a flat tax," the senator adds. "Actually we could get that passed in Detroit. We have a flat one per cent tax now. Repeal the income tax, create an Employer's Business License fee of one per cent of the payroll. I like it. If it goes over well in Michigan, you add it to the national package. If not, you haven't taken any risk."
"No exemptions, no paperwork," Marie says, nodding, "and we don't even call it a tax. Driver's licenses, marriage licenses, Business licenses. People are used to licenses."
"And in another way, it's even better than a regular flat tax," Sheppard adds approvingly. "It doesn't tax investment income. Or farm income. Most of our supporters would get off almost scott free on this. If they're a CEO of their own company, they'd pay one percent on whatever salary they take. Anything they get from stocks and such, no cost. A farmer only pays one per cent on any labor costs for hired hands he hires on the books, and that's it. I like it. It's good."
"Well, I'm going to have to get up early if we're going fishing," Nick says, glancing at his watch. "Either that or make it an all nighter. Myself I'd prefer to get the three hours of sleep." He looks around at the others for agreement, then adds, "So we should wrap this up here. We'll pick up where we left off. Revenue. Business Licenses, to be continued. Start right after dinner tomorrow. Everybody on board with that?"
Nods and murmurs of assent close the evening of platform building.
"Okay, good," Nick says and stands up, leaving the big white cat to occupy the seat he vacates. "Thanks for letting me stay here at the house, Eugene. This is great. Fishing in the morning. See you at five." He strokes the cat one last time and heads upstairs.