Serenity

by Rochelle Paige

“You’re right. She has to be,” my mom interrupted my dad as she glanced down at the letters. “There was a doctor who came in to talk to us about donating Declan’s organs. He explained how the process worked and how many lives we could save if we agreed. But we struggled with the decision because it meant saying goodbye to your brother. And then he made it personal.”

  My dad continued the story when my mom couldn’t go on because she started to sob. “He told us about a young girl they’d been treating who was likely to never get a transplant because she was too much of a risk. She didn’t have any family to help her after the surgery, and the odds of her making a full recovery were slim. He said that her only chance was a direct donation, but there wasn’t anyone in her life who cared enough to make that kind of sacrifice.”

  “When we agreed to allow Declan to be a donor,” my mom sniffled. “It was under the condition that she was one of the recipients if they were a match. If your brother was going to save lives with his death, we felt that he would have wanted one of them to be someone who wouldn’t have had that chance without him. You know how he always loved to root for the underdog.”

  They were right. If Declan had been alive to make the decision, he would’ve wanted to save someone like Faith. I could understand and respect their decision to donate his organs, and their story explained how Faith had gotten her kidney when she’d thought it was impossible. But there was still one detail that didn’t make sense to me. “But how was that even possible? You guys told me he died in the crash. Faith’s transplant was a month after that. The only way his kidney is inside her is if you guys lied to me. But why would you do that about something as important as Declan’s death?”

  My parents shared a long look, and my dad nodded before my mom turned to me again. “The doctors had warned us that your recovery was going to be incredibly difficult. We’d been preparing ourselves for that, and then you woke up and your only concern was Declan. Not yourself, even though you were hooked up to so many machines and had to have been in pain. You were desperate for us to tell you about Declan.”

  “Because I needed to know what happened to him. He was my twin. I deserved the truth!”

  “I’m sorry we lied to you, Dillon. But we didn’t feel like we had much of a choice because we didn’t think you could handle the truth.” I shook my head at my dad’s confession, refusing to believe it. He hurriedly explained more about why they made the decision they had. “The psychiatrist we talked to said it was likely that you would struggle with survivor guilt. We expected it to be worse because of the circumstances surrounding the accident, and we were right. You blamed yourself, no matter how often we told you it wasn’t your fault.

  “We had just lost Declan, and we were desperate to make sure we didn’t lose you too,” my mom cried. “So we told you what you needed to hear to make sure that didn’t happen.”

  “It would have devastated you even more to know that he spent a month in a hospital bed next to you but didn’t survive. You had a hard enough time dealing with his loss when you thought he died in the crash.”

  I couldn’t deny the truth in my dad’s words. Not when the one thing I’d held onto for so long was the fact that Declan hadn’t suffered. It destroyed me to know that wasn’t the case, but it would’ve been worse if I’d known it back then.

  I dropped my head and stared at my hands while I tried to come to terms with the actual truth and not the story my parents had fabricated in their attempt to protect me. “It’s going to take me a while to wrap my head around the fact that you guys lied to me for so long.”

  My mom stifled another sob and choked out my name.

  “Later, Elaine. Let him come to terms with this first,” my dad murmured softly.

  My head jerked up and I searched both their faces, trying to figure out what he could be talking about. “Later for what?”

  “To push you on how you’re dealing with Faith being the recipient of Declan’s kidney. How she’s holding up since we backed off when it seemed like we were the last people she wanted to talk to about your fight. You know how your mom likes to meddle, but now isn’t the time. Not while you’re dealing with what we’ve already told you. It’s enough for the time being. Anything else can wait.”

  “It’s not meddling to worry about how he and Faith are handling—”

  She paused as though she couldn’t figure out the right word to use, and I filled in the gap. “Our strange connection?”

  She sighed and nodded her head. “I can see how you’d feel like this changes everything between the two of you.”

  Shit. That wasn’t the kind of meddling I’d been expecting from her. I’d been hoping for words of wisdom that would help me come to terms with the fact that Faith had Declan’s kidney. Not understanding and agreement.

  Chapter Seven

  Dillon

  “Dillon, no.” My mom leaned forward and placed her palms against my cheeks. “Wipe that sad look off your face. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that knowing Declan’s death played a part in saving the life of the girl you fell in love with helps bring me a little peace.”

  I searched her face and didn’t see any sign that she wasn’t thrilled about the discovery that had rocked my world. “I don’t understand. You’re okay with Faith having Declan’s kidney? It doesn’t bother you at all?”

  “Quite the opposite. I like to think that your brother would have grown up to be the kind of man who would have stepped in front of a bullet if it meant saving the lives of his nieces and nephews,” she explained. “Although he never had the chance to make that kind of decision, if you and Faith have children together some day then he still managed to come to their rescue. I hope like hell your children never face that kind of danger, but I take comfort in knowing they’re going to be born because of Declan’s sacrifice nonetheless.”

  Hearing her put it like that hit me hard. In the time since Faith had shared her shocking discovery with me, I’d been focused on how it had affected me and my past. I hadn’t stopped to think about the how our lives would’ve been different if my parents hadn’t made the decision they had five years ago. “If Faith had died”—I could barely get the words out because I couldn’t imagine a world without Faith in it—“I still might have fallen in love with someone and had children someday.”

  “It wouldn’t have been the same,” she chided, shaking her head. “You might not have known what you were missing, but you’re living the life you were meant to with the woman you were destined to love. I knew she was the girl for you from the very first moment I saw the two of you together. I just didn’t know it was possible because Declan gave her the gift of life.”

  I’d been one-hundred percent certain about Faith and my feelings for her from the get-go, but knowing her connection to Declan had filled me with doubts. “Do you really think so?”

  “I do, honey.”

  I finally gave voice to the root of my fears. “What if the reason we fit together so well isn’t because she’s the woman for me? What if I’m drawn to her because a part of Declan lives inside her?”

  My mom cocked her head and looked at me with surprise in her eyes. “Do you really think the reason you love Faith is because of the bond you had with Declan? That everything you feel for her is based on the kidney that saved her life?”

  “I don’t know!” I huffed out, frustrated and confused by everything I was feeling. “How else would you explain how quickly I fell in love with Faith? No other woman ever made me feel even a fraction of what she did from the moment I laid eyes on her. If it wasn’t because of Declan, then what was it?”

  “Love isn’t logical,” my dad answered. “There’s no explanation for why we fall in love with the person we’re meant to be with. If you’re lucky, it just happens. Like it did for me with your mom and for you with Faith.”

  “But how do I know she’s really the one, and I wasn’t wrong about why I fell for her in the first place?” I pushed.

  “Close your eyes.” S
he used the ‘mom’ voice, so I found my eyes drifting shut before I even thought about it. “Think back to the way you felt when you first saw Faith. She knocked you flat on your ass if what you later told your dad was true.”

  My eyes popped open and I swiveled my head to glare at my dad. “You told her that?”

  “I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet, but I tell your mom everything.”

  “Keep them shut because I’m not done yet,” Mom chided, waiting for me to close my eyes again before she continued. “Think about the time you’ve spent with Faith in your life. About how happy she’s made you.”

  Even with as horrible as things were between us right now, I couldn’t help but smile as I did as my mom asked. Up until she found out Declan was her donor, things had been amazing between us.

  “Now picture your future without Faith in it,” she finished, shocking the hell out of me with the harshness of her tone.

  My mind blanked at the very idea of spending the rest of my days without her. “I can’t.” I opened my eyes to find my mom staring at me with tears in her eyes even as she smiled at me.

  “Do you know what I thought when I found out you and Faith were dating?” she asked.

  “Thank God my baby boy is finally settling down?” It was a feeble attempt to use humor to try to stop myself from crying along with her.

  “That too,” she agreed. “But I couldn’t help but feel that it was so fitting you’d fall for a girl named Faith.”

  I shook my head, not understanding. “Why?”

  “When I was pregnant with you boys, your dad and I went round and round over what to name you both,” she answered with a slight smile. “I wanted names that sounded good together and started with the same letter, but your dad wanted names that you could grow into. Something strong to signify the men you’d become later in life.”

  “I think you won that battle,” I said, thinking about how well our names had fit together.

  “No, we compromised,” she corrected. “We picked names that had everything we both wanted. Your brother’s name meant full of goodness.”

  I smiled sadly thinking it had been an apt way to describe my twin. “And mine?”

  “If I’d had my way you would have been a Donovan, but I couldn’t argue when your dad suggested Dillon because it means faithful.”

  Whoa. “It does?”

  “Yes, my baby boy. It certainly does. From the very start, it seemed to me like you two were destined to be together. And I was right. You’ve built a life with Faith. One that’s filled with the kind of love most people dream about having and never find for themselves. Isn’t having a future with her something that’s worth fighting for?”

  I felt like a weight had lifted, and I could finally breathe for the first time since Faith shared her bombshell with me. “It is. But I wish she’d never written that goddamn letter in the first place and opened this can of worms.”

  “This letter that had you so scared and angry? It’s a godsend to me,” she said.

  “Why?”

  “Every time I look at the grandbabies you and Faith give me some day, I’ll know they’re here because of Declan.”

  “A day far in the future,” my dad added. “Since you two are young and have plenty of time to think about kids. For now, you need to focus on your career while Faith works on her master’s degree.”

  My mom elbowed my dad in the side. “It’s never too early to think about giving me grandbabies.”

  I wasn’t willing to go there with her. Not now, and God only knew how far in the future. Plus, there was something else I needed to confirm before I figured out what I was going to do next. “What about when you look at Faith?”

  “I’ll see the same thing I’ve always seen,” she reassured me. “The woman who loves my son as much as he loves her. I just wish I’d known that was what you guys were fighting about so I could have reassured her about that. I figured it was something small, and you two would move past it. I never expected it to be this big.”

  My dad nodded in agreement and asked, “I think the better question to ask is what do you see when you look at her now?”

  “I’d actually have to be near her to do that,” I mumbled.

  My mom jumped off the couch and stared down at me. “What do you mean by that? You live together for goodness sakes!”

  I hated admitting it because I knew I hadn’t handled the news well, but I wasn’t going to lie to them. There had been enough of that between us already. “I haven’t been home since she told me.”

  “Ever since you sent me the text?” my dad asked.

  “Dillon Montgomery! Tell me you haven’t left that poor girl all alone to deal with news like this for that long,” my mom demanded.

  “Hey! I thought she’d have you two, and it’s less time than it took for her to tell me about the letter in the first place.” It was a weak defense, but it was all that I had.

  “Honestly, I thought I taught you better than that,” she scolded me. “When you fell in love with Faith, you accepted her the way she is—flaws and all. The same way your dad did with me.”

  Dad snorted, and she glared at him before continuing, “It might have taken her a week to come to you, but you need to think about how hard it must have been for her too. She didn’t have the same type of support you did growing up. There were no loving parents to show her what unconditional love is all about. She must have been scared to death to tell you because it was the first test of your love for her.”

  Fuck.

  If so, I’d failed her. Big time.

  “This isn’t how Montgomery men treat the women we love,” my dad added. “It’s your job to give her the love and acceptance she needs. Not to punish her for taking longer than you think she should have to share news that was probably just as earth shattering to her as it was to you.”

  “Even though I understand how you would be hurt that she put the conversation off for a week, doing something like this to get even isn’t going to accomplish anything other than to further damage your relationship.”

  “I wasn’t doing it to get even,” I insisted, getting up and pacing the floor. “My intent was the opposite. I didn’t want to say something that would destroy us. I didn’t want to hurt her.”

  “But does Faith know that?” my dad asked. “Because judging by how distant she was when we reached out to her, I’d have to say she has no idea.”

  “No.” I pulled my cell from my pocket and powered it on for the first time since I walked out of our house. The beeping from the notifications didn’t stop for at least a few minutes. My voicemail was full of messages from Faith and my parents. I had about a hundred texts too, most of them from her. “She couldn’t know because I haven’t talked to her since then either.”

  “We talked to her the night you texted, but she was so stiff. Distant. I thought we were only making things worse for her,” my dad explained.

  “And she didn’t answer the door when I went over to your house to check on her after we hadn’t heard anything more from either of you by Sunday,” my mom added. “You never gave me a key, so I couldn’t go in to check—”

  “We can argue about the key later, Mom,” I promised. “But right now I need to get home and make sure she’s okay.”

  They called out to me as I ran out the front door, but I didn’t pay attention to what they said because my entire focus was on getting to Faith as quickly as I could. I raced through town, going at least fifteen over the speed limit, and made it to our house in record time. All of the lights were off, and the silk blue metallic Beetle I’d told the salesman to deliver before we’d walked out of the dealership was sitting in the driveway. I parked behind it and jumped out of my SUV. Running up the front steps, I noticed that the mail box was jammed full. I quickly unlocked the door, flung it open, and walked inside.

  “Faith?” I hollered as I stormed through the house looking for her since there was no sign of her in the living room. It looked exactly as it had
when I’d walked through it the day I’d left.

  My heart was pounding as I began to consider the possibility that she wasn’t here. I hadn’t returned any of her text messages or missed calls, and she hadn’t answered when I’d tried calling her repeatedly on the way over here. I figured she was ignoring me the way I had her, but I never considered the possibility something could have happened to her until now.

  I felt a momentary sense of relief when I walked into the kitchen and spotted pizza boxes and Chinese take-out cartons on the counter. She had to have been home at some point since none of it had been there when I left. The kitchen was usually spotless since Faith was the kind of person who never went to bed without cleaning up the mess from dinner.

  As I turned to leave the kitchen and head upstairs, I noticed that the wine refrigerator was empty. It held thirty-two bottles in the thing and had been half-full when I left. Considering the fact that Faith could barely drink one glass of wine without getting tipsy, I wasn’t sure what to think about the possibility of her drinking that many bottles in the time I’d been gone.

  By the time I made it up to our room, my heart was pounding in fear at what I’d find. And then there she was—laying in our bed with the covers pulled over her head. Empty wine bottles were piled on the floor and mounds of balled up tissues and toilet paper surrounded them.

  My concern only grew because she didn’t move as I approached the bed. When I pulled the covers back, I found her sound asleep. She was dressed in an old shirt of mine that was hiked up and a pair of my boxers. Curled up in a ball, she was clutching my pillow in her arms so tightly. It was as though she was afraid it might disappear.

  “What have I done to you?” I muttered under my breath, afraid to wake her now that I had an idea of how badly she’d taken the time I’d been away.

  Chapter Eight

  Faith

  “Dillon,” I mumbled, still half-asleep when I rolled over and reached out for him. I didn’t expect to connect with anything other than sheets, blankets, and pillows. I’d done the same countless times since he walked out. I was devastated all over again whenever I woke up and found myself alone. But this time was different. My hand collided with warm muscle, and my eyes popped open. When I spotted him standing next to the bed, I thought maybe I was hallucinating since I hadn’t been feeling well the past couple of days. “Dillon? You’re back?”