Wanting Amanda

by Wendy Silk

  She had signed it, “Your Amanda.”

  Chapter 26: Comprehension

  By the time Hailey returned to Austin, the general sense of doom in Amanda’s family home had begun to dissipate. Although Nathan was adamant that he would not go back to the office for any serious work, he started spending time in the tidy office he kept at home, going over some papers and emails that would allow him to transition out of his current job. Jennifer and Amanda were able to relax more than they had since Michael had come into their lives. Closer than ever before, they took to walking in the park together, enjoying the crisp weather that heralded a New York winter.

  Jennifer couldn’t help but ask, as she and Amanda crossed the street together, “What news did Hailey bring you? Did she have anything to say about the man you were seeing in Austin?”

  Amanda couldn’t wait to tell her mom about Billy. Perhaps not all the details were suitable, but her romantic feelings were. Their sexual relationship could continue to simmer in her own mind, as it did constantly anyway. Since she had returned to New York, she found herself waking at night, desperately wanting Billy next to her. When she remembered that she would never see him again, her despair was crushing. Yet her memories of how good it had felt to be with him sustained her with their sweetness.

  “Mom, I have to tell you about him,” Amanda smiled. “I don’t know if we can get back together, but I have to believe it is possible. I gave Hailey a letter for him. If she can get it to his work, then maybe he’ll contact me. I don’t know where he is now.”

  “Oh, you knew him through his work?” Jennifer asked. “Was he connected to the university? Not one of your professors, I hope?” She was teasing, but a note of worry touched her question.

  “No, not that,” Amanda replied. “He was one of the landscape workers.” Saying that turned out to be much easier than she had thought it would be.

  Jennifer didn’t appear to see anything out of the ordinary with her daughter’s statement. “Oh good, I’ve always wanted a talented gardener in the family.” She reached over and put her arm across Amanda’s shoulders. Within that moment, Amanda felt that everything could still resolve itself.

  “So do you have a picture of him?” Jennifer asked.

  “I do, right here on my phone,” Amanda replied. “Look, this is from an evening when we went out with Hailey and the guy she was seeing.” It was a selfie that she had taken of her and Billy that night at the Irish pub. They were flushed and laughing. She hadn’t noticed before, but in the photo, their bodies were touching at every possible spot. Her cheek was pressed into his, her shoulder tucked under his arm, their smiles as wide as anybody who had ever been in love. Amanda had forgotten she had the picture for the first few weeks after it was taken, but in the days since she had left Texas, she had looked at it often, wishing she could be that girl again.

  Jennifer stopped to look at the phone screen. She froze when she saw the photo. “Amanda, I know him. I’ve met this man.”

  Amanda smiled nervously, “Mom, that really isn’t possible. He must just look like somebody else. You must know another guy that you might have him confused with.”

  “No, really, I’m quite sure.” Jennifer was firm. “I remember his name. It was Billy. Is that him?”

  Amanda swayed for a moment, wondering if she might faint. The stress they had all been through recently had been too much. How much more could she handle?

  “Yes, Mom, his name is Billy. But he lives in Austin. I don’t think he’s ever been here to the city before. I can’t imagine why he would. He’s poor, a working class man. Where would you have met him?”

  Jennifer was solemn as she watched the agitation that was overtaking Amanda. “Honey, I think you must have the wrong end of the stick here. I don’t know how it happened, but you are missing some information about him. I can see now why you were interested in your father’s background when I told you about it. But that isn’t actually relevant here. Why would Billy tell you that he was poor?”

  Amanda was deeply confused. “Mom, I don’t think he told me that. I just assumed. I mean, he’s a landscape worker. I know that for sure. I saw him working every day for weeks. He wears work boots and drives an old truck.”

  Jennifer took a deep breath and began to unravel what she knew for Amanda. “I don’t understand this myself yet. You see, I have a friend here in New York, a woman that I work with on the museum board. Her name is Jess Viner.”

  Amanda broke in: “I remember her name! Billy told me once that he knew her. I hope he didn’t make up a relationship with her to try to impress you.” She thought her head might explode as she tried to sort through the conflicting things she knew about Billy. Maybe she had been right not to trust him at first. “When did you talk to him? How could you even have met him?”

  Jennifer shook her head and continued. “No, there’s nothing made up about this. Jess is Billy’s sister. She’s always spoken about her little brother, ever since I’ve known her. He’s been down in the South recently, doing some work...oh.” Jennifer looked at Amanda with a tinge of amusement as she began to see the way through their confusion. “Amanda, you might need to sit down for a minute. He isn’t a landscaper. You haven’t gone and fallen in love with a guy from a working class background at all. No matter how much soul searching you might have had to do to come to terms with that idea.”

  Amanda gaped at her mother, but followed her instruction and sank down onto a bench.

  “Billy’s a business executive, rather a famous person in certain circles. He’s well known for swooping in to rescue struggling small companies, with a plan of really helping them succeed rather than buying them out. Other consulting firms might try to dismantle a mom and pop operation to make money from it, but Billy’s reputation is that he’ll never do that. He will study it from the ground up and reorganize it, breathing it back to life. He’s young, but he’s very talented; he did his MBA at Harvard. Their family is from Boston, as old money as they come.”

  Amanda was silent in her disbelief. “You’re saying that he wasn’t working for the landscaping company? He was taking charge of it and rescuing it?” It all fell into place. “Wait, that does make a strange sort of sense. He said he had known Ron a long time. His brother was an old friend. They did seem unusually comfortable with each other. And he kept saying that Ron needed him and wouldn’t really get rid of him.”

  Jennifer watched Amanda as she thought her way through the ramifications of what she’d discovered. Finally, Amanda reached the most important, and perhaps most obvious point. “Mom, does that mean he’s here? If he’s left Austin, is he in New York now? You saw him in person, not just in a photo. When was that?”

  Having watched as Amanda pondered what she knew of Billy, Jennifer reached an epiphany of her own. She gasped. “Amanda. I think there’s more to this than I had realized. I didn’t know at the time that Billy knew you. That you were so important to each other.”

  Amanda’s heart skipped a beat at the idea that she was important to Billy, not just the other way around. Had he said something that her mother was now realizing referred to her?

  Jennifer steadied herself to tell Amanda what had happened. Her amused efforts to help her daughter readjust her understanding of her boyfriend’s background had given way to a nervous excitement. Something that had been bothering her was about to become clearer.

  “It was last week. You had been home for a while, and I was just getting back to my regular calendar of meetings, remember? I popped over to Jess’s apartment one afternoon so we could go over a planned agenda together.” Despite the seriousness of the moment, Amanda found strength for the eye roll that was her customary response to hearing about Jennifer’s busy life of charity meetings. Her mom ignored it and continued. “Jess invited me in and I met Billy. He was there. In person.”

  “You did? You saw him? How did he look?” Amanda was on the verge of screeching her questions, unable to stay calm.

  “He looked fine,” Jennife
r said firmly, unwilling to be diverted from solving her mystery just yet. “We talked briefly. It was nice to finally meet him after hearing his name so many times in the past. Jess loves talking about him; she always has. But here’s the thing. He was a little too interested in Nathan’s firm. It was almost intrusive. And he asked about Michael.” Her keen eyes swiveled to meet Amanda’s. “Did you tell him that you were planning to marry Michael? You fell in love with Billy, and then you admitted to him that you were engaged? That’s what led you to break up. I can see it all now.”

  Amanda hung her head. “Yes, I did. He couldn’t understand why I was going to marry somebody that he knew I didn’t love. He was so disgusted with me that he left me, thinking that I was marrying for money. He thought that was the only thing that mattered to me.”

  Jennifer’s expression was one of pity. “Amanda, now I understand. You’ve been feeling not just the loss of the man you were seeing, but of his respect. But I know that you weren’t thinking of money. We all know now that Michael was blackmailing you, threatening to ruin Nathan. You were only trying to protect him. You were misguided, yes, but it wasn’t what Billy must have thought.” She turned her mind back to her memory of Billy. “That’s the strangest part of what I remember about the day I met him. When he was asking about Nathan’s firm, he even wanted to know where the office was. He said he might swing by to discuss a business matter with them.”

  Amanda’s world broke apart, them came together again. This time, though, all the pieces were in the correct place and her universe was more right than it had ever been before.

  “Mom, you see it, don’t you?” The women looked at each other, each knowing that the other had recognized what had happened. “Billy found out about Michael’s embezzlement. I don’t know how, but he must have found some proof that he reported to the authorities. We never did find out what let to Michael’s arrest that night. Billy must also have destroyed whatever documents incriminated Nathan. Somehow, he got himself into a room with Michael and talked him into giving up clues that would reveal all his secrets. Michael probably never even realized what he was saying, if Billy’s that good. I can imagine it perfectly.”

  Amanda had stars in her eyes. “Mom, Billy protected us all. He dealt with Michael himself, to save me.”

  Jennifer nodded. “Amanda, that must have been his reason for coming to New York. He didn’t even try to talk you, at least not yet. He wanted to make your life better, even if he doesn’t think he can be with you. That’s the strongest kind of love there is.”

  Amanda could not speak. Her eyes were shining with tears of regret that she had not found a better way to contact Billy. Now she needed more than ever to speak with him, but she didn’t know where he was. Wherever he was, she was sure in her heart that he loved her.

  Chapter 27: Waiting

  The most obvious way to find Billy was, of course, to ask his sister where he was. Now that Amanda knew about Jess, she couldn’t wait to meet her. Since she had met Billy, she had wished he would share details about his past with her. What was his family like? His childhood? At last she would be able to see where he had come from. Her guesses about that thus far had proved terrible, so a chance to meet with his sister felt like a godsend. With Jennifer’s introduction, Amanda arranged to meet Jess at a local coffee spot.

  Amanda slid into her seat across from the older woman. “Jess, it is so nice to meet you. I was friends with Billy in Austin, as I told you on the phone.” She ducked her head, feeling that she must be utterly transparent. Surely she wasn’t the first love interest to try to get to Billy through his sister. “Well, we were a lot more than friends. And now, meeting you, it’s like seeing him again.”

  Jess was a tall, beautifully dressed woman who carried herself with the same confidence that characterized Billy. Her face opened into a wide smile at Amanda’s words.

  “Yes, I know. People have always said that we are so alike. It’s flattering to me, of course, since I’m a decade older. But I know what they mean. It’s not just the blue eyes, and the rest of how we look. It’s that we’ve always been peas in a pod in our interests, too. I used to hang out with him all the time when we were kids, even though we were so far apart in age. We just always enjoyed each other’s company.”

  Amanda’s nervousness evaporated. “Jess, I can’t tell you what a relief it is to finally talk to you. I haven’t seen Billy since I left Austin weeks ago. I tried to get a letter to him, but I’m afraid that he hasn’t received it. Then I heard from my mom that he was here in Manhattan, visiting you. He’s not still here, is he?”

  Jess held her hot latte to her lips, thinking a moment before answering. “Well, no, he’s not here with me anymore. That was just a quick visit. But I’m not sure that I have the right to say anything other than that.” She looked doubtfully at Amanda over her cup. “You say you were more than friends. But I’m sorry to say that he didn’t mention your name when he was staying with me.”

  Amanda closed her eyes and brought her hands up to her temples, trying to rub the frustration away. She’d been so close. “I’m sorry, Jess. You must think I’m just some kind of hanger on, trying to pump you for information about your brother. I know you wouldn’t have met me if it hadn’t been for the fact that you know my mom so well. But I have to tell you, I’m not a crazy stalker. I really did...do have a special relationship with Billy. If he’s avoiding me, it’s only because he doesn’t know what I want to tell him.”

  Jess set her cup down on the table with a decisive motion. “Amanda, I can tell that you’re serious about this. And that you have real feelings for him. Am I right in thinking that you had a falling out, and that’s why he’s not communicating with you?”

  Amanda nodded miserably. “I’ve tried texting him a hundred times, but he’s not answering.”

  “Oh, that’s nothing to worry about,” Jess answered. “He wouldn’t have been using his real phone on that trip. He does that.” She snorted. “Billy likes to think it’s all very cloak and dagger when he goes into a business to try to repair it incognito. It’s not the first time he’s done this. When he wants to blend in and not be seen as some executive who’s taking charge, he makes sure he only carries cheap stuff with him. He’d have had a temporary phone with a local number. I know, it’s silly, but it satisfies some kind of James Bond impulse in him.”

  Amanda’s heart leapt in her chest. Billy hadn’t been ignoring her texts after all. He simply didn’t use that number any more. She smiled back. “Yes, that sounds like him. He was driving an old truck as well, complete with dents. But, you know, it was sparklingly clean every time he took me out in it.”

  Jess snickered, her sisterly affection showing. “He can’t seem to shake off some of his city habits, no matter how hard he tries. Always so clean, that’s my brother.”

  Amanda was afraid to ask too much, but she ventured, “Why would he have been there, trying to rescue a landscaping business? He didn’t even like or respect Ron, his boss. Well, not his boss after all,” she amended.

  Jess knew what she meant, though. “Yes, I know who you mean. Ron’s brother is a great friend of Billy’s. Ron himself has been struggling with alcohol for as many years as I’ve known him. That company is the only thing he has left, and it’s about to go under. Billy found out, and he offered to go down to Austin to try to save it for him. I would have thought it would be all done on the paperwork side, but Billy always says that getting his hands dirty with work on all levels is the only way to understand what a business needs.”

  For Amanda, this coffee date was balm for her soul. She was discussing her favorite person in the world with somebody who knew him well. There were so many things she could ask. Foremost among them, however, was: “Jess, please tell me. Where is he now?”

  Jess finally took pity on her. “Amanda, I can see how you feel about him. I don’t know if he feels the same way, but for your sake, I hope he does.” She lifted her pocketbook and prepared to stand. “I really can’t tell y
ou where he is, because I don’t know. After he finishes a business deal, he always vanishes for a few days. He did end up sorting out Ron’s business in the end. If I know him, it was probably by paying Ron’s debts himself. That means he’s finished in Austin, but I don’t know where he’s gone. And I know he won’t answer me if I call him, unless its a real emergency. I used to worry that I couldn’t get in touch with him, but now I don’t, It’s only for a few days, and then I know he’ll answer my texts again.”

  Amanda held back tears as she murmured her thanks to Jess and they parted ways. It wasn’t Jess’s fault that she didn’t know how to find her elusive brother.

  Amanda was almost afraid to see Billy again. She wondered if he was still disgusted with her. He had shown such concern for her in coming up to New York to deal with Michael and his blackmail. She was sure now that Billy had been the one to share evidence against Michael with the U.S. Attorney’s office.

  But what if he had only done that out of his professional interest in solving the world’s problems? It sounded like he had a predilection for that kind of saving. Did it matter who benefitted? Had he really done it for her, or was it only that once he knew there was injustice going on, he felt it was his gentlemanly duty to right it?

  Amanda’s musings broke apart as her phone buzzed. Hailey was texting her. “Hey Amanda!” the text read. “Finally talked to Ron. Says he sent your letter to Billy last week. For sure. Love u!”

  Just as Amanda sat back in her chair, filled with confusion and excitement at the idea that Billy would finally know that she loved him, her phone buzzed again.

  It was Jess. “Listen, sweetie, I didn’t want to contact you until I was sure. Billy finally got back to me, and he is in New York now. He’s staying at his own place. I couldn’t tell you where that was until I had spoken to him; I’m sure you can understand that. But if you have a pen, let me give you his address. I didn’t tell him I was calling you. Now that I know he’s back and he’s doing ok, I think he will be very glad to see you.” The older woman was kind as she explained her position to Amanda. In sharing the address, she was letting Amanda know that she approved of her relationship with Billy. Amanda took the vote of confidence to heart and thanked Jess warmly as she hung up.