Near and Far

by Nicole Williams

  “Do most people go to school for seven years?” Of course, the pessimistic critic inside of me picked that one thing to run with. Not the unselfish, Peace Corps part.

  “The ones who want to become doctors do.”

  Her smile was rubbing me the wrong way. Big time. It might have been real, but I was about to really remove it if she didn’t dim it a few hundred volts. Peace Corps. Future M. D. Gorgeous to the tenth degree. A kiss up to the hundredth. Oh yeah, and she was so hot for my boyfriend I could feel her ovaries pulsing. What Jesse Walker saw in me over someone who redefined perfect, I didn’t know, but I wasn’t going to waste any more time fleshing it out.

  Jesse said, “It’s been a long day for all of us. I’d say it’s about time to wrap it up.” My god, that man had impeccable timing.

  I’d been in front of him for close to five minutes and we had yet to kiss. That was unacceptable. Sure, his family was staggered around the room, but we’d never let that stop us. We toned it down to a PG level when they were around, but the whole reason I’d failed to kiss the man who made ovaries pulse near and far was because I’d let some real-life Sleeping Beauty lookalike mess with my head. No more messin’. Wait, scratch that. No more messin’ unless it included messin’ around with Jesse Walker.

  “And by wrap it up, you mean it’s time for us to wrap it up.” Rose circled her fingers to include everyone in the foyer except for Jesse and me.

  Jesse’s dimple formed as he gave his mom a sheepish look. “Maybe?”

  “Oh, fine. I suppose you’ve earned a quiet night with Rowen to yourself, but tomorrow I won’t give up so easily.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Jesse’s hands formed over my shoulders, and he guided me to the front door. Someone was a little eager and unconcerned about showing it.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said, lowering my voice in a bad attempt to mimic Jesse. I managed to give Hyacinth and Lily quick hugs before Jesse sped me through the door. “I’ve got presents for all of you. Let’s have a girls’ get-together tomorrow. No boys allowed.” I elbowed Jesse’s ribs lightly. He groaned like it was anything but. “Sound good?”

  “Sounds great,” Lily replied, tucking her hair behind her ears.

  “Especially the no boys allowed part,” Hyacinth added, giving Jesse an accusing look.

  “Oo, that sounds like fun. I can’t wait,” Jolene squee’d, clapping her hands.

  I suppose I should have clarified the girls’ get-together rules, like thou shalt not covet the other girls’ boyfriends. I wondered if I could get that stamped onto a shirt I could wear around a certain someone.

  “You kids be good now. I’d hate to win a bet this easily.” Garth winked as we passed him and Jolene.

  “You’re not winning another thing tonight, Black. Get that through your dark skull and darker head now.”

  Rose was following the girls into the kitchen when Jesse whacked Garth in the stomach. “Go cuss already. You know you’re about to die from keeping-it-all-inside poisoning.”

  “Nah, I don’t think so. Tonight’s the first night of the past two weeks I’m actually tickled pink we made that little bet.”

  “Tickled pink? What the hell, Black? What has happened to you?” I asked.

  Jesse moved his mouth outside my ear. “See? It’s already happening. Talking in little girl words is the first sign he’s about to keel over from poisoning.” Jesse wrapped his arms around my waist and continued for the door. “Come on, Black. Just get it out. It will all be over soon, and I promise, I won’t gloat in my win. Too much.”

  Garth made a crude motion with his hand. Jolene cringed and moved away as he continued pumping his fist in front of his crotch. “Take notes, Walker. That’s the only action you’re going to be getting for a while.”

  “And that’s our cue to leave.” Jesse guided me the rest of the way onto the porch.

  “Good night, Jesse! Thanks so much for taking such good care of me.” Nails on a chalkboard—that’s exactly what Jolene’s words sounded like to me. “See you at breakfast.”

  “Night, night, Jolene. Keep that ankle elevated. You wouldn’t want to spend the summer with one nasty cankle,” I replied before Jesse had a chance. “It was really great to meet you.” I knew my sarcasm wasn’t lost on Jesse or Garth, but neither of them let on that my farewell was anything but genuine.

  “So great to meet you too, Rowen. Have a nice night.” When a hobbling cast sounded like it was moving our way, I hurried to shut the door.

  “Oh, I plan to.” Making sure the door was closed—firmly—I wrapped my arms around Jesse’s waist.

  “Plan to what?” He tilted his hat back and leaned in. The look in his eyes made my stomach bottom out.

  “Have a nice night. Have the nicest kind of night a girl could have with a guy like you.”

  “I like where this is going.”

  “You better. Because we’re not going far.” I shoved Jesse until the backs of his legs ran into one of the porch swings. Yep, that would do. It would have to because my need for the man had burst free. Keeping it bottled when he was within arm’s reach was a chore, and it was utterly impossible when we were alone and he graced me with that look. I was straddling his lap before he’d fully collapsed into the swing.

  “I really like where you’re going with this.”

  Grinning at him, I slid off his hat and wove my fingers into his hair. “I missed you.”

  His eyes closed as I massaged his scalp. “Good.”

  “Good? You’re glad I missed you so bad I almost skipped class for a few days to hop on a bus just so I could see you for a couple hours before I had to turn around and get back to reality?”

  “Yeah, I am glad.”

  That was the first time Jesse had admitted to being glad about me being uncomfortable. I had to be missing something. “Why?”

  His eyes opened and locked onto mine. “Because, Rowen. Because the day you don’t miss me is the day we’re doomed.”

  Jesse’s words never failed to amaze me. He saw everything a bit differently than everyone else . . . but what he saw was so right. “In that case I missed, missed, missed, missed, missed you.” Leaning in, I kissed the tip of his nose.

  “And I’ve never been happier to know that you missed, missed, missed me.”

  “You missed a couple misses in there.”

  Jesse’s smile spread. “So I’m forgiven for not picking you up tonight at the very place we met?”

  A Greyhound station smack in the middle of Montana. The place we’d met. It might not have been ideal for most romances, but it was our place, and that trumped everything else. “That depends,” I said before skimming my lips up his jaw.

  He shuddered. “Depends on what?”

  “On how persuasive you can be?” My mouth moved to the other side of his jaw.

  “Oh, I can be persuasive.” His voice was rougher. Rough enough I knew what he wanted to do, which made it that much harder to keep restraining myself.

  When my mouth was just outside his ear, I kissed his earlobe. “Show, don’t tell.”

  Jesse’s hands formed over my hips as he shifted me into a more suitable position. “Showing.”

  His head turned, his mouth searching for mine. When he found it, the weeks of separation and torture of anticipation poured out in one kiss. Jesse expressed his love through his touch, as opposed to the boys before him who had merely used “love” as a justification to touch. When Jesse’s mouth moved with mine, I sensed exactly how he felt about me. It didn’t matter how many times I’d kissed him; I never got used to the magnitude of it. I knew it was something a person never could get used to, so I did my best to enjoy it and be in the moment.

  My fingers curled into his shirt and pulled it free of his jeans. His hands slid up my legs, past the hem of my dress. We were on the porch swing, one wall separating us from whoever was still in the kitchen, but getting caught seemed less irresponsible than stopping the ride we were on. I might have actually died from the disappointment if Jess
e’s hand had lowered and his lips stopped. So I pressed on, my lips unyielding against his. Just as I was tugging his shirt over his head, the front door swung open.

  The figure stepping out onto the porch was enough to freeze us in place. The porch lights flickered back on, and a grin as wide and maniacal as the Joker’s formed on Garth’s face. Shutting the door first, he ambled our way. “Looks like I was about two minutes early to walking in on you losing our bet, Walker.”

  I, like the frozen idiot I was, kept Jesse’s shirt three-quarters of the way up his back. Jesse’s hands slid down my legs, out of the “danger zone,” and they paused just above my knees. “Get out of here, Black. Go find someone else to harass. I’m busy.”

  “Oh, I can see just how busy you are.” Garth winked at me for a grand total of fifty thousand times. “Carry on. I can wait until morning to be declared the winner.”

  He was swaggering his way down the stairs when Jesse called out, “Come on. You and I both know there’s no way you’ve gone two weeks without cussing. It’s impossible for you, Garth.”

  “Is it?” Garth paused and cocked a brow. “But enough about me. Let’s talk about you and how it’s a physical impossibility for you to carry out your end of the bet. Especially now that your precious, hot-for-you Rowen is here.” Garth took another long look at Jesse’s and my position, smiled, and headed for his truck. Jesse was mid-groan when Garth whistled. “Might I suggest ice? A large bag of it. Apply directly to the groin area, and that might help with the level of blue your balls are going to get if you consider stopping your johnson mid-game.”

  The pieces fell into place about Jesse’s bet when Garth’s truck fired to life. By the time he’d peeled down the driveway, I’d directed as stern a look as I could manage at Jesse. “You made a bet with Garth Black that you could go longer without sex than he could without cussing?”

  “Maybe?”

  “Maybe?” I screeched. “Maybe? What kind of an answer is that, Jesse Walker?”

  Half of Jesse’s face wrinkled. “It seemed safer than an outright yes.”

  I let out a long sigh. Not only was I beyond irritated at Garth, but I was still so wound tight with want for Jesse, my thighs were practically trembling around his lap. Yeah, our position wasn’t doing anything to calm my hormones hitting hyperdrive. “What in the world possessed you to make that kind of depraved bet with him?”

  “I told him one night I bet he couldn’t go without cussing for a day, and he turned around and said he bet I couldn’t go without sex for a day.” Jesse lifted one shoulder. “That was two weeks ago. I knew the sex part was a non-issue . . . until you got here. Never once did I think Garth Black could go a solid two weeks without dropping a profanity along the way.”

  Fantastic. I wasn’t going to get laid by my positively lay-worthy boyfriend because two boys had behaved like idiots.

  When I moved to shift off of him, he stalled my efforts. When my lap crashed down on his, heat jolted up into my stomach. “What Garth Black doesn’t know . . . he doesn’t know.” Jesse’s hand formed around my face, and he brought me closer. “Just like I have no clue if he’s been whipping off profanities when he’s alone, he won’t know how unlucky or lucky I’m getting when I am.”

  When Jesse’s lips settled over mine, mine took a while to unfreeze. Once they did, I came so close to tossing my resolve right over my shoulder. When his fingers wove into my hair, giving it the slightest tug as his tongue moved into my mouth, I nearly forgot my name, let alone the resolve blossoming somewhere inside. The resolve that had everything to do with not wanting Garth Black to win. Jesse’s other hand was skimming past the hem of my dress when I found the strength to pull back. That feat alone should have earned me the gold in willpower.

  If a young cowboy could have looked more disappointed, I hadn’t seen it.

  “This isn’t about me not wanting you this way, that way, and every way until you made me scream your name at least five different times like I hoped we’d be spending the night,” I said. Okay, that look of disappointment just went a few notches higher. “This is about not letting that smirking, swaggering, infuriating Garth Black win.”

  “Let him win. I don’t care.” Jesse tried to pull me back to him. Tried being the operative word. “However, I do care about this. Us. What you were about to do to me five different times tonight apparently.”

  I gave myself the satisfaction of a small smile. Although I didn’t love frustrating Jesse, I did love knowing I had power over him. It was the same power he had over me.

  “Good night, Jesse.” I planted a quick kiss on his cheek before moving off of the swing. We were at a stalemate. No amount of arguing from him would change my mind, and it was obvious no amount of argument from me would change his.

  “Really?” His hand reached for mine, and he looked like he couldn’t believe the night had taken such a drastic turn.

  “Really.” I looked him in the eye so he could see how serious I was. Let that be a lesson: Don’t make bets with Garth Black having anything to do with Jesse’s and my sex life.

  He held my hand and gaze for a few more seconds, likely hoping I would change my mind. When that proved wishful thinking, he pulled me back down to him and scooted to the end of the swing. “Come here. Just because we can’t, or you won’t allow, us to continue what we were doing doesn’t mean we have to retreat to opposite ends of the house.” He patted the space beside him. “I don’t want to waste our time together spending it apart. We spend too much time like that already.”

  Truer words had never been said. “You sure have a way with words, Walker. If I wasn’t fully committed to not letting you lose this bet with Garth, you’d be getting so lucky right now.”

  He groaned so loudly the ranch hands in the bunk house probably heard it. “Not the thing to say to a guy who’s holding on by a thread.”

  I curled into a ball on the swing and dropped my head on his lap. Best pillow ever.

  We were quiet for a while, just the occasional creak of the swing as Jesse rocked us and the distant echo of the cattle. I was at my favorite place in the whole world, beside my favorite person in the universe . . . I felt a rare form of contentment in moments like those. Like there was nothing more I could want. Like death could come knocking on my door and I’d cross into the hereafter knowing I’d lived a full life.

  Feeling those kinds of things for one person was different, and intense, and even a bit scary at times, but no matter what, I knew it was one thing above all: special. So much that I’d lump it into the category of sacred.

  Jesse Walker was sacred to me.

  “I love you, Rowen.” So much silence had passed that his words came over me like a tsunami.

  I tangled my fingers with his and smiled in my half-asleep state. “I love you, too, Jesse.” I nudged his leg with my shoulder. “But you’re still not getting laid tonight.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know.” He chuckled softly and gave my fingers a squeeze. “But this isn’t exactly a poor substitute.”

  After that, I surrendered to sleep quickly. I never had bad dreams when Jesse was close by. He chased them all away.

  I WAS DREAMING. I knew what was happening wasn’t real. It might have been real years ago, but it wasn’t my reality anymore. The scared boy chained to the water pipe in that dark, wet basement wasn’t me anymore. The boy covered in his own filth, more animal than human, wasn’t the man I’d grown into. The boy guarding the only thing he could claim as his own, ready and willing to tear into whomever or whatever might try to take it from him, had been my life at one time. It wasn’t any longer.

  I’d gone for years without dreaming of my life before my real family had found me. My true family. But the dreams had come back. In the past couple of weeks, they’d increased in frequency. I’d never had one while sleeping beside Rowen . . . but that had changed.

  I jolted awake in a cold sweat, almost panting. It took me a minute to realize I was safe and another minute to remember where I was. My gaz
e jumped to Rowen, and my arms tightened protectively around her. She was still curled up, asleep, and half on the swing, half on my lap. A peaceful expression covered her face. The blanket I’d grabbed from the chest on the porch had slipped almost completely off of her. I grabbed the corner and pulled it up, tucking it under her chin.

  I studied her for a minute, unable to shake my growing sense of protectiveness. As someone who cared about Rowen, of course I was concerned with keeping her safe, but my desperation went beyond that. It was something a bit darker, something not quite so benign and selfless. I’d warred with it in the past, that protectiveness that toed the line of possessiveness. My protective feelings for her didn’t just stem from her benefit, as they had until recently. The new sense of protection cropped up from feeling like she was mine, no one else’s, and not wanting anything else to find out about her for fear of her being taken away.

  I recognized that staggering feeling as a demon from my past. One I thought I’d buried. One I obviously hadn’t. It unsettled me to the core, but I reassured myself that I’d caught the demon before it had taken over. Knowledge was power, and knowing that the little boy of my past was trying to possess Rowen in a way that wasn’t acceptable or healthy meant I would be on my guard to stop it from going any further. I’d rather remove myself from her life completely than strangle the life right out of Rowen. I’d kill myself trying if need be. I wouldn’t go back to that life. I wouldn’t drag what was most special to me back either.

  “You look like you need this, sweetie.” A steaming cup of coffee appeared in front of my face. “And this, too. It might be unseasonably warm, but the nights are still plenty chilly.” A heavy blanket dropped over me.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I yawned, took the cup of coffee, and forced the dark thoughts back where they belonged: in the grave I’d buried them in years ago.

  “Look at that hair.” Mom teased with a few pieces, trying to get them to behave, then gave up. “It didn’t matter what I put in your hair when you were younger; it always had a mind of its own.”