Every Witch Way But Wicked (A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Mystery)

by Lee, Amanda M.

“How did I get roped into moving furniture with you guys?” I protested.

  “It was your idea to go investigating Hollow Creek,” Clove pointed out.

  “I didn’t make you come!”

  “What would have happened if we hadn’t been there?”

  Whatever.

  Once we got back to the guesthouse, Clove situated me on the couch. She was acting like a mother hen – and it was annoying. “I didn’t hit my head,” I pointed out. “You guys caught me.”

  “You should still rest,” Clove said. “This fainting thing is starting to become a regular occurrence with you.”

  “You just need an outlet for all your nervous energy,” I said. “And I’ve only fainted twice in my life – and both times were under extremely stressful circumstances.” Like being shot at by a murderer and being groped by a dead body.

  Despite the surreal adventures of the afternoon, the three of us settled in to watch a marathon of The Walking Dead. Sure, it was macabre, but it was also a reminder that things could always get worse.

  After several hours that consisted of a prison riot, a bloody C-section and eyeball impalement, we were all jolted to reality by a rapid knock on our front door.

  “If that’s my mom, tell her I’m already in bed,” I ordered Clove as she answered the door.

  “It’s not your mom,” she said, opening the door to let Landon in. He looked exhausted.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Fine.”

  Landon glanced at the television. “You’re watching The Walking Dead after the afternoon you had?”

  “It’s a great show,” I shrugged.

  Landon shook his head tiredly. “You guys are unbelievable.”

  “What did you find?”

  Landon slid onto the sofa next to me. I couldn’t help but notice that he situated himself so our thighs were touching. “Not much. We have no idea who the body belongs to, or how long it has been there. We’ll know more tomorrow.”

  “How did he die?”

  “We’re not sure it’s a he. Whoever it was, though, was stabbed,” Landon said wearily.

  I raised my eyebrows. “With the same knife that killed Myron?”

  “That’s possibility,” Landon admitted. “It will take a while to prove, though. Forensics isn’t like it is on television. It takes a long time.”

  “You mean Bones isn’t real? Any other illusions you want to shatter for me?” I teased.

  “You make me tired,” Landon grumbled. He looked around the guesthouse curiously. “And hungry. Do you guys have anything to eat?”

  “We’re feeding you now?”

  “We could order pizza?” Clove offered.

  “That sounds good,” Landon said. “I like anything – except anchovies.”

  “No one likes anchovies,” I muttered.

  “I’ll call Marcus and have him pick it up,” Thistle said.

  “Marcus?” I raised my eyebrow suggestively.

  “He was going to come over anyway,” Thistle avoided meeting my gaze. “I’ll have him pick up a case of beer, too.”

  Landon groaned. “None for me. I’m still recovering from Aunt Tillie’s brew. Does she have a license to make that stuff, by the way?”

  “Why don’t you ask her?”

  “That’s alright,” Landon said blithely. “I like my balls where they are.”

  Marcus arrived at the guesthouse about an hour later. After introducing him to Landon, we all dug into the pizza enthusiastically. The conversation was stilted at first – mostly because we were all stuffing our faces – but when the chewing slowed down the conversation picked up.

  “I can’t believe you guys found a body,” Marcus said. “What were you doing out there anyway?”

  I saw Landon lean forward slightly in anticipation of our answer. “We heard a rumor that Myron had hidden money he stole from Iraq out there. We were trying to find it.”

  “You mean the rumor that he stole money from Desert Storm?” Marcus asked innocently.

  “You heard it, too?” Thistle looked surprised.

  “It’s a small town,” he shrugged. “I never believed it.”

  “We watched The Goonies last night and it seemed like a good idea,” Thistle lied. “Bay loves The Goonies.”

  “That’s a great movie,” Marcus agreed. “You should have asked me to go with you. We could have made a day out of it.”

  “We didn’t plan on spending so much time out there,” Thistle explained. “The day just kind of got away from us.” In more ways than one.

  “Yeah, I wondered where you were when I went into the store and found your moms redecorating.”

  Thistle swallowed hard. “Exactly how much redecorating did they do?”

  Marcus looked confused. “I don’t know. It was hard to tell with everything spread all over the store like it was.”

  Thistle pinched the bridge of her nose to stave off a headache. “I’m going to kill them.”

  “I thought they were just being nice,” Marcus said, cracking open a beer. “I’m sure they were just trying to help.”

  He was handsome, but naïve. If he spent much more time around our family he would learn.

  “They seem a little crazy to me,” Landon said, reaching for his own beer.

  “I thought you weren’t going to drink?” I reminded him.

  “Your family drives me to it,” he said, taking a long pull from his bottle. “Dancing naked under the moon is just the tip of the iceberg.”

  “You remember that?”

  “Who could forget? It was nightmare inducing.”

  “You saw them dancing naked?” Marcus looked surprisingly jealous.

  “Just the moms and Aunt Tillie,” Landon grimaced.

  Marcus looked horrified. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How was it?”

  That was an odd question.

  “Exactly how you would expect it to be,” Landon said, slamming the rest of his beer. “There are things you should never see in life – and that was one of them. Aunt Tillie especially,” he shuddered. “Just imagine things spinning in opposite directions that should never be spinning at all.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the twin horror expressions on their faces. Welcome to our world.

  Twenty-Three

  “What is this? A whorehouse?”

  I bolted awake at the sound of my mom’s voice. It took me a second to realize where I was, and then everything hit me – including the pain shooting through my back from sleeping on the floor.

  I glanced around the room, trying to get a grip on exactly what was going on. I saw Thistle and Marcus asleep on the floor a few feet away – complete with Marcus’ hand cupping Thistle’s breast. Nice. Clove was stirring on the couch behind me, which meant the body on the floor beside me – the really warm body with an arm draped over my hip must be . . .

  “Good morning,” Landon mumbled sleepily, his dark hair dipping over his partially opened eyes. “What was that shrieking? Do you guys have a cat? Or one of those really annoying yipping dogs that I don’t know about?”

  “My mom.” Crap. My mom.

  I glanced up to the open front door of the guesthouse and frowned when I realized she wasn’t alone. Twila and Marnie were with her, and they were all standing, hands on hips, with curious looks on their faces. Actually, the looks were more murderous than curious.

  “Don’t you knock?”

  “This is our property,” my mom reminded me. “Which we let you live on rent free, in case you forgot.”

  Like they’d ever let us.

  “What time is it?” Thistle asked, gazing up at the three scowling faces in the doorway. She must have realized where Marcus’ hand was, because she hastily brushed it away.

  “It’s almost noon,” Twila barked. She was glowering in Marcus’ direction.

  I glanced up at the ornate clock on the wall disbelievingly. “It’s 9 a.m.”

  “Close enough,” Marnie said.r />
  “Compared to what?” Clove grumbled.

  “Does someone want to explain what’s going on here?” My mom asked, tapping her foot irritably on the hardwood floor.

  “Slumber party?” I suggested. I noticed that Landon had not removed his hand from my hip. The warmth was reassuring in a weird way – especially since my mom and aunts were watching me like I’d just given him a lap dance.

  “We had pizza and beer and then passed out,” Clove explained hurriedly. She always was the one who worried the most about what our mothers thought.

  “Oh,” my mom looked relieved. “I thought it was something else.”

  “Like what?” Thistle asked, struggling to a sitting position. I couldn’t help but notice that Marcus was trying to make himself small on the floor in an effort to deflect the disdain that he was certain was coming his way. It was a fruitless endeavor.

  “It could have been an orgy,” Twila suggested.

  “Good grief,” Thistle muttered, climbing to her feet. “We’re all dressed.”

  “That could have just been for our benefit,” Twila pointed out.

  “Since we didn’t know you’d be coming here, that seems pretty doubtful,” Thistle shot back.

  “Don’t take that tone with me,” Twila warned.

  “Oh, leave them alone,” my mom admonished her sisters. “Don’t you remember what it was like to be their age?”

  “Winnie, we never had guys spend the night at the house,” Marnie countered. “When we did stuff like this, we had the common sense to do it in a field like everyone else.”

  “Only because Aunt Tillie wouldn’t let us,” my mom replied. “If she would have let us, we would have done this and worst.”

  “True,” Marnie said. “Okay, then. Everyone wash their faces and then we’ll see you up at the inn for breakfast.”

  “I have to go to work,” I argued.

  “Breakfast first,” my mom ordered.

  I heard Landon’s stomach rumble beside me. “What are you cooking?” I asked finally.

  “French toast.”

  “We’ll be up there in ten minutes,” I said resignedly.

  It was closer to fifteen minutes when we finally entered the living quarters at the back of the inn. Neither Marcus nor Landon had ever been in this part of the establishment, so they were understandably curious.

  “It’s not what I expected,” Marcus said finally, looking around interestedly.

  “What did you expect?”

  “The heads of all their past loves mounted on the walls,” Landon muttered.

  “I wouldn’t be funny like that with Aunt Tillie,” I warned him. “She doesn’t take sarcasm well.”

  “Does she take anything well?” Landon asked.

  Not really. “She’s just set in her ways,” I said.

  “I have a feeling she was like this when she was twelve.”

  I had a feeling he was probably right.

  We led Marcus and Landon through the kitchen – which was already empty – and into the dining room. Everyone was already seated at the table, and no one but Brian looked up when we entered. A smile touched his lips, that is until he saw Landon walk into the room after me. “Late night?” He asked suspiciously.

  “You could say that,” Landon said slyly, sliding into a chair next to me. “Most of it is just a blur. What I do remember was pretty fun, though.”

  I shot Landon a bewildered look. I don’t know what it is about Brian, but he makes Landon’s testosterone shoot through the roof.

  “You all spent the night together?” Brian asked uneasily, casting a glance around at the five of us.

  “It wasn’t what you think,” my mom said hurriedly.

  “What do I think?” Brian asked.

  “It wasn’t an orgy,” Twila explained. “They all just drank too much and passed out. They had their clothes on. We saw. They have witnesses.”

  I shook my head disgustedly. “He doesn’t need to know that.”

  “I just want to make sure that people don’t jump to the wrong conclusions,” Twila said. From the woman who dances naked with her sisters once a month, that was pretty rich.

  I glanced over at Landon, who was inhaling his French Toast like he hadn’t eaten in months. “You want to help out here?”

  “What? It could have been an orgy,” he said, shooting a dark look in Brian’s direction.

  “You said it wasn’t an orgy,” Twila looked horrified.

  “Stop saying orgy,” Thistle exploded.

  “They’re too prudish to have an orgy,” Aunt Tillie said sagely. “They won’t get naked in front of each other, let alone a bunch of guys. They think their thighs are too big.”

  She had a point.

  Aunt Tillie turned to Brian. “It’s none of your business if they did have an orgy, anyway. Why don’t you try minding your own business? If they want to have an orgy, that’s their business.”

  Landon smiled at me. “I’m really starting to like your Aunt Tillie.”

  Twenty-Four

  After breakfast, Landon corralled me outside of the inn by boxing me against the outer wall of the back residence. “Where are you going?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked with faux innocence.

  “Don’t, don’t do that,” he waved his finger in my face. “It’s not cute.”

  “You don’t think I’m cute?”

  Landon’s eyes turned dark and predatory. “Do you want me to think you’re cute?”

  Crap. This had taken an unexpected turn. “I haven’t decided yet,” I said honestly. “Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t really know.”

  Landon looked me up and down with a knowing look, but he took a step back anyway. “You’ve decided. You’re just not sure you’ve made the right decision. We’ll deal with your crap later. For now, we have a murder to solve.”

  “We?” I raised an eyebrow. “Suddenly you’re involving me in the investigation? What happened to me having no business in an active investigation?”

  “I can’t keep you out of it,” Landon replied. “I’ve realized that pretty quickly. I figure it’s better to keep you close to me than worry about you wandering around sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong with no backup.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but Landon cut me off. “And Clove and Thistle don’t count as backup.”

  I sighed in defeat. “Fine. What did you have in mind?”

  “We’re going to see Chief Terry first,” Landon said. “Then we’ll decide where to go from there.”

  We hiked up to the guesthouse. I ran inside long enough to grab a coat and a purse and then met Landon back outside. “We’re driving together?”

  “I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Landon shot back. “You’ll just end up in trouble if I’m not watching you.”

  Well, that was insulting. True, but insulting.

  When we got to the police station, Chief Terry seemed surprised to see us arriving together. “What’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Why are you two together this early in the morning?” He was obviously suspicious. The dark glares he was shooting in Landon’s direction were evidence of that.

  “We had breakfast at the inn and decided to drive here together,” I said evasively.

  Landon shook his head dubiously. “I spent the night at the guesthouse.”

  Chief Terry puffed out his chest like a snarling cat. “You spent the night?”

  “We had too much to drink and passed out on the floor,” I explained. I had no idea why I felt the need to justify my actions. I just didn’t like the disapproving look on Chief Terry’s face – even though it was directed at Landon.

  “So, you got her drunk and took advantage of her?” Chief Terry turned his ire on Landon.

  “How do you know she didn’t take advantage of me?” Landon said with faux innocence.

  “I’ve known her since she was a child. She’s a pain in the ass, but she’s genuinely a good per
son. I trust her a lot more than I trust you.”

  I shot a triumphant glance in Landon’s direction. Landon rolled his eyes. “We weren’t alone. Her cousins were there . . . and some guy from the stables.”

  “Marcus Wellington?” Chief Terry asked.

  “He’s dating Thistle,” I supplied.

  “He’s a good boy,” Chief Terry said approvingly. “They might be a good match. He’s patient and she’s all over the place. Do your mom and aunts like him?”

  “What does that matter?” Landon asked in surprised.

  “They’re good judges of character,” Chief Terry said.

  “You’re just saying that because they fight over you,” I pointed out.

  “That shows good taste,” Chief Terry shot back.

  “They fight over you?” Landon looked doubtful and amused at the same time.

  “What do they think about you?” Chief Terry asked pointedly.

  “I think they like me,” Landon said.

  Chief Terry turned to me for confirmation. I shrugged. “They seem to like him – although they weren’t thrilled to find him passed out on the floor with us this morning.”

  Chief Terry chuckled. “They found you?”

  “Twila was worried we were having an orgy.”

  “She’s cute,” Chief Terry smiled.

  Whatever. I decided to change the subject. “What did you find out about the body in the cave?”

  Chief Terry wasn’t ready to be dissuaded from the previous topic of conversation, though. “So they found you all sleeping on the floor together and yet they still invited you to breakfast?”

  “Yes,” Landon replied.

  “Then they must like you,” Chief Terry said. “Maybe you’re not as bad as I originally thought.”

  “What? Just because my mom and aunts like him, now you like him? Way to think for yourself.”

  Landon glared in my direction. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “So, what did you find out about the body in the cave?” I asked again.

  Chief Terry sighed. “Not much. The coroner said that the body has been out there for a really long time. Years. It’s going to take awhile to identify the body – and get a time of death. All we know right now is that it was a woman.”

  A woman? Well that was something. “What about a cause of death?”