“I can’t put strain on my vocal cords, which means, I can do everything but the deep gravelly roars. They guys can’t cover for me the way I need because they all have their own shit and it would be way too obvious that something was up.” He paused briefly, taking in a gulp of air before continuing.
“I wouldn’t ask you if we hadn’t already signed a contract. I wasn’t expecting all of this. We could lose everything if word got out about my condition. The doctors say I will make a full recovery but it will take time. The producers will toss us out like yesterday’s trash of they knew something was up. You know how cut throat this business is. Not to mention the field day the tabloids would have with this.” He continued as his voice grew louder and full of conviction.
I shook my head in disbelief trying to shake the panic from my voice. “You had cancer and you didn’t even tell me Nik?” I looked to the other guys, hoping for an explanation from one of them.
“None of you could pick up the phone and tell me that my brother had fucking cancer?” I exclaimed virulently, my voice rising as tears stung behind my eyes threatening to fall.
I had never been so pissed off in my life as I was right in that moment. This was something huge. Cancer is not a word you just throw around. Our mother died of cancer. This is straight bull shit with a capital B. I tried to even my breathing; I was on the edge of a full blown panic attack.
“It was so sudden and I didn’t want to scare you. As soon as I found out I got to taken care of, Tink. I didn’t want you to worry.” Nik attempted to explain in a pleading voice. I was too pissed, no I take that back, I was too livid to accept his explanation.
“You don’t get that right, Nikolia; you don’t get to pick and choose what is or is not important!” I bellowed. “You don’t get to decide how much I should know about something that could have an impact on your life, no matter how big or small! I am your fucking sister. I have a right to know everything. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?” I yelled ungovernably. “How the fuck would you feel if I hid something like this from you, Nikolai?” My voice quivering with rage and the unshed tears that threatened to fall.
“You’re only telling me because you need my help, aren’t you?” I screeched accusingly. Nik looked down in shame, his shoulders slumped. His body language told it all. He would have never mentioned this if he hadn’t needed my help. He looked like a wounded animal. I felt horribly but I knew I was right, it was written all over his face. I shook my head in disbelief. My stomach churned with disgust and disappointment. Tears streamed down my face. I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
My brother had been sick and didn’t even bother to tell me. “Tink, I didn’t want to upset you. I love you. You are my sister. If I hadn’t been able to get it taken care of so swiftly… I would have called you. I am sorry for hiding this from you, Myshka. Please tell me you forgive me.” Nike begged. Myshka little mouse, he was pulling out childhood nicknames. I couldn’t give him the answer he wanted so I remained silent. My heart was too hurt to forgive so swiftly.
Chapter Two
We rode in silence, no one saying a word, the stress of the situation written on everyone’s face and in their body, the guys looked as though they just watched someone kick their puppy. Nik still faced me, the pain and shame on his face evident. It broke my heart but I couldn’t say anything yet. I needed to calm down.
Of course I would help my brother. I would do anything for him. It is absurd of him to think otherwise, okay so I know I said I would never perform live, I lied. I would honestly do anything for my brother. I won’t like it though and honestly if he hadn’t been in this situation, I wouldn’t have done THIS. I could never promise that I would like it. I never wanted to be in the lime light. All of the guys knew this, especially my brother. Nik was not the only Von that could carry a tune in a bucket. The difference was he liked it; he liked the attention, the fame, the celebrity status. I, however, did not. I relished in my anonymity and peaceful life.
I was Slava Pasha’s secret weapon, their hidden treasure. I knew all of their songs by heart. Of course I should, I worked with them, helping them write and compose songs for every album. I have since I was a kid. Hell, some of their songs were songs I had written by myself; I never wanted fame or attention for it. I did it because I liked it and it was a way for me and my brother to bond. In exchange for my assistance and for my songs, my brother saw to it that I was paid as a ghost writer for their albums.
The six of us were a family, we worked together as a family and we never had any problem splitting everything between the six of us. Everyone had a place in the band, I just happened to be the unknown member. What Nik and the boys were asking is that I step out from behind the scene and be seen. That was a tall order. I needed to get my thoughts and emotions together before I spoke to any of them. I was so angry that they had left me out of this vital piece of information. I may have been the baby sister but I was no baby, I was a grown ass woman.
Tosha was the first to break the silence, what a brave man. “Tink, want to eat? I know that apple didn’t get you far.” His voice tentative, I knew he was afraid I would explode on him. He was a member of the guilty party. I talked to these men every day even if it’s just a simple text saying ‘hey’. I turned my gaze on to him quirked an eyebrow and said “Sure,” In a flat voice. I have to give it to him; he had more balls than the other guys.
We ended up stopping at a chain restaurant just off the interstate. When the guys are in regular clothes in middle of nowhere USA they got stares but they didn’t usually get recognized. I prayed this would be one of those times that no one recognized them. I just don’t think I could take it otherwise. We filed out of the van and into the restaurant to eat. No one spoke other than the required chatter with the wait staff, we all remained pleasant in the tension infused silence, even with this bomb being dropped on me, and the rather sudden turn of events, we were able to fall into a truce of sorts. The guys wouldn’t talk to me and I wouldn’t blow a gasket. We ordered our food and ate in short order, leaving a generous tip before loading back in the van. I finally felt as though I had control of my emotions. A good meal usually helps. It doesn’t mean I was over the hurt and betrayal, but I was also an adult so I could act as such. Hurt feelings take time to heal, time we did not have.
I decided to break the silence in a way I knew they would enjoy but also be annoyed at, by singing a girly song. I may write heavy metal music and the boys may perform in a metal band, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t grow up listening to my boy bands, pop music, girl power jams. A real artist can appreciate other genres even if it’s not their forte. I decided to break out with some Lily Allen’s Knock ‘Em Out. The guys couldn’t help chuckling and Damon joined me in singing while the rest of the guys hummed along with us. The song always cheered me up and I knew my faux British accent will break the tension and lighten the mood, if not bring out some chuckles. I was horrible with accents and I butchered the hell out of the heavily accented song. My Lily Allen rendition seemed to be doing the trick so I decided to continue singing, picking songs that I enjoyed and made me smile.
I knew that if I could smile then the guys would also relax and smile. I know that they had been through hell and back. Tosha, Ivan, Kiev, and Damon may not been blood to me and Nik but they were just as close if not closer. I know they must have been as scared and worried as I was about Nik’s condition.
They had been there since the diagnosis and had to deal with that knowledge up until Nik had had the cancer removed. I can’t imagine what they all went through emotionally. Cancer has a way of affecting anyone that has been around it. Knowing that Nik had them to lean on made me feel better about the situation, even if I was not happy about being excluded. I may not like how everything was executed; however I was grateful that Nik had not been alone. I would never admit out loud to him that I would have done the same thing.
I continued my mood enhancing singing with Awolnation’s Sail. By the ti
me the song ended we had all been singing. It felt like we were kids again sandwiched in the back of our parent’s car singing songs to pass the time and because we had so much fun doing it. I felt better and more relaxed. I could tell Nik and the guys felt more relaxed about the situation as well. The lines in their faces had already started fading a boyish carefree look began to take place instead. That was the look I was accustomed to seeing on their faces. The atmosphere was finally clearing, the tension dissipating with every word we sang.
“So how do you plan to spin this? Me singing with you guys?” I asked quizzically. No one answered at first. Finally Kiev spoke up. “We will introduce you as our special guest and say you wrote a few of the songs on our new album. All of which is true. We don’t plan to lie. We just aren’t going to tell the whole truth.” He explained with a weary look. I could tell he was worried that I would explode again. “Sounds good, do you have a copy of the line up? Also, when is our first show?” I asked brightly, throwing the guys for a loop. Not even an hour ago I could have ripped their heads off and spit down their throat and now I was Miss Sunshine. Music has a magical power like that, taking all the bad in your life and somehow making it good. Kiev pulled out a folder from under his seat and handed it to me tentatively. “First show is tonight.” He said. I narrowed my eyes at him. “You all will pay dearly for this.” I threatened teasingly. A round of nervous laughter echoed throughout the van. They weren’t scared of me and my threats. I was half their size and have been threatening them since I was in diapers, though I was thinking of getting them back in some horrid fashion or another, though I do think that the sudden change in attitude had them a bit on edge.
I scanned the set list and felt pretty comfortable. It looked like they were trying to go easy on me. “So this is what you have planned? Nothing really challenging here…” I said accusingly then shrugged. I decided that since I had to perform tonight I may as well warm up my voice. I began singing again, selecting my favorite songs at random. The guys joined in and we rode like that all the way to our venue. Atlanta, Georgia here we come.
Chapter Three
We pulled up to the Convention center in Atlanta and my nerves hit. Sure, I have performed with the guys in the privacy of our own homes, in the car, and during our vacations. I have even done it via video messaging, but I have never done it live in front of thousands of people. UGH! I let out a groan as I stepped out of the van. I stretched out my back arching it like a cat and rolled my neck. Sitting in a van for hours sure tensed up my muscles. Tosha rushed up to me, scooping me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He gave me a swat on my ass. The other guys followed in suit each giving my ass a whack, the guys hooped and hollered their excitement. I was obviously not the only person happy to be out of the confinement of the van. I rolled my eyes and allowed Tosha to carry me on in. I was too nervous to try and walk it myself anyways, just seeing the place made me nauseous.
Tosha carried me down so many halls that I knew I would never be able to find my way out. I only had a view of his ass anyways, it’s not like I would recognize anything. When he stopped and set me down I realized we were in a small dressing room. “Okie dokie, this is where I leave ya, kid.” He said jovially. I looked around at the sparse room, there was not much in here, a rack of clothing, a small vanity, couch, and a door that looked like it led to a small private bathroom. “What the hell, what do you mean you’re leaving me?” I asked suddenly frightened. Tosha gave me a confused look, his hands shoved in his front pocket as he rocked on his heels apparently not understanding my concern. “Tosh, I’ve never been backstage let alone anything else, you have to give me a lil something here, bro.” I explained quickly, my anxiety over the situation evident.
Tosha chuckled. “Look, there are a shit ton of clothes here. Pick what you want to wear. It’s shit one of the stylist picked for you. It’ll be the same stuff at every show. It travels in a bus with our equipment and our clothes so consider it yours. You get dressed however you want to present yourself and then do whatever you have to do to get ready to perform. I don’t know if you have a ritual or anything. You just do it. When it’s time to go one of us will come and get you. Then we will head out to the stage. There is a room just out the hall to the left it’s a big lounge area where some of the band members hang out, I wouldn’t advise going out there though. If you need anything let us know. Keep your door shut at ALL times. Don’t let anyone in unless we say so. We will all be in our dressing rooms getting ready.” He explained, obviously taking the protective role a bit too far I mean what the hell could happen to me in here? “Okay, I got it.” I said a bit perturbed.
When Tosha left I went and rummaged through the clothing their shopper bought. It ranged from head to toe black leather jumpers to barely there bandage like slips of material in black, grays and red. Obviously there was a color scheme I was to stick with, black, grays and red, I shrugged, could be worse. Now to figure out ‘My look’, usually I was a tank top, jeans and Chucks kind of girl. I only dressed up when I went out. I could still wear the jeans and tank style but this is my chance to create a character I wanted to show to the world. As I flipped through the clothing on the rack an idea was forming. I knew just how to get back at the guys. I am so evil.
About an hour and a half later my phone went off, vibrating across the vanity where I was putting on the finishing touches to my makeup.
Nik: Headed your way. Be rdy
Tink: Rdy big bro
Nik: Why you bein' nice?
Tink: I love you, that’s why
A few minutes later I heard a knock at my door and Nik’s voice shout out my name. This was going to be good. I opened the door and saw Nik propped up against the door jam. “HELL NO!!” Nik shouted angrily, his posture ridged, fist clutched to his sides, anger radiated off of him in crashing waves. I just smiled up at him brightly as if I had no idea what his issue could be. “Turn your ass around and pick something else to wear!” Nik demanded vehemently. I stood my ground firmly, jetted out my hip and cocked an eyebrow at him in challenge. “Nik, look, this is what I picked and this is what I am wearing, so let’s go.” I said exquisitely with a smirk. Nik looked me up and down taking in every inch of my outfit, or rather lack thereof. Take that asshole! A look of disgust rested on his face, I know he wasn’t disgusted at me, but at the shopper who had no clue who I was and what the guys would deem appropriate attire for a little sister. The poor thing probably thought she was just shopping for some random vocalist.
I was wearing a blood red corset with black vertical ribs that sucked in my already tiny waist, making it look practically nonexistent, all the while shoving my ample C cup up and at attention that it looked as though they were a set of D cups ready to spill out the top. I wore a pair of tiny spandex shorts that had a deep V cut in the front showing off my abs and Adonis belt. My ass hung out the back in the most delicious inappropriate way, move over Maria Brink; Momma has men to piss off. I completed the ensemble with a 6 inch pair of black spiked heels that laced up my calves in a crisscross pattern and tied behind my knees. I wore a pale foundation base, did my eye makeup heavy and dark and painted my lips a blood red that matched the corset. I looked like a cross between a Geisha and a porn star. It was perfect. I will have to admit, I looked HAWT! After I had dressed and looked myself over in the mirror I realized I looked so good I turned myself on. Hello Heavy Metal Barbie. I knew what effect this would have on my brother and the guys and I was so thrilled to be right.
Nik’s face was pale as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that I was going on stage in front of thousands of people in practically nothing. My panties covered more than these shorts did. Pay back is a bitch big brother. I winked at Nik. “So, you ready or what?” I asked smugly as a sauntered out of the dressing room and into the hallway. Nik inhaled sharply before turning around and heading down the corridor. I shut the door behind me and quickly followed. I was thankful for the fact that I was accustomed to walking in such high heels. I didn’t often
dress up but when I did I loved to add some height and Nik wasn’t slowing down. It was as if were trying to out run the reality of the situation.
The halls we walked down were empty but the closer we got to the stage the more people began to crop up until we were surrounded by throngs of people. Everyone stopped to stare as we walked past. I could see the tension in Nik’s shoulders building. When we finally made it to the backstage waiting area Nik spun on me. “This is NOT okay, Tink.” He said angrily. I just smiled up at him as innocently as I could. “Hot damn, Nik, Where did you pick up that sweet piece of ass?” Damon asked from behind with lust dripping in every syllable. Nik’s face turned as red as my top in anger his body a ridged board. I smirked up at Nik and spun around to face Damon. The other guys had come up behind him in the entry way. As I turned and faced them I saw all four guy’s faces pale at the shock of who was rocking the barely there outfit. “HELL NO, NIK MAKE HER CHANGE!” Kiev yelled angrily. His voice boomed throughout the room drawing attention from the crowed space. Not caring who heard, Tosha and Ivan chimed in to support Kiev, all of the men protesting what I was wearing. Nik shook his head in frustration. “Don’t you think I already tried?” Nik said exasperated his shoulders slumped in defeat. Damon just stood there still in shock, his mouth working but no words escaped. “Close your mouth Damon, were not trying to catch flies.” I said smartly then winked at him. Damon got ahold of himself and glowered down at me. “Okay, you assholes gather ‘round. I’m only saying this once. I am a grown ass woman. I will wear what I want. You wanted me here so you will have to deal with whatever I choose to wear.” I said matter of fact. I put my hands on my hips and glared at the guys. “You will not mention my outfits again. You will treat me as a band mate. AND none of the clothing better start disappearing or I will just wear my underwear out on stage. “I demanded and glared at the guys looking each of them in the eye. The guys all nodded their head, still in shock at my outfit.
Rock On: A Heavy Metal Romance (Slava Pasha Series Book 1) Page 2
