Up to Me (Shore Secrets)

by Christi Barth

That had been stupid to let fly. Sentimental. Cause there sure hadn’t been any reason to let her know the whole score. It didn’t change anything. He’d just given in to the impulse to say it at least once while looking at her beautiful face. “So what?”

  “Do you?”

  He turned his face to the side. Scrubbed his palms over his eyes to rake fingers through his hair. Then fell backwards into the sofa with a mighty squeak of the springs. Gray refused to lie. Not about loving Ella. Not ever. The words ripped out of him, straight from the gut. “Yeah. I do. And I repeat, so what?”

  “So I think she loves you.”

  Gray let his head fall forward. Slowly rolled it sideways to look at Ward. “No way. Even if she did before, she damn well doesn’t anymore. Not after what I did.”

  With a muttered oath, Ward looked at the floor. Shuffled his feet. His expression made Gray wonder if the guy had indigestion. Or was trying to pass a kidney stone. “Look, love doesn’t just disappear when bad shit goes down. The way you feel about her isn’t going to go away. Trust me, I know.”

  Interesting. Gray wondered if it had anything to do with the hot-and-cold-running hostility between him and Piper. “You wanna expound on that?”

  “Nope. This sit down’s all about you. You want to know my life story, you’ve got to stick around.”

  No chance of that happening. He’d found a supportive town, friends he liked and a woman he loved. None of which meant he could stay. He’d ruined it all. “After what I’ve done to Ella, why are you even here? Why aren’t you throwing a fucking parade at the thought of me crossing the city limits?”

  “A few reasons.” Ward dropped heavily onto the arm, one foot on the sofa and one on the floor. “I keep thinking about the first time you helped out at the distillery. You checked with me and Joel to see if Ella could handle getting involved. That showed you cared. Your heart was in the right place. That she was already more than a casual fling to you.”

  “Nothing about Ella was casual,” he rasped out.

  “I get that. You were also up-front about leaving in two weeks. Not why you’d be going, of course, due to the obvious douchebaggery involved.” Gray winced. Didn’t deny it, but winced. “Still, you never led her on. Didn’t make any false promises.” He narrowed his eyes into a squint. “Did you?”

  “God, no. We both went into this with our eyes open. I swear.”

  “Once she decided to fight for the Manor, you threw yourself right into that fight alongside her. Even when the rest of us tried to shut you and your new ideas down. I doubt that went in the report to your bosses. Mighty big risk you took, doing that.”

  Yeah. A hell of a risk. A hell of a leap. One he didn’t regret. But he didn’t deserve a medal for doing the right thing. Better to downplay it. “Ward, you know who I work for now. I’m really not with the CIA. Nobody is secretly watching my every move. They’ll never know.”

  “Uh huh.” He leaned forward, hands braced on his thighs. “Then there’s the big reason. Ella. She’s happy. She’s whole again. You did that.”

  “She did it herself. She’s stronger than any of you give her credit for.”

  “Maybe so. But I know you make her happier than she’s been in years. As one of her best friends, that matters to me. A lot. It’s why I came up here today to talk some sense into you.” Ward hitched a thumb over his shoulder, toward the window. “She flat out sparkles when she’s near you. You’re good for her. And I’m telling you, idiotic city boy that you are, she loves you.”

  God, it hurt to hear Ward voice what he’d thrown away. Gray fisted his hands. “I’m going to go for the hat trick again and say, so what? Ella still thinks I betrayed her. I still work for the same crappy company to keep a roof over my mom’s head. Nothing’s changed. Except that now I know just what I’ve been missing out on.”

  “You’re right. Nothing’s changed.” Ward stood up. “But what if it did? What if you stopped feeling so damn sorry for yourself and fought for her?”

  “I can’t. My mom—”

  “Isn’t the problem,” he said flatly. “A guy like you? With the title so fancy I can’t even remember it? Used to thinking fast, living the double life. Are you going to sit there and tell me you’re not smart enough to figure out a way to make this work? That you’re going to put your life on hold until what—your mom dies?”

  Put like that, the future sounded grim. But Gray knew, unequivocally, what his answer would always be. “If I have to. My dad ruined years of her life. She worked herself to the bone to take care of me. So it’s up to me to make sure she’s taken care of for all the rest of those years.”

  “I get that. But did you ever ask your mom what she wants?” Ward took a beat, let his words sink in. Then he walked to the door. Stopped with one hand on the knob, and turned back to Gray. “Here’s what you need to figure out. How much do you love my friend? Walking away sucks. And it hurts. But it’s easy overall. The pussy way out. Do you love Ella enough to fight for her?”

  * * *

  Ella crunched across Cosgrove General’s gravel parking lot. She’d pop in and check on Dawn after her trip to the mailbox. It’d make it more of a full-circle gesture after she wrote her piece in the journal. Being the one who offered comfort, instead of taking it. Dr. T. would be proud of her. Not that she planned to ever see him again. She’d survived Disaster Day and its long aftermath. Coping with anything else would be, while not easy, at least manageable. To a point.

  Because she wouldn’t call the overwhelming emptiness of missing Gray very manageable. Yes, she’d seen all her massage clients today. Ordered Eugene to put an ad in the paper for a new manger. Briefly enjoyed shocking the pants off her lawyer with a phone call requesting one more set of settlement documents—that she promised to sign and return, this time. She even ate her favorite BLT and avocado sandwich that Joel made her for lunch. The man was a god in the kitchen. Even though she had zero appetite, Ella knew better than to waste a single morsel that he prepared.

  But after she finished her task at the mailbox, Ella was going back up to her turret room to brood. Mope. Pout. Generally be miserable and alone. Which is how she planned to spend most nights of the foreseeable future.

  The air felt flat, despite the slight breeze ruffling the tree leaves as she crossed the street. It was a couple of degrees too warm to wear a jacket. But now, with dusk approaching within the hour, at least one degree too cool without one. In her current mood, Ella figured she’d say the lake was too blue and the grass the wrong shade of green. Everything was off without Gray. Amazing how ten days with someone, even ten jam-packed days like they’d shared, could tilt her world so completely off its axis. There was no way around it. The thought of never seeing Gray again flat out sucked. She followed the curve of the path, scuffing her shoes along the tramped-down dirt.

  “Ella?”

  Her head jerked up. And her heart ka-thumped into overdrive. “Gray?” He looked gorgeous. Sexy, with the sleeves of his blue button-down rolled up to show off his tan, muscled forearms. A tie patterned with all the shades of the lake hung loosely knotted. Black loafers picked up the shine in his leather belt. It struck her as the look a casual stockbroker would relax into right about now, if they were three hundred miles east in Manhattan. Or maybe this was the standard business attire for a corporate realignment specialist. Yes, Ella knew it was pathetic that she’d memorized Gray’s title. Just like she’d memorized everything else about him.

  He rose, brushing off his pants.
“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here yet.”

  The fact that she was currently pissed at him flooded back. Graydon Locke had no say in her life. None. Not anymore. “Really? Show me where it says when I’m supposed to clock in to visit the mailbox. I can write in the journal any time I want.”

  Gray moved in front of the mailbox. Just enough to block her from opening its door. “What did you plan to write?”

  She wanted to throw snarky answers at him. Things like, how do I get over a man trying to sell my legacy out from under me? Or how long will it take before I stop loving him? But being a bitch wouldn’t make Ella feel any better. She’d thrown a tantrum—rightfully so—when confronted with his deception. Now that her temper had cooled, better to act like a grown-up in this last meeting.

  “I came to give the town its notice. To let them know I’d no longer seek their advice in the journal. To thank them for caring, but to politely cut them off. I’m flying solo from now on.”

  “Good for you. It may take some adjustment—people might corner you at Cosgrove’s for a while to stick their noses in—but they’ll taper off. Nice to let them all know at once, in here.” He patted the rounded black side of the mailbox. All comfortable and familiar with her special place. Gray looked good standing there. Looked like he belonged. And that pissed her off all over again, in a the road not taken sort of way.

  “Wait a minute. You’re not supposed to be here at all,” she accused. “I thought you left.”

  “I almost did. But it wasn’t time. Not yet.”

  That word pinged in Ella’s memory of what he’d said at her arrival. “What do you mean, I’m not supposed to be here yet?” She crossed her arms on top of her pink and white gingham shirt. “Were you checking up on me? Did you ask Brooke where to find me?”

  “No. Of course not. I just, ah, thought there was a good chance you’d be here in a while. About eight or so.” His right arm waved in the direction of the lake. “You know, to watch the sunset.”

  Right. Because the way to get over a devastating breakup was to sit and watch a romantic sunset. By yourself. She looked up at the edge of lavender licking across the sky. “Not very likely. Especially not tonight, since I’ll be with...” She trailed off. Wondered just what the hell was going on. Because she suddenly smelled a flannel-and-goatee-wearing rat. “I’m supposed to be going to dinner with Ward at eight. Is this a setup? Was he going to bring me here?”

  Gray jammed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. But don’t be mad at him. It was my idea. Okay, the whole thing was his idea at first, but then I decided he was right. And that made it my idea to ask for his help. So be mad at me. Just don’t stay that way.”

  “You’re babbling.”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  She sucked in a breath. Oh, it hurt to hear those words fall from his lips so familiarly. “Gray, don’t.” The compliment would’ve fizzed happiness through her two days ago. Now it flayed her with a million might-have-beens and what-ifs. “We can’t go backwards.”

  “I agree. I want to move forward. To make a fresh start.” He knelt in the grass to pull papers from his backpack. Unfolding the stapled sheets, he handed them over.

  Ella didn’t bother to look down. “What’s this?”

  “My resume. Well, on top’s a cover letter, because I don’t want to cut any corners.”

  She flipped through, stopping at the last two pages of type. It was the job application for hotel manager she’d approved just this morning. Filled out. With Gray’s name at the top. Brandishing it in the air, she asked, “Is this a joke?”

  “I’ve never been more serious. I’ll give you the bullet points.” Gray came close enough to point at his resume. “I had a dual major in college, business and hotel and restaurant management. Started my career working in hotels.”

  Oh. It explained so much about him. Another connection to link them together. “So you really did know what you were talking about every time you put in your two cents.”

  He nodded. “That experience made me invaluable to R&M. It’s why they poached me in the first place. Because of the situation with my mom, I followed the money and didn’t look back for a long time. But I’d rather stay here and help grow something than continue to be an instrument of corporate destruction.”

  “That sounds like evil on a mythological level.”

  Gray gave a short, sardonic laugh. “They aren’t entirely evil. Not all of them. Just greedy. A company that doesn’t care about yanking jobs away from people as long as it improves their bottom line. I don’t have the stomach for that anymore.” He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Being a corporate hit man either burns you out, or gets you a seat at the table. They offered me that gilded seat. And I turned it down. Today. Right after I laid out why Mayhew Manor is not a viable acquisition target.”

  The pages fluttered from Ella’s suddenly limp fingers to land in the grass. Through sheer happenstance, birdsong trilled nearby. She wouldn’t have been at all surprised if a rainbow suddenly arced across the lake. “You convinced them not to come after the Manor? Are you sure?”

  “Yes. It’s off their list. Permanently. I didn’t want to risk my asshat boss messing with my report to make his own numbers look good at the upcoming board meeting. So I called each board member individually.”

  Just an hour ago, Ella had wondered how long it would be before anything pierced her layers of sadness. And now elation filled her to the brim. Thanks entirely to Gray. “After you went to all the trouble to bring the marathon here, I knew. I hoped. No, I knew you’d do your best to save the Manor.” Her hero. Her knight in shining armor. “But I never thought you’d go that far. My God, Gray, you really went out on a limb to save us.”

  Hands back in his pockets, Gray gave a sort of aw-shucks shrug. “It was the right thing to do. Hell, it was the only thing to do. And I’ll keep doing whatever it takes to get the Manor back on track. Which’ll be a lot easier if you hire me, since I quit my job.”

  Ella’s head spun. The surprises just kept coming. The biggest one of all, of course, being that he was still here. Processing what he’d done to save the Manor was huge enough. Utter gratitude covered that. The news he’d quit his hated job? Well, that gave her a boatload of relief because yeah, she loved him and wanted him to be happy. Wrapping her head around him working at the Manor, by her side every day was too much, too fast, to take in. She sat down, hard, on the bench. “Why would you do that?”

  “To show you how serious I am about wanting to be manager at the Manor.”

  “But what about your mother? Whatever Ruffano & McIntosh paid you, I’m sure it was more than the salary we can offer.”

  “The thing that sucked away so much of my paycheck every month was paying for two houses. So she’ll come live with me. Mom’s excited to spend time with me again, instead of just keeping track of me through phone calls. And she can’t wait to meet you.”

  Her hands flew to her chest. “Me?”

  Gray walked a quick circle around the mailbox. “Sorry. I’m all out of order. I’d planned on getting another hour to prep before Ward dropped you off. Of course Mom wants to meet you. You’re the woman I love.”

  The first time he said it, Ella had been too angry to appreciate the words. This time, she was too confused. “But Gray, you—”

  He cut her off with a finger pressed against her lips. “Let me say it. I know you were too mad to listen the other day, and I understand. But let me get this
all out, just once. Then, if you want, I’ll leave. It’ll be all up to you.”

  Ella nodded. After all, she had come around to realizing that she couldn’t be upset with him any more for not revealing his real reason for being in town. He’d just been doing his job. More importantly, he’d bent over backwards to make sure that her family legacy was safe. He’d earned her rapt attention.

  “I should’ve told you from day one why I was here. Who I worked for. As soon as we started talking, I should’ve come clean. That was a million kinds of wrong.” His head drooped forward. The breeze ruffled his dark hair low on his forehead. From beneath lashes thick enough to make any woman jealous, his lake-blue eyes fixed on hers. “I can’t go back and fix it. All I can do is apologize. Say I’m sorry for hurting you. That my priorities were all mixed up. I should’ve figured out a lot sooner that people come before profit.”

  Ella remained silent. He was saying all the right things. Groveling, even, but to what end? Technically, she should let his apology sink in. Make him twist in the wind at least a little for what he’d put her through. But all she wanted to do was shake him and demand he get to the point.

  Gray sat on the bench next to her. “Ward said something to me last night. That my heart was always in the right place.”

  “Ward said that? Laconic, as-un-warm-and-fuzzy-as-they-come Ward?”

  “Yeah. But when he does start talking, it’s worth heeding. I’m going to keep apologizing to you for as long as it takes. I don’t want to make any excuses. But the thing is, my heart has been in the right place all along. All I did was try to make you happy.” He angled sideways to face her head-on. Propped an elbow along the back of the bench. “At first you made it sound like you didn’t want the dead weight of the Manor dragging you down. But once you decided to fight for it, I was right there. Brainstorming ideas on how to help you. Acting as a sounding board. Pulling bellhop duty that one afternoon when Rafael called in sick.”