by Leanne Davis
Jody freaking needed to hear that. She could not fathom going to her condo as if the world were still normal. It sounded sad and cold and she wanted to stay with them. To be honest, it was no more than that.
She rose to her feet and went to the balcony, calling Ross on the phone. “I’m at my parents’ house. I told them.”
“I can’t imagine how that went.”
“Well, why don’t you come here? We decided that was best.”
“We what?” he almost exclaimed, using far more passion than usual.
“Yeah, you heard me. I can’t be alone tonight. And I don’t want to be alone with you. But you shouldn’t be alone tonight either. You’re going through something huge. You need help too, Ross. So come over here.”
“I can’t face them.”
“But you can face me?”
He stayed quiet and she continued. “You left me. You broke my heart. Not okay. Not at all. You come back and tell me you have an incurable disease and I might have it too. Cut me some slack. It’s a lot to process. But I still care about you and I don’t want you to be alone either. Call it sympathy for anyone who has to go through this, not just you. Consider also that you owe me this.”
He heaved a sigh into the phone. Then, “Okay, give me the address.”
She did and then she hung up, wondering if she’d ever see him again.
Chapter 12
ROSS STARTED TO SMACK his fist on the door but stopped himself and pulled back. His heart hammered in his chest and his face burned with a blush. Just thinking about her dad or mom answering the door nearly floored him. What could he say? Or do? How could Jody insist that he come there? Why did he obey her? He could have taken the next plane home. Or stayed somewhere else and paid rent. Anywhere would do. It was a huge city. Sure. He could disappear. He could totally avoid all of them. But not himself.
If he did hurt her, he regretted it deeply. He owed Jody everything.
Ross didn’t want to be alone, or without her. He wanted only Jody. But she needed her parents more than him.
So here he was now, which intimidated him.
He eventually set his hand on the door and began to knock.
His stomach felt queasy, his heart was speeding and his blood surged with a sudden jolt of adrenaline. What would they do when they saw him again?
The door burst open and Ross saw her dad. Nick Lassiter stared at him, stony-faced and solemn but he opened the door wider and greeted him, “Ross.”
Nick was not friendly. Nor was he supportive.
Ross quietly entered and stared around. The opulence and spaciousness of the set-up was a lot to take in all at once. Setting his pathetic backpack on the floor, Ross fidgeted and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Jody got up from the couch and walked around the back of it, approaching him. Wearing casual, baggy clothes, her face was bright red and her eyes were swollen from all the tears she shed. A river of tears. A huge lump filled his throat and blocked it all up. He blinked when the odd pressure rose to his eyes. Seeing her like this was a true shock to him. He couldn’t atone for what he’d done to the once strong, indomitable, and amazing Jody Lassiter.
Sorry was too weak, overused and insipid to express his regret and compassion.
“Come in,” Jody said without a smile but her tone was cordial. She walked toward the couch again and Ross followed, sitting opposite her and very unsure of what to do next. Her mom walked in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of cups. Was it alcohol? Yes. The one she handed Nick was definitely alcohol. Joelle sipped a cup of tea, Ross believed, and Jody had her favorite, hot chocolate. There was a fourth cup on the tray. For him?
“Hello, Ross,” the woman said as she turned to him. Her resemblance to Jody was so startling that he blinked. “I’m Joelle, Jody’s mom. We never had a chance to meet.”
His throat more parched than ever, Ross nodded and replied, “Um, hi, Mrs. Lassiter.”
“Joelle,” she corrected him as she handed him a cup. “Jody said you were finding alcohol disagreeable and you didn’t like tea but you often drank coffee, so I went with that.”
She included him automatically? He took the hot cup she offered and nodded gratefully but he felt so mixed up, he was at a loss over what to say to her.
Clumsy and awkward didn’t begin to describe how he felt and even his limbs seemed extra heavy and beyond his control.
He sipped the black coffee, not really wanting it, but her gesture meant much more than he could articulate in his brain. Maybe because this stranger was trying to make him feel more comfortable. How unusual for him to experience.
Only Jody did nice things like that. Her goodness toward him and everyone she encountered never ceased to impress him. And look what he did to repay her.
Jody sat on the couch and pulled a blanket over her and her mother who sat close by. Joelle rubbed Jody’s calf muscle when she placed her leg over her mother’s lap. Nick sat on the opposite couch, busily staring at his phone. Ross observed the family with quiet reverence. He could see how much they liked each other and he wondered what that felt like?
Nick sat back, his phone still in his hand near his face. “Okay, so, we have a few options for testing, even the ones that have rapid results. A swab from inside your cheek, I think, or a blood test and…”
“Dad?” Jody interrupted and Nick glanced at her. “Let’s not do this tonight. It’s a lot to take in when it’s up close and personal.” She tilted her head towards Ross.
Nick glanced at Ross and set his phone down. “I just need to know the basic facts, see what we’re up against. Jody… mainly because it’s you.” His voice cracked when he said you. He cleared his voice and crap, if he wasn’t blinking back tears. Fuck. The guy obviously loved his daughter and his family.
“No. It’s okay. I mean, I get that,” Ross suddenly interjected, unsure of what else to say. “I want to know the results for her too.”
Nick blinked and sniffed as he pinned Ross with a glance. “And you? Don’t you want to know for your own benefit? Have you researched anything at all about it?”
Ross shook his head. “I came straight here. I guess I was too afraid to learn all the ramifications.”
“He means straight from his hometown in Indiana, not from my apartment.”
Nick nodded. “How much do you know about it, Ross?”
“Not a lot. I mean, it first got attention in the eighties, right?”
“And the nineties and since two thousand began…” Joelle said softly. “Around the world, it is still a huge problem, but here we have a lot more therapeutics. You will be okay. Both of you. No matter what the results are.”
Ross shrugged. “I learned about it at school but I can’t rely on my memory…” He shook his head, staring down at his now clasped hands. “Honestly, I didn’t listen to much about it, figuring it wouldn’t ever apply to me. As if I were immune from it.”
“It’s not a death sentence. Not like it used to be. So get that into your head. I’m not denying how freaked out I am too for my daughter. But whatever happens, you will be given some type of effective treatment,” Joelle replied.
“I don’t have any health insurance,” Ross announced shamefully as he stared down and snorted. “That’s another thing that never occurred to me.”
“You’ll need to get it,” Nick said.
Right. Why was her father talking like this to him? Guiding him? Reassuring him? Advising him?
Jody lifted her head up, snorting. “Oh, that’s fair. I’ll receive the best care and be able to afford whatever I need. But Ross won’t? That isn’t right, at all.”
Joelle smiled at her daughter with a tender look. “Why, Jody, you have the kindest heart behind the toughest talking exterior. And you can feel anxious tonight, no matter how rich we are.”
Jody’s gaze wandered over to Ross. They glanced at each other momentarily and then looked away. The strange tension between them filled the room, and she was sure her parents had to notice it. There was no d
enying what her mother described Jody as being and why she was the most original, amazing, dynamic person Ross ever met.
“It’s late. Perhaps we should all go to bed,” Joelle finally said after a long, heavy silence. Nick and Jody nodded. Ross, as always, felt unsure and wondered where he should sleep. Wishing he never came there, but knowing there was nowhere else to go, made him insecure. If he were back home, he’d be alone with the news of an illness he couldn’t cure. Something that was lethal and terrifying and which he knew very little about. No one cared if he got better or worse or even survived it. It became a heavy, unbearable burden to know that his life did not matter to anyone except him. He imagined himself holding his lab report, showing he was positive for the deadly disease he now had to live with, but the worst knowledge was that there was no one to share it with.
Well, scratch that, he had a bunch of people he had to tell so they could get tested. His first panic-stricken thought was: Jody. Jody. His mouth tasted like caustic acid gurgled up from his stomach. What if Jody were actually sick? What if he made her sick?
He also wondered how it would feel if someone actually cared that he had it. Having avoided intimacy for most of his life, his comfort zone resided in seclusion. He pushed away when anyone attempted to strike up a friendship and shunned love from everyone. As a consequence, few offered to give it.
“Ross? Would you please come this way?” Ross blinked and nodded as the Lassiter family started to get up and shuffle off for the night. He followed Jody obediently and waited to see what happened next. Jody led him to a room with a couch and some blankets on top of it. “Parents’ home office.”
“They must hate me.”
She tilted her head and smiled. “Yes, they do. But not for what you might think. They’re mad at the way you purposely ditched me and hurt me. Not for your test results.”
“They should.”
“Right. Because your parents do?”
“Well, that’s just a fact.”
“No one here hates you because you have an STD.”
He winced at hearing the technical term for it and the spontaneous image that flashed in his mind. Trying to attach the stigma to himself, making it his new reality and identity, was a new experience that shook Ross to his core. “It’s hard to get used to that.” He sat down on the couch. “Jody?”
“Right here still.”
He smiled at her usual, snarky retort. “I’m scared.”
Did he ever say those words out loud before and confide in another person so honestly? It made his condition so much more real and blunt. Jody sat beside him and simply took his hand in hers before she squeezed it and replied, “Me, too.”
He nodded and let the silence descend while her hand stayed in his. That one connection was a lifeline, the pressure she provided was like a thread of sanity. Someone cared about him. There was a point finally, a purpose for his life.
Did he dare think that? He couldn’t say it out loud. He might have gotten Jody sick. He was tainted now forever. He had no idea how to think about it. How to feel. How to proceed. The right or wrong way to deal with it didn’t matter anymore. His dark thoughts that drifted through his brain seemed to vanish whenever he was around Jody.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not turning me away. Or hating me. For not leaving me there at that bar. I know I deserved it but I needed you. Even though I had no right to now.”
“You have the right. Of course, you have the right to need someone.”
“No. Not after what I did to you. But I just—”
“I get it. Let’s go to bed. It’ll be a long day tomorrow and I’m very tired.”
He released her hand reluctantly, wishing she was tucked closely against his side. But his own actions precluded that from happening.
“Goodnight, Jody.”
“Goodnight, Ross.” There were no words to explain the odd developments of the night.
Waking up inside the household of the woman he hurt with her parents in the other room created as bizarre a morning as Ross ever had. He was surprised he managed to get any sleep as he stirred upright and rubbed his eyes and finger-combed his hair. Leaning forward, he dug into his backpack and pulled out clean clothes that were wrinkled and casual. A pair of grungy jeans and a sweatshirt. Then he took out his toothbrush and opened the door. He overheard some murmurs coming from the right of the door. Ross assumed the next room might be the kitchen as large windows lit up the area. He found another door that turned out to be a bathroom. After taking care of his morning business, he brushed the daylights out of his mouth. Wetting his hand, he slicked down his hair to give it some semblance of style and slipped out the door before he stopped dead.
JayJay grinned when he spotted him. “Ross. Where have you been? Does Jody know you’re here? She was soooo mad at you. You’d better apologize. Huge.”
Ross felt the first real smile he could remember since the last time he saw JayJay. “Hey, JayJay. I’m sorry but I had an emergency at my home and I had to leave. I owe Jody a big, fat apology and I’m still trying to figure out how to give it to her.”
He nodded and replied, “She’ll understand that. You can’t help an emergency.”
“Right. She can’t possibly be mad about an emergency. That’s almost like an accident, huh, Ross?” Jody’s voice startled him when she came up behind him.
“Right. See? Jodee isn’t so mad now.” JayJay beamed and nodded. Ross winced as he turned to face her.
“It seemed the easiest explanation—”
“For you, maybe,” she hissed, raising her eyebrows but without any rancor in her tone. “Yes, Ross I think your days of doing what’s easiest for you might be sabotaging your future. Might have to start doing what’s right not only for yourself but also for others.” She smiled sweetly at him.
He nodded, looking chagrined. “Yeah. I guess if there ever was a pivotal moment, or a critical time, it has now arrived.”
“I can’t think of a better way to describe it.” She breezed past him, dressed in a pair of neat slacks and a sweater. Not her usual style. Maybe she was wearing her mom’s clothes? They were breathtakingly identical in stature, height, weight, body frame, faces and hair.
JayJay asked Ross, “Wanna game?”
“I sure do. But I have to talk to your parents about some important stuff first and see about some other things today. Maybe afterwards. And if not today, then as soon as I get my next free moment, it’s all yours. Okay?”
“Deal.”
He followed Jody and entered a large, bright kitchen with a table in the center of it. Through another archway, Ross saw a spacious, formal dining room.
They sat in the kitchen.
“I made appointments for both of you: ten o’clock for you, Ross; and eleven forty-five for you, Jody. They were the soonest ones available,” Nick announced as he entered behind Jody.
“Dad, I could have made my own appointment. But how did you get us in so quickly?”
“I didn’t want to wake you up and I had to be sure you got in fast. Don’t get mad at me. I’m worried too. Let me just have this. Okay? The appointment is the least I can provide.”
“Oh. I see. They jump through all the hoops when Nick Lassiter calls?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know and don’t care. I just want you to get whatever you need and see the end of it.”
“Dad…”
“Jody…” he mimicked her warning tone. She sighed and gave him a small smile.
“Why? Why am I going again?” Ross asked, looking puzzled. “Do I need a second opinion? I mean, I guess…”
“Ross…” Joelle replied in a soft, serene voice. He had to strain to hear her. But since she spoke less often and never forcibly, he wanted to listen and he did so more carefully. He liked Jody’s mom because most older women didn’t connect with him. Joelle just seemed to get him. “They need to confirm that you are indeed HIV positive and it wasn’t a false positive. But given that you a
re, oh, honey, you need a treatment plan. You need all the information you can get and financial help and a course of therapy. You need to go to the doctor more than anyone else I know.”
He was never called honey before. Her motherly tone, half-scolding and half-caring, expressed such a gentle viewpoint.
Ross fell back into the basic practicalities. “I don’t have any medical insurance yet.”
“Yes, you do; you have us,” Nick replied in a clipped tone. “Don’t argue about it; I don’t have the energy. You need a doctor and my daughter needs one to know what’s going on with her, and since she will no doubt, worry about you, we got you covered as of now.”
Ross shook his head. “I still have some money from working with Zenith.”
“Great. Now, you’ll still be able to keep it.”
“I can’t ask you… I need to take care of myself.”
“You haven’t done so well on your own to date. Why not try something new? What’s wrong with accepting help?” Jody snapped. “I can’t listen to this anymore. It’s so tedious. Let’s just get through it.”
Ross stopped talking and nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she agreed with a nod. Then, everyone began grabbing food and Ross felt odd and strange as well as awkward with her parents. Her parents. But to his surprise, it wasn’t terrible.
Not at all.
Two hours later, Ross’s leg bounced up and down. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. He had another fifteen minutes to go but they got here ridiculously early to avoid waiting at home. Ross filled out and signed the paperwork and check-in requirements. He stared at the downtown clinic that was opulent and tasteful. A quiet serenity certainly contrasted with the walk-in clinic he last used for a sore throat that persisted too long. He received an antibiotic for strep throat but that was five years ago. The only other doctor he saw since then was when he took the physical that landed them here. To this. All Ross wanted was to have sex with Jody without using a condom. He thought he could prove to Jody he was clean so they could go bareback and she could see how much better it was.
