Treasured Grace

by Tracie Peterson

  Alex had known Gabriel since first coming west after his Grandfather Armistead died. His grandfather had taught Alex all about trapping, the value of the furs, and the animals who wore them. Gabriel had taken up that teaching and helped Alex overcome his past—at least as much as he could. Gabriel had also encouraged Alex to let go of his anger at God.

  “Bein’ mad at the Almighty won’t change a thing,” he had told Alex. “Just like ignorin’ Him won’t make Him cease to be.”

  But Alex had tried. Ignoring God had seemed like justice in light of losing his mother and father and having so many people hate him for what he’d done and what he couldn’t do. The image of his younger brother, Andre, came to mind. They had called him Andy, and he was only thirteen when their parents died. Alex knew Andy blamed him not only for being unable to go back into the burning house to save them, but for the fire ever happening to begin with. If only—

  “I’m . . . I’m . . .”

  Alex’s thoughts fled as Gabriel struggled to speak. The older man had once again opened his eyes. He looked at Alex, and his lips curled ever so slightly into a smile.

  “Gonna check the traps.” He held Alex’s gaze only a second, then his eyes closed and his lips relaxed.

  For several silent minutes, Alex pondered his friend’s words. Gabriel’s breathing slowed and became more and more shallow, then finally stopped altogether. Bending his ear to Gabriel’s chest confirmed what he already knew. Gabriel was dead.

  Alex straightened and looked at Sam. His friend gave a slight nod, but for a long time afterward they simply sat there, saying nothing. What could Alex say? What could either of them say?

  As the morning sun broke over the Blue Mountains, Alex looked at Sam. “His horse and mine are in the meadow.”

  “I’ll get them,” Sam replied.

  Once he’d gone, Alex felt more alone than he had in a long while. Gabriel was dead, and Alex’s family and friends back in the states would have nothing to do with him. Sam was his only family now.

  With great care, Alex wrapped Gabriel’s body in the blanket that had covered him. He had just completed this task and climbed out of the wagon to see if Sam had returned when Grace appeared.

  She met his gaze and burst into tears. Without thinking, Alex went to her and pulled her into his arms. For several long moments she sobbed with her face buried against his chest.

  Alex knew she bore the grief of Gabriel’s passing but also of her misplaced guilt. “You did all that you could, Grace. I know that. Gabe knew it too.”

  “I . . . just . . . I’m so sorry,” she managed to say. She lifted her face and met his gaze.

  Alex fought the urge to kiss her. She was so beautiful, but that was no reason to yield to his temptation. Especially with Gabriel not even buried. He pushed her aside, trying not to seem too callous.

  “Sam went for our horses. I need to finish securing the blanket around Gabe.” He climbed back into the wagon and didn’t even offer to help when Grace followed suit.

  She said nothing, and Alex dared not look back at her for fear of giving in to his emotions. He told himself it was only the grief of the moment that made him even consider kissing her, but in his heart, he knew better.

  “I have a few blanket pins. Would that help?” Grace asked almost too softly to be heard.

  Alex nodded. “It would. I can bring them back after . . . after we bury him.”

  Grace maneuvered behind him. Alex heard her open the lid to a jar, and he turned. They were so close—just inches apart. He drew in a sharp breath when her hand touched his.

  “Here. I have four. That should allow you to put two down the length and one each for the foot and head.”

  He nodded and swallowed hard. He wanted nothing as much as he wanted to feel her in his arms again. Forcing himself to turn aside and focus on finishing the job, Alex chided himself for letting his sadness cause him to think foolish thoughts.

  Paying no attention to Grace, he secured the blanket around Gabriel and had just finished with the last pin when Sam poked his head into the wagon.

  “Got the horses and borrowed some rope.”

  “Rope?” Grace asked.

  “To tie the body to his horse,” Alex said. Then with a grunt, he hoisted Gabriel over his shoulder and walked in a crouch to the back of the wagon. With great care, he handed the body down to Sam.

  Sam took the blanket-wrapped Gabriel and headed toward the horses while Alex jumped to the ground. He stood with his back to the wagon, battling his thoughts.

  “Where will you take him?” Grace asked from the wagon.

  “Home.”

  She looked beyond him toward the horizon. “Where is that?”

  “The mountains. He has a cabin there. He told me once that if he could, he’d never leave it. Now I guess he never has to leave again.”

  They arrived at the cabin just before the last remnants of the sun faded from the sky. Tasting the threat of snow in the air, they agreed to light lanterns and get on with the burial. If a storm hit in the night, at least the deed would be taken care of.

  The ground, however, proved hard, nearly too hard to carve out a grave. Alex and Sam labored for nearly an hour to make a hole deep enough to bury Gabriel without fear of animals digging him back up.

  It had been Alex’s plan to remove not only the blanket pins but the blanket as well, in order to return them all to Grace, but instead he took only the pins. They placed Gabriel’s stiff body in the ground, still wrapped.

  “I can buy her another blanket,” Alex said, noting Sam’s questioning look. “This one’s pretty worn anyway.”

  In truth, Alex had no desire to look upon Gabriel’s face again. He felt such confusion and grief and no way to express it. If they’d been back at the Nez Perce village, the women would have wailed in mourning whether they knew Gabriel or not. Tears and wailing weren’t for men, yet that was exactly what Alex felt like doing.

  Sam went to the small cabin and brought back several items—trinkets and pieces of clothing that Alex knew Gabriel had kept because they belonged to his wives. Carefully, Sam placed them in the grave in Nez Perce tradition.

  With that accomplished, the two men shoveled dirt over the body. Next they collected as many large rocks as possible to position atop the grave. When that task was complete, Alex took off the fur cap he’d donned once they’d reached the colder air of the mountains. He stood at the foot of the grave, looking down. The only light came from the bright moon overhead and the two lanterns they’d lit.

  “I suppose someone should pray or read some Scripture,” he muttered. “It’s not like it’ll do any good now, but Gabe would have wanted it that way.”

  Sam went back to the cabin and returned with a Bible. He handed it to Alex with a shrug. “I can speak your language, but my reading isn’t as good.”

  Alex didn’t say anything, although he knew Sam could read and write English nearly as well as he could. Apparently Sam thought it necessary for Alex to handle the final words.

  Alex opened the Bible to the sixth chapter of Romans. He knew this book to be Gabriel’s favorite, and the verses he chose were among those he had often heard Gabriel recite.

  “‘For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin.’” Alex paused to wipe the tears that blurred his vision. “‘Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.’”

  He closed the Bible and forced a prayer. His first in a long, long while. “Gabriel loved you, Lord, and now I would imagine he�
�s in a better place. I wish he could have stayed with us a while longer, but thank You for the time we had. Amen.”

  “Amen,” Sam echoed.

  Chapter

  10

  Grace says it’s important to eat, so I thought I’d bring you this.” Hope offered John Sager a plate of roasted venison and potatoes.

  Earlier Hope and Narcissa Whitman had helped him sit up in bed. They had propped him up with pillows and encouraged him to drink one of Dr. Whitman’s concoctions. Nearly an hour later, John’s color did look better. Perhaps the doctor wasn’t completely without abilities.

  John gave her a weak smile. “That’s mighty nice of you. I can’t think of anyone’s company I’d rather have.”

  Hope settled the food on his lap and then pulled up a chair. “You look like you feel better.”

  “I do.” He picked up the fork and speared a piece of meat. “But I don’t have any strength. Fact is, it’s hard just to do this.” He lifted the meat to his mouth.

  “I could feed it to you,” Hope offered.

  John scowled. “I’m not helpless. Just tired.”

  Hope bit her lower lip. She hadn’t meant to offend him. Her experience with men other than her father had been limited to flirtations and teasing chatter. John Sager made her want more than that.

  For a few minutes, John ate and Hope simply sat at his side. She knew he cared for her, but she couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same deep yearning for something more. It was impossible to express what that something more was, but Hope knew that she wanted to spend every waking moment near John.

  “You’re looking all thoughtful,” he said. “I hope you aren’t mad at me. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  Hope smiled. “I could never be mad at you, Johnny.”

  He grinned. “I’ll bet after a few years of knowing me, you’ll have plenty of chances to be mad at me.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t ever want to be mad at you. I just want to always be with you.”

  The seriousness of her tone apparently hit a nerve with John, because he put down his fork and extended his hand to her. “I want to always be with you too.”

  Hope quivered and her heart skipped a beat. Was he proposing they marry? After all, they could hardly spend their lives together if they didn’t marry. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to ask if that was his intention.

  “When I’m well enough to leave this bed,” John said with a sigh, “I’m gonna kiss you.”

  Hope lowered her gaze as a wave of embarrassment washed over her. “And I’m going to let you,” she barely whispered.

  “My pa always told me that when I found the right woman, nothing else would be quite as important. I feel that way right now, Hope.”

  She forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone but you, John. It scares me to pieces.”

  His expression changed to confusion. “Scares you?”

  She nodded ever so slightly. “I can’t help it. I feel all jumbled up inside. I think about you all the time, and when I’m with you, I’m already thinking about when I can see you again.”

  “But that’s no reason to get scared.”

  “That’s not what scares me.” She shrugged, trying to think of how to explain her heart. “I get scared because . . . well . . . what if something happens?”

  “Happens?”

  “Yes. To separate us. What if Grace decides we need to go to Oregon City? Or what if I get sick and die?”

  “You can’t be frettin’ over something that hasn’t even happened,” John replied and picked up his fork again. “Ma used to tell the girls that all the time. Must be something girls do.”

  “I suppose so, but maybe we can’t help it. Maybe that’s just the way God made us.”

  “Maybe so.” He stabbed a piece of potato and raised it to his lips. He glanced over for just a moment and winked. “I can’t say I mind at all how God made you, so you fret if you want, and I’ll be brave for the both of us. Deal?”

  Hope couldn’t help but love him all the more. “Deal.”

  After a restless night in Gabriel’s cabin, Alex slipped out of bed and opened the cabin door. It had snowed in the night, and across the yard he could see the white blanket covering the mounded dirt where Gabriel had been laid to rest.

  “Will you go back to the mission now?” Sam asked.

  Alex turned to find Sam gathering his things. Alex shook his head. “I don’t want to go back there just yet. I need some time to think and . . . mourn. Let’s go to your village.”

  Sam nodded. “Sarah will be glad to see you. The children too.”

  They rode the miles to where Sam’s band of Nez Perce had made winter camp, taking Gabriel’s horse with them. Alex suggested Sam keep it for when they went out to set traps and retrieve their kill. The rest of Gabriel’s belongings, not that there were many, were left at the cabin. The cabin would be useful when trapping season came, and Alex knew Gabriel would want them to stay there and think of him.

  When they reached the Nez Perce settlement, Alex felt a strange sense of relief. Whether it was from the tension between the Cayuse and whites or the heavy gray clouds that had moved in to threaten stormy weather, he didn’t know. He just knew that he was glad to be done with the day and hoped for nothing more than a hot meal and a warm bed. Hopefully he’d sleep better tonight than he had last night.

  Sarah welcomed him just as Sam had assured. She was due to give Sam another child in a little over a month, but she was happy to have them despite what Alex knew would be extra work.

  Sarah led them into their lodge and settled them by the fire. She went to get them both food and quickly returned with a wood platter of smoked fish and potatoes with wild onion.

  “Where are your children?” Alex asked.

  “Their grandfather took them on a walk. They were afraid when the Cayuse chiefs arrived.” With her swollen abdomen, Sarah maneuvered slowly to bring them flatbread.

  “The Cayuse are here?” Sam and Alex asked in unison.

  Sarah’s glance moved from Sam’s face to Alex’s and then back to her husband. She nodded. “They came yesterday. They wanted to talk to the chiefs here about attacking the mission.”

  “We want to talk to them as well,” Sam said. “We have to find a way to stop them from making war.”

  “They want our chiefs to join them in getting rid of the whites, but I know our people are not willing.”

  “That’s good. Maybe we can parley with them and show the benefits of remaining peaceful,” Alex said, getting to his feet.

  Sam jumped up and put a hand on Alex’s arm. “Let me go request it of the chiefs. You are my brother, but you’re still a white Indian.” He grinned. “And since they’re talking about killing whites, it’s probably better if I do the asking.”

  Alex realized Sam was right. “Very well.” He sat back down on the ground and took up a piece of bread. He looked up at Sarah to find her smiling. Alex returned her smile despite his anxiety. “Never thought of myself as a white Indian.”

  Sam was gone for some time, and when he returned, his father and children accompanied him.

  “Alex!” Esther Sings at Dawn shouted and threw herself into Alex’s open arms. Two-year-old Joseph Fire on the Mountain followed suit and forced his way into the embrace. Alex could only laugh and hug them close. It was good medicine and helped lift his spirits.

  “Children, come,” Sarah called from the far end of the lodge. Even great with child, she managed to lower herself to the matting gracefully. “Your father and grandfather must speak with Alex.”

  They reluctantly left Alex’s embrace but didn’t protest their mother’s will. Sam and his father came to the fire as Alex got to his feet.

  “You are good for my eyes to see,” Sam’s father said in Nez Perce. He put his hand on Alex’s forearm.

  Alex turned his arm just enough to take hold of the older man’s forearm in return. “It is good to be with you again, Jacob Night W
alker.”

  “My son tells me you have asked to speak to the Cayuse chiefs.”

  Alex nodded. “Will they hear us?”

  “The chiefs have agreed we may join them,” Sam said. “We can go now, but let my father speak first. He will ask if we might be allowed to speak our piece.”

  “I’m certain they will agree,” Jacob added.

  “I’ll do as you say.” Alex felt only a modicum of relief. There was no way to know if what he and Sam might say would sway the Cayuse to back down and remain peaceful.

  They made their way to the lodge where the chiefs were holding council. Alex let Sam and his father lead the way, but he kept his eyes open for any sign of aggressive behavior on the part of the Cayuse.

  Once they were seated, greetings were exchanged, and Jacob was called up to speak. He nodded but asked that his son and Alex be allowed to share his heart.

  The chiefs discussed it for a moment, then turned to Jacob. “Will they pledge to speak only truth?” one of the men asked.

  Jacob nodded. “They will.” He looked to Sam and Alex. Both men nodded.

  The chief nodded in return. “Then let us hear your words.”

  With that established, Sam began to speak. “We are grieved that so many of our brothers have died because of measles. We are sad too that our Cayuse brothers seek to wage war against the Boston men. We have heavy hearts that such a thing should be done. The Boston men are strong and will send many soldiers here if we fail to keep the peace.”

  “We will kill the soldiers as well,” Telokite declared.

  “And the Boston men will send more soldiers. There are so many more of them than there are of the Cayuse.”

  “That is why we need our Nez Perce brothers to fight with us.”

  “But we have no grievance against them,” a Nez Perce chief stated firmly. “I have told my brother this. The King’s men have always traded with us and buy our furs. The Boston men have traded with us as well.”