Wolf's Soul

by J. L. Madore

  Fuck, Hawk has fists like Holyfield.

  Heavily impaired by drink, it takes my soggy brain a bit to muster a defense. When his steel forearm pins my throat to the floor, my bear weighs in.

  He may have the element of all his faculties firing, but I have strength. I grab him by his fancy shirt and toss him off me like a designer ragdoll. I roll to my feet and now it’s me on top of him leading the assault. Two weeks of built-up hostility bleeds out and blood splatters the beige carpet.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Hawk. I’ve had enough of you.”

  I get strong-armed from behind and my bear reacts on instinct. I spin and back-fist Jaxx to the side of the head. He’s thrown back and snaps the arm of the couch just as the door swings open and our regal Prima steps into the war zone.

  She takes it all in and turns to glare at the kid.

  Fucking hell.

  Kotah

  Of all the turns the night could’ve taken, I never saw this coming. Brant naked and spraying Hawk’s blood across the décor, Jaxx sprawled out cold over the arm of a sofa with his apron flipped up around his hips, Calli dry heaving her guts out over the kitchen sink, in her lacy underthings, and my uptight judge and jury walking in at the perfect moment to take in the glory of our all-out mate brawl. I catch the flash of fury as she stares at the char marks on the wall from Calli and Hawk’s fireball fight and pressure builds in my chest.

  I try to push it down, but there’s no stopping it. It’s been building for twenty years and the pressure is too much. My mouth opens and I bust out laughing—loud, side-splitting, belly-busting roars of hilarity.

  I can’t help it. It’s too much.

  I scan the war zone and my mates and love this dysfunctional life so much more for its authenticity than all the years of royal grandeur. I love them so much.

  They are my family. These hot-headed, surly, sex-driven four mismatched characters are everything I always wanted in my life and never knew could be possible.

  “Hello, Mother,” I manage after a long while. I wipe the tears from my eyes and find my sister standing open-mouthed behind the wall of indignance that is my mother’s natural state. “Keyla, come help Calli while I greet our queen properly.”

  Keyla hustles around the island and her apologetic look widens when she sees that yep, I’m naked too. With a little extra swagger in my hips, I saunter out to face the firing squad. “We weren’t expecting guests, or we would’ve tidied up.”

  Mother’s glare is icy but doesn’t touch the warmth in my soul. “You’re drunk, Nakotah.”

  “Yes Mother, I am delightfully polluted. Thank you for finally taking notice of something about me.”

  Her lips pinch into a hard line. “How dare you come into this house and disrespect your father and your station with such tawdry behavior.”

  “How dare you think you could take these four from me. They are my home and my heart. Your back-room politics will never change that. Have the elders explained that to you yet?”

  By her indignant scowl, I see they have. “Nakeyla convinced me to give you a chance to explain your mate bond and what it means to you. I see what it means. It’s your way of punishing your father and me for all the perceived slights you judge us for.”

  I shake my head, sensing as Hawk, Brant, and Jaxx come to stand at my back. Strong and silent, they lend me strength. Calli steps into my side draped in Hawk’s dress shirt. I wrap my arm around her shoulder, kiss the side of her head, and breathe her into the depths of my lungs. “Believe it or not, Mother. My guardian bonds have nothing to do with you. Fae magic chose me to serve and I accept my duty with honor.”

  “Well, it’s too bad for you that Prime duties take precedence over being a Guardian of the Phoenix. Your father and I spoke before the Fae Council early this evening and they agree. You will serve as Fae Prime as the law dictates.”

  “Why me, Mother?” I say, the buzz of my night taking a sinking dip. “If you’re keen on staying in power, petition the council to have the Prima take the thrown until the end of the Northwood rule. There are no laws against females being in power and you already know all the players and enjoy the politics. Let me live my life. For once, choose me over what’s expected.”

  My mother stares at me like I’m that five-year-old pup who broke her favorite crystal vase and needed a sound scolding. “You will leave the palace immediately and go north. I will make all the arrangements with Logan Silver Fox for the transfer of power and when your father’s next world journey begins, by the Powers, Nakotah, you will return here to serve the fae. And make no mistake, you will do it with Northwood grace.”

  She spins and retreats, leaving no opening for argument. The door slams and sucks all the oxygen from my lungs.

  Calli

  It takes over an hour for seven of us to right the suite and pack our bags. Keyla turns out to be an eager helper and for the first time, I see what Kotah sees. She believed convincing their mother to give him another chance to explain would help. She just should’ve given us a heads-up. You never know when someone is having a naked drunken brawl and isn’t receiving.

  Live and learn.

  In the end, Doc and Brant find some tools and get the sofa patched back together, I get most of the blood out of the carpet, and other than the scorched spots on the wall in the living room and the caved drywall in the bedroom where PTSD Hawk got flung, our little home away from home is no worse for wear.

  “Thanks for your help.” I offer Keyla a hug at the edge of the helipad. “We’ll see you again soon.”

  “I’m sure,” she says, her long bangs battering her face from the wind of the rotors. “And again, I hope you accept my apologies. I was wrong, but I’ll do better. I love Kotah and want him to be happy. You four make him happier than I’ve ever seen him. You have my vote.”

  “Thanks.”

  I squeeze Kotah’s hand and leave him to say his goodbyes. Hawk is waiting at the door to the helicopter and takes my bag. His jaw is solidly clenched, and he hasn’t said a word since his fight with Brant. I see the hurt and disappointment he hides from the others and it breaks my heart.

  Before he helps me into his sleek black and silver bird, I squeeze his arm. “I didn’t know anything about it. I would’ve kicked their asses and still intend to.”

  His chin dips. That’s all I get, and I decide not to push. I accept his hand up and take one of the two captain’s chairs facing the bench seat of four against the back. The plush, ivory leather creaks as I settle, and I glare at the other two sitting opposite me. “I can’t believe you did that.”

  “I’m sorry, kitten. You have to know—”

  I raise my finger and he stops. “What I know is that you two plotted behind my back and lied to my face about giving him an honest chance. Do you honestly think Hawk is the bastard behind gun-running, drow gangs, abduction of women, and the attack on my life? How far up your asses have you shoved your good sense? I expected so much more from you.”

  Jaxx looks stricken.

  Brant, however, is the one with guilt all over his stupidly perfect face. “It’s on me, beautiful—all of it. I came into this mating with a mystery to solve from my job and the deeper I dig, the more compelling my case gets toward Hawk. I’m sorry that it came out like this, but I’m not wrong.”

  I swallow and clasp my fingers together to keep me from doing something I may or may not regret. “Yes, you are. And once we land and I can look at you without wanting to fireball your ass, we’ll talk it out and I’ll prove it. Was Kotah in on it?”

  They both shake their heads. Good. That’s good.

  Brant sighs. “And Jaxx has been a constant supporter for Hawk’s side since I brought him in on my suspicions. If you’re mad at anyone, it should be me.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. It is.”

  Kotah claims the other captain’s chair, Doc and Lukas buckle in on the bench, and Hawk joins the pilot up front.

  Ten minutes doesn’t seem like a long time, but when you’re holding
back a fiery beast from frying someone you care about, in a vehicle that can plummet to the farm fields below, it’s freaking forever.

  To allow some of the steam building in my chest time to cool, I pull out my phone and look up the deets on the helicopter. The Eurocopter AS365 Dauphin. Twin-engine. Long-range luxury transport. Seating capacity of eight. Price tag of—holy shitters—ten million. Damn. Just how rich is he?

  My mind spins out on that one. No wonder he didn’t want me swooping in and robbing the golden eggs out of his nest. I make a mental note to talk to Lukas about that prenup.

  We jolt hard to the left and my arm cracks the wall with a bang. Pain shoots from my wrist up my arm and it’s too bad my buzz canceled out once the booze ejected from my system.

  No lingering anesthetic… but no hangover either.

  Phoenix healing is real.

  Kotah twists to check on me and we jostle the other way and then down and then we’re on some stupid funhouse rollercoaster without the fun. “What’s happening?”

  Whatever it is, Lukas is on it. He unbuckles and launches between mine and Kotah’s chairs. He’s reaching into the pilot space but there’s no room for another body, so his legs kick and twist as he wrestles with something over the seat partition.

  We jerk left and Hawk curses. “Get him off the controls.”

  Who? The pilot? Shouldn’t the pilot access the controls? Isn’t that essential to keep us in the air? Lukas is struggling and man, I thought Hawk was bad with the cursing. Lukas strings together the most impressive run of obscenities I’ve ever heard.

  And that’s saying something.

  Brant is up and reaching past me. He swings his fist, his massive size giving him one hell of a long reach. He pulls back and he’s got the pilot and Lukas both.

  The pilot is fighting for his life and the three of them curse and bounce around the small space. I turn away, protecting my face and try not to let the whole ‘we’re going to crash’ reality send me into a fit of hysteria.

  We jerk once more and level out, the change in pitch sending Brant charging at the far wall with the pilot in his grasp. They hit the door with the force of a tank, grappling and scrambling for purchase. Alarms sound and before my brain catches up, the door gives way and the two of them hurtle as one into darkness.

  A violent head rush makes me dizzy.

  He fell out of the helicopter.

  Brant is gone.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Calli

  “Brant!” I can’t even… I stare at the black void beyond the door and my heart hammers at the base of my throat. My hands are trembling so bad I can’t make my fingers work to release my seatbelt. Brant tackled a man out of a flying helicopter. Of all the meat-headed, stupid, heroic things he could’ve done.

  He’s got to be okay. He can’t die with me mad at him. We have to make up. We haven’t had our mate date.

  Kotah’s hands tighten on mine and I smack at the interference. “Calli, stay in your seat. Look at me. Whatever happened to Brant, it doesn’t help to have you jump out after him.”

  Thankfully, the helicopter bumps to the ground and Lukas and Doc bolt outside. Jaxx is kneeling in front of me in the next second. He grabs both my trembling hands in his and squeezes. “Kitten, give Doc and Lukas a minute to assess the situation before you rush out there, okay?”

  “No. Not okay. Brant isn’t a situation, Jaxx. He’s ours.” My voice clogs my throat, and I can’t breathe. My brain hurts and my heart aches. “I was so mad at him… He’s such a stubborn… stupid…”

  Hawk appears at the door and extends his arms. “Come here, Spitfire. We need you.”

  I’m out of my seat and running with Hawk in the next beat of my racing heart. The sirens of emergency vehicles whine in the not too distant area and I pray an ambulance is coming. Lost behind a glossy wall of tears, I have no idea where I am, only that Hawk has my hand and he’s taking me to Brant.

  I drop to the asphalt next to Doc and wince at the blood.

  “He used the pilot as a landing pad to break the impact,” Lukas says. “That saved him from the brunt of the impact.”

  “Oh, thank gawd.”

  “It’s still not good,” Doc says. “His wrists are broken, definitely a couple of ribs, and maybe some internal bleeding. His head looks like it took a good bounce too.”

  I brush my hand against his cheek, sickened by the sticky warmth drenching his neck and hair.

  “There’s not much I can say for sure until we get him to a hospital. You’re up, Calli. Do your thing.”

  It’s involuntary. My tears are already brimming my eyes and hot on my cheeks. As I crouch over Brant’s massive frame the waterworks fall.

  Kotah said me owning what happened on the side of that road means owning all of it, facing the pain of my life losses, and allowing myself to feel again. Being detached from my emotions kept me safe for a decade, but now I’m stronger.

  I have a new life. I have them.

  Hawk

  The eastern sky is a mass of faint gray-pink swirls by the time we get back to my cabin at the FCO compound. Calli climbs out of the back of the SUV with a very wonky grizzly bear right behind her. I point her toward the second bedroom, and she and Kotah go in to get him settled. Jaxx heads straight to the bar to pour us each a drink.

  When he offers it, he holds it until I meet his gaze. “I’m sorry for my part in Brant’s investigation. I genuinely argued your case.”

  “Hoping he was wrong or knowing it?” I see the answer but accept the peace offering anyway. They don’t trust me. Even after everything I’ve done and spent and shoved to the side to make them my priority, they still question my intentions.

  I sigh and let the burn of the expensive amber slide down my throat. It’s the same whiskey I drank last night, only tonight it doesn’t soothe me. “I need to get through today and then we’ll work on sorting all this out. You four rest here while I finish this conference. Then we’ll head to Kotah’s family lands and figure out the Prime issue, who’s trying to kill us, Brant’s mystery corruption conspiracy, the crystal hunt, and any other crisis that pops up between now and then.”

  “To the guardians,” he says lifting his glass. “Living the dream.” Jaxx tips back his tumbler and empties it on a one-gulp swallow.

  I acknowledge his toast and finish mine too. “Okay. I’ve got four hours before I have to wake up and attend a brunch with the pixies. I’ll meet you all for dinner in the lounge after six and then we’ll head over to the plane.”

  “Are you comfortable flying so soon after tonight?”

  I shrug. “Two hours in the air or twelve on the ground. Both have risks. Technically, the flight went fine. It was the pilot that tried to slam us into a hillside.”

  “Good on you for noticing and saving our asses.”

  “Despite Brant’s conviction to the contrary, I’m not the enemy here, Jaxx.” I eye my bedroom door and sigh. “I’ll have Lukas scrutinize the vetting of the flight crew backward and forward. We can make our final decision over dinner.”

  “At the risk of pissing you off, can I ask you something?”

  “You’re in luck. I’m too tired to get pissed.”

  “Are you okay with Calli sleeping here? I mean, you aren’t dangerous to her, are you?”

  Ouch. But I don’t blame him for asking. “Dr. Glask gave me pills that will prevent a murderous encore. I’ll take one before I lie down.”

  “Good enough. Tomorrow night then.”

  I head into the bathroom to clean up, pop one of the little yellow pills, and then hit the mattress without bothering to get undressed.

  Calli

  It’s almost six a.m. by the time I’m comfortable leaving Brant’s bear sawing logs next to Kotah’s wolf. I find Jaxx sacked out on the couch and bypass him for the bathroom. After all the drinking and vomiting, the inside of my mouth is as foul and gritty as a litter box. I consider Hawk’s comment about personal boundaries and chuckle. Then, I grab his toothbrush a
nd do a double-the-paste routine.

  After patting my face dry, I pick up the little pill bottle sitting at the top of his toiletries bag. It was prescribed the other night by Dr. Glask. What’s Hawk taking and why?

  The edge of the tub is cool on my butt as I sit and look it up. A sedative-hypnotic to prevent violent sleep disturbance.

  I close my eyes and draw a steadying breath. How can Brant be so misguided to believe Hawk a monster? Broody. Superior. Guarded. Sure. He is a great many bristly traits but loyal, noble, and attentive are also on the list. Hawk holds the world to a code of ethics and bases his worth on how he contributes.

  Why doesn’t Brant see that? What makes my bear so jaded against him? It’s sad. But hey, who said becoming a legendary quint would be easy?

  Setting the pills back where I found them, I let myself into Hawk’s room and crawl into bed. Careful not to wake him, I pull the duvet up and notice the tense line of his jaw and the pinch of his brow. Even in his sleep he looks tense and guarded.

  What happened to young Sabastian Barron Whitehouse the fifth to set him on his quest of dominance and isolation? As much as he’ll protest that I took liberties by inviting myself into his bed, I saw his pain back in the suite at the palace.

  He needs to know I never doubted him for a second.

  It takes one to know one.

  Kotah

  My ears twitch and I wake to a sense of being watched. My wolf senses heighten, searching for a threat. I raise my muzzle to find Hawk looking in on Brant and me from a slivered opening in the door. He meets my gaze and tilts his head toward the corridor. Dropping my front paws to the floor, I drag my hind legs on the mattress and stretch before trotting off to follow.

  Shifting as I pass Jaxx sleeping on the sofa, I flash on a pair of pajama pants and follow the trail of Hawk’s scent out of the cabin to the sheltered porch looking into the trees.

  “Sorry to wake you,” Hawk says, as I join him.