Passionate Kisses

by Various

  Her head hurt. She opened her purse and fished out a couple of Tylenol. She swallowed them and closed her eyes. There was no easy way to say this.

  She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, only to find him studying her, his expression grim.

  “I’m getting a real bad vibe here, Liz,” he said. “Just tell me whatever it is you have to say.”

  I must be so transparent. “It’s not that I want to stop seeing each other—”

  “Good.”

  “It’s just that I have to.”

  He took her hand and leaned across the table. “Liz, I like you.”

  Like. She forced a smile. Like, not love. Probably always would be. This right here was reason number one to breakup. Reason number two—she had Bryce.

  He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  Liz looked down at her smaller hand cupped in his warm, strong one. Lord, this was hard. She slipped her hand from his and, unwilling to risk the pain of an unrequited I love you, went with reason number two.

  “Bryce needs me,” she said firmly. “You didn’t sign up for this whole deal.” She thrust her face forward so he could get a good look at her. “Look at my eyes. I’ve got bags and dark circles under all that makeup. I’m up every two hours all night.” She grabbed a handful of her frizzy hair. “I don’t even have enough shower time for conditioner. And this”—she grabbed the strap of her dress—“is Daisy’s dress because I don’t have time to iron my clothes!”

  His brows shot up. “So? I don’t care if your clothes are wrinkled or your hair is conditioned.”

  “It’s not just that.” She gestured wildly. “Bryce and I are a package deal. He needs me. You don’t.”

  He leaned back from the table and regarded her through calm, assessing eyes. “Last time I checked, Daisy was the mother.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She fought the urge to jump up and shake the calm out of him.

  “I don’t see why your life has to come to a halt just because she had a baby.”

  Liz’s throat tightened. “You just don’t understand my relationship with Daisy.”

  He leaned forward and said gently. “Here’s what I understand. She leans on you an awful lot for a big sister. She’s supposed to be looking out for you, not the other way round.”

  She raised her palms. “But I’ve always looked out for her.”

  He inclined his head like that was the problem. He was extraordinarily dense. Of all people, he should understand the importance of family. Just look at how he took care of his grandmother and brothers.

  The waiter arrived with their food. They both ignored it.

  Liz tried again. “Look, Bryce needs someone like me in his life. Someone steady. Daisy can be…flighty.”

  “Trav says she’s doing a good job.”

  “She is.” She took a deep breath. “Bryce needs me too. I’m sorry, but…this is goodbye.” She set her napkin on the table.

  “Liz, come on—”

  “There’s just no point. Don’t you see?” She pleaded with her eyes for him to understand. “We’re in two different places.”

  His brows furrowed in confusion. “Why can’t we just enjoy each other? We had a good time. Why does it have to be all or nothing?”

  I’m such a fool. Why did I think that I’d ever mean more to him than a good time?

  She stood and blinked back tears, angry that she even had them. “Goodbye, Ryan.”

  “Dammit, Liz.” He threw his napkin on the table.

  She walked out of the restaurant. You couldn’t make a man love you. Her throat was tight. Ugh, I don’t have time for tears! She had to rest up before the two a.m. feeding. Her pajamas and the sofa had never been so inviting.

  She texted Daisy: On my way home.

  Daisy texted back right away: Bryce screaming. Mom working. Help!

  Liz got in her car and put the cell phone on speaker so she could talk hands-free. “Did you try putting him on his tummy?” she barked. “Did you burp him? Run a warm bath? Swaddle him?” She rapidly ran down the list of things that were supposed to work for colicky babies, but somehow never worked for her nephew.

  She’d made the right choice breaking up with Ryan. She had to get back to her baby.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ryan went for a run the next morning, still baffled as to what went wrong with him and Liz. He didn’t see why she couldn’t keep stopping by his house to fool around and enjoy some baby-free time. It wasn’t like it was her baby. And she’d acted like she was disappointed in him, like he was supposed to say something. He hadn’t a clue what. Was he supposed to offer to help with Bryce? It wasn’t like he could feed the boy—Daisy’s boobs had that covered. He guessed he could offer to get the boy to nap, even though Bryce already had two parents in town. Trav visited his son, but not living with him, he could only do so much.

  He stopped for a breather and found himself at Gran’s house. He knocked and waited. It was early still, around nine, but he figured she’d be up. It spoke to his own desperation, he thought grimly, that he was hoping Gran could help him figure out this Liz thing. But she was a woman, and she’d always been honest with him.

  Jorge answered the door in Gran’s yellow ruffled robe.

  “Buy a frickin’ robe,” Ryan muttered.

  “Your grandmother’s in the shower,” Jorge said. “You want to wait?”

  “Yeah, I’ll wait.” He pushed past him and helped himself to some water in the kitchen.

  Jorge walked in, poured himself a cup of coffee, and offered one to Ryan.

  Ryan took the mug Jorge poured him. He sat at the kitchen table, confused and pissed off about Liz and having to deal with this guy instead of Gran. He glowered at the tile floor.

  Jorge fixed some toast and joined him a few minutes later. It was all sickeningly domestic. He felt like he’d walked in on a geriatric love nest.

  They sat in silence. Ryan could hear the water running upstairs in his grandmother’s shower. What was taking her so long? Wash, rinse, and get out.

  “Women make no sense,” Ryan announced, thoroughly annoyed with the entire sex.

  “They are a mystery,” Jorge said smoothly. “That’s part of their charm.”

  He snorted. “Charm. How charming is it when someone suddenly dumps you for no good reason? Just because she’s an aunt. I’m an uncle, and you don’t see me dropping everything!” He stood in his agitation.

  “You want some advice, man to man?” Jorge asked.

  Ryan gave him a look. Did he want advice from the tango-dancing man that had seduced his grandmother? Actually, yeah. The guy must know something about women. Gran had been single for twenty years, and it wasn’t for lack of suitors. The men at church fawned over her potluck cooking.

  Ryan dropped back into his chair and inclined his head in a quick nod.

  Jorge leaned forward like he had some secret wisdom to impart. “You need a grand romantic gesture, something that shows Liz what she means to you.”

  “That’s what you’ve got. A grand romantic gesture. What the hell is that?”

  Jorge shrugged. “It’s different for every woman. What would speak to Liz? What would show her what’s in your heart?”

  He softened thinking of Liz. Her uptight attitude with a fire hidden underneath, her unselfish devotion to her family, her love for children. She’d chosen Bryce over him. But he still didn’t get why she had to choose at all. Why couldn’t they just enjoy each other a little longer?

  He stood abruptly. “Tell Gran I stopped by.”

  He left more mixed up than when he’d arrived. He ran for home. His chest ached, halfway there, and he wondered briefly if he was having a heart attack. No arm pain. He kept going and thought of Liz.

  He remembered the first time he’d met her, so long ago, when he’d been a lifeguard at Grand Lake. Liz must have been thirteen and busting out of her too-small swimsuit, but she still mustered the courage to talk to him, a rising senior in high school. Not many middle school girls wo
uld’ve had the courage to ask him, an upperclassman, about being a lifeguard, day after day. He liked that she cared about his job, that she wasn’t just flirting like those silly girls that giggled and made eyes at him.

  Until one day, she’d gotten sunstroke and collapsed at his feet. She’d vomited and looked close to losing consciousness. He’d panicked at first, looking for her mom to step in, but she wasn’t there, and it was all on him. He’d remembered his first-aid training. “Call nine-one-one,” he’d hollered and sprang into action. Making sure she was on her side so she didn’t aspirate. Getting her to shade. Hydrating her. She’d been pale and shaky, and he’d only left her side because Rachel had assured him that she was fine and her mother was on the way.

  He’d walked off with Chase, that no-brain linebacker. Chase had teased him about staggering when he carried Liz. He’d laughed it off. So he’d fucked up the carry. Then he’d gotten annoyed with Chase’s comments about Liz’s weight and brushed him off. He was on the job. He’d returned to the lifeguard stand, watching the lake, watching Liz until her mother showed up. She walked to the car on her own, and he knew she’d be okay.

  It had tested him. That emergency. He liked helping, protecting, making sure she was safe. Liz was the reason he’d become a cop. He’d begun to think of the police academy, to protect and serve. And then Chief Bailey had become a mentor as they worked together to keep Trav on the straight and narrow.

  Would that help? If Liz knew she had started him on the path to his life’s work? He slowed to a walk. The cold truth was that his affair-snooping job was a far cry from his life’s work.

  He thought again of his conversation with Jorge. A grand romantic gesture he’d said. Okay, fine. He wasn’t good with words anyway. Maybe if he became a cop again, Liz would see him doing worthy work and she’d…what? He didn’t know. Be happy for him probably, but that wouldn’t be enough to get her to jump back in his bed. Which was where he wanted her.

  Maybe something more traditional. Liz would probably like flowers. Or chocolates. Or a diamond ring.

  He stopped abruptly on the sidewalk in front of his house. Where had that come from? You didn’t propose marriage just to keep someone from breaking up with you. Besides, she had husband, kids, and a dog written all over her. That had never been his plan. Maybe she was right and they should break up.

  He opened the front door to his house and just stood there in the entryway. It was quiet.

  His house felt empty in a way it never had before Liz stepped foot in it.

  His gut twisted. He pulled out his cell and dialed. “Hey, Chief, it’s Ryan O’Hare.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Liz flung open the door before the person out there could ring the doorbell again and further aggravate Bryce. He was already howling in Daisy’s arms as her sister paced back and forth, saying, “There, there, there, there.” The words running together and growing weaker. Even Bryce wasn’t convinced. At least they weren’t at full-throated screaming yet.

  “Maggie, hi!” Liz exclaimed. It felt like a new ray of hope. Someone was here to save them from the never-ending torture that was Bryce crying. She’d never shown up at her apartment before.

  Maggie stepped in and surveyed the mess. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Liz. Thought I’d stop by, see how things are going with my only great-grandson.”

  She approached the baby. Daisy had managed to get dressed, but her pink T-shirt was stained with milk and baby spit-up. She looked bleary-eyed at Maggie. “Would you like to hold him?”

  “Did you feed him already?” Maggie asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, let’s go. Babies like motion.”

  “Go where?” Liz asked.

  “For a drive, come on.” Maggie gestured to the door.

  Liz checked to make sure she could go out in public—nope, still in pajamas. Did she brush her hair today? She patted her hair and felt a tangled knot in the back. She handed Daisy the keys to her car. “Go get settled in my car. I’ll be right there.”

  She ran to her bedroom and pulled some wrinkled pants from the hamper. She couldn’t bring herself to wear an entire outfit from the hamper, so she snatched a silk tank from the closet that Daisy wore in her prebaby days. Someone had to do laundry around here. They were both just…so…tired. She shoved her hair into a messy ponytail and hurried out the door.

  Maggie was already in the front passenger seat. Liz slid into the driver’s seat. She glanced over her shoulder at Daisy trying to get a screaming Bryce to take a pacifier. He kept spitting it out.

  “Where to?” Liz asked as she started the car.

  “Babies-N-Things,” Maggie said, pitching her voice over Bryce’s never-ending howls. “I’m going to get you a baby swing so you have some help when your arms tire out.”

  Liz headed for the highway to Eastman, setting the radio to classical music because she read that it soothed babies, even though it never worked at home. Within five minutes, the car fell miraculously silent. Liz stopped at a light and peeked in the back seat. Both Daisy and Bryce had fallen asleep.

  “It worked,” she whispered to Maggie.

  “I’m telling you, motion,” Maggie said. “And don’t keep quiet when the baby sleeps. Let him get used to your normal volume, and he’ll learn to sleep through it. No need to tippy-toe around a baby.”

  “Okay.” She’d do anything Maggie said. As far as she was concerned, the woman was a genius. It suddenly occurred to her that Rachel had said something similar. She should’ve listened to her.

  “So, Liz,” Maggie said, “why’d you quit on Ryan?”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  She said nothing at first. Her feelings were still too raw to talk about, especially with Ryan’s grandmother. She knew Maggie would always be on Ryan’s side before hers.

  “I don’t know,” Liz finally said.

  “Yes, you do,” Maggie insisted. “And you’re going to tell me. My boy is miserable, and there’d better be a good reason for it.”

  Tears stung her eyes. She didn’t want him to be miserable. She gave him his freedom so he could be happy.

  “I’m just so overwhelmed,” Liz confessed quietly. “With the baby and not sleeping, it’s like I just can’t handle any additional stress right now. And…and he didn’t sign up for all this.”

  “Now you let him be the judge of what he can handle,” Maggie said. “Don’t you go making that decision for him.”

  Liz gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I can’t risk getting hurt. I just can’t take one more thing. I’m barely hanging on here.”

  “Honey, you can hide under the bed, and then the bed can collapse on you. More accidents happen at home than anywhere else, you know?”

  Liz cringed.

  Maggie put a hand on Liz’s arm. “Don’t be like me and wait for an accident to give you a wakeup call. Duty and responsibility have their place—where would families be without it?—but you’ve got to take chances too, go after what you want. Your dreams, your hopes, love, these things matter. What do you really want in your heart of hearts?”

  Liz couldn’t answer. It didn’t matter what she wanted in her heart of hearts. It was an impossibility. Ryan would never be the doting husband, adoring father, nonshedding dog owner that she dreamed of once upon a time. In fact, she should just retire that fantasy because now she had the kid, and that had to be enough.

  She parked and turned to the back seat, watching her exhausted sister and her angel nephew sleep. She’d wanted a baby for a long time, and now she had one.

  It’s not what I thought it would be.

  She felt terribly guilty thinking that. Bryce was a gift.

  “I can see you’re thinking, and that’s good,” Maggie said. “Now, let’s shop.”

  Liz transferred Bryce’s carrier to a cart while Maggie woke Daisy in the back seat. After they started walking up and down the baby aisles, Bryce blessedly continuing to sleep, Daisy perked up. Maggie let Daisy pick out a swing.

  They h
eaded for the clothing section, where the three women poured through racks of adorable outfits.

  “Oh, look at this one!” Daisy exclaimed, holding up a puppy sleeper that had puppy dog faces on the feet. “And a matching bib!” She grabbed the bib on a display nearby.

  “Get the hat too!” Liz said. She held up a beige hat with brown puppy dog ears on top.

  Maggie picked out a sleeper that looked like a red and blue baseball uniform with a soft baseball cap.

  “Adorable!” Daisy exclaimed.

  “Pick out a few more for the next size up,” Maggie said. “I can tell my great-grandbaby’s growing already with all that good milk you’re feeding him.” She picked out a little fall outfit with a sweater, turtleneck onesie, and elastic waist cords and held it up. “And matching socks too.” She snagged the socks.

  Daisy hugged Maggie and beamed at her. “Oh, Maggie, this was a good idea. I’m glad you stopped by.”

  “Well, I am too,” Maggie said, looking from Daisy to Liz. “You girls are doing a lot of work with a colicky baby. Believe me, I’ve been there. And you’re doing a great job.” She turned to Daisy. “But, hon, you have to include Trav more. He wants to help. He has every Sunday off. I want you to think about giving him that day. It’ll be good for all three of you. Trav and Bryce can stay with you so you can nurse, or you can hand over some bottles and let Bryce stay with Trav.”

  Daisy stopped smiling. “I’ll have to think about that.”

  “I’m not saying you have to leave the boy,” Maggie said. “Give Trav the sofa or the floor if it’s better for you. In the meantime…” Maggie gestured for them to follow as she pushed their cart toward the large baby-gear section of the store. “Let’s get him a Pack-N-Play so Bryce has a portable crib and can stay anywhere.”

  “Oh, we don’t need that,” Daisy said. “He has a crib in Liz’s room right next to me.”

  Maggie raised an eyebrow. “And where does Liz sleep?”

  “I’m on the sofa,” Liz said, “which is very comfortable.” And further from the screaming.

  “Well, you can sleep wherever you want,” Maggie said, turning to the Pack-N-Play section. “I’m still buying it, so we have options.”