by T. R. Graves
Obviously, my feelings for Levi aren't love, but they are as lustful as anything I ever expect to experience again. My time with him, minutes by which all others will be measured, will have to carry me through a lifetime of misery and disappointments.
Levi folds the blanket and puts it into my bag before grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. The way he squeezes my hand makes me think he's as desperate to hold on to me and our time together as I am.
"TOPE! I'm near the lake," Levi finally calls.
"LEVI! Is that you? Thank God!"
Levi and Tope's back-and-forth calls go on for a few minutes and get clearer the closer Tope comes. Finally, I see a man emerge from the thick of the forest. He's a few inches taller than Levi and every bit as handsome. As soon as he sees Levi, he runs toward him. Even I can tell how thankful he is to have found his cousin.
As soon as Tope makes it to Levi, he grabs him into a bear hug, completely ignoring me. "Dammit, Levi! I've been searching for you for hours. Do you know what Meme would do to me if anything happened to you?"
Levi chuckles. "Yeah, I do. It's a good thing for you that I'm fine. I'm ashamed that I got lost, but other than that, I'm okay." He pulls away from his cousin and says, "I might have died of boredom if it hadn't been for Emily here."
Tope jerks away from Levi and takes notice of me. When he does, his eyebrows shoot up and he sends a disbelieving glare toward Levi who grins widely, nods his head, and shrugs. It's obvious the two men are close enough to know what the other is thinking without having to say anything.
"Emily, this is Tope Bryson. Tope this is... I... I'm sorry, Emily, I don't know your last name."
"Emily Riddle," I say. Assuming he's going to shake my hand like Levi did, I politely reach out.
Tope makes no effort to meet me halfway, and as soon as I say my last name, his entire body goes rigid. He stares at me as if he's in complete shock. After a few awkward seconds and only because good manners have been engrained into him since birth, he finally shakes my hand. His grip is so tight it's almost painful.
With his touch, I feel the same compulsive need to see his eyes as I had with Levi. Before I know what I'm doing, I'm staring directly into his face and appreciating everything about it. I know nothing at all about this man, but I can easy translate the rainbow of emotions sweeping through him: fear, anger, and admiration.
For the first time in my life, I doubt my ability to read people—even though a higher than average emotional intelligence is a trait I've taken pride in having—after my apparent misread of his last emotion. Strangers don't admire other strangers.
Tope clamps his true feelings down and smiles politely. It's the fake kind that wrenches my stomach because it reminds me of the way Lorenzo is always nice to me in public only to eye me like he hates me or wants to rape me when we're alone. I hate fake, but the warmth in Tope's eyes tells me there's more here than the evil that’s buried inside Lorenzo. I decide to reserve judgment until he's given me a reason to equate him to my husband-to-be.
He may be a taller, dark-haired, and dark-skinned version of Levi (complete with ice-blue eyes), but he has a jaded harshness that Levi doesn't remotely possess. Uncomfortable with his stare, I shrink and duck behind Levi's shoulder. Levi leans his head into mine and gives my fingers another squeeze. This one is tender.
A few minutes later, Tope takes his glare off me and studies his cousin. "What the hell happened, man? One minute you're with me, and the next, I can't find you."
Levi looks sheepish. "I don't know. I saw a deer that I wanted to take a picture of. As soon as I got close, I slipped. I guess I hit my head because I woke up a while later laid out in the middle of the forest. If I hadn't found Emily, I’d probably still be wandering."
Tope
What the fuck? What's Emily doing with Levi?
I'm sure I look like a complete idiot. The second I lay eyes on her... hear her say her name... I am awestruck. I want to hug her like she's a long-lost love. After all, I had plenty of time to get to know her. Albeit, vicariously through her aunt's stories and the pictures lining my office. All she knows about me is that I’m a complete stranger looking at her like I'm a pervert.
When she shrinks behind Levi as if she needs protection from me, I realize how inappropriate my response is. The last thing I want is for her to be afraid of me.
I'm glad to have found Levi. I've been real worried about him for the last several hours. Even then, I can barely hear a word he's saying. I can't take my eyes off Emily. She's more beautiful in person. The pictures in my office offer proof that she's stunning, but they don't do her justice.
Her eyes are deeper, richer, and even sadder than those I've been studying. Her hair is shiny with highlights that have been nonexistent to me before now. Her hands, arms, and legs are long and lean and prove she's as strong as I suspect. Having Emily before me is like having flat and dimensionless photos turn 3D and pop out at me. It's all I can do not to reach out and touch her and make sure she's real.
I have to make a concerted effort not to do just that.
Emily
Still looking at me, Tope holds up an expensive-looking camera. "Yeah, I found this while I was searching for you."
Levi's eyes light up as he reaches for the equipment. "Great! I thought I'd lost it and you might kick my ass."
Instantly, Tope's attention is redirected toward me. Again, the way he seems to have the advantage of knowing me when I've no idea who he is makes me uncomfortable. He almost sneers when he notices the way Levi's fingers are tightly woven with mine. Something about our intimacy angers him, and I'm not sure why.
"Emily, do you live around here?"
His questions feel too rehearsed. It's as if he already knows the answer before he asks. Coupled with the way he's eyeing me, it makes me squirm.
I nod my head back toward the forest behind them. "Yeah, I live inside the commune right through that forest."
"I've been led to believe the people within the commune can't really come and go at will. What brings you out today?"
Taking his aggressive line of questioning as my cue to leave, I shake my head. Before I go, I decide to be completely honest with Tope. He's not Owen, and there's nothing he can do to me. I squint my eyes and grit my jaw.
"The rumors are true. We're not allowed to come and go. I'm not supposed to be here, and I'm certainly not supposed to be talkin' to outsiders," I spit out sarcastically. The last thing I want to do is leave Levi—ever—but I pull my hand from his. "Speakin' of, it's time for me to sneak back in. It was real nice meetin' you, Levi."
I stare into Levi's bright blue eyes and hope he knows exactly how true those words are.
Then, I offer Tope a cursory glance. "You, too, Tope. It was great meetin' you."
Since I hate fake, I don't try too hard to pretend that I even remotely mean what I say to Tope. I'm not sure I like him, and I refuse to expend one ounce of energy acting like I do.
Suddenly Tope is interested in my every word. "You mean you snuck out of the commune?" he asks with equal doses of disbelief and approval embedded into his words. Support is the last thing I'd expected from him.
Proud of myself, I square my shoulders and set my jaw tight. "Yes, I did. I wanted to go swimmin' today, and no one would've given me permission. I did what I had to do."
As quickly as he approved of my act of defiance, Tope glances behind my shoulder toward the commune like he's concerned for me.
"W-won't you get in a lot of trouble when you get back? Is there anything we can do?"
With his questions and his reaction to what I've done, I realize he understands The Community way better than most outsiders. Somehow, he knows I could be facing an entire lynch mob on my return.
"First of all, havin' you do anything might actually get me killed. Second, only a few friends know I'm here, and they'd never tell anyone."
Tope's brows furrow. "Isn't there anyone who'll be looking for you? It's almost dark."
Again, I feel an independ
ence I've never had before. "My father and brothers are gone for the summer. I'm stayin' by myself in my house. That's the only reason I was able to get away today. So... no... no one'll be missin' me."
Tope seems slightly relieved to know no one would be missing me, but does not back down from his self-appointed duty of questioning me like I'm a criminal.
"Who's your father," he asks. I'm not sure why because something tells me he already knows. It's almost as if he’s just making sure I am who I say I am.
With a squinted-eye defiance, I say, "Owen James Riddle. My brothers are Brian Marques Riddle, Joseph Evan Riddle, and Phillip Wesley Riddle. And, my name is Emily Ador Riddle. Is there anything else you’d like to know before I leave you two to find your way back to the road?"
Levi steps protectively between Tope and me. "What the hell, Tope? Why are you treating her like a criminal? All she did was help me while I was lost. I'd think that you of all people would be able to show her that men can be different than those assholes running the commune. I think she gets enough of that in there."
A completely embarrassed Tope softens. He touches my shoulder like he's trying to console me. "I-I'm sorry, Emily. I didn't mean to treat you disrespectfully. Levi's right. You did us a big favor. I should be thanking you. It's just that I've heard so many stories. You're one of the first people from the commune I've ever met, and it's clear the stories are just that. You're kind and lovely. Nothing like the people I've been convinced live in the commune. Forgive me for being an ass."
I'm not sure why I got so irate with Tope. The truth is that he and I share the same opinion of the commune, but for very different reasons. Outsiders only know the bits and pieces of what goes on inside The Community through gossip and hearsay. Apparently, those snatches of information are enough to instill hate within Tope, and maybe I should respect him for believing their actions are intolerable.
My disgust comes from a place of knowing—not assuming—what the men of The Community are capable of. I've seen firsthand their atrocities as carried out against the tainted whores; I've been on the receiving end of their sexist ideals for my entire life; and I'm about to be a victim of rape all because they've agreed to allow Lorenzo to become my husband without giving me a choice.
If I were an outsider looking in, I'd categorically hate everyone inside the commune also. Unfortunately, I'm not. Even though I know about the horrible things that go on inside, I also know there are some decent people.
"Don't worry, Tope. No one hates the commune and its traditions and several of its members more than me," I say, backing away from the two men and giving them a small wave.
Levi reaches for my hand again. It's clear he doesn't want to let me go.
"If you don't have anyone waiting on you, why do you need to go? Please stay with... me," he says.
Something about Levi's obvious disappointment makes me want to relieve him of it.
"We're going to pitch tents, build a fire, and hang out. I'd love it if you'd join us. Later, I'll walk you back as far as I can. I promise."
I study Levi, weighing my options. I really do need to get back. The longer I'm gone, the bigger the risk that I'll get caught. The way he stares at me, using the same puppy dog eyes I used against Becca, Kira, and Patti that morning, makes me change my mind. There's no leaving him after looking at that face.
He leans into my ear and says, "I only want you to stay if you want to, though."
I laugh at him and our inside joke. "Okay. I'll stay for a while."
Levi picks me up and spins me around, kissing my forehead. "Thanks, Emily."
If it hadn't been for Tope, I suspect I'd have gotten a lot more than a kiss to the forehead. I can't help but resent Tope's presence. Levi's favorite cousin or not.
Before long, I'm working side-by-side with Levi and Tope, getting their tents set up, building a fire, and unrolling sleeping bags inside the tents. Later, when we're all sitting around the campfire, I wave away their offer of food. I notice it's some sort of easy to pack and carry freeze-dried military rations. It looks so bad that I decide I'd rather have nothing at all even if I am hungry.
It's apparent Levi has the same magical effect on Tope that he has on me. Before long Tope's guard is down, and he's laughing, joking, and carefree. The two men are telling stories of their lives, beginning with their toddler years and ending with information that gives me a peek into who they are now. I laugh with them and enjoy every second of their past and present lives shared with me.
While Levi dramatically talks about the Christmas when Tope found out Santa isn't real (as told by their grandmother), I study Tope. He tolerates every humiliating story told by Levi (and vice versa) because there's not a second of malice between the two men. Based on the admiration in his face and eyes while he watches Levi, I know Tope loves Levi every bit as much as Levi loves him.
Even though Tope never mentions anything, it's clear he's been missing Levi now that he's away at school. I quickly realize that this outing is their way of reconnecting. It's then that I have a sudden surge of sympathy for Tope.
Levi is charismatic and charming. He's the type of person everyone instantaneously adores. Tope takes a lot more getting used to, but in the end, I find out that he's just as kind and caring, and that surprises me. I'm not easily surprised by people, but he definitely did that to me.
With a shiver, I remember I have very few clothes on, and the ones I do wear are still a little damp. I scoot a little closer to the fire and am grateful for its heat. The next thing I know, Levi wraps my blanket around us. The only part of our bodies visible to Tope is our heads.
Levi takes advantage of the small amount of privacy the blanket offers by sliding his hand under the hem of my shirt and snaking it around my waist. Then, he splays his palm out on my back, rubbing up and down in order to warm me. A few minutes later, he puts that hand all the way around me and pulls me as close to him as possible before taking my hand in his—palm to palm—and lacing our fingers together and squeezing tight.
I glance over at him, wishing I could read his mind. When I see his longing, my chest squeezes tight. I know he's thinking about our earlier kiss, and he wants more. I smile and nod. He leans closer. So do I.
Before long, I'm resting my head so deeply onto his shoulder that my mouth is just millimeters away from his neck. It's all I can do not to kiss the spot right below his ear... not to attack him like I wanted to do earlier when Tope interrupted us.
We sit like that for a long time. Our inability to do anything about the chemistry between us is driving me crazy. Ever since Levi wrapped the blanket around me and began secretly caressing me, the carefree conversations between Tope and Levi became forced. Despite Levi's hints for Tope to find something else to do, Tope stays put, chaperoning our every move.
"If we scoot back against the log, we can look up and stare at the stars," Levi whispers, apparently deciding to ignore Tope's presence. "That might be a little less dangerous than what you're doing now. I swear to God I'm about to kiss you like you've never been kissed if you take one more breath near my ear."
I can't help it, my breath hitches and I make sure to hold it. Levi chuckles, and Tope's annoyance worsens.
Levi pulls me back with him until we're resting against a log. I lay my cheek against his chest and memorize the feel of his muscle's ripples, his breath's taste, and his heartbeat's drum. I'm in heaven.
This is a day of firsts for me. I've never lied to Tess in order to get out of work. I've never snuck out of the commune to go swimming. And I've never kissed a man. I'm pushing boundaries I never intended to push. Still, I have no regrets. I'm as comfortable with Levi as I've ever been with anyone. Everything I do with him is as easy as breathing.
This is how it's supposed to be for couples when they're starting out.
Staring up at the stars, I'm completely aware of Levi and his every move. The gentle strokes he's running up my back and over to my arm and down to my waist sends a whole new kind of heat surgin
g through me. My nerve endings are alive, crackling with excitement, and my instincts are telling me to ask for more... a whole lot more.
Pulling me from my thoughts, I hear a strange buzzing above and beyond the usual nighttime symphony of crickets chirping, toads barking, and owls hooting. The very cross Tope pulls his cellphone from a zippered pocket in the leg of his shorts. I don't have a cellphone, but I certainly know what they are.
"It's Chloe. Excuse me. I've got to take this," he says before rushing toward the privacy of the forest.
With a mischievous grin, Levi twists until I'm the one lying back against the log. The way he studies my every feature... like he has to have me... makes my heart skip.
Almost but not quite touching, his lips hover right above mine. "I thought he'd never leave. Would you mind terribly if I kiss you again? I've been waiting patiently long enough," he says softly.
The heat coursing through me has grown scalding, a feat I wouldn’t have thought to be possible until now. I nod eagerly and meet his lips on their way down to mine. Levi kisses me long and hard, and it still isn’t enough for the two of us.
He props himself up on an elbow and uses his other hand to trace my neck, shoulder, and arm before sneaking his hand along my waist and sliding it toward my belly button. He runs his hands over my stomach, my side, and my back. There is a fire blazing along his path, and every part of me that hasn’t been caressed by him begs to be. Everything about this kiss makes our afternoon encounter and its excitement pale in comparison.
"Your skin in so soft. I'd give anything to see you in your bikini again," he mumbles around our kiss.
"Maybe one day you will," I murmur, knowing full well I would strip down to my swimsuit right now for him if Tope weren't around.
Levi kisses me again, and this time it's with an intensity that feels like he can't get enough of me. He doesn't pull back even the tiniest bit until Tope returns and loudly clears his throat.
Even then, I'm the one who pulls away first. Then, I bury my head in Levi's chest. I'm completely ashamed of myself and still humming from the hormones that Levi elicits (in mass quantities) with little more than a kiss. Levi's chest rumbles with a chuckle, and he kisses my forehead.
