by T. R. Graves
I have no idea who Chloe is, but I do know that her call put Tope in a mood worse than the one he'd been in when he thought he'd lost his cousin and then found him with me.
"Listen, it's getting pretty late. You're welcome to stay, but if you're going back, you might want to go now," Tope suggests.
He still seems worried about what will happen if a search party comes for me. Something about that thought gives me a sense of urgency. I glance around and try to decide what time it is. Ten o'clock maybe.
"You're right. I do need to get back," I say, separating myself from Levi and standing.
Levi jumps up next to me. It's obvious he plans to walk me to the fence until Tope snaps, "Levi, she knows the way better than you or I."
I watch Tope and realize he's afraid for Levi... afraid of what the people within the commune will do if Levi is caught sneaking me back through the fence's hole.
On that subject, I agree with Tope. My people can be barbaric. I send an understanding nod Tope's way. I'll join him every single time when it comes to Levi's protection. Our commitment to do anything necessary to protect Levi may be the one thing we have in common, and that shared goal may help us bond after all.
"He's right, Levi. Let me do this. When will the two of you be leaving?" I ask, patting Levi's chest with my palm.
Even speaking the words aloud makes me gulp. I never want to give Levi up.
With a pleading look, Levi glances over at Tope. Tope smiles and shrugs, "We'll be here for another day."
Thankful for one more bittersweet day with Levi, I say, "Great! I'll come back in the morning. Th-that is... if you don't mind."
Intertwining his fingers with mine, Levi runs his thumb across the back of my hand and sends a surge of heat straight to the bottom of my stomach.
"I'd love it if you could come back so we can spend the day swimming and hiking, Emily. Will that get you in too much trouble?" Levi asks.
His eyes are sparkling with his eagerness, and that makes him even more alluring.
I offer him my own conspiratorial smile. "Why would I get in trouble if I still have a stomach ache?"
Levi's grin widens. "You're too beautiful for anyone to question." He pulls me close. "Now, let me walk you as far as I can into the forest so I can give you a proper good night kiss. You know... without Tope watching."
Another chill of anticipation shoots through me, I nod. I feel completely guilty for being so happy with Levi when I glance over and see Tope's hard scowl. Somehow, everything about me irritates him, and I don't know why that is or what I can do in order to stop annoying him. Apparently, I have a gift, and it comes naturally because Lorenzo seems to hate me with the same fervor.
"I-it's nice meetin' you, Tope. I'll see you tomorrow," I say, wishing desperately that he would not be around when I come back.
Before Tope can reply, Levi drags me toward the thick of the forest. As soon as we reach the cover of the first giant tree, Levi pins me against it and begins planting kiss after kiss on me. Lips, cheek, ear, and neck. Each one is more glorious than the last.
Levi is especially gentle when nipping at my skin, making sure not to leave marks that might get me into trouble. Even the most tender stroke of his tongue against my neck draws me deeper and deeper into him. Soon, there's barely any telling where I end and he begins.
Finally and with a whole lot of reluctance, Levi pulls away from me. With a lopsided grin, he says, "One day with you, and I have enough fantasies to last me a lifetime. Get here as soon as you can in the morning. I don't want to miss a second of seeing you. Okay?"
"Okay," I say hoarsely.
Levi takes my hand, spreads my fingers out one at a time, and places something in my palm. I look down and see it's a cellphone that looks exactly like Tope's. With a wrinkled brow, I stare up at him.
"I want to talk to you tonight, and it's the only way. I have it on vibrate so no one will hear it ringing, but you'll feel it if you keep it in your pocket. When it vibrates, you hit this button, and we can talk as long as you want," he says, putting a cord into my other hand. "Plug this into the wall, and it'll stay charged."
I study Levi. Then I look down at the gadgets in my hands. Words fail me. I've never known a man this kind, this generous, and this beautiful.
"How long will it take you to get home?"
I shrug. "It depends. I'll have to be very careful, so it'll probably take at least thirty minutes."
"This'll be the longest thirty minutes of my life. Now, go before I'm tempted to keep you with me and kiss you all night," Levi says, putting my bag over my shoulder and turning me toward the commune's fence.
My heart squeezes with the promise of his words. As soon as I'm away from him, a sense of loneliness overtakes me. I've always been comfortable being by myself. Now that I've spent just a few hours with Levi, I realize a lifetime of dead-inside-isolation is not the future I want. He's awakened something in me that can never be put back to sleep.
Levi consumes my every thought and my good senses until I happen upon a wolf that’s taken down and is eating a jackrabbit. The hungry, wild animal snaps at me and would have gotten a piece of my leg if I didn’t fall back, jump up, and run the other way. Normally, the wolf would have taken chase, but he's not interested in leaving his already dead dinner.
After that scare, I decide my break back into the commune needs to be my priority, or I'm going to get myself killed or caught. At the fence, I find a small piece of white paper. It's rolled up and shoved into one of the many holes in the hurricane fence. My name is handwritten on the outside. It's Patti's writing.
Emi,
I know something bad is wrong with you. I wish you would share it with us, but I'm sure you have your reasons. Given your mood today and the late hour you're coming back, I suppose you'll be “sick” again tomorrow. I'll make sure Tess knows and that me, Kira, and Becca have already checked on you.
Take some time for yourself and come back to us on Wednesday. We'll all be waiting on you.
Love ya,
Patti
This is a bold move for Patti because anyone could have gotten to this before me. My eyes water. I love those girls and want to share everything I've learned about Lorenzo. I long to tell them about Levi, but I know better. I don't want to bring them any deeper into my new world of deception than they'd already traveled. I fold up the letter and drop it into my bag.
Trying hard to ignore every moving shadow, piercing howl, and squeal of animals being taken over by their nighttime predators, I tiptoe quietly through the graveyard. The moon is so full and bright that the only good hiding places are those within the shades of the headstones. It takes at least ten minutes for me to make my way through the cemetery and out its giant wrought iron gate... that whines loudly—much to my dismay—as I push through it.
Outside of the graveyard and well into Owen's man-made forest, I run from tree to tree, picking the tallest and fattest as cover until finally I reach my very own back yard.
Thank God!
Running like a bat out of hell from the lot's corner tree and to the house's porch, I bolt through my garden, up the steps, and to the back door. Going as fast as I can, I lift the giant pot next to the back door and pull from beneath it the house key. It's one that only I know about.
Even though no one is in the house, I'm as quiet as mouse when I swing the screen door open in order to access the deadbolt. Quicker than a flash, I'm inside and locking the house up for the night. I make a mental note to put the key back in its hiding place before I leave the next morning.
Releasing a sigh of relief, I tiptoe through the pitch-black house. If I hadn't cleaned it every day for the last twelve years, I probably would have stumbled and tripped a dozen times before reaching the stairs. Of course, I could've turned the lights on, but while I was still in the woods, I decided I should do everything possible to prevent anyone from having any idea I'm up this late at night. My alibis will be sickness and sleep.
Upstairs in my room
and with the nearly full moon shining through the bedroom window, I strip my shorts, halter, and swimsuit off and don my granny pajamas.
Brushing my teeth, I think about everything that happened throughout the day and how each of those events have left me dizzy with adrenaline, excitement, and hormones. I think about all the rules I've broken. Normally, I'd feel guilty for my every show of defiance. Tonight, I refuse to regret anything I've done because the steps I took today brought me to Levi. Every star in the universe has aligned perfectly, and I've met the most wonderful man alive. Levi is better than any man I could ever have wished for or dreamed of.
In my lifetime, I've read hundreds of books where fate and destiny have starring roles. I've never once thought either would turn my world around and give me the sliver of hope I need to keep going.
Even though I should’ve been expecting Levi's call, I jump a foot off the ground when the phone silently vibrates in my hand. Desperate to hear Levi's voice, I touch my finger to the screen's green answer button and say, "Hello."
CHAPTER 4
The Path Of Most Resistance
Emily
"Have you made it back to your house," Levi asks.
Worry coats his every word, and his voice is whisper low. I assume it's his way of keeping our conversation private from Tope, whose tent is just a few feet from Levi's.
"Yes. I made it home, put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and now I'm crawlin' into bed," I say, speaking very low myself.
Owen gave Alex and Bobbi strict instructions to keep an eye on his house and to make sure I'm safe. I have no idea how far those two questionable security guards will go to prove themselves to Owen. I wouldn’t put sleeping on my porch past them. Without a clue as to what they’ll do, I'm going out of my way to make sure the entire house is as dark and quiet as it would be any other night at this time.
Levi lets out an almost inaudible yet seductive moan. "I'd give everything I own to be able to climb in there with you."
My chest burns. I remember how wonderful it had been lying on Levi's chest and admiring the sky's sparkling stars with the campfire's flames dancing in the background.
Without hesitating, I say, "I wish you were here, too."
My words are as low and suggestive as Levi's, and they fuel his boldness. "And you're sure I can't come there, sneak in your house, join you, and kiss you until morning?"
The mere thought of Levi getting hurt, which he would if anyone caught him within the borders, is unacceptable.
"NO! You can't. The commune's security guards will kill first and ask questions later," I say, making sure Levi understands just how dangerous it would be for him to come anywhere near the fence, much less my house.
Levi doesn't say anything, and I wonder if I've been too harsh. I wouldn't blame him if he wants to hang up and never hear from me again.
"Levi, are you there?"
He sighs. "Yeah. I just wonder how safe you are with people who are so sexist they don't even think of women as people, so paranoid they think all outsiders are out to get them, and so violent they’ll kill without thinking."
I know better than Levi how these people live their lives, as well as their perceptions, prejudices, and hates. They've all been brainwashed since birth to assume their way of thinking and their opinions are right and everyone else's is wrong.
I've wondered a million times if I'd have fallen for their propaganda if I had a mother who reinforced those types of messages instead of Tess who publically supported Owen but privately taught me to be my own woman and think for myself.
Tess is the one who brought me book after book and convinced my father I could be a teacher if he allowed me to be educated. She also reminded him that in order for me to be educated, I had to read, read, and read.
Owen only agreed after Tess and I swore my chores would never suffer. He also told her I couldn't discuss the books I read with anyone. Not even Tess. Happy with the compromise, Tess and I quickly agreed. Since that day, Tess has been scavenging books for me.
I've read and reread every one given to me. The only conversations I've ever had with Tess about the books have been in private so Owen will think his rules are being followed. I learned long ago there’s a common theme to the books she brings me. They all star strong women who fight long and hard to be with their soul mates or their eternal loves.
Tess's message to me may be unspoken, but it's clear—love comes before obligation—and is exactly the opposite of the message Owen drives into the people of The Community every day—nothing comes before your obligation to The Community.
With memories of Tess bouncing through my head, I feel bad for the way I spoke to her earlier. No longer questioning her loyalty, I defend Tess. "We're not all bad. Aunt Tess's been protectin' me her whole life. I don't have a momma so she does everything in her power to guide me. If Owen knew even a small bit of what she's been doing for me, he'd have had her killed by now."
"Damn, Em. That's crazy. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean for it to sound like I thought everybody in your community is bad. I mean... look at you. You're wonderful."
"You don't have to feel bad. You're right. There's not many of us who believe that most of what happens in here is wrong. Actually, me and Tess might be it," I say, sharing with him the cold hard facts of my life.
Even though I don't agree with the prevailing mindset of The Community, I have a place deep in my heart that holds love for my father and my stepbrothers. They're my family, and I've been caring for them longer than I can remember. That thought is frightening for me because I can't help but wonder what kind of person loves hate-filled men whose livelihoods depend on law breaking and criminal activity.
"Surely there are others who believe that sexism and womanizing is wrong?" Levi prompts.
I think about Becca, Kira, and Patti. Like Owen and the boys, I love them with my whole heart, but there's no doubt in my mind that if push comes to shove, they’ll pick The Community over our lifelong friendships.
Who am I kidding? They would choose The Community over their own lives.
Again, I have to admit to myself that the morals and ethics of the people I've surrounded myself with—have loved like sisters—are not in line with my own. My chest aches for that which I lose in that moment. The mere thought of their potential for betrayal is unbearable, but it reinforces my decision to keep my secrets safely away from them. Actually, I wish I'd never taken them to the lake. Something told me that mistake would eventually come back to haunt me.
With an ache in my stomach, I realize I've had a mild degree of nausea ever since I made myself sick earlier. It's like my actions exacerbated an underlying illness that needs to run its course. While its progression is extremely slow, its symptoms are definitely getting worse.
"No. I love them, but they'd all put The Community before family, love, and life. It's what's been instilled in 'em," I say sadly.
Again, Levi says nothing. I listen to his slow and steady breaths.
"You don't have to stay on the phone with me. I'll bring it back to you tomorrow," I say finally. I can barely hide my disappointment.
"What? No. I love talking to you. It's just the things you tell me are surreal. I have to take them in and get my mind around the world you've lived in your entire life. I wonder how you turned out so different... how you were able to blossom into a beautiful and caring woman when you've lived in an environment where beauty and love are weeded out and beaten down constantly."
Tess.
"There's one person who's encouraged me to be the person I am, and that's Aunt Tess."
"I'd love to meet her one day," Levi says honestly.
I would like nothing more than for Tess to meet Levi and for her to see what a wonderful man he is, but I'll never do that. I'll never share anything about Levi with my friends because I don't trust them. I'll never share anything about Levi with Tess because I want to protect her. If I get into trouble for what I'm doing, that's one thing. If Tess get into trouble because of m
e, I'll never forgive myself.
"Yeah... maybe someday," I say, knowing their meeting will never happen if I can help it.
Suddenly, there's a beep from the phone. I pull it from my ear and look at it. "Levi, it says the battery’s low."
"Do you have the cord I gave you?"
With the phone still to my ear, I hop from the bed and grab it. "I have it. What do I need to do with it?"
"Is there a plug near your bed?"
"Behind my mattress."
"Perfect. Plug it into the wall and the phone. Voila! We can talk until Tope's phone dies," he says, laughing.
I do as Levi directs. I look at the lighted screen and see charging in the corner and am thankful beyond words. I love talking to him and sharing pieces of myself that I've never been allowed to think, much less speak aloud. With this call, I can hang on to my fantasy just a little longer... hang on to the hope that's been seeded inside of me.
I'm suddenly reminded of Mandi, the hatchling I watched earlier in the day. She had a shell protecting her from the world while she grew, matured, and became strong enough to live on her own. Eventually, her need for oxygen instigated her break from her casing.
In some ways, I've spent my life reinforcing my own shell, protecting, shaping, and developing the woman deep inside of me. My day of independence and my budding feelings for Levi—and my craving for more—are forcing me to grow my own egg tooth and to begin chipping away at the shell, freeing the woman I am inside.
I know now the release of my true self will not come without a price. I have to take a long hard look at myself and come to terms with how difficult life within the commune will be once I stop shoving my real thoughts and opinions deep into the recesses of my mind... stop ignoring them (her) for the sake of peace.
The sad reality of what I know is that the degrading life of a tainted union hall whore might be preferable to the path I'm about to embark upon. No man in the commune will tolerate me. In fact, I suspect I'll eventually be killed in order for the men to negate my acts of resistance. The feminist evolving inside of me decides my stand is one meant to save every woman in the commune from a life of sexism, including those who claim they don't want or need their freedom.
