by T. R. Graves
After coming to terms with the fact that I'd rather be dead than pretend for another minute that the beating and enslaving of women is acceptable, I feel like the hatchling who's finally achieved her freedom after a long hard battle. With today's taste, the woman I'm destined to be can never be shoved back into the dark and unyielding world where she's not allowed to think or speak or be herself.
Levi breaks my very serious train of thought, "You're awful quiet, Em. Wanna tell me what you're thinking?"
I smile. "If I told you, you’d think I'm crazy."
"Try me."
"I-I've decide that I'm not going to marry Lorenzo. No matter what Owen does to me. You showed me what courtship should look like, and I'm not sure I can ever go back to the world planned for me by these men. He and I are nothing alike. I'd rather be dead than to have to accept a life where he's my husband and the father of my children." My words are true, and even to my own ears the honesty of how I feel is painful.
"I'll take you out of there myself before anything else'll happen to you. I swear it!" Levi's as angry as I'm emboldened.
"You know, Levi. This is somethin' I have to do on my own. I'm not angry, scared, or bitter. I'm... resigned, and everythin' about my decision feels right. I do have to thank you for makin' me see what I've known my whole life to be true and for givin' me the courage to think differently."
"I still think you should let me break in there and swoop you away. It would make me feel like your knight in shining armor." He chuckles.
I think about that. "You already are."
Levi lets that statement sink in fully. We’re both quiet, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable.
"Tell me what your room looks like, Em," Levi finally says, completely changing the subject. I'm glad to think about something else. Everything about our current topic had gotten entirely too deep and depressing.
"I like when you call me Em. Everybody else calls me Emily or Emi."
The nickname given to me by Levi is instantly more special because it's one that only he uses.
Levi laughs. "Em will be my name for you forever. I especially like that no one else calls you Em. Now, stop procrastinating and tell me about your room."
"Well, it's not as big as the boys’ rooms," I begin.
Levi mocks me. "Well, I don't expect you, a woman, to have a room as big as a man's. I mean really, Em, who do you think you are?"
Levi's comments are meant to be silly, but the message is one I've been conditioned to accept. With Levi's spin, my world suddenly seems even more ridiculous. Delirious, I giggle. It's either laugh or cry.
Levi feeds on my reaction. "Do they make you live in the basement below ground or clean up cinders for your meals?" he continues, laughing with me.
This time, the truth in his very innocent comments sobers me, and I stop giggling.
"I'm sorry, Em. Did I say something that hurt your feelings? If so, I apologize."
He can't see me, but I still shrug my shoulders. "It's nothing, and it's kinda embarrassin' to talk about."
"You should never be embarrassed to talk to me about anything. Did you listen to some of the stories Tope told you tonight?" Levi asks before becoming even more serious. "What I'm saying is it seems to me like you've filtered your thoughts, your emotions, and your words for far too long. I don't want you to feel like you have to do that with me. There's nothing you can't tell me."
I think about it and decide he's absolutely right.
"You're kinda... sorta... right. I do have to work very hard around the house, and I have to teach school. But, none of that is the reason I got a room with a bathroom. The truth is I got it about four years ago when the boys decided my time of the month was not somethin' they wanted or needed to know about."
"If it got you your own bathroom, I'm glad they're a bunch of immature buffoons."
"Yeah. Me, too. But at first, it kinda hurt my feelings because I'm always extra careful about cleaning and straightenin' the bathroom. In fact, I'm shocked Phil even knew anythin'. Phil—he's my oldest stepbrother—is the one who complained the most," I say, reliving all the humiliating conversations I'd overheard between my brother and Owen.
Not only had I been made to live through nature's initiation into womanhood without a woman in the house, but I had to live through the uncomfortable stares of my father and brothers. They all treated me like I'd betrayed them. Phil was the only one who was vocal about it.
Finally, Levi says, "I'm sure it had more to do with him and his realization his little sister had become a woman. He was probably struggling between his emotions for you and those he's been told he should have for women in general. Don't let it bother you."
"You're right. He treated me like I'd let him down by growin' up. He slept at the union hall for weeks until finally Owen suggested I take the room with the bathroom. As soon as I moved into this room, he came back home and moved his stuff into the bigger room without the bathroom."
"It sounds like you have a house full of enlightened men living with you. Now, what color is your room?" Levi asks, redirecting me once again.
"I begged Aunt Tess to paint it the color of butter because it reminded me of summer days. Summer is my favorite time of the year. Owen and the boys are gone, and everybody relaxes a little when they're away."
This peaks the very astute Levi's attention. "Where do they go every summer?"
I cringe. I know more about what they do than I want to know... more than any other woman knows because I live with The Community's leader. As Owen's daughter, I've seen firsthand his wrath. I make the conscious decision to keep some of the most secret details to myself. I'm not doing this because I don't trust Levi. For reasons I can't explain, I do trust him just as much as I trust Tess. Instead, I'm doing this because I want to protect him like I want to protect Tess. In order to do that, I can't—won't—tell him everything I know. That's the best way to shield him from the men in my life and their illegal activities.
"I'm not sure if you realize this, but there are other communes just like this one," I say, deciding there are some less dangerous facts that can be shared.
"No. No, I'd only heard rumors about yours before today. It never occurred to me there were others."
"There are. When the men go, they take with them the women who are being traded to other communes."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Well, the men in my community decide who they want to be promised to and ask Owen if he'll allow it. If Owen agrees, the man gives the woman a promise band so everybody knows she's taken."
"When you're promised to a man, does he get to rape you?" Levi's angry.
"No one here sees it like that. We're nothin' more than another of their possessions. In their minds, they have the right to do whatever they want. As bad as that is, it's not the worst thing that happens to us."
"What can be worse than being raped?"
"If the man you're promised to decides he doesn't want to marry you, he can ask for you to be traded to another commune. Things have to be pretty bad for him to do that because he has to take whoever the other commune sends back to him, sight unseen. Most of the men are afraid of who he'll get stuck with. They only make a trade as a last resort. I'd say it happens about once a year. This year, Josh Cane sent Riley Gant, the woman he'd been promised to for two years, away because Riley hadn't gotten pregnant yet. That's a make-or-break deal since that's one of the only things men need from us."
"Yeah. God forbid they treat you like the human being you are. Besides, he may be the reason she's not pregnant. Maybe he's shooting blanks, or even worse, maybe she can't get pregnant while she's being raped," Levi spits out.
"I'm not tryin' to make you mad. I was just sharin' with you," I say.
"I'm not mad at you, Em. I'm mad at the sheer ignorance of the men you've been telling me about."
"You know what's really sad?"
"Don't tell me there's more."
"I'm sure you won't believe this, but I think Jos
h really loved Riley. It seems to me he got tired of the other men makin' fun of him because they didn't have kids yet. Since Riley is twenty-one, this is the last year Josh could send her away. He picked a chance at havin' kids over Riley."
"Jesus, Em. There's no way for the women within your community to win. Is there?"
"No. There really ain't. Makin' the entire thin' worse is the way the women of this commune shun the women who come in. Especially if the woman who gets sent away has sisters. It jus' never works out well."
Levi is quiet before saying, "Em, the men of your community are not leaving for an entire summer just to take one woman to another commune. They're doing something else while they're gone. You don't have to tell me what they're really doing, but can you tell me if it puts you in danger?"
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Oh my God! Somebody's at the door, Levi!" My terrified whisper is louder than I intend it to be.
CHAPTER 5
Going Gentle
Levi
God dammit!
I fling the sleeping bag off. Then, I snatch the tent's zipper open and run as fast as I can toward the forest in the same direction Emily went earlier. I have no idea where the fence's hole is or the exact location of her house, but I'm determined to find it and her.
Emily
I hear Levi as he jerks the tent flap open, the twigs breaking under the weight of his all-out run, and his breath as it comes faster and faster. He meant what he said earlier, and he's running to save me.
"Em... there's no way for me to get there quick enough... I want you to tuck my cellphone... somewhere no one will know about it... I want to hear what's going on... Do you understand me?" he says between breaths. The desperation in his voice frightens me more than I am already.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
The newest round of beating on the front door causes my hands to shake, but I'm determined not to let that or my racing heart prevent me from doing what I need to do.
"Listen, Levi. You stay put. The last thing I need is for you to make your way into the fence and for Alex or Bobbi to catch you."
"I'm coming, Emily. I don't give a shit what they do to me."
It's my job to make him see reason. It's my job to protect him. From himself.
"Just wait. I'll have the phone with me. You'll know if I need anything. If I do, you can call whoever you want. Okay?"
I can almost hear him as he slows. "All right, Em. I want you to talk loud enough for me to know what's going on... Please."
"I will. I promise."
BANG! BANG! BANG!
This round of knocks is so powerful I think the door's hinges might actually break.
"I'm goin' down now. I'll have the phone tucked..." I glance down and realize there's no pocket in my granny pajamas and I don't have a bra on. "...in my undies. Don't say anything."
I quickly slip the phone in the front of my panties after deciding it can slide down and out if I tried to secure it to my hip. Nothing about its new home is comfortable, but I don't have time to do anything else.
I curse Owen for taking every gun in the house on their trip and sneak my way down the hall. On the way past Joe's room, I grab his baseball bat and head down the stairs.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Forr Christ'ss sake, Emmily! Open this damnn doorr!" Lorenzo yells. His words are slow and slurred, and with them, I know he's drunk.
I speak out loud so Levi can hear me. "It's Lorenzo, and he's drunk."
Even though I told Levi not to say anything, I hear him. "Don't you open the door for him, Emily. Tell him I said to go and fuck himself."
"Shh!"
I pad over to the window overlooking the front porch and pull the curtain to the side. With the brightness of the moon as the backdrop, I see Lorenzo with perfect clarity. His eyes are closed, and he's leaning against the doorjamb. Right before he passes out, he jerks awake and begins banging again.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"EMMILYY!"
Just when he's about to beat on the door again, I say, "What do you want, Lorenzo? It's late and I'm sick." My voice quivers, and I quietly curse my show of fear.
Lorenzo's fists stop midair. "Wherre inn the helll havve you beenn?"
He's staring through the window at me, and I'm sure he's about to use his fists to break the windowpane... and maybe my face. Even then, I stand up to him. "I've been here. Why?"
"I'vve beenn by here a dozen timmes. Why haven't you come to the doorr before noww."
"I'm not sure you've heard, but I'm sick. I've been sleeping. What do you need?"
"Lett mee inn."
I laugh. "Yeah, that's gonna happen. You made it perfectly clear to me today what you would do if you're gave the first chance. I'm here by myself, and it's not appropriate for you to be coming by until Owen returns."
"Oppen this doorr or so help mme. We're promissed, and I cann do whateverr I wannt."
The rage in his eyes and his voice does little to improve his slurring or change my resolve to keep him on that side of the door. When he straightens his back and his face turns red, I know he'll hurt me really bad if he gets his hands on me tonight.
"Go home and sleep it off. I'm not opening this door for you," I say with more conviction than I feel. I know better than to deny anything to a man. I also know Owen would smack me around good for my defiance.
Lorenzo beats on the door again and confirms what I suspect. "I swear to ffuckin' God I'm gonna beat the shit outta ya the ssecond I get my hands onn ya."
"LORENZO, whatcha doin'?" Alex yells. She may be a scary security guard, but she and Bobbie are all I have tonight.
As if a switch were flipped, he sobers and stops slurring. "I'm promised to Emily, and I'm tryin' to get in her house, 'cept she won't let me in," Lorenzo says. With Alex, he's more whiny than angry.
"Hmm! Owen left me and Bobbi instructions to keep an eye on Emily and the house, and he never once told us the two of you were promised. Why don't ya head back over to Tess's house? When Owen gets back, we can get this all worked out," Alex says with a competent intimidation I've never seen her possess.
Alex sees my face in the window and gives me a reassuring nod. Her hand grips the gun hanging from her belt, and I know she's prepared to use it if necessary. She doesn't give a rat's ass that Lorenzo's a male and she's a female. I have a new respect for the person charged with my security.
"I'm a man. You're a dyke bitch, and you can't tell me what to do," Lorenzo says hatefully.
I almost smile when I see Alex's hand squeeze the gun tighter. She's not afraid of or worried about what would happen to her if she hurt Lorenzo. If anything, Alex has to restrain herself from beating the shit out of him. She'd been given permission to serve and protect by Owen himself. Based on her bowed stance and clenched jaw, she isn’t going to let a smartass punk like Lorenzo take away the authority she's been given, and he sure as hell wasn't going to disrespect her by calling her names.
With a patience contradicting her demeanor, Alex says, "I'm gonna walk ya back to Tess's. Then, I'm gonna come back here and talk to Emily. You can walk with me, or I can drag you behind me. Which will it be?"
She looks like she really wants him to refuse... like she'd give anything if he would give her a real reason to beat the shit out of him tonight. I instantly love her like I never loved her before.
Lorenzo is sober enough to know she means what she says. He glares over to me. I'm peering out the window and watching in fascination. He gives me a wicked smile and threatens, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Instinctively, I say, "I'm still sick. I won't be at the union hall tomorrow, and I won't answer the door if you come back here. Stay away until Owen returns. You hear me?"
“Hmph.” Lorenzo hatefully says, "We'll see."
He ducks his head and heads back toward Tess's house, Alex following close behind him. I know she'll be back.
Levi
I've never met dickhead Lorenzo, but I'm sure I could beat the hell out of him for ever
ything he's ever done to Emily.
I would give anything to be there with her. As bizarre as it seems, I feel like we've known each other for years rather than hours. And I can't deny the fact that something about her makes me want to step in and protect her. I'm not sure if it's the way she puts on her best face and tries to act like she's the one person strong enough to shelter everyone or if it's the sadness in her eyes that tells me she knows she's not. I just know I'm fascinated by Emily's every word, and I'm drawn to her beauty like a moth to a flame.
I'm no longer running. Instead, I'm pacing the parameter of the fence in search of the hole. I want to know exactly where it is. Tonight, I have no plans of going in or exploring, but later, I have every intention of finding the path to Emily's house. I've seen a defiance in her eyes that tells me things are only going to get worse. She's going to need me, and I plan to be there for her.
There it is.
Emily
Hiding within the shadows of the stairs, I pull out the phone. "Levi? Are you still there?" I whisper.
"Yeah, Em. I'm here. If that piece of shit lays one hand on you, I'll take care of him myself," Levi swears.
"He's gone for the night. Alex'll be back in a few minutes. I may have pushed my luck as far as I can afford for one day. I'll see you in the morning."
"Promise?"
I smile. "I promise on a stack of Bibles a mile high that you and I'll spend the day together tomorrow."
"Em?"
"Yes, Levi."
"That's your phone now. I want you to hide it under your mattress so you and I can talk every night from now on. I'll get a new one as soon as Tope and I get back home."
Can he be more perfect?
"Thanks. I'll see you first thing in the morning."
"Sweet dreams, Em," Levi says before hanging up.
As soon as the phone goes silent, I—once again—feel alone and lost. I've known Levi less than twelve hours, yet I feel like I've known him my whole life and like I can't live the rest of my life without him. I can't. I won't.
