by T. R. Graves
Levi circles his arms around me. "Yeah. That's the reason he took advantage of the opportunity to kiss the most beautiful woman in the world."
He sends another glare toward Tope who laughs to himself and shrugs it off.
"The two of you got what you deserved. You tried to cheat, and she licked me."
Neither Levi nor I have a retort. He's right.
"Now, you two take the poles and catch us some supper. I'm gonna make a few calls," Tope says, reverting back to the irritated state he'd been in that morning before he loosened up and actually seemed to be kind of fun.
I don't know Tope well, but I swear I see something else cross his face—sadness mixed with jealousy—when he glances at me before crawling into his tent. Levi, who's missed the entire exchange, pulls me toward the rocks.
Alone for the first time in hours, Levi takes full advantage of our isolation by kissing me until I can't breathe and we hear Tope yelling, "We'll be eating military rations if you don't put the lines in the water."
Levi turns and waves his middle finger toward Tope, who says, "Bring it on. I'd love another bet and another kiss from Emily. The first one was unforgettable."
Levi curses under his breath. "Em, I won't give in to his taunting again. I promise."
I roll my eyes. "You better not put me in that position again. If you do, I'll kiss him so long and hard neither of you will ever forget it."
Levi leans into my ear, kisses my neck, and says, "I better not ever see you lay those beautiful lips on anyone else again. Not even Tope. I trust him more than anyone in the world, but I see the way he looks at you. I've never seen him look at anyone that way."
I shake my head. "That's all in your imagination. He's just worried about you. He's gone outta his way to tell me that he will hold me personally accountable if anythin' happens to you."
"No. It's more than that, but I don't blame him," Levi says, kissing me one more time. "Now, let's catch us some supper."
Levi baits the first line and casts it out into the lake before handing it to me for me to jerk and wind back in. I'm not a big fisherman, but I've seen my brothers do it enough to know the motions. A few seconds later, Levi has his line in the water with mine.
He's more committed to his task than me. I find my attention distracted by the tiniest thing: dragonflies landing on the rocks next to me; bullfrogs dangling from their lily pads and struggling to get on top; and turtles’ heads poking out from the surface of the water, blowing bubbles with each breath. Levi, on the other hand, has his focus on the fish jumping in and out of the water. With each sighting, he reels in his line and throws it toward the direction of the jumping fish.
An hour later, neither of us has gotten anything more than a few nibbles. I've resigned myself to going without supper and watching Levi and Tope choke down the military rations when the pole in my hands lurches so hard it nearly flies into the water.
I grab on with both hands and scream, "I got one!"
Levi drops his pole, gets behind me, and wraps his arms around me. He puts his left hand over mine holding the pole and his right hand over mine turning the reel. He slowly and gently pulls back and turns the reel... pulls back and turns the reel... pulls back and turns the reel until the fish is flopping in and out of the water near my rock.
"He's a big one. Hold on to him, Em. I'm going to grab the net," Levi says with the same calm as he's been demonstrating the entire time we've been reeling in the fish.
His steady tranquility is exactly what I need to keep me from losing our supper. In a movement so quick, I only see a blur. Levi snatches the net up, scoops it through the water, and comes up with a striped bass that has to be between five and six pounds. Levi drops the silver-and-black striped fish onto the rock next to me and frees him from the hook that's puncturing the side of his mouth.
"Oh my! That is a big one. Isn't it?" I say. I notice my hands and the way they are quivering from the excitement.
"It sure is," Levi says, grabbing the fish by his bottom jaw and causing his mouth to form an open ring and his gills to protrude.
"Now, let's get him clean and ready for supper."
I'm not at all ready for that blood and guts task. I squirm and say, "I-I think I'll go foraging for vegetables to eat with the fish. Aunt Tess's garden is near the lake so she doesn't have to worry about her vegetables and fruits not gettin' enough water. Do you have an extra knife I can borrow?"
Levi's obviously disappointed by my suggestion because it means we're going to be apart for the next few minutes. "Sure. Take this one, and I'll get Tope's to clean the fish with," he says with only the briefest hesitation.
I take the large pocketknife he's handed me. Its handle is made from a deer's antler. Familiarizing myself with it, I unfold and fold it several times in order to make sure I don't slice off a finger when using it. Then, I head in the exact opposite direction as Levi.
Behind the rocks and not far from the lake, I see Tess's tree. It's the land marker for her underground garden. She swears everything grows better near the lake, but Owen won't allow anyone but Tess to plant their garden outside the commune's borders.
I slide down into the pit that is just big enough for one. Planting one foot steady on the ground and digging the other on the wall in front of me, my legs make a perfect L. As soon as I'm steady, I begin digging, twisting, tearing, and tunneling in search of the earth's bounty. It doesn't take long for me to uncover enough potatoes, carrots, and green onions for a side dish.
Bundling my vegetables in the T-shirt I'd worn to the lake earlier, I tie it into a sack and throw it out of the pit.
"Whoa! What the hell! You almost hit me," Tope shouts.
I reach out of the pit, grasping for the root I usually use to pull myself out. Instead, I find a very strong hand grabbing mine and pulling me out of the vegetable hole. I don't say anything. I just accept Tope's offer.
When I'm back on solid ground—both feet firmly planted—Tope leans close enough to me to make me uncomfortable and says, "Are you going to tell me what you're doing down there?"
His words are pragmatic, but the seductiveness in his voice is anything but practical. The way he breathes me in and stands close to me takes me right back to where we were after he kissed my forehead earlier. If anyone walked up on us right then, they would have thought he'd just told me he'd love to see me naked and in his arms, and I was happy about it. I'm completely hypnotized by him.
"Well?" he asks, dragging me from my daze.
"I-I'm getting vegetables to go with the fish I caught," I stammer nervously.
Tope leans over and looks down into the pit. "Are you sure there's nothing else down there I need to know about."
By then, I've completely regained my senses. He assumed I'm up to something... that I'm no more trustworthy than Owen or the boys. Indignant, I jerk away from him, pick up my vegetable-filled T-shirt, and snatch the ties open before holding them out for Tope to see.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you. The only thing I've been doing is hunting for food," I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster.
Something about Tope's distrust after looking at me like I'm the most desirable woman in the world hurts my feelings, but I refuse to let him know. Tope gently grabs my arm and pulls me toward him.
"I'm sorry, Emily. I-it's my job to make sure Levi doesn't get hurt."
"Yeah. I get that. I won't get him mixed up in my family's business. Don't worry. I'm just here to hang out. Then, I'll be on my merry way, and the two of you can go back to the world you're used to livin' in. You won't even have to think about me or my family past today."
I can't help myself. When I think I may never see Levi again, my eyes tear.
"I really am sorry," Tope says.
I jerked away from him again and stomp toward the other side of Tess's tree. I knew exactly what I was going to find there, an amazing patch of fresh strawberries. Ignoring the wonderful berry scent saturating the air, I snatch them one-by-one from the vines and put them o
n top of the vegetables I've already harvested.
Tope quietly picks fruit next to me. The tension between us is palpable. I'm sure there’s something he wants to tell me, and I'm equally sure he's afraid to. When we've gathered enough for our meal, I stand up. This time I stomp toward the lake so I can wash the fruits and vegetables thoroughly.
I sit on the same rock I'd been sitting on when I caught the fish and drop my feet into the water. I lean over and scrub one vegetable at a time until they're squeaky clean. Mimicking my every action, Tope sits next to me, using a much gentler hand, and cleans the strawberries
Throwing his last one into the basket, he suddenly blurts, "You may not believe that I'm sorry, but I am." He clears his throat and says, "I-I'm also a little jealous. I mean... I come up here to be with Levi and find that I have to share him with you." He sighs loudly.
I notice he says you as if it's a four-letter word. That hurts just a little. Then he clears his throat and looks like he hates having to say his next words... like they’re razor blades passing over his tongue
"Honestly, it's more than that. I can tell he really likes you. I've never seen him act with anyone the way he acts with you. His feelings are strong, and I need to respect them. The problem is I can't keep myself from liking you, too, and that makes me angry. With myself and not you. Though I'm sure you think I'm directing it toward you. Nothing could be further from the truth."
I glance over to Tope who looks a little less pained now that he's gotten his confession off his chest. Even then, I can tell how much he hates telling me how he really feels.
Now that I understand where his anger is coming from, I breathe a sigh of relief. Seeing him like this and knowing the real reasons behind his quiet hostility, I decide instantly to forgive him. There's no way for me to hate this Tope. Not when he's this sweet and vulnerable. I flash him a lopsided grin.
"Don't beat yourself up too much. I think it has more to do with the constant state of competition the two of you seem to be in," I say, opening the knife and using it to slice the potatoes thin enough for them to cook quickly.
Tope chuckles. "What do you mean?"
I roll my eyes. "For goodness sakes. The two of you compete for everything. Who can dive the deepest, swim the farthest, hold your breath the longest, make it to the camp first. Do I need to go on?"
Tope thinks about it, shrugs, and nods in agreement. Suddenly, our attention is directed toward the water where Mandi, my baby duck, is stuck belly deep in mud. She is flapping and chirping like it's a matter of life and death, but there's no one to free her since she's ventured, yet again, away from her mother and siblings.
I'm just about to drop my knife and head over to help the pitiful duckling when Tope dashes around me. I watch in fascination as he kneels, very delicately cups his hand around the top of her body so her wings won't flail around or break, pulls her from the mud, and walks with Mandi to the edge of the lake where he washes the muck from her webbed feet and downy coat of yellow feathers.
"There you go," he says, releasing her and letting her go in search of her family.
Despite his kindness, she can't get away from Tope fast enough. Tope's tenderness toward the duck makes him all the more endearing. At that moment, the darkness that normally wafts around him vanishes, and he looks more like Levi than I ever imagined possible.
After watching the duck until she makes it to her mother, Tope turns back and notices my disbelieving stare.
"What?" he asks, putting his hands out in front of him and shrugging his shoulders.
I smile and say, "I'm not sure you're as mean and heartless as you’d have me believe."
"Really?" Tope says, running toward me.
I drop the knife and put my hands out in surrender because I can tell by the mischievous grin on his face he's about to throw me head first into the water. He swoops my legs out from underneath me, throws me over his shoulder, and dives with me into the lake.
Once I'm oriented, I notice Tope is swimming back to the surface. I quickly decide I'll beat him if it's the last thing I do. I kick and swim in his direction, and just seconds before he makes it back to the water's top, I catch up with him and use his shoulders to push myself up while shoving him down.
Treading water, I laugh hysterically while I watch for Tope to emerge. When he does, he's laughing as hard as me.
"That was so wrong."
I say, "I did what I had to do to win."
Tope stops laughing and says, "You know... you really surprise me. There's not one commune stereotype you meet. You aren't afraid of strangers. You're trusting of people outside of the commune. You're kind to anyone and everyone no matter how they treat you. You're competitive enough to want to win even if your competitor is a man. And the most amazing thing about you is how comfortable you are showing your body. Trust me when I say it's unbelievably beautiful, so I'm glad, but no other woman within the commune would sacrifice so much for so little. A day at the lake with some strangers."
Quiet, I think long and hard about everything Tope's said. I decide instantly that not only is he astute... he's right. The closest thing to me is Tess, and Tess keeps her insubordination hidden better than I'll ever be able to. I also can't help but mull over the compliments Tope's given me throughout the afternoon. They’re open, honest, and reeking with heartache. I wonder to myself if Tope's just broken up with someone and if I remind him of that woman. I'll have to remember to ask Levi.
Staring over at the lake's horizon and watching the mammoth-sized sun mirroring off the lake's surface as it sets, I realize that my time with Levi and Tope has been the only time in my life when I've been allowed to be myself. And it's almost over. My reality hits me hard. With an ache in my chest, I turn away from Tope and swim back toward the lake’s bank.
"I'm not sure if you realize this, but it doesn't matter if I'm like 'em or not. The commune's where I live, and they’re who I'll become after I've been beat down long enough and hard enough."
Back on the rocks, I resign myself to the fact that I'm nothing more than the person who should be preparing supper rather than someone who's been gifted with the luxury of playing, laughing, and swimming. I grab the knife and resume slicing the potatoes and carrots.
Tope climbs out of the water, shakes off, and walks over to me. Putting his hand over mine, he says, "You caught the fish and hunted for vegetables, and Levi's cleaning the fish. I'll cut the potatoes and carrots and cook. You can sit there and watch or you can go find Levi."
Somehow, Tope's choices leave me feeling like I've just been given a challenge. I decide to prove Tope wrong once again. I don’t go chasing after Levi. I wait right where I am, leaving him to find me.
While I wait for Levi to come back with the clean fish, I sit down on the rocks and watch the water's gentle wind-driven ripples while wisps of my hair tickle my cheeks. Neither Tope nor I speak for the longest time.
"I-I don't mean to make you sad, Emily. It's just that everything about you surprises and intrigues me. You've snuck out of the commune twice even though you and I know if you're caught you'll be beaten. In spite of that, you're down by the lake making out with an outsider you barely know. You either have a death wish or you're desperate to take your chances with an outsider in order to make your way out of The Community."
I look over my shoulder and raise my eyebrow suspiciously. "How do you know so much about us? It's like you're a scientist who studies us from afar and documents our behaviors for future reference. Is it possible the reason I intrigue you is the fact that I'm not doing what you expect, and that makes you want to study me even more? You know... to make sure your records are perfect."
Again, Tope is silent for a long time. Then his demeanor changes. It's like the secrets he's been holding back from me all day are suddenly ripe and ready to be told.
"I know a lot about your commune because I'm the DA who hauls your men in and questions them at the end of every summer. I know more than I want to know because I've had to talk to
the women they've trafficked, the men they've beaten, and the family members who've buried their children after they got hooked on the commune's drugs or overdosed on your bartender's moonshine."
CHAPTER 8
All Good Things Must End
Tope
I regret my confession almost as soon as I say it because I see the hurt, the betrayal, the fear as each individual emotion crosses Emily's face.
When the vacillation of her emotions ends, they've landed squarely on anger, and I feel even worse for what I've just done. I'm not even sure what made me tell her anything, but the dishonesty—even if it was nothing more than a lie of omission—was bothering me too much. I care for her even if she doesn't know it... even if she has no idea what all I’m doing for her and Tess.
I'm about to reach out to her.
Emily
"What the shit?" I yell.
I jump to my feet and look around to see if there's any way to escape the man who's standing in front of me... the man who embodies everything I've been taught my entire life to hate.
Now that I know exactly who Tope is, I know how bad it is that I've just spent two days with him. I try to remember every word I've said so I'll know if I've betrayed the commune in ways I'd not planned. Even if I didn't, I'd given Tope lots of ammunition. He could easily blackmail me by threatening to tell Owen what I've been doing the last two days if I don't become his snitch.
On top of everything else I did, I weakened my father's alibi. My carelessness made the commune vulnerable in ways it had never been before. I could kick myself. And Tope.
For my entire life, Owen and my brothers left for the summer. Without fail, they returned—at least most of them did—right before fall, looking haggard, bloodied, and bruised. A day or two later, the police would show up, raid the commune, and the questioning would begin.
I've been coached nonstop on the fine art of being interrogated. It boiled down to: Keep it in the family. I've been made to endure years and years of intense mock interrogations in order to be prepared. Brainwashed. In every scenario, I—no one else—am always supposed to be Owen's alibi.
