by T. R. Graves
On cue, I mentally recite the lines I've been programmed to deliver in response to questions regarding Owen's whereabouts.
My father slept every night this summer at our house. Almost every one of those nights, he and I fell asleep on the couch readin'. or I know he doesn't get up and leave without me knowin' about it because I fell asleep curled up with my head in his lap, a tradition he began when I was just one year old and my mother left me.
Damn! This is bad.
The end of summer raids is somewhat of a tradition, but they'd gotten more aggressive over the last few years based on everyone's reports. I, of all people, am going to be The Community's undoing this year. There's no doubt in my mind that Owen will have me killed before he risks everyone's freedom.
The Community is tight and their loyalty to my father and his visions for them is unwavering. There's not a single soul ever to break during the unending questioning that follows the raids. No one had ever been considered a risk. Until now.
I'd gotten my first taste of questioning and isolation when I was fifteen. That year, I was hauled into one of the smallest prison cells in existence. It was complete with cinderblock walls that had vulgar graffiti everywhere the paint wasn't peeled off, a lumpy mattress cot that stunk like horses defecated on it, a stainless toilet that was so cold it froze my ass when I couldn't hold it any longer, and a sink that had mold sprouting from its faucet and drain hole.
The DA at the time left me there for hours without a book or anything else to occupy my mind. With a strategy that was so obvious his team of people might as well have had subtitles following them around and telling me what we're doing, the first man came and explained to me that I would spend the rest of my life in prison cells if I didn't cooperate with them and help them put the right people behind bars. Then, that roly-poly man left me to think about the prison life I had in store for me.
Throughout the next few isolating hours, my thoughts alternated between loyalty to The Community and hope I'd never have to return to it. After all, my life within the commune was barely any better than prison life. I wasn’t allowed to come and go as I pleased; I was constantly being told what to think and how to act; I was slapped around for the slightest transgressions; and eventually, I was going to be married to a man I had no say in choosing.
When I began to doze from boredom, the next man arrived, beating and banging his way back to my cell. His task was to intimidate me and make me think he would use violence if necessary. With his technique, I shut down. I knew he'd never be able to do more to me than Owen. This method was the least effective with me. I curled into a ball, closed my eyes, and thought only of the world I wish I lived in.
Later, the final person came back and begged me to tell her everything I know. She implored to my sense of humanity by telling my all kinds of lies weaved with bits of truth in order to make them seem real. This is a masterful technique. It's one I might well have fallen for if I hadn't been prepared for their final act of desperation.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that Tope's presence could be a new form of interrogation. If it is, it’s one I've never been trained to withstand and has caught me off guard because I wasn’t in the cinderblock cell I equated with interrogation.
"Jesus! Has all of this been concocted to get me to talk or to see if you can get me to testify against The Community leaders, my daddy, and my brothers? What kind of person do you think I am, you asshole?"
The more I scream, the more hysterical I become. Tope doesn't even try to defend himself. He has, however, stopped slicing the potatoes and stands stunned, holding a potato in one hand and the knife in the other. I notice the roll of his jaw and arm muscles. They ripple in a manner that tells me it’s taking everything in him to hold back.
Then, the worst thought ever hits me. It instantly brings tears to my eyes.
"I-is Levi part of your game? Have the two of you been playing me? I should have known. He's been nicer... kinder... to me than anyone has ever been. Jiminy Christmas! I should have known!"
I'm ashamed of how quickly I've trusted these men and given them what they want. I can't believe the way I've betrayed my family and friends without a second thought... without intending to.
I don't care that I'm soaking wet. I snatch my shorts and shirt off the rock and begin dressing. I keep my back toward Tope. I can't stand the sight of him right now. My nerves buzz with hate.
"Em... is something wrong?" Levi returns and finds me soaking wet, crying, and distressed.
I glare over at him and see his concern. I feel like someone has just pierced my heart with a spear. It hurts so terribly. My pain only adds fuel to my fire.
"You don't have to keep pretending. The very gullible girl from the commune knows what the two of you have been doing," I spit, wiping tears from my eyes so I can have a clear view of the two of them.
After a lifetime of watching men's tempers, I expect one of them to step forward and threaten me until I quiet, proving once and for all that every man truly is created from the same cloth.
When Levi bolts toward me, I duck. Instead of hitting me, he gently clutches the tops of my arms, pulls me into a hug, and turns his anger on Tope.
"What the hell have you done to her? Did you touch her?"
When he does, I completely lose it. I cry the ugly cry that I never let anyone see. I'm sure my face is bizarrely contorted and my crying is embarrassingly loud, but I can't do anything to stop it. The harder I cry, the tighter Levi holds me and the more determined he is to not let me go.
"I'm going to ask one more time. What the fuck did you do to her, Tope?"
I hear the growl of words as they rumble through his chest. His anger over whatever injustice he believes Tope has carried out against me is unmistakable. It makes me cry even harder. This time, I'm grateful Levi wasn't in on Tope's master plan. I hug Levi back.
Finally, a sheepish Tope speaks up. "I-I told her who I really am, where I work, and what I do. That's all. I swear"
Levi pulls back from me, and I feel his stare burn into me.
"Is that the truth, Em?" Levi's questioning of Tope had been loud and angry, but his questioning of me is sweet and tender.
I hang my head lower and nod as more tears drip from the corner of my eyes.
His anger instantly returned. "I'm assuming that means something to her, and I suppose you knew it would or you wouldn't have been so determined to share those facts with her."
Tope sighs with frustration.
"Yes. I'm charged with bringing the leaders of the commune to justice. It's my job to direct the team interrogating her and the other women after the men make it back to the commune. This year, it will be worse than ever." He pauses and looks like he's swallowing down his own anger. "Because of that, I thought it would be better if I were honest with her so she could make a conscious decision about the information she shared with you or me. I'm not questioning her, but rather trying to keep her from saying anything she doesn't want brought back up later. I'm sorry, again, for upsetting you, Emily. I assure you that my intent was never to hurt you... even though it seems like I'm quite proficient at doing just that."
Levi keeps me nestled tightly to his chest, comforting and protecting me his only goal.
"Can you give us a few minutes, Tope? I want to talk to her alone."
I never hear Tope's response, but I see the blur of his shadow from the corner of my eye as he passes a few seconds later.
After Levi knows Tope's well out of hearing range, he says, "Em, are you going to be okay? I can go beat the shit out of him, but it wouldn't really do any good. He doesn't know what he's done or said to upset you. He thinks he was helping you out."
I pull away from Levi. The entire incident has ruined what was on track to be the best day of my life. This encounter with Tope is the perfect ending to something that could never be anyway.
All good things must come to an end.
I feel as deflated and low as a ten-day-old helium balloon. Tope might as well ha
ve beaten me given the way he's made me feel. It's way worse than any punch I've ever taken from Owen or my brothers. Probably because I've always known what the men in my family were capable of. This hurt—at the hands of Tope—is one I never saw coming.
Resigned to the hand I've been dealt, I pull away from Levi and mumble, "Yeah. I'm sure you're right." I regain my composure. The mere thought of my next words are as difficult to think as they are to say. "I-I need to go anyway."
I don't wait for Levi's response. I snatch up my basket and slip on my shoes. Levi doesn't move. He stands dazed and confused. Just when I'm about to climb the hill going toward the campsite, he steps toward me.
"Em, don't let Tope ruin our day. Is there anything I can do that’ll make you change your mind and spend the rest of the evening with me?" He takes a few more steps toward me. "I was hoping to have supper with you, take you somewhere private, and get to know you even better," Levi says with a smoky-eyed seduction that sends a flash of fire through me.
I can't help but resent the woman I've freed from deep inside me because she's still insisting there's something more for me and Levi is clearing the path. I make a mental note to rebuild the shell and shove my inner woman back into it before I get hurt any deeper.
I'll do that tomorrow.
Right now, I want everything Levi has offered me. My pace slows to a crawl. I hate myself for wanting Levi with a desperation that’s powerful enough to make me ignore my good common sense and put myself in danger.
Levi sees my reluctance and moves in for the kill.
"Please, Em. I'll regret it the rest of my life if you leave before we've had a chance to show each other that this thing between us is more than just infatuation. More than your need to escape from..." Levi doesn’t finish his sentence, but I know what he was going to say.
By then, he's just a few feet away from me, watching me intently. I stare into his brilliant blue eyes and debate my decision—remain loyal to the commune and remove all hints that I'll put anything or anyone before them or stay and selfishly give in to the temptation that’s been building between Levi and me for two days.
Knowing this is my only chance to have a few minutes of happiness to help me make it through a lifetime of misery, I nod before wiping away the last of my tears.
"I'll stay for as long as I can."
Levi beams. He very carefully approaches me. When he reaches out to touch me, it's so slow and careful that I'm reminded of someone who's trying to befriend a wild animal. Before long, he has me squeezed back into his embrace, and his shoulders visibly relax.
"We're going to eat. Then, we're going to find a place where it's just the two of us. I'm really pissed with Tope right now. He has a charm most people can't resist. That's how he became a DA at such a young age. I wish he would’ve used just one ounce of his talent when he talked to you earlier."
Levi's description of Tope stops me short, and I realize Tope is a complicated man with lots of unexpected sides. At first, I thought he was just like every other distrustful and hate-filled man I knew. After seeing him for just a few minutes with Levi, I learned he has the capacity to love very deeply, and with his love comes a fierce need to protect. One I can respect because I would do anything to protect the people I love.
Earlier, he showed me he's a sweet, caring man who’s willing to jump into action and rescue a tiny duck who'd gotten herself into trouble. When he told me who he was, I saw a passionate man who takes his job seriously and wants to hold my family accountable for the laws they’re breaking. Now, Levi’s telling me he has a charming side. If I close my eyes for just a second, I can see that. Every single time he's told me I'm beautiful and he's attracted to me, he's enlisted those talents.
Seeing the very complicated Tope through a new set of eyes makes me feel guilty for assuming he's a man with the moral character of the commune's leaders. In fact, the opposite is true. Rather than poking and prodding me for details and then using that very information against The Community, he's warned me not to say anything that would come back to haunt me, making sure I'm never put in that position. I can't help but be relieved that my assumptions about Tope are right. He’s not a man willing to do anything to further his career. That particular side of him is as surprising as anything else I've learned.
With a shaky breath, I say, "I need to apologize to Tope. After thinkin' about it, I'm sure he thought it was best to warn me that he would use anythin' I said against me. He didn't have to tell me anythin'. He could have just done it. I overreacted. I-if you can't tell, I have trust issues when it comes to men." I sniffle one last time.
"I hope that list of men you don't trust doesn't include me, Em. I'd never do anything to hurt you."
"That's just the thing, Levi. I've trusted you since the minute I met you. I can't explain why, but it's true," I say sincerely.
"Good. You should know you can trust Tope if you need anything. He's a good man. Now, let's go find him," Levi says, intertwining his fingers with mine and squeezing them tight.
Back at the camp, we find a very solemn Tope. He's rebuilt the fire. I notice he has a tinfoil log resting just outside the fire's parameter. My stomach growls the instant I smell the roasting bass. He glances up at us and then back down at the skillet filled with sliced potatoes, julienned carrots, and chopped chives that he's swirling around over the fire.
"Listen, Tope, I'm sorry for everything. I now understand why you told me who you are and what you do. You're right. I'd rather know now than after you begin questionin' me at the end of the summer... usin' things against me I might’ve said. Your job is your job, and I don't expect any special treatment. I'll be careful about what I say, leave today, and see you at the end of the summer," I say before pausing and looking at my feet. "W-will anybody in the commune be told about us meetin' out here yesterday and today? If anyone finds out, I'll get a beatin'. Maybe that's what I deserve—"
Tope interrupts me. "No one but the three of us will ever, ever know about our time out here. As long as you don't slip up and say something I'm legally obligated to disclose, I'll treat this time with the privacy I give to everything else in my life that's not work related."
I nod. I feel like we've set some boundaries with our relationship, and even if I shouldn't, I trust both of these men with my life. I know this because I'm staying with them even after learning who Tope is. If anyone in The Community ever found out about this, they would kill me for sure.
Just as quickly as everything spiraled out of control, the three of us gather around the fire, and Tope brags to Levi about my food foraging skills as evidenced by the fish and vegetables he's cooking.
While Tope tells his story, Levi stares at me as if he's more proud of me than anyone in my life has ever been. This type of attention—Tope's stories and Levi's adoration—isn’t anything I'm accustomed to, and it embarrasses me. I'm glad when they find a new topic.
While they talk, I watch Tope intently as he flips and stirs the vegetables. Starving, Levi and I are grateful when he peels back the foil covering the fish, checks its flakiness, and announces it's done.
After everything is off the fire, he begins dividing the food between the three plates he has laid out before him.
"Don't put that much on my plate, Tope," I insist.
He ignores me. "You worked harder for this meal than either of us. You’ll get your equal share, and I expect you to eat every bite."
I can't help but smile at his pig-headedness. Then I whisper toward Levi, "I'll share mine with you."
He chuckles and pulls me into a side hug. "I'm with Tope on this one. I want you to eat everything on your plate."
Soon, we're all scarfing down the fish and vegetables. I didn’t realize how hungry the day of swimming made me until I took that first bite. It turns out Tope is a great cook. He's added seasoning he must have had hidden within the rest of his cooking utensils.
"This is really good, Tope. If you can cook this good out in the forest, I can't imagine how good you ca
n cook at home," I say, eating the last bite of my bass.
Tope seems pleased with my compliment. "I love to cook so much that I had a professional grade kitchen built at my house," he says.
I can tell by the faraway look that he really does enjoy cooking and his kitchen... possibly his house. Another unexpected side of Tope.
After we've eaten, Levi and I insist we be the ones to clean up and wash the dishes. Tope doesn't argue. Instead, he grabs his phone and begins making calls.
Down by the water, Levi says, "I'm glad you stayed, Em."
I grin. "Me, too."
"When we get finished with this, you and I are going to grab my sleeping bag, find a place where we can be alone, and spend a few hours together. Just you and me."
I feel my face blush with the thought of crawling into Levi's sleeping bag with him. I want to be near him like that more than I’m willing to admit even to myself.
Concerned by my response, Levi says, "Are you okay with that, Em? I don't want to force you to spend time with me. This is one of those things we’ll only do if you want to. In fact, everything we do tonight will be determined by you."
"I-I want to spend as much time as possible with you, Levi. It makes me sick to think about havin' to leave you," I say timidly.
"Perfect," Levi says.
I can't help but notice his cleaning gets a little quicker. He's as eager to be alone with me as I am to be with him. Feeling my stare, he looks up and winks at me, and my heart skips a fundamental beat. I speed up my pace to match his.
Back at the camp, we find Tope in between calls. He has a laptop out and is typing loudly and cursing under his breath. His mood is darker than ever. Levi doesn't let it bother him.
"Tope, we’re going to the top of the cliff. Emily and I are going to spend some time alone before she has to go back," Levi says, accentuating the word alone.
Tope's head jerks up. Instead of looking at Levi, he stares directly at me, and somehow, he makes me feel like I've betrayed him by even considering the alone time with Levi. Something about the way he studies me makes me want to beg for his forgiveness. I may only barely know him, but I know my stealing away with Levi hurts him.
