by Angel Rose
I could hear Dave and Michael yelling, “Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance!” There I was on the floor, vomiting, my heart beating out of control and the room spinning. I couldn’t see. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I imagined Margaret driving in her car, cursing Michael, ready to save me. I could feel the baby moving inside of me. Car accident…the rain. I made her drive in the rain. I didn’t know it was going to rain, I swear, I didn’t know.
Time stood still for a moment, and I had a flashback of that phone call when I was at Penn State. It was all too familiar. My mother and my father’s face flashed before me. I saw the people at the church and the caskets with the white orchids. I awoke from that dreadful picture in my mind when someone tapped me on the shoulder as I continued to vomit all over the floor. Michael grabbed my hand and lifted me up. I remember lying down and being rolled onto a stretcher. As we left the apartment building, I looked up at the sky and the dark, somber clouds, shed their tears on me. I felt the droplets of rain fall firm against my face and I opened my mouth, just enough, hoping the rain would fill up my mouth and drown me before I reached the ambulance. My head was spinning and my stomach was bubbling. I felt as if I were choking. I wanted to die. I wanted to die right there in the rain…right there in that ambulance. I closed my eyes.
***
I awoke and heard the sound of voices nearby. I didn’t know where I was, but I recognized the voices. It sounded like Dave and Michael talking. I opened one eye at a time, my vision blurry from my swollen, tear-filled eyes. I was straining to see who they were speaking to. I glanced around the room, sat up, and then realized I was in the hospital. I glanced over into the hallway and Dave was alone talking to a police officer. I didn’t know where Michael was. Then, I turned my head to see that he was by my side.
“Jenesis, oh my God, baby, are you okay?” Michael said as he held my hands gently in his.
“Michael?” I was surprised to see him.
“Yes, baby, it’s me.” He sat down on the bed and placed his arm around my waist.
“Michael, Margaret, where’s Margaret? Michael, please.” I grabbed on to his shirt to lift myself up. I began to cry hysterically.
“Jenesis, please, take it easy, everything’s going to be okay.” He held me close to his chest. I held him tight as I gasped for air. My mind was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Michael, please, tell me, where…is…she? Please…please…” He grabbed me gently by the back of the head and kissed my hair.
“Jenesis, let me talk to Dave and I’ll tell you what’s going on, okay? You have to take it easy.” I knew that what I heard in the loft was true, but I needed for him to confirm it. He kissed my hands gently and walked over to Dave.
He was speaking to Dave and a police officer when he suddenly placed his hand over his mouth and leaned on the door with his other hand. Right then and there I knew…she was dead. Dave walked away and Michael slowly walked towards me. My heart was walloping against my chest rapidly and I began to feel the baby swirl in my stomach. Michael sat on the bed next to me, and placed his arm around me.
“Jenesis, Margaret was killed on impact in the accident. She lost control of the wheel in the rain. They’re going to continue to investigate.”
I held on to Michael as tightly as I could. The crushing pain in my heart was intolerable. It hurt so much, I thought I would die. She died the same way my parents did; in a car accident; scared, and facing death head on knowing she couldn’t get out of that car. Oh my God! Why did this happen? How could I not blame myself when I asked her to come and pick me up? Please God, forgive me! Forgive me! Michael pressed the red button that alerted the nurse. She walked in quickly to the room.
“Mrs. Hunter?”
My eyes were burning from the tears. I couldn’t slow down the rhythm of my heart. My head stood buried in his chest.
“Yes?” I whispered into Michael’s chest.
“I’m going to give you something to help calm you down, is that okay?” she said softly.
“Okay.” I said as she injected a sedative into the IV line in my arm.
The drugs quickly went into my veins and into my system like a gentle flowing stream of relief. The feeling of warmth exuded throughout my body, the drug creating picturesque memories of Margaret and me, laughing together at brunch, and sharing a brownie on New Year’s Eve. The memories kept flooding my mind as I floated happily in this moment, feeling the high of the drug that made me wish I would never come down from it. The sedative slowed down my heart, but it couldn’t put the pieces that were broken back together. I stood floating in the hospital bed, hoping they would give me more drugs until I reached Margaret in heaven. Then I thought about the baby and everything came crashing down.
I opened my eyes not realizing that Michael was staring down at me. The feeling of hopelessness resonated through the air and my only wish was that this terrible nightmare was just a figment of my imagination.
“It’s going to be okay, Jenesis, I promise.” He closed his eyes in pain and looked the other way.
I suddenly closed my eyes as the tears rolled sideways down my face. I didn’t know how long I slept, but I did know I fell asleep in his arms and when I awoke, he was gone. A group of doctors were observing me and checking the heartbeat of the baby. I could feel the push and pull on my body, but I was too groggy to wake up.
“Mrs. Hunter?” I heard someone say. I pushed open my eyes.
“Yes?” I looked up and saw a beautiful young doctor with sandy blonde hair and big brown eyes. I barely remembered what my first name was, let alone my new last name.
“I’m Dr. Stevens, I’m the psychiatrist on call tonight how are you feeling?” She said as she held my hand. I looked up at her and asked,
“Is my baby okay, please tell me he’s okay?” I said as I began to cry.
“Your baby is fine and so are you.” She said. “You know the sex? You’re pretty early in your pregnancy.” She scribbled on the chart. “You’re reaching…Let’s see…you’re about a month or so. Is that correct?” she asked with a smile.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“You can go home a little later on today. You just need to rest. I know you’re going through a rough time right now, and I’m sorry, but your baby needs you. He’s strong and he needs a strong mommy, too. I want you to seek a therapist, someone you can talk to about how you’re feeling,” she said concerned. She didn’t give me a second to say anything. Then I whispered,
“Okay, you know, I really don’t know the sex, but, I feel it’s a boy.” I smiled as I placed my hand across my stomach.
“Sometimes mother’s just know, right?” She smiled graciously. “Mrs. Hunter, where is your husband? Will he be able to pick you up?”
“I’m sure that shouldn’t be a problem.” I answered.
“Well, if he can’t, I’ll send you home in a cab and I’ll allow my assistant to go with you to settle you in at home. Don’t worry, everything is going to get better, and you both will be fine.” She said smiling then she turned and walked away. The nurse walked over and grabbed some gauze and tape, then pulled out the IV out of my arm and pressed tightly on my arm. She went back to the nurse’s station and began to get the discharge papers ready. A young nurse walked in.
“Mrs. Hunter, I saw your husband leave the hospital with a police officer. Do you think he’ll be back in time to pick you up?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe I should just take the cab that Dr. Stevens offered me?” I thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I’ll do that instead. I’m ready to leave now.”
“Okay, I’ll set everything up.”
I waited patiently for the cab and passed by the nursery to look at all of the babies in the bassinets. I couldn’t wait for my baby to be born. So many things were running through my head at once. Margaret was going to be the baby’s Godmother and grandmother. The very thought made heart hurt.
As I looked through the glass of the nursery, I saw the most beautiful baby wr
apped tightly in a blue knitted blanket. He had the bluest eyes and jet black hair, tons of it. I smiled at him. His name, Theodore “Sammy” Richardson, was written on the front of his bassinet. Margaret’s father’s name was Sammy. She loved her father. She spoke more about him more than she did her mother. I thought to myself, Samuel, Samuel Michael Hunter, if it was a boy; that will be his name. It sounded so beautiful, so perfect. I knew Michael would love it. If it were a girl, her name would be Madison Margaret Hunter. I knew Margaret would have loved that, too. I held my hands against the glass holding back the tears wishing Margaret would be standing right beside me, what happened? Where are you? I need you. Don’t leave me.
The young nurse came up behind me.
“You’re all set.” She handed me the discharge papers and I walked over to the counter to sign them.
“Thanks.”
“This is Victoria. She’s Dr. Steven’s assistant. She’ll be accompanying you.” She said introducing us. Victoria was my age in her early twenties. She had her black hair wrapped in a bun and had thin blacked frame glasses on her face. Her lips were coated with red glossy lipstick and her green eyes shined under the hallway lights, you could spot them a mile away.
“Hi. Thanks. I hope you’re not going out of your way. I can go home alone.”
“This is part of my job. I called a cab, are you ready?” Victoria said. I looked up at her and nodded my head.
“Let’s go, then.”
We left the hospital and got in the black cab. I felt so exhausted and so distraught. I just kept thinking about the car accident, the rain, and Margaret screaming for help and losing control of the wheel. I started to feel nauseous, and I asked the cab driver to pull over. He pulled over on the corner near the sidewalk. I opened the car door and stepped out. My stumble rumbled felt the flutter of the baby and in one huge belch, there was vomit all over the sidewalk. Victoria stood with me, watching the pedestrians make comments as rubbed my back. She handed me a tissue from her purse to wipe my mouth. I sat back in the cab and slid over to the other side. I was so uncomfortable. I felt my head spinning and I just wanted to cry.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel well.” I said rubbing my knees.
Victoria looked over at me and said,
“Jenesis? May I call you Jenesis?” she asked.
“Sure.” I said with tears in my eyes.
“I need for you to be calm. I know what you’re going through. My friend was killed last year by a drunk driver. We were friends since we were twelve years old. It was heartbreaking to see her in that casket. I thought I was going to die. You have to be strong because you’re pregnant. Stress causes illnesses and you don’t want to be sick or get the baby sick.” She said as she gave me a stick of gum from her pocket book and offered it to me.
“Thanks, I just don’t know how to deal with this right now.” I replied placing the gum in my mouth.
“I’ll stay with you for a while and we’ll talk, how’s that?” she said with a smile.
“Thanks. We’re here.”
We went up to the loft and the door was open. To my surprise, Michael and Dave were already there sitting on the couch talking and drinking a glass of wine. They stopped speaking, and Michael stood up and approached me.
“I was waiting for your phone call. Why didn’t you call me?”
“The nurse said she saw you talking to the police, so I thought you were busy. I guess she was wrong.” My voice was harsh.
“I was, but they asked us to stay at home and wait to hear from them to go to the morgue to identify the body.” My heart broke into a million pieces.
“Oh…” I whispered. “This is Victoria. She’s Dr. Steven’s assistant.”
Dave stood up and shook her hand, Michael nodded his head.
“I see you’re in good hands Jenesis. Here’s my card. Call me if you ever need to talk. Good luck guys,” she said as she walked over to the door then, she turned her head, looked at me and smiled. I smiled and waved gently at her as she shut the door. I looked at the business card she gave me, “Victoria Dunn, MD: Resident, Psychiatry,” and I placed it in my pocketbook.
I sat on the couch staring at Michael and Dave wondering what was going to happen next. I fell asleep leaning my head on Michael’s lap. I was almost positive I would have had a nightmare that night. If I did, that would have definitely pushed me over the edge.
***
The next morning I awoke with a terrible headache. I had stomach cramps, and I felt nauseous. I looked over towards my side to find Michael staring at me.
“Good morning, my love.” he said as he slid the back of his hand gently across my face.
“Morning,” I whispered.
“I’m so sorry you’ve been going through so much. I can’t tell you how guilty I feel about all of this. It’s my fault Margaret is dead. If I didn’t do what I did to you, Margaret would have never gotten in that car. I’ve been a real bastard to you. I’m…”
“Don’t say it Michael. Don’t say that you’re sorry…please.” He lowered his head, then glanced up at me.
“I don’t know why I do the things I do. I’ve been such an asshole. I just can’t help it.” he placed his forehead against mine.
I stared into his eyes and I just knew he meant it. Maybe I was a fool, but I believed him, and I wanted to trust him so badly, especially since the baby was coming soon and I only had him in my life. I didn’t have anyone else now that Margaret was gone. I felt my relationship with Dave was dwindling. He was distant lately, and I didn’t know who else to turn to.
“I have a surprise for you. While you slept last night, I finished the baby’s room. Want to take a look?” He said excitedly.
I nodded my head. We walked to the nursery and when I opened the door the room was completely done. He painted the room sky blue with clouds and rainbows below the Dinosaur borders. He had dinosaur decals and trees below the rainbows and clouds. There was a brown and green rocking chair to the right of the crib. There were green and brown pillows near the window and a dinosaur rug in the middle of the room. It’s exactly what I wanted. I looked at Michael and grabbed his hand.
“Michael, it’s perfect. Thank you. Thank you for loving me so much.” Even though I was happy. I felt internally wounded. Sometimes, I questioned his love for me because of my insecurities. My insecurities ruled my life, and even though my father wasn’t around he left a scar that just wouldn’t heal. I still felt those demons trying to get to me and with everything that has happened, maybe they had.
“I’ve been a horrible husband. I knew I wouldn’t be good at this. My father taught me nothing.” He said as he sat on the dinosaur rug. I sighed deeply. Now he sounded just like me. We were two wounded souls. I didn’t know how good this relationship would be if we both couldn’t come to grips with our shitty childhoods. I stroked his silky hair for a moment and thought about what he said.
“This baby will always be the bond that keeps us together. Always. We don’t need anyone else.” I sat down next to him and I brushed my foot along his. We were suddenly interrupted by Michael’s cell phone ringing. Michael pushed my foot off of his, got up from the rug, and ran to the bedroom to answer his phone. I walked towards the hallway and stopped at the bedroom doorway.
“Hey, Dave, what’s up?” I heard him say. Then, he stood silent for a moment on the phone.
“I’ll meet you there.” he whispered.
“Michael, what is it?” I asked curiously.
“Margaret’s at the morgue. He has to identify her body and bring clothes for her. He doesn’t want to be alone.” His voice was shaky.
“I can pick out her clothes…is that okay?” I offered sincerely. Just the thought alone broke my heart.
“Of course, but I don’t want you to go down to the morgue.” He said turning his back on me to grab his jacket.
“Okay, I’ll wait in Dave’s apartment and I’ll start to gather her things. Maybe we can give it to a family member that might show up here, t
hough I don’t remember her mentioning anyone, except her father and he passed away.” I swallowed hard just thinking about her. Her beautiful smile. The way she laughed.
“Look, we have to go. Let’s get ready so we can meet Dave at the apartment.” He said.
Michael went into the shower, then gently tugged on my pajama pants to join him. He gently washed my hair and rubbed my belly with soap. I felt so close to him. He was literally all I had. I was so shocked and devastated about Margaret. All of this felt like a horrible dream, a nightmare that I could usually make go away when I woke up. But, this time I couldn’t. It was all too real.
I poured shower gel on his body and gently massaged his chest, my fingers circling around nipples. My hands roamed further down, until I finally reached the place I really wanted to touch. Within seconds, his erection grew and tapped lightly against my stomach. I gently stroked him as his hands began to explore my body. He started at the top of my shoulders, gently massaging them as he slid his way to the middle of my neck. Every tense muscle in my body began to unravel slowly. His fingertips slid down my back finding their way passed my hips and gliding to the front of my stomach. My nipples hardened underneath his touch as he slid his hands up to my breasts. The feeling of his hands tenderly caressing my body ignited the fire between my legs as the yearning in my core became inevitable. He turned me around and pushed me gently against the cool tiles, and before I knew it, he was inside of me stroking me from behind. It felt so good to feel that connection with him after everything that had happened. He kissed the back of my neck as he lifted my hair into a ponytail, sliding his hand down the center of my body to find the spot between my thighs that was aching for his touch. He gently massaged my folds as the rhythm of his hips gently rocked against my body in a slow, meticulous rhythm. I could feel my orgasm building as he continued to massage my swollen bud. The pregnancy heightened my sensitivity to his touch and it fogged all of my senses. He held on to my stomach as he leaned his head against the back of my shoulder. All I could feel was his tongue and his lips kissing and licking the back of neck, his warm breath against my ear. He continued to massage me hitting that spot that made my head spin and my insides roar. I could feel my release coming on strong, stronger than I’ve ever had. Then, he pulled out and turned me around, lifting me above his waist. I wrapped my legs around him and he grabbed his throbbing beast and slid it gently inside of me. I couldn’t take any longer and as soon as he drove inside of me, I shattered around him, yelling for God and anyone else that was on my mind at that moment. I was trembling and the orgasm shook me so hard, I came again, digging my nails into back and that’s when he lost it. He stood completely still until I finished letting my muscles contract around him as he inched his way in slowly, all the way, until I lost my breath and came once more, with him. He grunted and moaned into my neck, grabbing onto my ass as if I was the last piece of ass in the world. We held each other panting like two wild animals, and then a small chuckle escaped his lips.
