Falling In Love With Her Husband

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  She pouted. “You sound like Todd.” Then her eyes lit up. “That’s wonderful! You must be getting close to him after all!”

  I sent her a “be quiet” look.

  Agnes understood and started talking about the latest book she read. Agnes was always good about reading my signals. But even as we said good-bye to Barbara and her children, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Barbara.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ann’s Point of View

  The next day, I decided Agnes and I should spend some time with Barbara and her children. I knocked on Barbara’s front door. Calvin answered it, Bruce and Molly in tow.

  I smiled at them. “Hello!” I surprised them with some chocolate candy that Mrs. Coley gave me.

  They squealed in delight and thanked me.

  “Ann, is that you?” Barbara called out from her kitchen.

  The smell of freshly baked cookies filled the air.

  “Yes, it’s me,” I called out. “Do you need a hand?”

  “Actually, I could use some help. Calvin and Bruce, I want you to clean your room. Molly, come into the kitchen.”

  Agnes and I followed Molly to the kitchen, amused at the way Molly’s blond curls bounced as she ran.

  Barbara’s smile seemed forced as soon as she saw Agnes and me. I assumed she was worried about trying to get her children to clean their room while trying to cook.

  “Ma, Mrs. Brothers gave me candy!” Molly exclaimed, jumping up and down.

  “That’s nice. Did you thank her and Agnes?” Barbara asked.

  “They all did,” I replied. “So, what can I do to help?”

  “And what can I do? Give me an easy task though. I’m not used to this,” Agnes added.

  “Well,” Barbara began as she looked around the kitchen, “I could use some help putting the cookie dough on the tray. I also need to decorate the ones that are done.”

  I stared at her, suddenly wondering if something was wrong.

  Agnes asked me how to bake cookies. I spent most of my time teaching her, so I didn’t have a chance to ask Barbara if something was bothering her. As the afternoon progressed, we sat in the parlor. The children played a game of hide and seek around the house. Agnes did most of the talking. Whenever I attempted to bring Barbara into the conversation, she usually gave one answered replies like, “yes,” “no,” or just shrugged.

  I became irritated at her lack of participation, and after awhile, I ignored her. I figured if she was going to be cold, I could be cold too. At one point, the silence grew so thick that Agnes recommended she and I leave so she could send a telegram to her parents. It was a lie, but I appreciated the excuse to leave. Barbara seemed happy to let us go, which I sourly noted. I said a cool good-bye and left.

  ***

  That night, I was in a bad mood. The good thing about being angry at your friend is that you didn’t have time to feel guilty for remembering the good times with your past beau. I tried not to show my anger to Todd or Agnes, but they knew me well enough to know that something was wrong.

  They decided not to irritate me further by asking me questions, which was good because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I made dinner in silence. I ate dinner in silence. I cleaned the dishes in silence. I didn’t care about the tension in the house. Todd and Agnes briefly made idle conversation at the dinner table. They glanced at me, uncertain if I would get more upset by a comment they made. I just chewed the food mechanically, lost in my thoughts. Soon, they gave up their efforts and finished their meal in silence.

  Agnes decided to go to bed early, and Todd decided to get some firewood. Meanwhile, I cleaned the dishes. What was Barbara’s problem anyway? I tried to be nice to her and introduce her to my childhood friend. And how did she repay me? She rejected me. It was if she resented what I was trying to do.

  “We’ll see if I ever do anything nice for her again,” I muttered sourly.

  “Did you say something?” Todd asked as he set some firewood by the stove.

  I jumped. I didn’t hear him enter the kitchen. Some of my anger subsided. “I was just talking to myself,” I replied.

  He put his hands on his hips and studied me, as if debating whether or not to say anything.

  I finished the last plate and set it on a towel to dry.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

  I stood still for a moment. Was he referring to Kent? Did Agnes tell him? Or was he referring to my bad mood today? Realizing that Agnes wouldn’t tell him about Kent, I relaxed. Taking a deep breath, I explained the events that had transpired at Barbara’s house.

  Once I finished, Todd nodded. “That is upsetting.”

  “And it hurts too,” I quietly admitted. I sighed, my anger drained. “The afternoon started out perfectly. Agnes and I wanted to help her make cookies. I thought she might like to speak with Agnes and get to know her. If I had known that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t have gone over there.”

  “Maybe she needs time to think things through. There’s got to be a reason for what happened.”

  “I don’t care what the reason is. She had no excuse for treating me that way. It was as if I was inconveniencing her.” I shook my head. “I’m just going to forget it. She’s not worth the effort if she’s going to be childish.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond. I wanted to be alone, so I went to my bedroom. Thoughts of her, Todd, and North Dakota swirled through my mind. Did I make a mistake in coming here? Maybe I should have stayed in Virginia. If I had stayed, I’d probably be with Kent. I stared out the window. It was a clear night. The kind of night that should have brought peace instead of inner turmoil.

  I knew I needed to pray. I also knew I shouldn’t be wanting Kent when I was married to Todd. I made a vow before God to love, honor and obey Todd for the rest of my life. My thoughts sobered. I had been so concerned about what I wanted that I hadn’t bothered to think of what God wanted me to do.

  Startled at the revelation, I got down on my knees beside my bed and prayed. As I prayed, I held nothing back. I confessed all my thoughts about Kent and how I was hurt when he ended our courtship. I also admitted that I married Todd to get out of a situation that I didn’t want to be in. I had used Todd. He didn’t deserve it, even if he knew what my feelings toward him were. I wasn’t being faithful to him when I considered the possibility of leaving with Kent.

  In that instant, I realized that love wasn’t a feeling. It was a choice. I didn’t have to be at the mercy of my whims. I had freewill. I could choose to love Todd. There was certainly nothing repulsive about him. In fact, he was absolutely wonderful. He treated me much better than Kent ever had. And he was handsome. So there wasn’t any reason I shouldn’t desire him. There was no reason why I couldn’t love him.

  I also prayed about the situation with Barbara and what to do about it. I prayed for Agnes and what she might encounter when she faced her parents who were bound to find out she came to visit me and Todd rather than go on a class trip to New England. I prayed that Todd’s parents would bring him back into their hearts. Then I recalled all the good things Todd had done for me and how much he loved me. My last thought was that I loved him before I fell asleep on the floor.

  ***

  When I woke up, my body felt stiff but my heart was light. I eagerly got dressed and hopped down the stairs. I couldn’t wait to see Todd. I was ready to finally put Kent behind me and start my life as Todd’s wife.

  To my surprise, I saw Agnes making French toast.

  “Good morning,” I greeted.

  She grinned at me. “Look who’s cooking! I didn’t want to wake you so I dared to explore the great unknown.”

  “That’s very brave.”

  “Do you want some?”

  I pretended to think about it. “Will I have to be brave to eat it?”

  She rolled her eyes at my joke. “Who knows? It may be better than what you make.”

  “Then I better have some. Did Todd go to work?”

  �
�Yes.”

  I sat down. He didn’t usually leave this early. I thanked her as she handed me the plate of food. After taking a bite, I said, “This is good!”

  “Thanks. Are you feeling better?”

  I nodded. “Much better. I’m sorry I was inhospitable yesterday. My parents would faint if they knew how I behaved.”

  “You had a lot on your mind.”

  I knew she meant Kent. “Agnes, I have something to tell you. I did a lot of thinking last night, and I recalled how good Todd has been to me. I’m not going to leave him.”

  She looked relieved. “I was scared for awhile there.”

  “You really wanted us to be together for a long time, didn’t you?”

  “I just thought you two made a good couple. Besides, it’s nice to have you as a sister.”

  She set the plate down and we ate in a comfortable silence.

  ***

  Since the weather was nice, Agnes and I decided to go into town so she could do some shopping. It felt good to go shopping with the small amount of money I had saved up for Todd’s Christmas gift. Agnes had her allowance to spend, and she insisted on buying things from North Dakota.

  “I miss shopping with you,” I said as we entered the barn.

  “I do too. It just isn’t the same without you.”

  I wiped a tear from my eye and focused on getting the buggy ready. When we got everything set up, I realized I also missed my trips to town with Barbara. I pushed aside the ache in my heart and urged the horses forward. The air was brisk but felt good. The ride into town seemed longer that day for some reason.

  “Who’s that?” Agnes interrupted my thoughts by pointing to the side of the road.

  I glanced at the direction she indicated. I didn’t hide my surprise. What was Mrs. Carson doing out here without her horse? She was all by herself and an abandoned buggy.

  An instant surge of gratification swept over me. It served her right to have to walk to town after all the gossiping she did about Todd. I was ready to ride past her when a question popped into my head. What if it was you?

  I sighed. It took all of my energy to stop and call her name.

  She turned around. I saw that a wheel on her buggy had fallen off.

  “What happened?” Agnes asked for me.

  Mrs. Carson choked back her sobs as she spoke. “The wheel came off and the horse ran off. I don’t know how he got away but he did. And I-I…can’t believe it. He just ran off.”

  I glanced in the direction she motioned to. He went south. Suddenly, I felt compassion for her. She was cold and afraid out here all by herself.

  “Can we take you to town?” I offered. “I know where your husband works.”

  She agreed and we helped her into the buggy. It was meant for two people so we squeezed in together. We gave her some blankets so she could warm up.

  “Thank you,” she softly replied, still fighting back her tears.

  “We’re heading into town anyway,” I replied.

  The rest of the ride was quiet. I supposed Mrs. Carson was as uncomfortable around me as I was around her. I didn’t know what to say to her, and even Agnes was at loss for words. We all breathed a sigh of relief when we arrived in town. The trip had been difficult for all of us.

  “Is your husband at lunch?” I asked.

  She took note of the time on the clock in front of the bank. “No. He will still be at work.”

  I nodded and urged the horses to trot until we stopped in front of the small building between the library and the church.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Brothers,” she quietly replied.

  Her humbled expression softened my hard heart. “You’re welcome.”

  She got out of the buggy and ran into the post office.

  I lightly clicked the reins on the horses so that they took Agnes and me to the mercantile. Before I set the brake, Agnes put her hand on my arm.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I think I know why Barbara has been reserved with you.”

  Curious, I waited for her to continue.

  “She was acting fine until I showed up. I am guessing you two are close friends?”

  I nodded.

  “I think she’s afraid that since I’m here, there’s no place for her in your life.”

  My eyes widened. Could it be true? “Oh, that’s silly! I can have both of you for my friends.”

  She smiled. “Of course, you can. But you and I shared our childhood together. I’m now your sister-in-law, and we have so much in common. She probably feels like she doesn’t belong with us when we’re together.”

  I hadn’t considered that possibly.

  “Anyway, I notice she’s in town today. Why don’t I do your job at the Coleys while you talk to her?” She pointed to the doctor’s office across the street. “I’m sure you two will work things out.”

  I knew the Coleys would be fine if Agnes took my place for the day. I agreed and we parted. I took a deep breath as I walked to the doctor’s office. I didn’t want to lose Barbara’s friendship. Though she was dramatically different from my childhood friend, I valued her just as much. I slowly opened the door.

  “Mrs. Brothers!”

  I immediately grinned as three little children came running over to hug me. Calvin, Bruce and Molly were excited to see me. I hugged them back, delighted by their warm welcome. I glanced up and saw Barbara say good-bye to the doctor who returned to the backroom in the small building. I hesitated for a moment but decided our friendship was too important to worry about rejection.

  “How are you today, Barbara?” I asked. I stood up and walked over to her, her children on my heels.

  She smiled. “Actually, I’m great. I just found out I’m in the family way.”

  “That’s wonderful!” I hugged her. “Is that why you’re here?”

  She nodded. “I kept thinking I had the flu, but John insisted I come here to see if it was something else. It turns out he was right.”

  I frowned. “Why did you think you had the flu?”

  “I feel sick all the time and I don’t have my usual energy.”

  “Is that common when a woman’s expecting?”

  “With most women, it is. Didn’t your mother discuss such things with you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know my real mother. My parents adopted me. They weren’t able to have children.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  “You didn’t know. I didn’t have anyone to tell me about expecting. The teachers were too busy making sure we knew how to act at a dinner party or decorate a house. I learned how to read and write and do math though, so it wasn’t a total waste of my time.”

  She considered my words. “If you were in the family way, would you know?”

  I blushed. I knew how babies were conceived. At least, I wasn’t that ignorant! Even young ladies discussed those details when no adults were listening. “I know I’m not in the family way. I still menstruate.”

  “Would you like me to tell you what the common symptoms are? Perhaps soon you will feel ill and figure out it’s not an illness.”

  Her kind grin brought relief to me. It was as if nothing was wrong. Still, I knew I had to smooth things out. “Yes, I do need to know that,” I admitted. “First though, I would like to discuss a matter that has been troubling me. Could we sit down?”

  She seemed uncertain but followed me to a seat in the office.

  “Agnes said you might be feeling ignored since she’s come to visit,” I finally ventured. “Is that true?”

  She glanced at the floor and sighed. “It’s childish. I know you had friends back in Virginia.”

  So Agnes had been right. I was glad that was all that was bothering her. “Barbara, I am thankful that we are friends. You are like a sister to me. It’s true that Agnes and I grew up together, but she can’t take your place. You are both important to me.”

  Her eyes met mine and she smiled widely. “I was foolish. I wanted t
o say something but didn’t when she was around, and the longer I waited to say anything, the harder it became. I’m sorry, Ann. I should have told you right away.”

  “I didn’t give you much of a chance. I’m sorry too.”

  We hugged.

  I was glad things were back to normal.

  “You must bring Agnes by again. I’ll have to treat her better this time,” she promised.

  “Oh no. You are with child. You don’t need to go to any trouble for us. Why don’t you and your family come over for dinner tonight? That is, if you feel up to eating.”

  She laughed. “I may not eat much, but we would love to come over.”

  “I’m excited for you. Another baby! John will be thrilled.”

  “Yes. He wants at least seven children. You’re good with children. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were expecting soon so our children will be close in age?”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. My goodness! What would Todd think of this conversation? Ignoring my pounding heart, I said good-bye and left. I went to the mercantile and helped Agnes with the rest of my usual chores. After we were done, we went home so I could get dinner started.

  Agnes insisted on helping me. “I want to learn more about cooking. Who knows if I’ll ever need to know this? I might end up marrying a man whose grand dream is farming.”

  I laughed. “The chances of that happening where you live are slim.” I stopped peeling a potato and looked at her. “Do you wish to stay in Virginia?”

  “Yes. I do like visiting here, but my heart will always be back there.”

  “Then you’ll probably marry someone from a wealthy family. Do you have your sights set on anyone?”

  She shrugged. “Not really.”

  “You must be disappointing many young men. You have a way of attracting them.”

  “I know. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel rushed to make a decision. I just haven’t found the right one yet.”