Heartburn

by M. C. Cerny

  What if those idiots had come over to join them? I don’t think Lia would have done anything, but it was a stupid situation and I didn’t know if I could handle the aftermath of it. Plenty of people have let me down and maybe Lia isn’t in a place that fits into my carefully constructed life.

  “Whit? You okay there?” Lia’s smile turned upside down and I don’t know how to answer her.

  Am I okay?

  Physically, I’m better than okay, but I don’t think that’s what she wants to know. My head was somewhere else, perhaps five or ten years into the future completely unsure of the status of this relationship.

  I brushed her off.

  “I’m good, baby.” Baby. There’s that word I don’t typically use, but she was one. She’s much younger, and no, I’m not handling this well at all. I felt suffocated and out of breath and I hide it by chugging my wine which doesn’t help when her frown turns into narrowed eyes and she slowly pushed her plate back on the table.

  “I’m not a mind reader, but I have a feeling there’s something going on with you.” She reaches for me and I pulled away instinctively without even realizing it until I’ve already done it. She’s hurt and it’s obvious I’m the cause of it.

  “I’m still angry about the incident.” I muttered.

  “The incident?” She hissed putting her napkin on the table bracing her shoulders.

  “What would happened if I hadn’t shown up. What if it had been those drunken idiot ballers.”

  “Gee, I don’t know, Whit. I suppose I would have gone into my room and locked the door if I felt unsafe, but that isn’t what happened.”

  “It was so stupid and reckless.” I grind out. My jaw ached with the force I’m restraining myself with.

  “So you’ve said.”

  “And yet that doesn’t mean anything to you?”

  Lia glanced around the restaurant. Tables were quietly conversing and a woman near us looked over uncomfortably.

  She leaned into the table, eyes slit and her body humming with anger. “You’re not my father.”

  “Thank god for that.” I huffed tossing my napkin on the table ready to leave.

  “We talked about this. I thought we resolved it and now you’re just holding it over my head like I’m bound to make another grievous mistake.”

  I don’t utter a word and Lia stands up putting her purse over her shoulder.

  “Nothing to say?”

  I shrugged because what could I say? We’d beaten this thing to death and gotten nowhere. She wasn’t truly sorry and I wasn’t terribly forgiving. It hung over us like a stench.

  “I’m going to walk home. It’s three blocks. I’ll text you when I get there to let you know I’m safely tucked in for the night, but I don’t want you to follow me.”

  Suddenly my verbal vomit is thrown back in my face. She was leaving. Leaving me.

  “Amelia.”

  She put her hand up to stop me.

  “No. Don’t. You’ve made it clear you think I’m an idiot by association with all the other idiots out there in the world and I just can’t do this with you right now.”

  “Sit down.” I stood up and glanced around. Sure enough a few more table have caught on to our less than subtle argument. I’m the asshole here.

  “That’s the beauty of not being my parent, Whit, I don’t have to do a damn thing you say. However, respecting you as a partner, I’ll take it under advisement, and right now I need some space.” She turned on her heels giving me a glance of her pert ass stalking out of the restaurant with delicate clicks leaving me alone at the table. Anger flushed my face and I sat back down digging into my forty dollar entry alone.

  A couple regarded at me, the woman angry and the man smug. “Kids these days.” I blow them off and dragged Lia’s plate to my side eating bites of her untouched food. Guilt sits heavy in my stomach. My phone beeped.

  Lia: I’m home now.

  * * *

  Whit: I’m sorry I snapped…

  * * *

  Lia: Have a good night.

  Lia didn’t even get to enjoy her dinner and she had been looking forward to coming here. She was excited to me about her photography assignment and I ignored her. Clearly the jerk award goes to me. The waiter returned clearing the table. I ordered another dish of hers to go. If my girlfriend thinks this conversation is over, well, I’ll be groveling outside her apartment hoping I don’t need a boombox and some classic rock to get her attention.

  I thought about what I expected from her during my three block walk. My jeep was parked nearby, but I don’t want to go home. I gazed up at her building and rang the buzzer.

  “Go away, Whittaker. This isn’t giving me space.” Lia grumbled through the intercom.

  “I ordered you a dinner to go.” I shake the bag like an idiot as if she can see it.

  “I’m eating ramen noodles.” She snapped.

  I basically spent a fortune on dinner and she’s eating from the college dollar menu. I’m an ass. “That doesn’t seem very nutritious.”

  “Leave it on the stoop.”

  I snorted, no freaking way. “But someone could steal it.”

  “Who?” She grumbled.

  “Alley cats?”

  I heard the buzzer click and pushed the door open. I jogged up the two flights to get to her floor. The door was already open and she’s wearing my sweatshirt, tiny sleep shorts that I know barely cover her ass and have a tiny hole in the side seam. The knee high socks are a nice touch and make her look like she’s sixteen. In the moment, I didn’t care, she was my jailbait, only mine.

  Her arms crossed as she leaned against the wall. “So now I have to worry about overly large alley cats in my neighborhood.”

  I hummed and peered out her window noting a commotion outside. “That and drunken frat boys.” I pointed to the guys walking and signing loudly, obviously on their way to a beer crawl.

  She arched her eyebrow.

  “And weirdly protective boyfriends who need a hobby?”

  I walked forward nudging her to the table where I put the hot food.

  “I like to think I add something to the neighborhood.”

  “Beside upping the average age of men around here?” She’s snarky, but I asked for that.

  “Ouch. I deserve that.”

  “Sit. I’m hungry.” She moved to turn the stove off and dumped out the hot water boiling for noodles.

  “Can we hash this out?” I asked uncertain if she was even willing to put up with my crap.

  “I don’t know can we?” She opened the take out containers and I passed her a plate. It felt like an old married couple the way we worked in tandem together, or at least how I imagined them to be.

  “I keep thinking that if you moved in with me this would solve all our problems.” I shoveled a bit of food in my mouth so I would shut up.

  Lia put her fork down. “Oh Whit. No Whit, that’s not how this is going to go.”

  I chewed my food slowly and then asked, “Why not?”

  “Because I’m twenty. I need space. I need my own space.”

  “I have an extra room in my house.” I said thinking how I could clean it out this coming weekend.

  She clutched her head in her hands and then fixed her bun of hair. She picked up her fork and took a bite and then a drink of water. I waited but she didn’t elaborate more like I expected.

  “So what’s the problem? You don’t want to move in?” I pressed.

  “No. I really don’t, but not because I don’t want to be with you.” This didn’t compute in my head. She told me she loved me. Granted she was high and promptly feel asleep, but I took those words to means something more.

  “Then why?” I needed an answer.

  “You met my parents. You know I have trouble making decisions about life in general and I need to figure out who I am as a person.”

  “We can’t do that together?” Was I missing something?

  She winced and got up from the table. “No. Maybe. I don’t kno
w.” She leaned over the chair and hung her head before raising her eyes up to mine. “I need to be an independent person first and I need you to respect that.”

  “But this situation here.” I waved my hand around the apartment. “Dinah. Ryder. Those two twin idiots.”

  “I told you. Ryder broke it off with Dinah. He’s into some other girl who doesn’t go to classes here. He’s the least of my worries.”

  “But he’s my worry and it’s my job to protect you.”

  “No Whittaker. It’s your job to trust me. Trust that I’ll figure this out and trust that when the time is right we’ll move forward together.”

  “So you’ll live here.” Incredulous. I never thought I’d be the one turning the tables.

  She gave a half smile shrug explaining. “I do pay rent, or at least my parents do until I finish college.”

  “It would save them money.” I argued.

  “And my mother would want to cut off my favorite parts of you.”

  I scoffed. Her mother was pretty terrifying. “That’s just barbaric. You love all of me.”

  She didn’t disagree, but she didn’t move in either.

  We were at an impasse.

  27

  Lia

  I cleaned my camera lens adjusting the focus on a potted cactus that sat on the window sill facing the alley. It was a lonely green thing in need of a companion. My violets dried up and I had to throw them out. Dinah was a jerk for not watering them when I was in Vegas. It was good thing I put my foot down on the cat because lord knew it would end up mine, unwanted, unfed, and sleeping in my bed the way that girl took care of anything living other than herself.

  The good news was that Dinah would probably have to transfer at the end of this year leaving me with an empty apartment. I could either hunt for a suitable roommate or keep the space for a little extra each month.

  The door opened and shut, my roommate dropped her bags on the floor. They spilled out dumping new clothes I didn’t know how she could afford. Groceries and body wash tumbled out in scents I hated because they didn’t smell like the outdoors, Thai food, and malty beer. Whit and I slowed things down and I hated it, but it was for the best. I had trouble concentrating with him all up in my space 24-7. We needed to get through this I had hope we’d be okay.

  “Have you seen the sky?” Dinah peered out the window on the opposite side of the apartment.

  “Hmm?” I focused on the lens and I wondered if it needed an adjustment by the guy from the old Kodak store on Main Street.

  “The sky. Lia, there’s a fire on the mountain. Take a look.” She pointed between the cheap lace curtains.

  My world propelled into slow motion and I stopped hearing anything else that came out of her mouth.

  A fire on the mountain?

  Impossible.

  Whit went to work today and texted me between classes. They were conducting a controlled burn, everything was fine and I brushed it off. He’d done these dozens of times and they were perfectly safe. Nothing to worry about, right?

  “I’m sure it’s nothing. Whit said they were doing a few controlled burns to help contain some junk on the mountain.”

  “Lia, this doesn’t look under control at all.”

  I peeked outside and used my camera to get a closer view. Sure as sunrise the sky was painted with a swath of darkness and smoke filled the view for miles between the mountains.

  “What the hell?”

  “I told you. You better call him and make sure he’s okay.”

  “Yeah.” I mumbled reaching for my cell phone. I dialed his number and it rang several times before hitting voicemail. I got nothing and the anxiety swirled like a tornado. My fingers flew into text mode.

  Lia: Hey Ranger Jones, I can’t reach you, and I see fire on the ridge. It’s kind of freaking me out. That’s silly right?

  I waited five minutes. It was rare that Whit didn’t get back to me. Even if it’s just him telling me he’s busy and not available, he always got back to me. It’s one of the things I loved about him because he didn’t let me hang and I never had to think he might be up to something.

  Lia: Okay, I know you’re probably busy and wearing some pseudo hot fire gear right now, but when you get a chance just let me know you’re okay. My Spidey senses are going haywire and I don’t like all that crazy smoke. Is it supposed to look like that?

  My head kept driving the logical reasons he couldn’t get back to me but my heart was another factor I couldn’t put the brakes on. “Shit.” I bit my lip and called the next number I could think of that I had access, Taylor Jane Bryant whose bachelorette party I attended.

  She answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

  “Hi Taylor. This is Lia, Whit’s friend, girlfriend, really good friend.” My nerves got me wound up.

  “Oh hey there, what’s up?”

  “This is going to sound weird, but Whit went to work, and I can’t reach him. I’m wondering if anyone heard from him today.”

  “Nope, but let me text Hunter. If anyone can find him, Hunter can.” She said kindly.

  “Thanks, call me back or let me know.”

  “Of course, sweetie.”

  I hang up the call feeling a knot wind tighter in my stomach wondering if maybe this is all nothing and I’m making a fool of myself for no good reason. I don’t want to reach too far, but something doesn’t feel. I’ll look like the crazy needy girlfriend.

  Moments later Taylor called me back.

  “Yes?” The anxiety rippled off me.

  “Hunter reached his boss who said they were doing the controlled burn, but it got out of hand. Lia, he’s on the mountain.” Her voice loses its calm.

  “What?” I shouted into the room startling Dinah. I sunk to the floor unable to stand and unsure what to do next. We all knew my survival skills sucked, I got lost easily, and I had no business being around a fire.

  “Where are you?” She asked and I heard her fumbling for keys jingling in the background.

  “Home, but don’t come here, I’m going to him.” I told her.

  “No, Lia, I think that’s a bad idea. Hunter said to sit tight, he’s on his way. Hunter grew up around here, he can find Whit for you.” I knew she was trying to reassure me but it wasn’t working.

  “I can’t. Sorry.” I hang up the phone. Dinah stared at me mouth gapping open catching flies for a change instead of yapping. I don’t say anything except to grab my purse and my camera. Both are dumped inside my little shit can car and I take off for the mountain following the billow of smoke. I can only drive so far before the road is blocked by a police cruiser.

  “Whoa, nobody goes up there.” Officer Evan Rooney eyed me up and down blocking my access into the park area. I knew it was him because of the name on his badge and hearing about him from Whit and Damien. Fire trucks abound as well as an ambulance, and I tried side stepping him.

  “Please, I know Whit is there. I need to see him.” I’m not too proud to beg, but Evan doesn’t budge.

  “Lia, no. I can’t let you pass for safety reasons.” His hand halted me but I wasn’t giving up.

  “Officer Rooney, get out of my way or arrest me. Whit is back there.” I brushed him off and he stepped to the side. This conversation wasn’t over, but he let me through while he’s forced to contain the rest of the crowd behind barriers. I must not be a threat for him to let me go so easily. My hands shake holding the camera, but I use it as my in. People mostly ignored me assuming I’m from a local paper, I don’t stop to analyze why. My focus was on getting to my man.

  I searched the perimeter not finding him. I don’t want to call his name for fear it’ll distract them from their jobs. I said a prayer and offer up to God anything he wants of me, but please let me find him. Let me find the man I haven’t confessed all my I love yous to yet. I’d been collecting a bunch of them, but now I needed one to produce a miracle. Absentminded my hands point the camera and I clicked not even checking the field of vision. It wouldn’t matter anyway because my
eyes were glazed over with tears but it was something to give my idle hands a job while my brain used the rest of its executive functioning to move forward.

  Finally, I see a break in the crowd, it’s Whit’s boss, Jeff. He’s wearing the protective fire gear and they’re pulling a stretcher out of the woods. My heart plummeted in my chest and catch myself before I fall to my knees.

  “Whit.” My voice shuddered and I pushed past people forcing my way to him.

  “Lia what are you doing here?” Jeff scolded me. Ignoring him, I pulled off Whit’s glove to touch his hand skin to skin. He’s inert, and unresponsive.

  “Is he?” I don’t know how to form the words in my mouth because grief has taken over.

  Jeff touched my shoulder and squeezed gently. “No. He’s just out from smoke inhalation and got injured when a tree came down. He’s okay. He’s going to be okay. Let the medics work on him.”

  I took Jeff at his word and put all my faith and hope into it. They moved him into the ambulance and the EMT, a girl named Erin didn’t question me when I followed. She gave me a hand up into the ambulance and I sat shocked looking at Whit’s charcoal stained face and sweat streaked skin littered with abrasions. He didn’t have anyone coming for him except his close friends and me.

  The ride to the hospital was a blur. I stepped outside and followed them in until a nurse stopped me from going into the room while they worked on him.

  “Miss, I need you to stay out here.”

  “He doesn’t have anyone. He doesn’t…” I couldn’t finish the sentence and she must have taken pity on me because she frowned and led me down the hall to a small waiting room instructing me to sit until she came back. I make her promise and she nods. It’s surreal. I’m in the hospital checking my phone for updates. The Wi-Fi sucked, the cell service was shitty, and I was too afraid to leave the room in case she came back with news. My bladder hurt, but I don’t even try to find a bathroom. I heard voices in the hallway arguing.